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Ayli
was late for work and the gaffer asked him where he had been. Ayli:
"I've been to 'av me 'air cut."
Gaffer: "In the
firm's time?"
Ayli: "Well it grows in the firm's time,
doh it?"
Gaffer: "It doh all grow in the firm's time!"
Ayli: "I day 'av it all cut off !" Aynuk
was walking down the road when a dirty and dishevelled man rushed up to him and
said. "Have
you seen a lorry load of pigs go by?"
"No" , said Aynuk, "ave
yo' dropped off ?" Ayli
went along to a parents' night at his nipper's school. "How's
our Tommy comin' on?" he asked the teacher.
"Well," came the
reply, "he's in a class of his own."
Ayli was chuffed. "I day
know 'e was that clever."
"Oh he's not," said the teacher,
"but he smells!" Aynuk and
Ayli are standing in Aynuks back garden, Aynuks next door neighbour is running
up and down his back garden pretending he's riding a motorbike, Ayli says, whats
up wi im?, Aynuk says, tek no notice he's saft in the yed he thinks he's in the
Isle o mon in the TT rerces. Ayli says, but he ay got a bike yo orter tell him,
bugger off says Aynuk he pays me a fiver a wik to clean it.
Dave
Clark, Shropshire
Aynuk
and Ayli had had an argument and hadn't spoken to each other for over a month.
One day Aynuk see's Ayli walking towards him on the opposite side of the road
and being the more Forgiving calls to him, is that yo Ayli, a voice comes back,
no it ay, Aynuk say's well bugger yer then This ay me neither.
Dave
Clark, Shropshire
Ayli sees
Aynuk in a railway cutting sprinting along in front of a train. Ayli : Hey Aynuk.
Why don't yer run up the bonk? Aynuk : If I cor bayt it on the straight I cor
bayt it up the bonk!
Hugh Knight
When is
a hosepipe like a metal box? When it's a-squaretin'.
Posh lady to boy.
"will your dog bite me if I stroke him?" "No Missus," The lady stroked the dog
,which promply bit her. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" "This ay mar
dog!"
Geoff Jones. Halesowen
Aynuk
and Ayli were sat on Bondi Beach in Australia when a big sun bronzed Aussie comes
by with a surfboard under his arm, Ayli says to Aynuk weers e gooin with that
plank, Aynuk says, that ay a plank it's a surfboard, what's it for says Ayli,
yo watch says Aynuk. The Aussie jumps on the board and paddles out, he catches
a huge wave which knocks him straight off and dumps him and the board back on
the beach in a big heap. Ayli says to Aynuk what did yo say that plank was called,
it ay a plank says Aynuk it's a surfboard Ayli says, well it doe look very serf
to me.
Dave Clark Broseley Shropshire (Ex Coseley)
True conversation
I heard between my two black country friends Ian and Tina (some years ago now!)
Ian: Tay, I wont me tay!
Tina: Yow Cor av ya tay, it tay tay time!
Leighton, Halesowen Aynock
always thought their Aylie was in need of a little ferther education so decided
he would tek im to the big city, Bermingham. Aynock
took him round the city explainin what building was what and the local history
attached to them. Eventually they arrived at Victoria Suare and by this time Aylies
brain wus in a right spin, suddenly Aylie turned and saw the large building and
said to Aynock 聭is thet a palace our kid 聭, naa seys Aynock, that聮s
the Council House. * hell ses Aylie I聮ve got me name down for one of
them. Graham
Pugh White van
man to pedestrian:
S'cuse me mate does yow now if there's a B & Q in Wolverhampton?
Pedestrian:
Sorry mate oi don't, but I nows theres 2 D's in Dudley
Kev
South African Black Country convert Aynuk:
Wots the difference between a buffalo and a bison
Ali: Dow now mate
Aynuk:
You cor wash yer onds in a buffalo Jackie
Mann,Wolverhampton Aynuk builds
himself a new pen for his chickens. He asks Ayli to come and have a look at it. Well
yome med a bostin job on it ar kid says Ayli, Aynuk
says ar it ay bad except that the roof leaks. Ayli
notices that Aynuk has put a wire netting roof on the pen, No
wonder it leaks says Ayli yo ay put no slope on it.
Dave Clark Shropshire (Ex Coseley)
During
the war, a British General visited an Army Hospital of the South Staffordshire
Regiment.
Sensing a doom and gloom atmosphere he tried to rally the men by
asking "Now
you men didn't come here to die did you?" To which Aynuk
and Ayli replied " Na
sur, way booth coomd ere yesterdie."
Grahame Newman What do
they call "Toys -R- Us in Dudley ?
Answer "Toys Am We"
D.Clark Shropshire (Ex Coseley) Oi fownd
a whale in the canal? Nah aar Nah owd yaow no it wuz a whale It ad arim an two
spokes on it 听 Aargh me mates fell in the canal where? Aargh me mates fell in
the canal Owd it appen I just took a bite out me sanwich an the mate fell out.
听 Lawrence
Griffiths Dolly sez..."
Cum on Bert wesh yer onds ya tays ni on ready, wim avin a nois bit o' vera lynn",听听听
Bert sez "OH NO, NOT WHALE MATE AGEN".. 听
Pete听Bouncer, Walsall听 Aynuk!
ov yo gorra lump omma ter bora me anny oi ay gora sponna ter fit this ear nut
?..... 听
Pete Bouncer,听 Walsall (
also read a story sent in by Pete) Aynuk saw
Ayli walking down the rod pulling a piece of string.
Aynuk:听" Wot am听yow
doin pullin that pace o'string?" Ayli: "Wul yow troi pushin it". Sent
in by Iris Wainwight Belgium ex W-ton Q.
What time is it when you have a pie on your clock? A.
Summat to ate. Mark
May, Wolverhampton
Q.
Which ex football commontator has the biggest hands? A.
Hugh Johns (or black country huge `ons)! Mark
May, Wolverhampton Aynuk
says to Ayli: 聭What yow bin doin聮聮 Ayli
replies: 聭 I bin fishin in the cut聮 Aynuk
says: 聭Did yow catch anythink聮 Ayli听
replies: 聭Eye,I caught a whale聮 Aynuk
(astonished): 聭Yow caught a whale in the cut?聮
Ayli
replies: 聭Yes, a bicycle whale聮
Sent in by Derek Robinson The
time was the Depression, a Bilston man was walking along the canal contemplating
suicide when he heard a shout: "Elp!,
oim drahnin, serv me!"
"Oh, Ar, ware duw yo werk?"
"Stewut
un Lydds,听 Oim drahnin, serv me!"
"Wull yo con bloody well
drahn, Oim arfter yowr job!"
Presenting
himself at the factory gate he says to the gatekeeper:
"Duz a bloke
nermed Abner Edwuds werk ere?"
"Ar, but he ay cum this mornin"
"Ar know, he's drahnin in the cut. con oi ave is job?
"Yowm tew
lert mate, we just set on the bloke that shuvved im in!" Sent
in by Ray Davies Man walks
into a jewellers shop. 'Ay yo got some rings?' 'Certainly, Sir. Eighteen carat?'
'No, chewing tobacca'
Sent in by Ron Leach
( an ex brummie ) Three
lads rescued a drowning woman from the canal. She thanked them profusely and asked
if they knew who she was. One boy piped up and said:
"Yow'm
Missis Thatcher ay ya?". She nodded and asked what presents they would like
as a token of her gratitude.
The first boy said: "Con oi ave a rercin boike, wiv ten speeds un litewert
weels?. She said she would phone the chairman of Raleigh Industries and get him
a top of the range model.
She turned to the next boy and asked what he wanted, he said: "Con oi ave
a fast听cumputa with lots ov memery un disk sperce?. She
said she'd get on to the chairman of I.B.M and get the best she could. She turned
to the last boy and said: "And
what would you like my son?"
"A Stert Funeral, Missis".
"That's a very unusual thing to ask for, why do you want a State Funeral?".
"Cuz wen moi dad finds aht oive pulled yow aht uv the cut he'll bluddy kill
me!" Sent
in by Ray Davies
Whilst
in Beattie's Wolverhampton,听a colleague of mine was directed to the gentlemen's
outfitting department when he asked for "the toy department".听
Sent
in by Ric Smith Walsall | 
