成人快手sickness strikes like a lightning bolt
Posted: Tuesday, 31 July 2007 |
Comments
Michelle, far be it for me to speak on behalf of others, but sometimes folks are just wary of `putting upon` others, y`know? So they might think twice about visiting, as they`re feared ye might be busy or not really wanting them to visit. Meself, am a Hermit happy wi` her ain company but I also like it when friends visit me. :-D please feel free to visit if and when you ever get to Sanday. You`re still the same woman you were before, you just have to carpe diem as they say, and carve out a new lifestyle for yourself. Be persistent! :D Hope I havenae spoken oot o` turn here either.
Hermit from Sanday
If you hadn't met Erlend and moved to Orkeney, we wouldn't have known you. We appreciate your friendship very much.
Dag from Norway
Cheer up, Moo. You have many things to be thankful for. Does not belonging to the Church bring friends? How about joining some groups: musicians/music lovers etc? You get to belong when you do things together. All the best.
mjc from NM,USA
It's easy to join things, like the Traditional Music Project (Kirkwall), go to art galleries and meet friends in coffe shops(Stromness) or a whole raft of activities...if you have wheels. But if you're stuck on the farm like Moo, and your belov猫d is a famer, and you don't get on with other farmers' wives, or join the SWRI, then you're stuck. I wonder if you just came over as too enthusiastic and scared them off? Does Erlend know you feel like this? What about a set of wheels, even if it's only an old banger? My female paental unit is an incomer and the SWRI was a great way to meet folk, that and getting small part-time jobs when the babybipeds were old enough. The latter is just about the BEST way to get to know folk and feel part of a place. Learning to drive was another.
Flying Cat from A reflective corner
the answer to your question is you are YOU: life it was you make it! when i arrived in the south of france in 1976,i was six months pregnant,one of the hottest summers on record and i couldn't speak a word of french! i was so down my late hubby had to hide my passport,but after i just decided to get on with life and by the easter i was fluent in french!no i didn't go to classes or joing clubs,just went out everyday with a french/english dictionary and got on with it! now i'm putting my house up for sale in december, going to get married early january in corommendel ,north island nz. its going to be very hard for me,not only leaving what litle family i have left in scotland,plus my in-laws,my two children and two grandchildren over here,not counting all my good friends,but its a challenge,life is one big challenge,so get on with it!
carol from over here
Why don't you ask Erland to get you a horse? It is hard to settle in to a new place, especially an island, where most folk are friendly, but kinda set in their ways. I never thought that I'd be living on an island 20 years ago, yet it is 20 years to this very day that I Thewhitesettler, settled in Lewis, I just remembered that this very second ( although I doubt that there will be many street parties, to celebrate) but, what FC has commented about, does make sense ( apart from the bits where he forgets to hit the r key) in a way. As for people laughing at you, I've had that all my life, and I just content myself with the thought that they are laughing with me, not at me. You have lots of friends here on IB, even though I don't share your love of the church, I still think of you as a friend. IB is where you can come to escape the outside world, as for being American, yes you can't help that, and people understand that, I'm sure, it may seem hard at times, but it's all worth it in the end. Have a nice day, oh look now, I'm going all American now. Cheery...
Tws from Lewis
Crumbs! We're gonna have to stop this love-fest Tws! Carol's quite right, but maybe doesn't realise Moo is not within walking distance of anywhere, except Dounby...which is better than nothing but not much...no caffs, one shop/petrol station...
Flying Cat from within a few pawsteps of Stromness
Erlend sounds like a solid kind of guy, and in this you are of course blessed. If I remember correctly, the fellow took time off to visit you and court you in the States, not an easy thing for a farmer to do. Perhaps, at the risk of sounding of of bounds here, you should concentrate on others and their needs, rather than on how others relate to you, and your needs. Less self-centeredness. Be more self effacing: Americans (including yours truly) can be quite "pushy" (by British standards) and may want things to happen more quickly than is the norm in your new surroundings. In the islands perhaps you should try to blend in more (not to be one, but to look like one): if bonnets are not in style, what's the big deal about getting rid of them? I say this quite blithely even though it took me years to reconcile myself to spelling words the American way (having been educated on English spellings). It took the directness of an English Professor of English lang. and lit. to induce me to reconsider and realize it was no big deal to take over the local spellings, that my stand was not a matter of principle but of a misplaced ego trip. So, forget about yourself for a while, try to fit in (but don't try sooo very hard) as a matter of course, and you'll be fine. Join groups. As FC mentioned, get independent transportation if you don't already have it. All the best, Moo.
mjc from NM,USA
It's the inability to drive that is killing me! I'm used to hopping into my car and taking off for whatever it is I'm doing - music or art or school or meeting up with friends...and so I'm also used to HUMAN INTERACTION on a daily basis as well. The combonation of isolation and being quite stuck on the farm is what caused me to get kinda blue yesterday. I've explored every option out there and every time I've run into a dead end: bus, car, ... I think I need a magic carpet. My American drivers license expired on my birthday (gee thanks) and when I went to get my provisional and "L" plates I couldn't get them because my passport still sports my maiden name (ARRRR!!) and it's going to take 3+ months for me to get a new one. So now I can't even drive the tractor! There goes all of my plans for getting my British license and then taking those art classes at Orkney College and music lessons and..and...I'm sure you can see why I basically felt like BLAH!!!! yesterday. Not having the ability to drive in a place like Orkney is like a free ticket to going insane hahahahaha!!! I'm not the type of person that has to be "out" doing something every day. But I'm a healthy woman and I do enjoy having a life of some sort. So thank you SO MUCH for your cheerful support - I feel a bit better. I will find my Orcadian self once I can GET OFF THE FARM hahahaha!!! (It's like the Twilight Zone...) I can't really whine at Erlend too much because it really makes him feel so bad. There was no way HE could move to America so I HAD to come to Orkney - there acctually was no choice! And so the poor man feels dreadfully guilty when I start to fall apart on him with homesickness and cabin fever. I think I'll start to perk up once I get back to pounding out my book - and once my calf is born and I can start raising it to be an ox! CHEERY!!!!!!!!
Michelle Therese from Mainland Orkney
Its great how you have embraced life in Orkney but you need to take some time to consider how you want to spend your time. The first thing you absolutely have to do is learn to drive and get mobile. Set this as a priority even tho it is expensive, then you can get to church, cafe's etc and why not then look for a job?you have amazing skills use them! Will pray for you, Call and see me at Orkney Gallery if you have the chance. Cheer up , and call in positive feelings not negative ones!! Jan
skywatcher from From know how you feel
hmmm. Moo - I think it boils down to this - you can't have everything you want. your life was good before - but no man. now you have the man and all that goes with him and his way of life. (and by the way, you are married to the farm as well) from what you usually write you make a pretty good job of working the farm and enjoy it. I loved being on a farm - but sometimes resented it too. no holidays, no day trips out, no nights out etc, Now I'm on my own and in a housing scheme - and mostly its brilliant. I'm free! but I miss the animals, the busy-ness, the stress and the constant work. I miss my garden, the blackcurrants and gooseberries, the trees I planted. Most of all I miss what was my life. BUT I moved on and like you, have to try to fit in to a new place, and its hard. And people groups are difficult to break into - especially if you're 'different' . I do think a car is essential - I don't care how un-green that is. And to have an outside job(outside the farm) even a very small one. I recommend a trip to the mainland every so often. Just remember - its never goin to be perfect - but it might be pretty good.
scallowawife from thinkin hard
You might know this already Michelle but if you've got access to broadband then you can have live video chats with people anywhere in the world for no charge. You and your firefighting friends & your family in the US could each get a headset, microphone and webcam - not too expensive - and sign up to Skype (www.skype.com) - a free download - for free video calls for anyone else with a broadband connection who has signed up to Skype.
Annie B from the usual
I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here, but honestly, you need to give folk a chance. Yes, I realise you've been there a while, but these things take time. Folk need to realise that you're no fly by night; that, I suppose, you're worth getting to know - unlike many incomers. Perhaps a wee bit more patience and an understanding that islanders are more wary of incomers than other folk are. Chin up, it'll work out in the end and you'll find yourself with solid gold friends (as well, of course, as those on IB ;) )
Ellie from still in a field in the sun
"... as for being American, yes you can't help that, and people understand that, I'm sure, it may seem hard at times," Good heavens, TWS, you make it sound as if being American is a dis-ease, and others should be all compassionate and patient towards us. Gimme a break!! # Strange perhaps, but I think Moo's problem is partly because she is trying so darn hard to fit in: she should relax, enjoy her farm, coddle her husband (and be coddled in return), get transportation and join groups (playing a supporting role), not push herself forward - good intentions notwithstanding, and in due course shel'll be part of the landscape (a quaint American figure perhaps, but an accepted part of the landscape). As an American to another, I certainly want her to be happy in her new home and country.
mjc from NM,USA
She looked very CHEERY (just a quick borrow Tws...there, you can have it back now) last evening at the truly amazing exhilerating Aly Bain and Phil Cunningham concert. And her farmer is rather dishy. Photos don't do him justice...lucky TGMITN! Fpu might have gone and said 'hullo' at the interval, but Moo was surrounded by people. The patchwork jeans and headsquare looked very nice, Really mjc, you should know better than to rise to Tws' hook!
Flying Cat from The Sunroom of Eternity
FC where i live ,if you don't have a car you are in big TROUBLE!! only school buses come to our village no shops at all it really is in tha backwoods! Moo why didn't you get yourself an international driving licence?? you can renew it every year, i know 'cause i got one last year before going to NZ---and its free of charge!
carol from in the middle of a thunderstorm
what about a bike - Orkney is much flatter than shetland - not so many hills and sharp bends. I always wanted a pony - also uselful to take to shows and horsy clubs. And a dog to walk - that sure gets you out and about. (not a sheep dog who hates bein on a lead) I also agree wi Ellie - I've made good friends with loads of really nice folk only for them to move on after a couple of years - and then you miss them. FC mentioned the WRI - they'd love you as a member - and also as a person able to do demonstations. Did you know the SWRI was started for lonely farmer's wives who were stuck inside the farmhouse all day with children and the stove? endless housework and making meals? and today the farmer is the lonely one stuck in his tractor with no company, while the wife usually is out working? PS did you enter anything to the local agricultural shows?
scallowawife from thinkin too hard
Well Michelle at least some of the comments were Cheery. But can I have him back now? Cheery that is, the American thing is wierd, because people are always critical of Americans and America, but a lot of them want to go there, either for a holiday ( vacation ) or to live. So chin up girl, don't let the natives see you cry, and if you want what you have, then you'll have what you want, there now. Cheery...........
Tws from The Poor House
I'm so pleased that folk here have the guts to speak their mind. There's always so much to glean from your input. I must say that I most certainly am giving folk here a lot of understanding - as hard as it is for a new person to break into the "people group" it's just as hard for the group to allow itself to be broken into! The only time that I acctually get upset is when some folk are downright rude - and I've seen that a few times here. I'm not used to being so openly laughed or snickered at. It's weird and very unsettling. Just the other night we were out having a meal and there were folk at the table next to us mocking me as I spoke. I mean...that's just not cool. But what do you do?? Turn around and tell them off? Or just let it go?? In America I'd tell them off - but I don't see Orcadians doing that in public. It strikes me that being openly defensive in public is culturally unacceptable here so I'm trying to respect that. I attempt to do the ol' "When in Rome" in most circumstances. But it does grind you down when you FINALLY get off the farm and get out and have to endure that nonsense. (By the way, I love the farm. I just get the classic case of cabin fever now and again! It's normal.) Ok...back to reading comments...
Michelle Therese from Mainland Orkney
OH YEAH!!! That fiddle concert totally rocked!! (er...fiddled?) I wish I had known that a fellow Island Blogger was there - I would have found a way to slither out from my row. There were other Americans there - one at the end of my row no less. Our friend was telling me she was from my state of Massachusetts but when I spoke to her she had a midwestern twang. I was like, "Hmmm...that's not a Massachusetts accent..." Turned out she was from Ohio hehehe! That concert was FANTASTIC! I didn't want it to end - as you can see I'm finding solutions to getting oot and aboot! Yes, I do get squashed by homesickness and cabin fever - but I'm pragmatic: I know that soon enough I'll be driving and making friends and getting sunk into art and music. As for getting hooked up with family and firefighters back home I'm not going to bother. Hardly anyone keeps in touch - even though I email and write letters and call home. I'm sick of throwing myself at them like a puppy. My cousin Becky, two of my Aunts, Liz's mom Yvonne and Dianne from the fire department keeps in touch with me and I'm very greatful for that. Very greatful. But you can see how I end up feeling isolated - I mean...when most of the folk you know and love (including sisters...kinda important!) don't even send you a birthday card and you never hear from them it's kinda frustrating. So only one solution exists: make a wonderful fun life for myself here in Orkney and relying less on folk back home to stay in touch. TIME FOR DINNER!!!
Michelle Therese from Still humming the fiddle music
Ya-hey! Positivism Rools! We're glad you enjoyed Phil&Aly because we have all their cds and think they're the best thing since sliced bread...no, better than sliced bread, more like the invention of the wheel (Actually. on first typing, that came out as sliced brad...wouldn't that have been the pitts!)
Flying Cat from Cheshire Grin
Regardless of whether it's seen as the done thing or not, surely it would be better to stand up to the people who are mocking you? Isn't what they're doing bullying, by any other name?
Anne from IBHQ
I once lived in another kind of "small town" setting (I won't name it) and had a similar experience + rotten gossip. Gossip is so incredibly stupid! No matter who you are, gossip can strike. It's a sad fact of life. And so I stood up for myself like any self-respecting person would! I mean, like Anne said: bullying is bullying! No one has to stand for it! You know what happened? Folk were put out by ME defending myself! I couldn't believe it! It wasn't as if I were yelling or swearing. I'd simply say right to the person, "If you have a problem with me then let's discuss it - your behavior is RUDE!" And I was told time and again, "You're just making the problem worse! You shouldn't always try and force people to do what you want them to do. Just let it go!" (Um...) It was as if I were in the wrong for defending myself and folk expected me to roll over and be a door mat. I'd hate for that to happen here in my new (and permanent!!) home. I don't want to end up as the villiage jerk. The only thing I can guess is that people are loyal to their fellow locals - even if they don't necessarily like them - and they don't like incomers talking back! I could be wrong - but that's what it seemed like to me. I have no way of knowing if this is how Scottish folk would react if I stood up for myself in public and made a local look bad. For all I know the Scots could cheer me on! But I'm afraid to test the waters. So I'm like...just trying to ignore it and not react. I'm human though. Anyone feels cruddy when made a fool of. Thankfully it's no a lot of folk - just a minority of younger women who seem to be imitating that snooty clique-ness from Beverly Hills. Maybe they get it from trashy American TV?? I don't think they are being true Orcadians though when they behave like that! As far as I can tell Orcadians, as well as all the other Scots I've encountered, are quite open and jovial folk who don't seem to have a problem with any body! Aside from a few snickering "I'm so cool it hurts" types I'd say Scotland is the friendliest country I've ever been in - and I've been to a LOT of very friendly countries!! But like I said, I don't want to become the Villiage Jerk by standing up to people in public. I have to live here forever...and I really like it here. My homesickness/Cabin Fever is not because of Orkney - it is because of not being able to drive AND the simple unavoidable fact that I'm still getting settled in to my new home. Soon I will forget that I ever felt sad and lonely! I'll be living it up and having a grand life here in this artsy and musical and really interesting place! There are nothing but more ADVENTURES waiting to happen!! How can there not?? I live on an island in Scotland!! **Grin**
Michelle Therese from Things Go Moo in the Night...
I agree with Anne. There's no excuse for folk to behave in that way. Polite, but firm confrontation gets my vote every time. Simple good manners, if nothing else, should dictate that people do not behave in this way. Our individuality is what makes us human (I think). If other people can't cope with that, well, that's their problem.
Ellie from still in a field in the sun
..."one solution exists: make a wonderful fun life for myself here in Orkney and relying less on folk back home to stay in touch" - Moo. Right! # As to confrontation, it is true that the British find it unseemly to "raise a fuss"(e.g. they rarely if ever directly confront someone who flagrantly jumps the line, the queue, for example). However, you would have been justified in turning around and challenging them, their upbringing, and worse. When you challenge them, stand up, face them, glower, lower your voice to a whisper and enunciate every single word. Shame them. Be formally polite, but cut them down. [I don't claim to be charitable when it comes to confronting real sods].
mjc from NM,USA
Totally agree with Anne! I had a similar experience (being a Scot in Orkney) years ago now and stood up to the fella ripping into Scots. Don`t let anyone bully you Michelle! If you do, they`ll feel more bravado to do it to others too, and get worse as time goes by. Show them you can fight back. Either that, of if ye like, I have an efficient assortment of sharp and pointy weaponry..crossbows, swords, axes, ooh, and archery bows! Great good fun! let anyone mock you with one of them! *big grin* and for the sake of legalities I am not advocating violence, just having fun. (though, not a pacifist, me....)
Hermit from Sanday
Fight! Fight! Fight! C'mon Tws, haud the jaikits!* I'll rip the fur off them Moo...look what I can do to a vole! *(Hold the jackets)
Flying Cat from Clawsoot&Fangsbared
I don't know what one of you IB folks did, but someone hit Moo's magic/manic/ enthusiasm button, and she has taken off like a rocket. Cheery TWS and others: I am off to the air raid shelter/bunker.
mjc from NM,USA
Gosh, it's taken me a long time to read all this down to here! Fully sympathise with all you've written, and it sounds like you've picked up one or two ideas from the responses which will help. As a fellow West Mainlander/Incomer I can vouch for the lack of public transport in this area for those without a 'set of wheels' (which fortunately I've got). My wife (who also doesn't drive) seems to have gained a number of local folk who'll give her lifts when I'm not able to chauffer her about. I feel a 'pool' of volunteer drivers around here wouldn't be amiss (and I ALWAYS stop when someone sticks their thumb out! - hitching seems to be ok here, both for drivers and hitchers; unlike the rest of the UK now.) As for the abusive comments - surely this is another version of racialism? (I understand there's a law about this in the UK?) The balance of work/leisure is an important but difficult one for the small farmer and his/her partner. I'm sure you're not alone in this. Perhaps this is something which should be raised at NFU meetings? eg: could neighbouring farmers set up some sort of a rota for helping out on a (say) monthly basis to give some leisure time? (they do, I understand help each other and lend equipment etc so it would just be an extension of this.) Finally,I think you should air your probs. in the Orcadian - you never know...! Good luck!
capricorn Bigcat from West Mainland
I have been reading your blogs for hours now and am totally enthralled! Your writing is such an incredible crash course on being an American in Orkney and is so valuable to me because I am moving to Kirkwall from the USA in October! Your blogs are really helping me with all of the things I am wondering about, especially "fitting in"! I hope I will meet you sometime, I'll keep an eye out for the bonnet and cool plaid jeans! I'll bet everyone reading this can tell I am a true American due to my uncontrolled use of exclamation points! See you all in November.....
Bound4Orkney from Washington, DC
So...I traded my quiet cabin in the Alaskan woods for the howling winds of Orkney and life on a farm. 
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