成人快手

By Sophia Savkovic

Hi, I'm Nick, before I start this story I need to tell you that I'm not really very clever and I don't particularly like going to school because it's pretty boring, like when you're in a really dull maths lesson and your teacher just keeps droning on and on about fractions and algebra, but enough of that. In my class there's this boy, Dominic Smartybum, and he's dead brainy so one day I asked my teacher, "How is HE so clever?" If only she hadn't replied, "Oh, he ate the dictionary!" then a ridiculous idea wouldn't have popped into my head.

At home, I grabbed The Oxford Dictionary, I knew it would be heavy but not that heavy! I started to rip out pages of A, B, C, D etcetera when eventually I was just munching on the last column of the Z's. I walked downstairs, feeling different.

Without thinking I strolled into the kitchen exclaiming, "Salutations". I didn't mean to say that but it just blurted out. My mum looked at me, astonished but didn't say anything. Now that I've eaten the dictionary I don't speak with a Yorkshire accent anymore, 'Do you wish to participate in a game of scrabble?", I asked. Gawping at me mum managed to reply, "But I thought you only played Fortnite?"

The next morning things seemed strange, for once I actually arrived to class on time. I walked into my classroom announcing, "Greetings, fellow classmates!" The whole of that day was amazing, I was top of the class and got full marks in my spelling test. After school my teacher Miss Jones came to talk to me, "Nick, you've obviously practised your spellings and been working very hard at home to become top of the class! But that wasn't what I came to talk to you about, Dominic's ill so at lunch-time I signed you up as his replacement for the 'World's Brainiest Kids' tv programme, it's a quiz for children!" "I'm overwhelmed with excitement!" I replied.

Miss Jones, mum, dad and I all crammed into our car as we drove to the television studio. When we got there I had a stomach ache and had to go to the loo to do, well, my business. By the time I came out we were ready to start filming so I walked onto the stage.

First question, "What is a snickersnee?" Easy I thought as I buzzed, "The BFG's word for a chocolate bar on your knee." Rats, the ACTUAL answer was a long knife but I knew I was going to get the next question right. "What special event takes place on the 4th of July?" I bashed my buzzer, smirking smugly at the girl sitting next to me, "My dad's birthday!" I heard a sigh in the audience (my dad)! "Oh poo!" I exclaimed, then a horrid, sick feeling came over me as I realised what had happened, I had pooped out the dictionary, all that knowledge flushed down the bog!