Sharp intake of knives
Posted: Tuesday, 31 July 2007 |
Calum might need to revise his ideas for a skean dhu (or sgian dubh, if you prefer) sharpening business following recent developments in Scottish politics. It鈥檚 a good job that he鈥檚 so adaptable.
Seemingly Rhoda Grant, the Highlands and Islands MSP, has been asking questions in Parliament about knives. She has found that government campaigns to combat knife crime have had no impact on the numbers of people carrying offensive weapons in the Highlands and Islands. Bet most of the offenders wear kilts and are carrying the weapons in their socks 鈥 or are called Hermit and live on Sanday.
Mrs Grant, urged young people who are considering carrying a knife to bear in mind that 鈥渄efiance and bravado can be dangerous 鈥 particularly when combined with alcohol鈥.
Hebridean weddings are perfect settings for combining defiance, bravado and alcohol - usually at the end of the session where the photographer is taking a humorous snap of all the kilt-wearers carrying bouquets or wearing women's hats - so if we need to have licensing for sporrans, then surely the law should be beefed up to deal with the risks posed by boisterous bodachs with sharp blades in their socks.
Maybe I should go into partnership with Calum on a wider rage of services for weddings? As well as inspecting sporrans we could have a knife amnesty and offer the menfolk a plastic knife each in exchange for the more conventional sgian dubh. Indeed, we could start a new trend with a contemporary twist on a traditional idea. We could give plastic forks and spoons away with the matching knives so that wedding guests have a disposable cutlery set in their socks ready to tuck in to the celebratory spread.
We'd all sleep safer in our beds and save on washing up.
Seemingly Rhoda Grant, the Highlands and Islands MSP, has been asking questions in Parliament about knives. She has found that government campaigns to combat knife crime have had no impact on the numbers of people carrying offensive weapons in the Highlands and Islands. Bet most of the offenders wear kilts and are carrying the weapons in their socks 鈥 or are called Hermit and live on Sanday.
Mrs Grant, urged young people who are considering carrying a knife to bear in mind that 鈥渄efiance and bravado can be dangerous 鈥 particularly when combined with alcohol鈥.
Hebridean weddings are perfect settings for combining defiance, bravado and alcohol - usually at the end of the session where the photographer is taking a humorous snap of all the kilt-wearers carrying bouquets or wearing women's hats - so if we need to have licensing for sporrans, then surely the law should be beefed up to deal with the risks posed by boisterous bodachs with sharp blades in their socks.
Maybe I should go into partnership with Calum on a wider rage of services for weddings? As well as inspecting sporrans we could have a knife amnesty and offer the menfolk a plastic knife each in exchange for the more conventional sgian dubh. Indeed, we could start a new trend with a contemporary twist on a traditional idea. We could give plastic forks and spoons away with the matching knives so that wedding guests have a disposable cutlery set in their socks ready to tuck in to the celebratory spread.
We'd all sleep safer in our beds and save on washing up.
Comments
points at sgian dubh..."knife? that`s o` a knife!"...points at own Celtic leaf bladed sword..."THAT`S a knife"...*big grin* On a serious note, I believe most knife crimes are done with household knives, which would make banning them a peedie bit difficult..*tries to imagine cutting a steak wi` a spoon* I think criminals will always find a way to harm, no matter what the laws do or say. All the folks I ken who do reenactment or who just like to collect old fashioned weapons are responsible folks who have never hurt anyone, down to earth common sense folks. On the other hand I ken a laddie who spent time in jail after breaking a glass and trying to take oot someone`s throat in a pub! See? Personally I think it should be compulsory for all Scotsmen to wear baith the kilt or plaid and carry traditional weapons. And grow beards and long hair. And generally be fitter. And maybe keep garrons and illicit whisky stills...and team up wi` vikings on longships tae raid ower the Border for loot and stuff... *off for a coffee noo I`ve just landed that fine upstanding image in a`body`s minds...giggles...*
Hermit from Sanday
Not all Scotsmen, please, Hermit! At least, not the variety as described by the onetime host of St Catherine's Hotel, to wit, "Is that twa bits o knotted string hingin doon frae yer kilt son?" AnnieB, fpu wants to know why you'd WANT to be safe in your bed?
Flying Cat from memories of Highland hospitality
are you going to take out a patent on your latest way to earn a quick buck??
carol from over here
are you going to take out a patent on your latest way to earn a quick buck?? If so count me in as well,i'll save up all the cutlery from my flights between here and NZ
carol from over here
As usual, Annie-B., it's a pleasure to read your post. # Jeeves tells me that your plastic knife seems to be facing the wrong way. And the fold of the sock (wherein the swiss army knife is tucked) is not symmetrical (tsk! tsk!!). Sturdy knee: that's what comes from drinking apple juice regularly.
mjc from NM,USA
Aye, mebbe you`re right FC..*remembers some fellas seen wi` kilts wearing their legs....*
Hermit from Sanday
It might be worth patenting padded Wondersocks, with added calf uplift, for kilt-wearing bodachs with skinny legs - on the same principle as the Wonderbra. (The socks in Hermit's family must be very scary places indeed, given the weaponry available for storage there.) Does mjc have a butler?. Coo.
Annie B from the usual
Has he borrowed Nora Batty's socks?
Duncan from Birmingham
Weren't they thick lisle stockings with lumpy sussies?....mmmmmmmmm.
Flying Cat from ancient telly listing
... And there are reports of a lorry jackspooning on the A9 at Daviot....
AA Man from Inverness
Yes there's a bad fork in the road about there.
calum from like a knife through crowdie
The fog on the tine is all mine all mine...
Flying Cat from ancient music compendium
Ooh very sharp!
Annie B from the usual
What about cutlery drawers?
Fashion student from the mainland
A ban on knives and swords is pointless. As we have already seen with the ban on guns only the law abiding are affected so crime doesn't change because (oh what a surprise!) criminals don't tend to pay any attention to the law. Only the innocent are affected. These knee jerk laws are mearly the result of lazy government with a quick fix to show they are doing something, while actualy doing nothing at all. If anyone thinks a ban on knives and swords will stop this type of crime I am afraid you are sadly deluded. Maybe the answer is in minimum mandatory sentences for crimes involving guns and knives, sentences that cant be traded off or reduced for good behaviour, if you know you will go down for at least 30 years for using a gun or 20 for using a knife it would stop you (probably only to take up a baseball bat but its a start).
Tim.L from Moray
Niseach meanderings. (Niseachs come from Ness - the villages in NW Lewis from South Dell to the Butt.)
RSS Feed