成人快手

On the Scottish Soapbox site today, Donald drew my attention to a debate started by the 成人快手 re older women. It cited a report by the Equal Opportunities Commission which stated that it will take 200 years for some women to reach the higher echelons of some industries. I want to know where these 200 year old women are. I've so much to ask them. I want to find if they still nag after 125 years or whether they mellow for the last 75. I want to know if they still the urge to waft a duster after 180years and I'd like to wine and dine one of them to hear exactly what happened at the Battle of Trafalgar. Imagine the recipes these women must know. These will be experienced women with a capital E. Eat your heart out Mrs Robinson! I feel it is my duty to round up a few of them for myself and the more discerning attendees at the Spring Dating Festival at Dell Fank. Jeremy Godwin has already put his name down for two - hair colour unimportant he says but they must be on at least their seventh set of teeth. Donald is undecided whether to have a go for one in case it upsets his 90 year old mother. Roddie the Postie is after one with a good pension and broad shoulders to help him on the round.I think a few bicenturion beauties will really enliven the proceedings. Any other fellas fancy a two hundred year old ? Arnish lighthouse - you've gone suddenly pale ..

It has just been confirmed by Jeremy Godwin's agent that he will be making a personal appearance on Day 1 of the Dating Extravanza and will sign autographs between noon and one o'clock. He will be signing copies of his book,
'Ice Cold in Alexandria and other places near Dumbarton'. This has involved deep negotiations between Godwin's people and our people with a contract finally signed at 1am in the Cross Inn.
We also have the Red Arrows booked for Day One. All 6 of the islands red post office vans and two of their cyclists in rfed anorakswill make passes along the A857 leaving vapour trails from galson to Dell. Can it get more exciting than this?
More details coming soon....

I'm indebted to Arnhem Lighthouse for initiating the debate about shipping costs and I've a point or two to make to Mr Nicolson. Having attended his Institute for some years I feel as if I know him personally already. My gripe is over the cost of importing brides. I ordered a well proportioned looking woman from an agency in Chernobyl - she had glowing testimonials. I broke the poor girl's heart when I had to renege because of the surcharges that were being levied by the ferry companies. My cousin Roddie in Ullapool bought her cousin and the difference in shipping costs could have bought a new hen house in Luerbost. I tried later with a Thai agency that was no better although they were offering a buy one get one free offer which I thought extremely competitive. Thank God I have public spirited cousins to help me arrange this dating extravaganza and help me solve my loneliness problems.
Only 90 days to go till the fetival kicks off. I'm ticking of the days as is Chrissie Mary if I'm not mistaken.

To run alongside the Dating Extravanza at Dell Fank. Who's going in it? Donald and I were kicking about the fank site yesterday and we noticed how much spare stone there is lying about. We came up with the idea of running a Big Brother Bochan alongside the festival. We have a couple of lads who are decent builders and they've moved on this morning with a cement mixer. They reckon two weeks for the walls and three days for the turf roof. There will be a dozen beds set in the walls and nothing but a spinning wheel, a karaoke machine and five old Angus Og annuals for stimulation. We will use the thousands who'll be attending as jurors so there'll be none of the rip off phone costs associated with the television version. It also offers the sdditional bonus that voters will be able to abuse the evicted as they leave the bochan which should be a decent spectacle. We also think with a bit of drink involved we should be able to make things fairly ugly and aggressive inside the bochan within hours of the residents moving in. If everyone attneding the Fank chips in a quid we should have a decent first prize to offer. So if you have the email address of anyone famous, go ahead and contact them, drive them to the island blogging site and let's get them in there and see if we can create mayhem on the Dell moor in April. Ming Campbell can be nominated - Charles Kennedy cannot as we have it mind to appoint him an Honorary Matchmaker with Sir Bobby Robson and Denise Robertson both keeping an experienced eye on him in case he slips up.

Several of you have put Donald and I under more pressure to reveal details of our Sprintime Dating Festival at the South Dell Fank Site. We announced the event on this blog in mid December so anyone new to the site can check back through this entry for the full gory details. Donald made a mistake with the original calculation of the days as he used a Continuing Church Calendar which of course has no Sundays in it. So 72 days is the defintive total - we've checked with Pope Gregory. In just over 10 mweeks - it's game on!!

DAY ONE Delegates arrive Stornoway. Men on Isle of Lewis or Eilean Ledhais for those using subtitles. Women will arrive in the luxury containers fitted out for their every convenience on the MV Muirneag. Both vessels will be met by the Keose and District Calor Gas Pipe Band who will play outside Quickfit on Bayhead. There will be a demonstration of drunken behaviour outside the Criterion Bar to welcome the visitors followed by a tour of the cells at Stornoway nick.

For those arriving by longboat please park at the mouth of the Galson River by the Galson Twinned with Talahassee sign. Do not park on the double yellow lines as it upsets the poachers.

From both sites there will be a shuttle tractor service with hostess trolley on each trailer and services of a guide ( or brownie if we run short) There will be an in trip movie to deaden teh boredom of the Barvas Moors

9am Men register at Cross PO
Women register at South Dell PO where festival packs will be given out. Men get free set of North Star overalls and women a fetching complimentary black tabard top from JD's. Anyoue with confused sexuality is welcome to wear a hospital gown. Visitors from Arran are repectfully asked to remove thir horns for the duration of the festival to save dmage to bedding and to one another. Free CD of the Proclaimers tribute to Calum Kennedy, a book of Lofty Peak recipes and a copy of the Monthly Record ( a must for all record buyers ) make up the rest of the pack along with a packet of Marac Crisps.

10am Charity Plastic Guga race from Dell Bridge to the Mill. Celebrity starter Nel Gunn. 拢1 entry - all profits to Alcoholics Unanimous c/o Eoropie Bochan.

11am Fank Site: Drive Past of Red Arrows PO vans and bicycles complete with vapour trails. (The Red Arrows appear courtesy of Alan Leighton) followed by a world record attempt for a game of Postman's Knock while the lads are available on site. Every women and consenting male is guaranteed to get at least three five second snogs during the course of events. This is the ice breaker for the grand opening and book signing by Jeremy Godwin at Noon.
The Galson Cannon will give a gun salute depending how much explosive Donald can purloin from the contractors at Callanish Airport.
NB Foreign delegates arrive Day 2 - no reason why they should get the best talent is there?

12.15 Committee receive bouquets, speech of thanks from Annie Beag, bouquets for BoB Sunny and the Dame woman from Auchenshuggle before they get first crack at best talent

13.00 Lunch Canapes by MacLeod of Euopie and Emporio Alan John Lionel with lecture '101 things to do with a Paris Bun' from Gordon Raasay chef from The Fat Duck at Brue.

!4.15 Introduction to Head Matchmaker Carlos the Jackal Kennedy MP ably assisted by Sir Bobby Robson and Denise Robertson. This will be signed for the hard of hearing and the drunk. All will sign autographs before ......
The ten men and women who have been single the longest will be matched up and taken to a seminar in Cross School entitled ' Pull yourselves together it's time to make a joint claim for Income Support' lead by Maureen from Stornoway Jobcentre Plus.

15.00 Tea dance sponsored by Strewbacks with Goujons of Guga Puffin wraps and a crowdie dip.

16.00 Tractors take everyone for an informal trip round the 'I can't believe it's not guga' factory at Habost. Plenty of tastings and new lines to try cormorant , Uist hedgehog fulmars and peawits to name but a few. Alka Seltzer provided by Boots of Skigersta.

1800 Back in the tractors to the fank site for huge 'Break the Ice' dance featuring tribute bands The Callanish Stones, Gulls Aloud and Arnistein Lighthouse ( Love grows where my Rosemary Grows etc) and the ever trusty Three Macs. Dance round the bonfire, cuddle behind the peat banks, try out a few chat up lines and generally Strut Yer Stuff.

Dancing till 1am but at 2200 hrs we welcome the celebrities going into the Big Brother Bochan for the week. Little Jimmy Crankie, Tom Hanks, Miss Hooley from Balamory and Mary Doll from Rab C are booked so far - other suggestions of course welcome.

Carriages and tractors at 1300 to deliver people back to their longboats, tents, or hovels.

Well what do you think of that bloggers fort an opening day? Give us some feedback as there's still time to add things or change a thing or two.

Things are ticking along nicely on the Dell Moor. The Big Brother Bochan is coming on well. It's looks a bit odd with its double glazing but that's all we could find for the windows. The turf goes on the roof next week.
Went on a fact finding / crowd control mission to the mainland at the weekend. Actually deep into Godwin country - Penrith to be precise. I asked all over the place but no one knew of the great man ' No man is a prophet in his own country,' I suppose. The cattle market sure know how to handle crowds but when they heard about our proposed shuttle tractor service they realised that Donald and I were serious players and their attitude changed. I think there'll be at least two coachloads of lonely Lakelanders at the Fank in April after Donald's high pressure sales pitch.
Thanks to Arnish lighthouse for mentioning the pharmaceutical factory reopening at Breascleit. We have a recipe for an aphrodisiac we'd like them to make for us for the festival. My granny used to make it from seaweed and herring scales. She called it Viagraigh. She swore by it as did all the husbands she went through in her 94 years on this earth. We'll be selling it on the Healthfood Vitamin stall which will be part of the Festival Market.