Hogmany and Parties
Posted: Wednesday, 04 January 2006 |
I鈥檝e left my camera at my brothers so no photos of the New Year! I鈥檝e asked a certain basket weaver to post her photos so here鈥檚 hoping she has the good sense to delete all the bad ones of me. Hogmanay was great. We had dinner at friends then the ceilidh at Corrie hall. It was quieter than usual because we didn鈥檛 have a band but that left more room for dancing and Stuart was a fantastic Master of Ceremonies. The best surprise was that some of the band that usually comes had turned up so they played on from midnight for free! The fireworks were excellent and everyone had a lovely time.
The 1st was first footing, which started with breakfast a 3pm at my house then off we went on the rounds. Everyone had prepared a different drink from hot toddies (heavy on the whiskey no water) to liqueur punch. It鈥檚 amazing it didn鈥檛 get any messier than it did. I was having a long conversation with Peter and apparently every time the music stopped I came out with a really odd, bizarre or embarrassing line. I was hoping everyone would鈥檝e had too much to drink to remember but apparently not鈥
Julie is moving to a lovely new house in Whiting Bay with central heating and an indoor bathroom! So she had her leaving party on the second. We went to great efforts to get the oil drums and BBQ鈥檚 up to her house which is a bit small, to serve as outdoor heating as we didn鈥檛 think everyone would fit in the house. This involved having to get the neighbours out to move their car so Wendy could turn the van as she could only get it half way up the track before it started sliding back and Stuart got his car stuck for a wee bit. It was like car ceilidh dancing. We had phoned ahead for muscle to help carry the stuff up to the house which had arrived in the shape of Eric in a T-shirt in January, he was a wee bit cold by the time we got the van open and everything up to the house at which point it started to rain. This didn鈥檛 perturb the hardened smokers who appreciated our efforts. They seemed surprised that the rest of us had no intention of sitting outside in the freezing cold. A bunch went off to the pub to find 鈥淢ore interesting people鈥 and actually came back with some!
By the third I was a wee bit tiered. Diana invited us over to the dark side (Kilmory) so we went for dinner in Kildonan then up to Dianas鈥 for games. It鈥檚 not easy to play thinking games when your brain is fried but it was funny.
Back to work today and all houseguests should be gone by the time I get home. Looking forward to quiet and solitude unless there鈥檚 another party I鈥檝e forgotten about鈥.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The 1st was first footing, which started with breakfast a 3pm at my house then off we went on the rounds. Everyone had prepared a different drink from hot toddies (heavy on the whiskey no water) to liqueur punch. It鈥檚 amazing it didn鈥檛 get any messier than it did. I was having a long conversation with Peter and apparently every time the music stopped I came out with a really odd, bizarre or embarrassing line. I was hoping everyone would鈥檝e had too much to drink to remember but apparently not鈥
Julie is moving to a lovely new house in Whiting Bay with central heating and an indoor bathroom! So she had her leaving party on the second. We went to great efforts to get the oil drums and BBQ鈥檚 up to her house which is a bit small, to serve as outdoor heating as we didn鈥檛 think everyone would fit in the house. This involved having to get the neighbours out to move their car so Wendy could turn the van as she could only get it half way up the track before it started sliding back and Stuart got his car stuck for a wee bit. It was like car ceilidh dancing. We had phoned ahead for muscle to help carry the stuff up to the house which had arrived in the shape of Eric in a T-shirt in January, he was a wee bit cold by the time we got the van open and everything up to the house at which point it started to rain. This didn鈥檛 perturb the hardened smokers who appreciated our efforts. They seemed surprised that the rest of us had no intention of sitting outside in the freezing cold. A bunch went off to the pub to find 鈥淢ore interesting people鈥 and actually came back with some!
By the third I was a wee bit tiered. Diana invited us over to the dark side (Kilmory) so we went for dinner in Kildonan then up to Dianas鈥 for games. It鈥檚 not easy to play thinking games when your brain is fried but it was funny.
Back to work today and all houseguests should be gone by the time I get home. Looking forward to quiet and solitude unless there鈥檚 another party I鈥檝e forgotten about鈥.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Posted on Sunny at 14:19
Talking Cats and Dogs
Posted: Saturday, 07 January 2006 |
The number of computer literate animals in the Northern Isles is increasingly concerning me. I can't say I was particularly surprised by a blogging Lighthouse in The Western Isles as we had the Isle of Fladda writing until recently (did the sea wall finally give?) but I'm beginning to think that the Clyde and Argyle livestock are under achieving. I have always been aware that a wide variety of pets, prize winning livestock, working dogs, the little Christmas tree on the Ross and even Gordon The Gangplank are literate as they have all had letters published in the banner, although it tends to be visitors dogs who write the most (presume they must take great pleasure in leaving their poo so far afield from Shepards Bush and that's why they are the only ones who enjoyed the holiday enough to write), the local animals tend to be more cutting, especially after the Arran show.
Apart from the nonhuman computer literacy special needs on Arran I'm also a bit worried about the repercussions so many animals could cause at The Dell Fank. It's going to be a real cattle market! Boom Boom.
Sorry...
It's been one of those days with long stretches of boredom between bursts of busy so couldn't start doing anything worthwhile and am bored to death... HELP!
Apart from the nonhuman computer literacy special needs on Arran I'm also a bit worried about the repercussions so many animals could cause at The Dell Fank. It's going to be a real cattle market! Boom Boom.
Sorry...
It's been one of those days with long stretches of boredom between bursts of busy so couldn't start doing anything worthwhile and am bored to death... HELP!
Posted on Sunny at 17:40
New Year Resolutions
Posted: Monday, 09 January 2006 |
New Years Resolutions suck! Normally I make a couple of half-hearted promises then promptly forget about them. But this year we were discussing resolutions during first footing and I ended up writing mine down, which makes them real鈥. Blast! Goals have to be realistic so I realistically decided to start my resolutions when I went back to work. Then I delayed them till Monday as the weekend was so close and I still had first footing to finish. So here are my resolutions:
1.Stop prevaricating (yes I know but am definitely sticking to it from the 9th)
2.Go on a strict diet and get my bikini body back (I鈥檝e got a layer of winter insulation that has to go. This one is non negotiable)
3.Do fat burning exercise for an hour at least five days a week (essential part of the weight loss)
4.Keep my accounts up to date (I hate the panic when my accountant visits)
5.Stop smoking (This is the easy one as I went off cigarettes ages ago and keep forgetting to smoke anyway)
6.Stop drinking alcahol completely for one month (apart from the Burns supper obviously. This will also help with no.5 as I only remember to smoke when I drink and no.2 kick start)
7.Get my website finished before February (This refers to no.1)
8.Only date suitable men (this is the least likely to last as my taste in men is appalling)
9.Only go out one night a week (don鈥檛 know how long this one is going to last but will help massively with all of the above)
10.Don鈥檛 let a certain basket weaver anywhere near my laptop, especially after a bottle of plonk.
If it wasn鈥檛 for the fank I would鈥檝e renounced all men forever, got a cat and started wearing my bra outside my jumper. I would also have made my goal to be thin to be June as there鈥檚 no need to be seen without my thermals any time before that but I鈥檒l bring it forward to increase my chances of trapping a victim鈥 Ah, er.. I mean making a good match. I鈥檓 counting on the matchmaker as I have an unerring knack of choosing the most pointless, feckless, spineless wasters, no one could do a worse job of it than I do. With stiff competition like Annie B, Granny E, Chrissie Mary and Trevor I鈥檝e got to be looking my best. So keep those beauty tips coming on Annie B鈥檚 blog.
The reason Julie is banned from my laptop is that she came over to help me eat the non-diet items and drink all the left over booze to remove all temptation in time for Monday. We had drunk all the wine and were onto the beer when she decided to show me the jute floor covering that she鈥檚 thinking of for her lovely new house with the indoor bathroom. She used the computer for all of five minutes but when I booted up this evening my lovely Dougie Donnelly screen saver was replaced by Michaelangelos鈥 last supper and I can鈥檛 get rid! Here I am about to put myself through hell and every time I open the laptop I鈥檓 going to be faced with Jesus and his frock wearing cronies filling their faces, knocking back the booze and partying on! Do you think that鈥檚 funny madam? Is this revenge for making you help drink the port? Which in the cold light of day I鈥檝e realised that Port won鈥檛 go off in a month.
Come on then, lets hear everyones鈥 resolutions?
1.Stop prevaricating (yes I know but am definitely sticking to it from the 9th)
2.Go on a strict diet and get my bikini body back (I鈥檝e got a layer of winter insulation that has to go. This one is non negotiable)
3.Do fat burning exercise for an hour at least five days a week (essential part of the weight loss)
4.Keep my accounts up to date (I hate the panic when my accountant visits)
5.Stop smoking (This is the easy one as I went off cigarettes ages ago and keep forgetting to smoke anyway)
6.Stop drinking alcahol completely for one month (apart from the Burns supper obviously. This will also help with no.5 as I only remember to smoke when I drink and no.2 kick start)
7.Get my website finished before February (This refers to no.1)
8.Only date suitable men (this is the least likely to last as my taste in men is appalling)
9.Only go out one night a week (don鈥檛 know how long this one is going to last but will help massively with all of the above)
10.Don鈥檛 let a certain basket weaver anywhere near my laptop, especially after a bottle of plonk.
If it wasn鈥檛 for the fank I would鈥檝e renounced all men forever, got a cat and started wearing my bra outside my jumper. I would also have made my goal to be thin to be June as there鈥檚 no need to be seen without my thermals any time before that but I鈥檒l bring it forward to increase my chances of trapping a victim鈥 Ah, er.. I mean making a good match. I鈥檓 counting on the matchmaker as I have an unerring knack of choosing the most pointless, feckless, spineless wasters, no one could do a worse job of it than I do. With stiff competition like Annie B, Granny E, Chrissie Mary and Trevor I鈥檝e got to be looking my best. So keep those beauty tips coming on Annie B鈥檚 blog.
The reason Julie is banned from my laptop is that she came over to help me eat the non-diet items and drink all the left over booze to remove all temptation in time for Monday. We had drunk all the wine and were onto the beer when she decided to show me the jute floor covering that she鈥檚 thinking of for her lovely new house with the indoor bathroom. She used the computer for all of five minutes but when I booted up this evening my lovely Dougie Donnelly screen saver was replaced by Michaelangelos鈥 last supper and I can鈥檛 get rid! Here I am about to put myself through hell and every time I open the laptop I鈥檓 going to be faced with Jesus and his frock wearing cronies filling their faces, knocking back the booze and partying on! Do you think that鈥檚 funny madam? Is this revenge for making you help drink the port? Which in the cold light of day I鈥檝e realised that Port won鈥檛 go off in a month.
Come on then, lets hear everyones鈥 resolutions?
Posted on Sunny at 01:49
To bare or not to bare?
Posted: Tuesday, 10 January 2006 |
Having been discussing the beauty therapy benefits of naturism in the northern climate on Annie Beags鈥 blog over on the Western Isles I thought it was only fair to warn everyone that Cleats Shore near Kilmory on the west coat of Arran is the only official nudist beach in Scotland as far as I know. Having said that it鈥檚 not exactly a wall to wall flesh pot. So Calumannabel, should we start our Nuddy Beach for Lewis Campaign now so the fanksters can top up their blue bits? Give reasons why Lewis deserves it鈥檚 own nudist beach here. Perhaps we could have some suggestions regarding which beach would be ideal or maybe reasons against? Here鈥檚 part of an article from a well known Scottish newspaper giving some pro鈥檚 and cons:
Nudism: is it time to grin and bare it?
Scottish beaches get rave reviews in a new book on naturism. A fully clothed Adrian Turpin investigates
Scotland and nudism 鈥 an unlikely mix? You might think so but Nick Mayhew, the author of the naturist guidebook Bare Britain, is out to correct a few misconceptions. 鈥淯p until 100 years ago, when people went swimming in Scotland they would have stripped off,鈥 he says. 鈥淟ook at Rob Roy. Remember Liam Neeson famously swimming in the nude?鈥 It may come as a shock to discover that Rob Roy MacGregor was a proto-naturist, skinny-dipping between skirmishes, sunning himself in the altogether, hands on hips by the banks of Loch Voil. But the rest of what Mayhew, a 36-year-old London-based travel writer, had to say this week was even more surprising. Scotland鈥檚 beaches are apparently a naturist鈥檚 paradise. 鈥淎s someone who has written a naturist guide to Europe, I can say that Scotland is the most beautiful place in it,鈥 says Mayhew. 鈥淔or me, it鈥檚 a wilderness thing. It鈥檚 nice having your own bit of wilderness.鈥
There is, in fact, only one official nudist beach in Scotland: Cleat鈥檚 Shore, in the south of Arran. 鈥淚 suspect it鈥檚 probably the least visited nudist beach in the known universe,鈥 says Mayhew. The other sites mentioned in the guide 鈥 including Glenaladale by Loch Shiel, Glengarrisdale Bay in north Jura and Loch Arienas in Morvern 鈥 have been chosen for their mixture of remoteness and beauty but are offered with a warning: 鈥淚f you do decide to enjoy a spot of unofficial skinny-dipping, do so with care and respect for others. If in doubt, cover up rather than risk offending.鈥
As for the small matter of the climate: 鈥淚 was swimming in Sanna Bay near Ardnamurchan Point earlier this month,鈥 says Mayhew. 鈥淣ot for very long, but some of the word鈥檚 most famous bare-bathers are Swedish. Compared to Scotland, that鈥檚 a lot colder. In the far north of the country, there鈥檚 a naturist beach inside the Arctic Circle. In midsummer, you get 24-hour sunlight.鈥 And has he found an answer to intimate midge bites? 鈥淚sn鈥檛 that what everyone wants to know? I鈥檒l sell you that for a million quid,鈥 he says.
But as the Bare Britain guide admits: 鈥淚t鈥檚 not only the midges that can make life unbearable for bare bathers.鈥 Naturists may be ready for the west coast, but are the locals ready for naturists? One of the beaches also singled out by Bare Britain is Glasnacardoch on the Ardnish peninsula, locally known as the 鈥渟inging sands鈥 because of the noise made as you walk over it. Are the locals aware that they are living near a nudist hot (or should that be cold) spot? 鈥淚 can honestly say I鈥檝e never seen anyone nude round here. It wouldn鈥檛 go down very well at all. It鈥檚 a place for families,鈥 says Jilly Jones, who runs the Old Library Lodge hotel in Arisaig. Maybe that鈥檚 a sign of how discreet they are? 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 an awful lot to hide behind down there to be honest,鈥 says Jones. You鈥檙e sure you鈥檙e not missing out on a niche market? 鈥淚鈥檓 not missing out on anything.鈥
Wouldn鈥檛 coachloads of Danes and Germans, not deterred by the weather but eager to be buffed to a high gloss by the Atlantic gales, provide just the shot in the arm which the Highland economy needs? Wouldn鈥檛 you be tempted, I ask Jones, if VisitScotland offered to pay for a free advert in Health and Efficiency magazine? 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think so,鈥 she says. 鈥淚鈥檇 rather people just kept their clothes on. Normally nudists are just old people who tend to let it all hang out.鈥
The writer and Highland historian John MacLeod, a native of Harris, adds: 鈥淚t is difficult to think of a nudist invasion without an awful lot of hilarity. The horizontal rain. The icy chill of the Atlantic. Bumpy, wobbly flesh. Unspeakable.鈥 As the son of a minister and an occasional outspoken commentator on public morality, however, MacLeod鈥檚 objections go beyond the aesthetic. 鈥淭he fact is we are meant to be clothed,鈥 he says. 鈥淭he English language suggests that. 鈥楽tripped鈥, 鈥榥aked鈥, 鈥榥ude鈥 are all synonyms for diminished. The whole point of clothing is that it鈥檚 a social discipline. To put it crudely, it鈥檚 there to cover signs of sexual arousal. Men and women, boys and girls, naked together is an affront on many levels. The naturist thing is an assault on decency. There is something very aggressive about it.鈥
What would be the reaction of the typical minister to a nudist invasion of the west coast? 鈥淗orror, pity and disgust I should imagine,鈥 says MacLeod plainly. 鈥淎fter the Fall of Man, one of the very first things in the new order was clothing. First fig leaves, then animal skins.鈥
Rebranding the Western Isles as a nudist riviera from Butt to Barra may have to wait a while yet.
Nudism: is it time to grin and bare it?
Scottish beaches get rave reviews in a new book on naturism. A fully clothed Adrian Turpin investigates
Scotland and nudism 鈥 an unlikely mix? You might think so but Nick Mayhew, the author of the naturist guidebook Bare Britain, is out to correct a few misconceptions. 鈥淯p until 100 years ago, when people went swimming in Scotland they would have stripped off,鈥 he says. 鈥淟ook at Rob Roy. Remember Liam Neeson famously swimming in the nude?鈥 It may come as a shock to discover that Rob Roy MacGregor was a proto-naturist, skinny-dipping between skirmishes, sunning himself in the altogether, hands on hips by the banks of Loch Voil. But the rest of what Mayhew, a 36-year-old London-based travel writer, had to say this week was even more surprising. Scotland鈥檚 beaches are apparently a naturist鈥檚 paradise. 鈥淎s someone who has written a naturist guide to Europe, I can say that Scotland is the most beautiful place in it,鈥 says Mayhew. 鈥淔or me, it鈥檚 a wilderness thing. It鈥檚 nice having your own bit of wilderness.鈥
There is, in fact, only one official nudist beach in Scotland: Cleat鈥檚 Shore, in the south of Arran. 鈥淚 suspect it鈥檚 probably the least visited nudist beach in the known universe,鈥 says Mayhew. The other sites mentioned in the guide 鈥 including Glenaladale by Loch Shiel, Glengarrisdale Bay in north Jura and Loch Arienas in Morvern 鈥 have been chosen for their mixture of remoteness and beauty but are offered with a warning: 鈥淚f you do decide to enjoy a spot of unofficial skinny-dipping, do so with care and respect for others. If in doubt, cover up rather than risk offending.鈥
As for the small matter of the climate: 鈥淚 was swimming in Sanna Bay near Ardnamurchan Point earlier this month,鈥 says Mayhew. 鈥淣ot for very long, but some of the word鈥檚 most famous bare-bathers are Swedish. Compared to Scotland, that鈥檚 a lot colder. In the far north of the country, there鈥檚 a naturist beach inside the Arctic Circle. In midsummer, you get 24-hour sunlight.鈥 And has he found an answer to intimate midge bites? 鈥淚sn鈥檛 that what everyone wants to know? I鈥檒l sell you that for a million quid,鈥 he says.
But as the Bare Britain guide admits: 鈥淚t鈥檚 not only the midges that can make life unbearable for bare bathers.鈥 Naturists may be ready for the west coast, but are the locals ready for naturists? One of the beaches also singled out by Bare Britain is Glasnacardoch on the Ardnish peninsula, locally known as the 鈥渟inging sands鈥 because of the noise made as you walk over it. Are the locals aware that they are living near a nudist hot (or should that be cold) spot? 鈥淚 can honestly say I鈥檝e never seen anyone nude round here. It wouldn鈥檛 go down very well at all. It鈥檚 a place for families,鈥 says Jilly Jones, who runs the Old Library Lodge hotel in Arisaig. Maybe that鈥檚 a sign of how discreet they are? 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 an awful lot to hide behind down there to be honest,鈥 says Jones. You鈥檙e sure you鈥檙e not missing out on a niche market? 鈥淚鈥檓 not missing out on anything.鈥
Wouldn鈥檛 coachloads of Danes and Germans, not deterred by the weather but eager to be buffed to a high gloss by the Atlantic gales, provide just the shot in the arm which the Highland economy needs? Wouldn鈥檛 you be tempted, I ask Jones, if VisitScotland offered to pay for a free advert in Health and Efficiency magazine? 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think so,鈥 she says. 鈥淚鈥檇 rather people just kept their clothes on. Normally nudists are just old people who tend to let it all hang out.鈥
The writer and Highland historian John MacLeod, a native of Harris, adds: 鈥淚t is difficult to think of a nudist invasion without an awful lot of hilarity. The horizontal rain. The icy chill of the Atlantic. Bumpy, wobbly flesh. Unspeakable.鈥 As the son of a minister and an occasional outspoken commentator on public morality, however, MacLeod鈥檚 objections go beyond the aesthetic. 鈥淭he fact is we are meant to be clothed,鈥 he says. 鈥淭he English language suggests that. 鈥楽tripped鈥, 鈥榥aked鈥, 鈥榥ude鈥 are all synonyms for diminished. The whole point of clothing is that it鈥檚 a social discipline. To put it crudely, it鈥檚 there to cover signs of sexual arousal. Men and women, boys and girls, naked together is an affront on many levels. The naturist thing is an assault on decency. There is something very aggressive about it.鈥
What would be the reaction of the typical minister to a nudist invasion of the west coast? 鈥淗orror, pity and disgust I should imagine,鈥 says MacLeod plainly. 鈥淎fter the Fall of Man, one of the very first things in the new order was clothing. First fig leaves, then animal skins.鈥
Rebranding the Western Isles as a nudist riviera from Butt to Barra may have to wait a while yet.
Posted on Sunny at 21:57
A Fine Parrot Teacher
Posted: Tuesday, 17 January 2006 |
The following report comes from the 成人快手 Daily E-mail, those Northern Isles Techno Friendly Pet Owners should be warned! Who knows what fuffy the cat might post!
Parrot squawks on woman's affair
African Greys are often considered the best speakers among parrots
A parrot owner was alerted to his girlfriend's infidelity when his talkative pet let the cat out of the bag by squawking "I love you Gary".
Suzy Collins had been meeting ex-work colleague "Gary" for four months in the Leeds flat she shared with her partner Chris Taylor, according to reports.
Mr Taylor apparently became suspicious after Ziggy croaked "Hiya Gary" when Ms Collins answered her mobile phone.
The parrot also made smooching sounds whenever the name Gary was said on TV.
Mr Taylor, 30, a computer programmer, confronted the woman he had lived with for a year who admitted the affair and moved out, several newspapers reported.
He also gave up his eight-year-old African Grey parrot after the bird continued to call out Gary's name and refused to stop squawking the phrases in his ex-girlfriend's voice.
"I wasn't sorry to see the back of Suzy after what she did, but it really broke my heart to let Ziggy go," he said.
"I love him to bits and I really miss having him around, but it was torture hearing him repeat that name over and over again."
Ms Collins, 25, said: "I'm not proud of what I did but I'm sure Chris would be the first to admit we were having problems."
Ziggy - named after David Bowie's former alter ego Ziggy Stardust - has now found a new home through the offices of a local parrot dealer.
Parrot squawks on woman's affair
African Greys are often considered the best speakers among parrots
A parrot owner was alerted to his girlfriend's infidelity when his talkative pet let the cat out of the bag by squawking "I love you Gary".
Suzy Collins had been meeting ex-work colleague "Gary" for four months in the Leeds flat she shared with her partner Chris Taylor, according to reports.
Mr Taylor apparently became suspicious after Ziggy croaked "Hiya Gary" when Ms Collins answered her mobile phone.
The parrot also made smooching sounds whenever the name Gary was said on TV.
Mr Taylor, 30, a computer programmer, confronted the woman he had lived with for a year who admitted the affair and moved out, several newspapers reported.
He also gave up his eight-year-old African Grey parrot after the bird continued to call out Gary's name and refused to stop squawking the phrases in his ex-girlfriend's voice.
"I wasn't sorry to see the back of Suzy after what she did, but it really broke my heart to let Ziggy go," he said.
"I love him to bits and I really miss having him around, but it was torture hearing him repeat that name over and over again."
Ms Collins, 25, said: "I'm not proud of what I did but I'm sure Chris would be the first to admit we were having problems."
Ziggy - named after David Bowie's former alter ego Ziggy Stardust - has now found a new home through the offices of a local parrot dealer.
Posted on Sunny at 22:20
Calumannabel & Donalds' Match Making Fank (Promotion)
Posted: Wednesday, 18 January 2006 |
Stephen was asking about a dating service for the isles. He may not be aware that there has been a great deal of hard work going on over on the Western Isles pages. Here's Callumannabels' latest blog regarding the Match Making Fank but to get a real flavour of what this extravaganza is about have a look through Annie Beag and Callumannabels' December archive. I promised to promote the fank over on the Argyle & Clyde pages:
72 Days to go!!! Schedule for Day One
Several of you have put Donald and I under more pressure to reveal details of our Sprintime Dating Festival at the South Dell Fank Site. We announced the event on this blog in mid December so anyone new to the site can check back through this entry for the full gory details. Donald made a mistake with the original calculation of the days as he used a Continuing Church Calendar which of course has no Sundays in it. So 72 days is the defintive total - we've checked with Pope Gregory. In just over 10 mweeks - it's game on!!
DAY ONE Delegates arrive Stornoway. Men on Isle of Lewis or Eilean Ledhais for those using subtitles. Women will arrive in the luxury containers fitted out for their every convenience on the MV Muirneag. Both vessels will be met by the Keose and District Calor Gas Pipe Band who will play outside Quickfit on Bayhead. There will be a demonstration of drunken behaviour outside the Criterion Bar to welcome the visitors followed by a tour of the cells at Stornoway nick.
For those arriving by longboat please park at the mouth of the Galson River by the Galson Twinned with Talahassee sign. Do not park on the double yellow lines as it upsets the poachers.
From both sites there will be a shuttle tractor service with hostess trolley on each trailer and services of a guide ( or brownie if we run short) There will be an in trip movie to deaden teh boredom of the Barvas Moors
9am Men register at Cross PO
Women register at South Dell PO where festival packs will be given out. Men get free set of North Star overalls and women a fetching complimentary black tabard top from JD's. Anyoue with confused sexuality is welcome to wear a hospital gown. Visitors from Arran are repectfully asked to remove thir horns for the duration of the festival to save dmage to bedding and to one another. Free CD of the Proclaimers tribute to Calum Kennedy, a book of Lofty Peak recipes and a copy of the Monthly Record ( a must for all record buyers ) make up the rest of the pack along with a packet of Marac Crisps.
10am Charity Plastic Guga race from Dell Bridge to the Mill. Celebrity starter Nel Gunn. 脗拢1 entry - all profits to Alcoholics Unanimous c/o Eoropie Bochan.
11am Fank Site: Drive Past of Red Arrows PO vans and bicycles complete with vapour trails. (The Red Arrows appear courtesy of Alan Leighton) followed by a world record attempt for a game of Postman's Knock while the lads are available on site. Every women and consenting male is guaranteed to get at least three five second snogs during the course of events. This is the ice breaker for the grand opening and book signing by Jeremy Godwin at Noon.
The Galson Cannon will give a gun salute depending how much explosive Donald can purloin from the contractors at Callanish Airport.
NB Foreign delegates arrive Day 2 - no reason why they should get the best talent is there?
12.15 Committee receive bouquets, speech of thanks from Annie Beag, bouquets for BoB Sunny and the Dame woman from Auchenshuggle before they get first crack at best talent
13.00 Lunch Canapes by MacLeod of Euopie and Emporio Alan John Lionel with lecture '101 things to do with a Paris Bun' from Gordon Raasay chef from The Fat Duck at Brue.
!4.15 Introduction to Head Matchmaker Carlos the Jackal Kennedy MP ably assisted by Sir Bobby Robson and Denise Robertson. This will be signed for the hard of hearing and the drunk. All will sign autographs before ......
The ten men and women who have been single the longest will be matched up and taken to a seminar in Cross School entitled ' Pull yourselves together it's time to make a joint claim for Income Support' lead by Maureen from Stornoway Jobcentre Plus.
15.00 Tea dance sponsored by Strewbacks with Goujons of Guga Puffin wraps and a crowdie dip.
16.00 Tractors take everyone for an informal trip round the 'I can't believe it's not guga' factory at Habost. Plenty of tastings and new lines to try cormorant , Uist hedgehog fulmars and peawits to name but a few. Alka Seltzer provided by Boots of Skigersta.
1800 Back in the tractors to the fank site for huge 'Break the Ice' dance featuring tribute bands The Callanish Stones, Gulls Aloud and Arnistein Lighthouse ( Love grows where my Rosemary Grows etc) and the ever trusty Three Macs. Dance round the bonfire, cuddle behind the peat banks, try out a few chat up lines and generally Strut Yer Stuff.
Dancing till 1am but at 2200 hrs we welcome the celebrities going into the Big Brother Bochan for the week. Little Jimmy Crankie, Tom Hanks, Miss Hooley from Balamory and Mary Doll from Rab C are booked so far - other suggestions of course welcome.
Carriages and tractors at 1300 to deliver people back to their longboats, tents, or hovels.
Well what do you think of that bloggers fort an opening day? Give us some feedback as there's still time to add things or change a thing or two.
Posted on calumannabel at 16:44
72 Days to go!!! Schedule for Day One
Several of you have put Donald and I under more pressure to reveal details of our Sprintime Dating Festival at the South Dell Fank Site. We announced the event on this blog in mid December so anyone new to the site can check back through this entry for the full gory details. Donald made a mistake with the original calculation of the days as he used a Continuing Church Calendar which of course has no Sundays in it. So 72 days is the defintive total - we've checked with Pope Gregory. In just over 10 mweeks - it's game on!!
DAY ONE Delegates arrive Stornoway. Men on Isle of Lewis or Eilean Ledhais for those using subtitles. Women will arrive in the luxury containers fitted out for their every convenience on the MV Muirneag. Both vessels will be met by the Keose and District Calor Gas Pipe Band who will play outside Quickfit on Bayhead. There will be a demonstration of drunken behaviour outside the Criterion Bar to welcome the visitors followed by a tour of the cells at Stornoway nick.
For those arriving by longboat please park at the mouth of the Galson River by the Galson Twinned with Talahassee sign. Do not park on the double yellow lines as it upsets the poachers.
From both sites there will be a shuttle tractor service with hostess trolley on each trailer and services of a guide ( or brownie if we run short) There will be an in trip movie to deaden teh boredom of the Barvas Moors
9am Men register at Cross PO
Women register at South Dell PO where festival packs will be given out. Men get free set of North Star overalls and women a fetching complimentary black tabard top from JD's. Anyoue with confused sexuality is welcome to wear a hospital gown. Visitors from Arran are repectfully asked to remove thir horns for the duration of the festival to save dmage to bedding and to one another. Free CD of the Proclaimers tribute to Calum Kennedy, a book of Lofty Peak recipes and a copy of the Monthly Record ( a must for all record buyers ) make up the rest of the pack along with a packet of Marac Crisps.
10am Charity Plastic Guga race from Dell Bridge to the Mill. Celebrity starter Nel Gunn. 脗拢1 entry - all profits to Alcoholics Unanimous c/o Eoropie Bochan.
11am Fank Site: Drive Past of Red Arrows PO vans and bicycles complete with vapour trails. (The Red Arrows appear courtesy of Alan Leighton) followed by a world record attempt for a game of Postman's Knock while the lads are available on site. Every women and consenting male is guaranteed to get at least three five second snogs during the course of events. This is the ice breaker for the grand opening and book signing by Jeremy Godwin at Noon.
The Galson Cannon will give a gun salute depending how much explosive Donald can purloin from the contractors at Callanish Airport.
NB Foreign delegates arrive Day 2 - no reason why they should get the best talent is there?
12.15 Committee receive bouquets, speech of thanks from Annie Beag, bouquets for BoB Sunny and the Dame woman from Auchenshuggle before they get first crack at best talent
13.00 Lunch Canapes by MacLeod of Euopie and Emporio Alan John Lionel with lecture '101 things to do with a Paris Bun' from Gordon Raasay chef from The Fat Duck at Brue.
!4.15 Introduction to Head Matchmaker Carlos the Jackal Kennedy MP ably assisted by Sir Bobby Robson and Denise Robertson. This will be signed for the hard of hearing and the drunk. All will sign autographs before ......
The ten men and women who have been single the longest will be matched up and taken to a seminar in Cross School entitled ' Pull yourselves together it's time to make a joint claim for Income Support' lead by Maureen from Stornoway Jobcentre Plus.
15.00 Tea dance sponsored by Strewbacks with Goujons of Guga Puffin wraps and a crowdie dip.
16.00 Tractors take everyone for an informal trip round the 'I can't believe it's not guga' factory at Habost. Plenty of tastings and new lines to try cormorant , Uist hedgehog fulmars and peawits to name but a few. Alka Seltzer provided by Boots of Skigersta.
1800 Back in the tractors to the fank site for huge 'Break the Ice' dance featuring tribute bands The Callanish Stones, Gulls Aloud and Arnistein Lighthouse ( Love grows where my Rosemary Grows etc) and the ever trusty Three Macs. Dance round the bonfire, cuddle behind the peat banks, try out a few chat up lines and generally Strut Yer Stuff.
Dancing till 1am but at 2200 hrs we welcome the celebrities going into the Big Brother Bochan for the week. Little Jimmy Crankie, Tom Hanks, Miss Hooley from Balamory and Mary Doll from Rab C are booked so far - other suggestions of course welcome.
Carriages and tractors at 1300 to deliver people back to their longboats, tents, or hovels.
Well what do you think of that bloggers fort an opening day? Give us some feedback as there's still time to add things or change a thing or two.
Posted on calumannabel at 16:44
Posted on Sunny at 18:02
Resolution Update
Posted: Thursday, 19 January 2006 |
Bet you all thought I was just blawing about making some firm resolutions this year. Well you may be right as I think I made a few too many, the too many being the ones that have crashed and burned but over all not going too Peat Bong!
Here's a quick up date on the resolutions:
1. Stop prevaricating - The amount of time I waste writing rubbish on here proves that the non-prevarication is still a struggle, must try harder.
2.Regain Bikini Body - The Diet is going well I've lost 7lbs so far but am likely to start gnawing on anyone who stands still long enough. I am so hungry!
3.Exercise at least 1 hour every day - Did a couple of sit ups during the ad breaks in Desperate Housewives last night and walked to the dentists on Tuesday but that's about it. Need a routine. Still not given up on this one.
4.Keep books up to date and get tax return in on time - All the books are off at the accountants; it's his entire problem now. La,la,la,la,la de da!
5.Stop smoking completely - Haven't touched a ciggie! Easy peasy, definitely gone off them. Even when I broke no.6!
6.Stop drinking for 1 month - Not drinking any alcahol for a month? Sorry was mildly delusional after the New Year. This one flew out the window when Julie moved into her new house with the indoor bathroom. We had to celebrate the luxury of central heating and not having to put a hat, coat, gloves and wellies on every time one has to excuse ones self. Have been very good since but the Burns Suppers start this weekend so might as well be realistic.
7.Finish website - Haven't touched the website but have over a week left! (See No.1)
8.Only date suitable men - Haven't dated anyone so this one is still safely in the bag and the fank is miles off! Then again the Burns Suppers start this weekend. Whiskey goggles are the devils work.
9.Only go out once a week - Have hardly been out at all but The Screen Machine is here so Narnia tonight then Burns Suppers... This whole Burns thing is messing it all up, the misogynistic swine! Have a good mind to change my supper to a murder mystery night as there are bound to be a few casualties anyway. On the other hand you have to grab your entertainment here when you can get it and no,6 os smashed to pieces.
10.Never let a certain basket weaver near my laptop ever again - The basket weaver has broken her own computer so is using mine to do her tax return. If I disappear I may be some time. You will know whose fault it is!
So only two resolutions broken so far although there are big cracks in most of them and some are only held together with sticky tape. My bra is still safely tucked under my jumper (the wool is a bit itchy) but it is threatening to turn purple. Maybe Stephen should start his own dating service. He could try out different matching criteria as research for the Fank, I'm sure there must be an R & D grant available for such important work from both HIE as a new enterprise and NTS to help increase the human population! Feel free to give matching criteria suggestions below.
Here's a quick up date on the resolutions:
1. Stop prevaricating - The amount of time I waste writing rubbish on here proves that the non-prevarication is still a struggle, must try harder.
2.Regain Bikini Body - The Diet is going well I've lost 7lbs so far but am likely to start gnawing on anyone who stands still long enough. I am so hungry!
3.Exercise at least 1 hour every day - Did a couple of sit ups during the ad breaks in Desperate Housewives last night and walked to the dentists on Tuesday but that's about it. Need a routine. Still not given up on this one.
4.Keep books up to date and get tax return in on time - All the books are off at the accountants; it's his entire problem now. La,la,la,la,la de da!
5.Stop smoking completely - Haven't touched a ciggie! Easy peasy, definitely gone off them. Even when I broke no.6!
6.Stop drinking for 1 month - Not drinking any alcahol for a month? Sorry was mildly delusional after the New Year. This one flew out the window when Julie moved into her new house with the indoor bathroom. We had to celebrate the luxury of central heating and not having to put a hat, coat, gloves and wellies on every time one has to excuse ones self. Have been very good since but the Burns Suppers start this weekend so might as well be realistic.
7.Finish website - Haven't touched the website but have over a week left! (See No.1)
8.Only date suitable men - Haven't dated anyone so this one is still safely in the bag and the fank is miles off! Then again the Burns Suppers start this weekend. Whiskey goggles are the devils work.
9.Only go out once a week - Have hardly been out at all but The Screen Machine is here so Narnia tonight then Burns Suppers... This whole Burns thing is messing it all up, the misogynistic swine! Have a good mind to change my supper to a murder mystery night as there are bound to be a few casualties anyway. On the other hand you have to grab your entertainment here when you can get it and no,6 os smashed to pieces.
10.Never let a certain basket weaver near my laptop ever again - The basket weaver has broken her own computer so is using mine to do her tax return. If I disappear I may be some time. You will know whose fault it is!
So only two resolutions broken so far although there are big cracks in most of them and some are only held together with sticky tape. My bra is still safely tucked under my jumper (the wool is a bit itchy) but it is threatening to turn purple. Maybe Stephen should start his own dating service. He could try out different matching criteria as research for the Fank, I'm sure there must be an R & D grant available for such important work from both HIE as a new enterprise and NTS to help increase the human population! Feel free to give matching criteria suggestions below.
Posted on Sunny at 13:35
Dell Fank Dating Profile - Free and Easy!
Posted: Wednesday, 25 January 2006 |
Stephens' blog regarding the lack of dating services for the island got me thinking. So to take a bit of the weight off Donald and Calumannabel, who have been working very hard on the fank, what with building the Big Bruv Bochan, I've had a look around the various dating sites and have put the following template together to help everyone create their own dating profile. All you need to do is cut and paste it into your own blog and fill in the gaps or delete as necessary!
Once you have posted your profile on your blog, everyone who has read it can contact you through the Comments bit and even more fun, we can all give you lots of good advice as it isn't in the least bit confidential and it's free! Go on, you know you want to.....
Happy Dating!
[Your User Name]
[Witty One Liner]
[Upload photo here]
Island:
Age:
Star Sign: Who Cares?
Height:
Delete as appropriate
Body Type:
Scrawny
Average
A few Extra Pound
Blubber But
Looks:
Stunning (Delusional)
Above Average
Average
Below Average
Physically Repulsive
Drinking Habits;
Tea Total (Wee Free)
Occasional (Lying to make myself look good)
Regular (I am not an alcoholic!)
Constantly Ratted (Too plastered to lie)
Smoking Habits:
Never
Occasional (Only when I'm Drunk)
Regular (Cough all morning)
Got Oxygen Tanks Attached
Marital Status:
Single (And Desperate)
Divorced (And Desperate)
Separated (Married but want to play around)
So many times I'm not sure if I'm still wed or not.
Have Children:
No
Yes, lumbered with them
Yes but palmed them off on the ex.
Yes, all over the place.
Want Children:
No, Yuck!
Ha, with the number of mouths I've got to feel already?
Maybe, I don't know, what's the right answer?
Yes I'm getting old and fear my own mortality.
By looking at this you have duffed me up and have to marry me!
Looking for:
Just Friendship (Please fall for this)
See How It Goes (Scared of Commitment)
Long-term Relationship (Don't want to look like a slut)
Marriage (Will say anything for a better chance of pulling)
More about you: (Forget whatever you were going to write and tell the truth)
Your Ideal Match: (Try to think of something other than, "Got a pulse.")
Dowry Demands:
Dowry Offer:
Important! This field MUST be filled in: Would you describe yourself as any of the following:
Mad
Wacky
Zany
Bunny Boiler
Comb Over
Collector of fluffy toys
People have to take me as they find me!
All of the above
This can be a yes or no answer.
If you fancy your chances leave a message below
Once you have posted your profile on your blog, everyone who has read it can contact you through the Comments bit and even more fun, we can all give you lots of good advice as it isn't in the least bit confidential and it's free! Go on, you know you want to.....
Happy Dating!
[Your User Name]
[Witty One Liner]
[Upload photo here]
Island:
Age:
Star Sign: Who Cares?
Height:
Delete as appropriate
Body Type:
Scrawny
Average
A few Extra Pound
Blubber But
Looks:
Stunning (Delusional)
Above Average
Average
Below Average
Physically Repulsive
Drinking Habits;
Tea Total (Wee Free)
Occasional (Lying to make myself look good)
Regular (I am not an alcoholic!)
Constantly Ratted (Too plastered to lie)
Smoking Habits:
Never
Occasional (Only when I'm Drunk)
Regular (Cough all morning)
Got Oxygen Tanks Attached
Marital Status:
Single (And Desperate)
Divorced (And Desperate)
Separated (Married but want to play around)
So many times I'm not sure if I'm still wed or not.
Have Children:
No
Yes, lumbered with them
Yes but palmed them off on the ex.
Yes, all over the place.
Want Children:
No, Yuck!
Ha, with the number of mouths I've got to feel already?
Maybe, I don't know, what's the right answer?
Yes I'm getting old and fear my own mortality.
By looking at this you have duffed me up and have to marry me!
Looking for:
Just Friendship (Please fall for this)
See How It Goes (Scared of Commitment)
Long-term Relationship (Don't want to look like a slut)
Marriage (Will say anything for a better chance of pulling)
More about you: (Forget whatever you were going to write and tell the truth)
Your Ideal Match: (Try to think of something other than, "Got a pulse.")
Dowry Demands:
Dowry Offer:
Important! This field MUST be filled in: Would you describe yourself as any of the following:
Mad
Wacky
Zany
Bunny Boiler
Comb Over
Collector of fluffy toys
People have to take me as they find me!
All of the above
This can be a yes or no answer.
If you fancy your chances leave a message below
Posted on Sunny at 17:09
The woman of your wildest dreams!
Posted: Tuesday, 31 January 2006 |
As Annie Beag has put everyone else to shame by actually making an effort on the Fank match making front I am posting my own profile to encourage all the fine bodachs to contribute. Donald and Calumannabel, ger yer act t'gether!
User Name: Cold and Heartless
Witty One Liner: If I said you had a dead seal would you hold it against me?
Island: Arran
Age: Not got a cat or a comode yet
Star Sign: Nasty scar from a chinese one
Height: Yes
Body Type:
A shape of perfection never imagined in your wildest dreams (lard is my staple diet))
Looks:
Lots of character an' that.
Drinking Habits;
Not tried the Portobello yet but prepared to give it a go.
Smoking Habits:
Started as a nasty rash but if you put a damp cloth over it, might go out
Marital Status:
A good catch with my own lobster pot
Have Children:
Certainly not! I'm not a married lady..
Want Children:
Can you please off load them on someone else before you get to the fank!
Looking for:
A But N Ben with the plumbing and the electric
More about you:
Facinating former Deb. (changed by deed poll) with good sense of natural gas looking for a fine strappin' chiel wi' all his own teeth and a cast iron aliby.
Your Ideal Match: Scotland winning the Calcutta Cup
Dowry Demands: Fully working septic tank, A prize tup and a sharp axe in case of problems later.
Dowry Offer: Wood chopping, peat digging and an interesting approach to gourmet culinary delights.
Important! This field MUST be filled in: Would you describe yourself as any of the following:
Mad
Wacky
Zany
Bunny Boiler
Comb Over
Collector of fluffy toys
People have to take me as they find me!
All of the above
Bunnies, flufffy toys, Bad Hair, Guga, seal etc. prefer them deep fried.
If you fancy your chances leave a message below
User Name: Cold and Heartless
Witty One Liner: If I said you had a dead seal would you hold it against me?
Island: Arran
Age: Not got a cat or a comode yet
Star Sign: Nasty scar from a chinese one
Height: Yes
Body Type:
A shape of perfection never imagined in your wildest dreams (lard is my staple diet))
Looks:
Lots of character an' that.
Drinking Habits;
Not tried the Portobello yet but prepared to give it a go.
Smoking Habits:
Started as a nasty rash but if you put a damp cloth over it, might go out
Marital Status:
A good catch with my own lobster pot
Have Children:
Certainly not! I'm not a married lady..
Want Children:
Can you please off load them on someone else before you get to the fank!
Looking for:
A But N Ben with the plumbing and the electric
More about you:
Facinating former Deb. (changed by deed poll) with good sense of natural gas looking for a fine strappin' chiel wi' all his own teeth and a cast iron aliby.
Your Ideal Match: Scotland winning the Calcutta Cup
Dowry Demands: Fully working septic tank, A prize tup and a sharp axe in case of problems later.
Dowry Offer: Wood chopping, peat digging and an interesting approach to gourmet culinary delights.
Important! This field MUST be filled in: Would you describe yourself as any of the following:
Mad
Wacky
Zany
Bunny Boiler
Comb Over
Collector of fluffy toys
People have to take me as they find me!
All of the above
Bunnies, flufffy toys, Bad Hair, Guga, seal etc. prefer them deep fried.
If you fancy your chances leave a message below
Posted on Sunny at 02:58
Arran ExPat wandering the world, residing in Cyprus for now with the odd visit home.
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