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The Edna
and Arthur poems are the creation of Carol Midwood. As well as the
characters of Edna and Arthur, they also feature 'Gnasher' the dog
and two cats - 'Her Highness' and 'His Highness'.
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| Carol
Midwood |
Carol
based the dog and cats on her own, but who are Edna and Arthur based
on? That one she's keeping a secret!
The Black Country comedian Harry Harrison took great interest in the
poems and persuaded Carol to send them to The Black Countryman, and
also The Black Country bugule. Several of the poems were published
in the Bugle a few years ago.
But Carol is still hoping that one day her anthology of Edna and Arthur
poems will be published together. There are 25 in all.
The first of Carol's poems featured is 'Arthur Does the Housework'.
Arthur Does the Housework
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‘Our
Arthur,’ said Edna, ‘Oy must ‘ave the flu.
Oy’m stoppin’ in bed – so ‘ere’s what yer’ll do –
The washin’ the ironin’, the shoppin’ the tea,
And then pick up Darren from play school at three.
Arthur gathered the washing and crammed it all in, Forgetting
the powder, he set it on ‘Spin,’
And after three minutes said, ‘That day tek long!
This ‘ousework’s so easy you just cor goo wrong.’
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| Arthur
doing the ironing |
Then
he plugged in the iron and set it on high,
Picked up Edna’s tights, which had all spun bone dry. He started
to iron them, then gawped in surprise – For they’d started
to vanish right under his eyes!
‘The iron’s broke,’ he wheedled, ‘It’s eatin’ the clothes,
Oy’ll leave it an’ goo down the shops oy suppose.’ So he sat
at the table and drew up a list, And added some items he couldn’t
resist.
‘A big bar of chocolate, a thick custard slice,
Some Wagon Wheels, strawberries and cream – ooh nice! Some
honey, some butter and scones fer our tea, And oy’ll stick
in a few cans of beer – just fer me!’
So he set off up Duncombe Street, whistling a tune, Then he
looked at his watch, thought, ‘They’re opening soon, So oy’ll
nip in the Unicorn first fer a jug – That’ll cure me of catchin’
our Edna’s flu bug!’
A good two hours later he rolled in the Spar,
And thought of the list that he’d left on the bar.
He couldn’t remember what he’d wanted to buy
So he just piled the shopping basket up sky-high.
Then he went to fetch Darren, his little grandson
Who chattered about all the things that he’d done Till Arthur’s
head reeled. His eyes bulged in their sockets, So to shut
him up, gave him the change in his pockets.
By the time they got home it was quarter to four, Darren was
still chatting as they walked through the door! And Arthur
thought, ‘Oy’ll shut him up if oy’m able And he ordered him
sternly to sit at the table.
Then he rummaged around to see what was for tea, And he set
out the plates and the best cutlery. Two jam tarts, some chocolate,
a cake on each plate, ‘Mm!’ he thought, ‘This is better than
taties and mate!’
And he took up a tray to poor Edna in bed,
Who took it – and threw it – and just missed his head. And
Arthur just gawped in surprise and sat down, Saying, ‘Edna
– let’s goo ‘ave a night on the town,
‘Cos I’m tired and oy’m weary from all this ‘ard work, And
yo still looks peaky – yo just need a perk!’ So Edna got up
and put on her red dress
And, sighing, went downstairs to sort out the mess.
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If
you're enjoyed Carol's peom - we've got three more for you:
 The Cat-Flap
DIY at Edna and Arthur's
Edna Goes on a Diet
If you
think your poetry is as good as Carol's, then why not send it in to
the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Black Country website? Just e-mail the team at: blackcountry@bbc.co.uk
(All Enda and Arthur poems are copyright of Carol Midwood.
All Edna and Arthur images are copyright of Karen Brockhouse) |
