Olive Oil: fit for Hebrideans?
Posted: Thursday, 16 November 2006 |
Comments
Olive f-ing oil? All the f-ing time. I use it to f-ing cook my f-ing Guga from f-ing Ness in. Can't f-ing live without it.
Gordon Ramsey from Posh restaurant, London-town
Olive oil? OLIVE OIL? Oil - from olives?!! Who do you think you are? Whatever next - garlic in bread?!
Mr P. Kay from Bolton
Got up. Looked out of window. Rain. Went to Somerfield. Bought Spag Boll. Went home. Cooked Spag Boll - used half of bottle of olive oil. Still raining. Wrote fantastically interesting blog entry. Went upstairs for furtive nookie with X, using rest of olive oil. Still raining.
Northern Trip blog entry from Stornoway
Herself uses it when the little herself has earache, although I'm always getting earache nobody offers me any olive oil. Very strange goings on in Berneray, someone with an uncleansed mind ( not me, of course ) may wonder at some of the uses of said "Olive Oil".
thewhitesettler from the dimly lit croft lewis
Olive oil is very good for you (anti-cholesterol), and tastes superb (either for cooking or for dipping bread). First press is best, and worth the premium. By using olive oil you would also help the EU (drowning in it). # I would not use it to prepare donuts though!! By the way, the two Krispy Kreme outfits in Albuquerque folded, as did many others throughout the US. Long live Dunkin Donuts (and its "new" coffee).
mjc from NM,USA
Do you not have minutes for meetings to stop people wandering off the point or did Olive Oil come up under 'Any other Business' or was it on the agenda from the start? How can residents come out of the woodwork when there are so few trees? Do they live in trees on Berneray?
calumolivio from Bertoli Bochan Breasclete
I use Olive oil for unblocking my wifes ears when she starts to get too deaf. I wish the problem was in reverse.
mark from DIY Doctors surgery
Don't you lot on Berneray have some kind of annual witches event? Remember seeing some letters in the Gazette or somewhere from some rather upset Wee Frees. Perhaps the olive oil is used in this to raise spirits, or commune with those who have passed over to the other side (and I don't mean Harris and Lewis).
Hamish McNookie from The Coven
Olive oil can be used as a, erm, lubricant. But that's obviously not happening in Berneray, what with the school closing due to a lack of recent births.
Donald McDirty Mind from Croft of fornication
Purge ye of the olive oil. For it is evil. Especially on a Sunday.
Revered F .A. Brimstone from Pulpit, Ness Church of the Damned
Midge repellant for very rich people. The rest of us just have to wave our arms madly.
Recently bitten from Cleg way, Harris
was popeye no sh* her?
ceanncropic from codhead
Plenty of vans on Berneray; several white ones and a blue one that trundles around. Perhaps Bernerayans are "green" and all these vehicles run on bio fuel such as Olive Oil.
White van man from Van for hire
Olive oil is good as a barrier cream for newborn Baby poo.... Its also good for cradle cap
Mark from Numpty Nursery
Is it better than thon KY stuff? (someone here at Hoochmagandie Hoose would like to know. Do not indulge her sad fancies. Please.)
Flying Cat from looking interested
The comhairle have apparently ordered 5,000 gallons of the stuff. To be used for oiling giant wind turbines on Lewis when they start to squeak. Cheaper than WD40 in bulk.
AMEC Windfarms-R-Us from Anywhere and everywhere scenic
It's too get oiled up before the next dating event at the Dell Fank. Makes you sparkle in the sun - and also means that you can slip out of the hands of some ruffian crofter.
Young, oily and single from Dell Fank, Lewis
I have a 44 gallon drum of virgin olive oil if anyone's interested. At least it was virgin till Alec John put a salt herring in it. Best bid secures. Can deliver
emporio alanjohn from lionel
Olive oil is useless and very expensive. Why not just use engine oil like i do ?
manic mechanic from berneray
I always used olive oil when in my young days living in scotland and now being half-haggis-half frog I can't imagine any home in the world which hasn't got any-almost like trying to image a house without a bottle of macallan!!! impossible!!
carol chauveau from st.dezery,france
manic mechanic: hope you don't moonlight as sous-chef in Berneray!! # The things you read ... # Whatever happened to the old Berneray school house? If the community is now willing to act positively on a $1 dollar bid, I would be tempted to consider a re-submission of my offer (to whom do I send it, by the way?). Whatever it gets turned into, it won't be a Krispy Kreme factory/outlet!! Scout's honor.
mjc from NM,USA
you slimey french frogs will use anything for cooking. even good whisky. you should drink it like the rest of us.
chef dougal from berneray
Ze school building eez being turned into zee new Berneray Olive Oil factory an zee distribution centre. Oui!
Jacques MacDonald from Berneray olive oil factory
This cross species mis-alliance is one too far for a simple cat: what does a half-haggis-half-frog look like? And more importantly, taste like? It would need to have the all important le-crunch of frog to pass muster. In the meantime, I am determined not to allow such ethnic muddying of the waters in the Rolling Acres frog population. Racial Purity in Orkney! We need more of this sort of cac.
Flying Cat from the frogpond of fast food
Olive oil? How lah-dee-dah decadent posh Londoner can you get? What's wrong with cod liver oil? Slap a bit all over your Guga, stick it in your 1930's rayburn for two days, lovely bit of meat. Olive oil! They'll be selling bread already sliced and milk with the fat taken out and other such nonsense next.
Common as muck from A cave
Viewers of the infamous "Berneray Karma Sutra" will know all about the many and extensive uses of Olive Oil. Poor Donald McDonald misheard one of the, erm, recommendations and was farting a small fountain of the stuff for three weeks afterwards.
The Joy of pnemonia from East beach, Berneray
There is a simple reason. As you all know, the UK will host the 2012 olympic games and it was decided to outsource the wrestling events to Berneray. The olive oil is needed to brush up the competitors. Angus McAngus thinks he has a local advantage and is in with a shot of a medal. Watch all of the action on BSkySheep, the international channel for hebridean sports.
Lord Sebastian Coe from Olympic stadium, Borve, Berneray
I do outside catering in my spare time on berneray.I can assure my customers that olive oil is never used on my stirrups. sorry... stir frys.
manic mechanic from berneray
Olive oil can be distilled and turned into a beautiful malt, not dissimilar to one of Islay's finest. Illegal, though.
Redneck from Hiding from customs and excise
No no no all wrong. Olive oil is part of the initiation ceremony for new members of Berneray community council; they are fully immersed in a vat of it for 30 seconds. That's the easy part; after that, they have to eat one of Maire Moped's toasties. If they are still alive then - they're a member.
The secret coven from Masonic Lodge, Bhrusda
Utter garbage; I'll tell you what it's for. The islanders have a cunning plan. When the sound of harris fixed link is built, they'll cover it in olive oil. When vehicles slide off it, the fishermen will miraculously appear and charge 100 quid a go to haul each sodden car out of the sound. Quids in!
Local cynic from Local
Total drivel. I'll tell you what it's for. The workers on the ferry have a scam going. They charge Calmac for boat diesel, but instead fill up the ferry with olive oil to power it across the sound. That's why, whenever you cross the sound, you disembark with a strange urge to find the nearest Italian or French restaurant. Au revoir!
More cynical than cynic from More local still
Tra-la-lee. Here on Berneray we use olive, and other sophisticated and exotic oils, on our salads. I hear on Lewis they use Toilet Duck. Is this the kind of island one-upmanship news you are looking for? Tally-ho!
Florence McPoshwig from Nice kit mansion, Berneray
Adhesive for collies (sheepdogs)
Crofter from Berneray
If olive oil comes from olives,and sunflower oil comes from sunflowers, where does baby oil come from ? I think we should be told.
Curious crofter from berneray
What do collies need adhevise for ? I think olive oil would make them very slippery and make a hell of a mess of the fire side rug.
Curious crofter from berneray
Well, that's Berneray for you. Strange and frightening place. Note how the council put the ferry terminal right next to the causeway so people wouldn't have to take the gauntlet of driving through the island. Here in Barvas, parents use it to frighten their children e.g. "eat all your dinner, or you'll have to go to Berneray". Stephen King was a visitor there in the 70's, when it was still an island, and it provided the inspiration for most of his subsequent books.
Local gossip for local people from Barvas Moor
Toilet duck? Obviously rich incomers with more money than sense. A true woman of Lewis wouldn't spend that much money on garnishes, and would use whatever entrails are to hand.
Inverted snob from Other side of Barvas Moor
Do you think people in the Shotlands and Orkneys use Olive Oil? What for? With all that oil (non olive) wealth, could they afford to have it shipped in by charter plane? Do they? What exactly goes on over there - anyone know?
Social Ethnographer from University of funny little islands
Okay, I give up. I don't get the "adhesives for collies" one. Someone explain please.
Digital Sands from Berneray
That's the island where the broadband used to go out with the tide? Perhaps they now pour olive oil on the sea to help the broadband signal bounce off it into homes; makes for a better reflective surface?
Nerdy thickspecs from Cybergeekshed
we have so much oil here and so much money that we bathe in olive oil. Its very erm, theraputic and very erm, envigourating, and well, sort of dangerous if you have wooden floors. when you finish your bath, you sling in a dead sheep to marinate for tea - that is if you can get out of the bath.
scallowawife from in the bath
I think they might use adhesives for collies up in lewis to help them mate properly as the dogs up there are'nt very amorous. Super glue keeps them at it for hours apparently.
Curious crofter from berneray
Nerdythickspecs, you have been told before that a solid sheet of water is reflective, whilst droplets of water are refractive, thus it would be the beach that needs an application of oil, and not the sea. Anyway they fixed the broadband problem on Bernaray by floating a pontoon of spare Range Rovers out to sea with a Wifi mast strapped on top. Or was that a Wifey strapped to a mast? hmmmm... more research required into wifi strapping I think.
Mark from 脷berCyber Tidal Reflective Study Centre
Breaking news ... the Lobster Pot cafe is to re-open as a French Restaurant, hence the need to rapidly import lots of Olive Oil. Monsieur Forshaw will be front of house as the maitre; the waitresses will converse in French and Italian. Payment using the Euro only. Look for the blue flag with the yellow stars if you are near the ferry or causeway. Bon Appetit!
Francouis the chef from Le Ardmaree Cafe
It is part of our strategy to break away from the Western Isles and become part of the unitary authority of the Shetlands and Islands. The entry criteria, as laid down in Lerwick, involves a rapid continentalisation, as seen even in the outer reaches of Unst. So it's olive oil on every meal, out with whisky and in with red wine, and every blackhouse has to be laminated throughout.
The Politburo from Independent republic of Berneray
Seen the news? All us councillors are retiring in May so we can get our big payouts. Unfortunately, as we lost all the local money in BCCI, and have just had to bail out the health board, we don't have enough in the kitty to pay us off. Therefore, each councillor has reluctantly agreed to take 500 gallons of Olive Oil in part payment. Look out for a sudden rush of eBay sales from the Western Isles around early May.
Councillor Cashbags from The Comhairle, Stornoway
Those people who don't use Olive Oil - what do they put on their salads for dressing? Do people on Berneray eat salads? Is lettuce a commonly consumed vegetable on the island?
Both a grocer and a minister from "Lettuce pray"
Grocer: lettuce was banned from Berneray in a draconian local bye-law hurriedly passed by the community council when rabbits reappeared on the island.
Hoppy the bunny from Watership Down, Berneray Machair
HI I'M BARRY SCOTT AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE BENEFITS OF CLEANING YOUR DRAINS WITH OLIVE OIL!! LOOK AT THIS FAKE DEMONSTRATION!! SEE - OLIVE, AND THE DIRT IS GONE!!
Barry Scott from Television advert on budget channels
Did the lettuce prohibition solve the rabbit problem on Berneray? Does Berneray need any assistance in this department?
Mr Fox from Behind the bins
lettuce - eat it? are you joking? we only buy it to make our shopping trolley look healthy. and only serve it to guests. the guests don't eat it either. when we were children we could only eat it with sugar on. A lettuce fanatic gave me a pot with an everlasting lettuce plant in it, how kind I thought - a lettuce that never bloomin dies - just what I need. I put it at the back door (so that folk would see how healthy I am) - and all of the sheepdogs raced down to look at it and promptly peed all over it. The fastest disappearing everlasting lettuce I have seen...!
scallowawife from on the edge of 5 veg a day
Lettuce fanatic? Is there such a thing. How ... thin. It just tastes like water to me, but a green colour. Hmmm, a bit like sheepdog p***.
Meat and two veg from Fray Bentos cafe
Perhaps if you feed your sheepdog enough olives, it will pee olive oil? Now there's an idea. The enterprise company would be thrusting grants and loans onto you to develop it. "Hebridean Olive Oil: fresh from the dog".
Entrepreneur from Lewis
Perhaps that's what all the sheepdog stuff means. "Olive Oil" is the original "Hair of the Dog". Drink a quart to cure a whisky-induced hangover. All makes sense now.
A quick chaser from A bar near you
Perhaps they keep the light going on Arnish Lighthouse by feeding it Olive Oil instead of paraffin or whatever they use?
Just a thought... from Deck of the Ark Royal
Think you'll find that in the more remote hospitals here, Olive oil is an anaesthetic. Blame the local health board deficit; they can't afford knock-out gas any more and had to go for a cheaper alternative.
Dr Crippin from Taransay A&E department
I drank a pint of olive oil to cure my hangover and i had the runs all bloody day. Never again !!
Curious crofter from berneray
last night i gave my intended a massage... he hasn't read the blogs... but suggested we use olive oil..... mmmmm.... anyone got any tips on cleaning the sheets and duvet?
happily worried from poised over the washing machine
You need a twintub, washing soda and very hot water. And if you both sit on the machine during *spin* you'll never need to resort to oily massage again, thus guaranteeing spotless sheets for ever.
Flying Cat from Mrs Beaton's Handy Household Tips
gosh. GOSH. sales of twin tubs on the up. buy now! how DID you know that tip....
happy happy from on floor beside machine
dear chef dougal in berneray do you know any slimey french chefs? i don't. inever use whisky in cooking i only drink it,probably more than you do!!!p.s i'm only french through marrige!
carol chauveau from st dezery,france
dear flying cat,a frog-haggis is well-imagine a frog going to study inst andrews meets a nutcase staff nurse at the medics ball and 32 years later its me!! never use olive oil as tanning lotion though-did it once results b!!!!y awful!!
carol chauveau from st dezery france
Ch猫re Carol (I think Anne will allow that, she's very tolerant) not a million kilometres from my right elbow is a biped who once sat in a Glasgow park in her lunch hour, slowly realising that she was watching her own oliveoil-covered skin cooking in the sun...... Is St Andrews a good place to get a lumber then? I wonder if calumannabel would allow the Fank Franchise to open a branch in the KIngdom. Beggar's Mantle Bourach - It could be the next big thing.
Flying Cat from a festoon of onions and a black beret
to flying cat:-glad to know i'm not the only nutcase who tried to tan with olive oil!!
carol chauveau from st.dezery
to flying cat:- black berets annd stringed onions are not quite typical of the locals in the south of france. merry xmas to all
carol chauveau from france
worrying night last week after curious crofters pebble dashing exploits sobered up and came after me with a block of lard and some olive oil ???? escaped under the bed with mild wool loss and lubrication to the buttock!
shackled sheep from curious crofters bedroom
shackled sheep - so glad all's well that ended well....
Flying Cat from a cheshire grin
I think we should start a campaign to Free the Shackled Sheep before indignities are perpetrated upon her person too terrible to contemplate.
Flying Cat from ramstamthankyouma'am
DAY 6 IN THE CURIOUS CROFTER HOUSE---It's been six days now and I'm still here nibbling on my wool for something to eat he's still out there I know he is I can smell the olive oil on his breath hatching an escape plan involving an elastic band and a paper clip will reveal all when complete.
shackled sheep from under curious crofters bed
For goodness sake, Shackled Sheep, you're not still under curious crofter's bed? Even the most amourous of crofters wouldn't find an anorexic bald yowe irrestable. I notice he only lubricated one buttock. That's just downright inconsiderate.
Flying Cat from Week 2 in 2007
Hello flying cat good news used the paper clip and the elastic band to make a cross bow shot the curious crofter in the eye with one of my droppings and ran for it now preparing for my dangerous journey across the causeway so until next time I bid you fare well
shackled sheep from berneray causeway
I didn't realise that the bunnies had got across the causeway! Maybe that's why there are so few left on North Uist. Certainly, on North Uist I use Olive Oil for domestic cooking purposes. Certainly, I'd guess that The Stepping Stones does, and Langass Lodge, and The Red House too. It is readily available in any retail outlet, Bayhead Shop, the Co-ops etc. Braised Bunny in Olive oil would suit my palate (and that of my Deerhound) perfectly! I bet you that Mrs Gloria uses it!
North Uist part-time resident Deerhound owner. from North Uist
The stuff of dreams, nightmares, and inhaling too much smoke from a peat fire.
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