成人快手

By Anoushka Chopra

*Wildcard Entry*

'Rat-a-tat-tat'... "Thankyou"

In Sahara-like conditions, a large brown box waited to be opened. From within, a cheerful, melodic drawl resonated,

" Yo dudes. Whatsup?"

Minutes later, it found itself in the second coolest place known to vegetable kind... the FRIDGE. Now you're probably wondering who our new-age traveller in the box was...Well, it was Ollie, an organic onion.

You are also probably aware of the FRIDGE shelf hierarchy: Posh-Nosh on top, Common in the middle and The Forgotten on the bottom.

A shrill, plummy voice belonging to Ida Gold, award-winning heritage tomato, pierced the silence.

"Ooo goody another delivery! Daaaarling Shallota, have their Prawn Highnesses arrived?..."

An ear-splitting shriek followed. All eyes focussed onto a terrified Romenesco that had started wilting.

"Eww, disgoosting. Cooover your eyes! 'Ee is dressed inappropriately."

Eyes glared at Ollie dressed in his frayed, hessian jacket with tangled roots dangling.

"Peace man! How's it hangin'? I'm Ollie," he responded warmly.

"Excuse me! We maintain high standards and a strict dress code here. Plastic bow-ties for gentlemen and cellophane dresses for ladies. Why, if Monsieur Perignon saw you, he'd pop his cork!," Ida declared, thrusting her nose disdainfully into the air, but also to avoid Ollie's distinctive odour!

"Whoa... Dudette! Will a paper-tie do? Though I don't believe in the oppressive shelf system. We should all be on the same shelf,"Ollie replied.

The air quickly filled with a noise like bursting bubble wrap, as the disgusted Posh Nosh turned their backs on a dejected Ollie, who edged into the darkest corner.

Soon there was great excitement.

"Shallota daaarling, Can't wait for tonight's party? It is going to be fabulous!! Got the cutest cellophane dress with a divine plastic belt. Can't wait for their dear Prawn Highnesses to arrive. The tone needs bringing up around here. They'll know what to do with that wretched Ollie. This shelf is not for the likes of him!" Ida exclaimed emphatically with contempt.

"Ya, so wonderful! Tabasco might eeeven ask me to dance... Got my roots done just in case," Shallota responded with dulcet Middle Eastern tones.

Very soon the party was in full swing. In the distance, Ida heard Princess Prawnita's soft bubbly voice. Hastily, she rustled forward, with her eyes half-closed to air kiss.

"Prawnita daaarling! Mwah. Mwah. You look..."

She stopped abruptly, blinking in horror. Prawnita was wearing a cardboard number sans cellophane!

"One no longer wears cellophane, after that aaawful incident with Grandpapa", replied Prawnita sensing Ida's horrified reaction.

"Pray tell", Shallota enquired, always ready for gossip.

"One day Grandpapa went for his morning swim, but didn't return. We found him days later, tangled in cellophane and plastic. Ever since, I vowed to go Eco," Prawnita sobbed, her sapphire eyes glistening with tears.

"How horrific! Perhaps Ollie was right afterall. I'm going Eco," exclaimed Tabasco and Shallota together.

"Me too", reverberated throughout the FRIDGE.

Silent Ida with a dramatic flourish, tore off her dress and belt, shrieking, "For Prawnita's Grandpapa!"

"It's getting spicy!" Tabasco trilled, whisking Shalotta away.