成人快手

By Lola B

Hi, I'm Ozzie and, well, I'm a FLY! My story starts 24 hours ago when I graduated from Bluebottle Academy...

"Congratulationzzz on pazzing your Pesky Zertificate, it only seemz like yezterday when you hatched but it'z actually been 18 dayz!" said Professor Buzzel.

"Before, you zet off into the zthrilling world, may I remind you of our SHOO valuez zat will help you suczeed in life:

S for Speed;

H for Harassz and Hyper buzzing at all timez (the humanz hate it!);

OO for Obstinate (never give up no matter what) and zeek Opportunities, using your opticsz and following odorsz (we salute the poo!)

Remember, the fly receiving the highest number of flipsz, flapsz and swatsz, when the buzzer goes, will win the SHOO Award! Good luck and may the SHOO be with you! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

After a rapturous buzz, a moving black cloud of eager flies swarmed up into the sky. Some went left, others went right but I, I went higher and higher feeling the wind against my coarse bristles until, 'buzzsplat!', I clumsily landed on a horse.

Dizzily, I followed the smell to a steaming pile of manure. This was perfect, I somersaulted and oozed into the warmth, rubbing it all over like soap. During which, thousands of images created a polaroid of my target. Wickedly, rubbing my legs together, I formed my cunning plan. My training days were over, it was time to put SHOO into practice...

I flew at the speed of a bullet to the unexpected picnickers, leap frogging from shoulders to heads, to arms, to legs to mmmmm, cake... I waltzed, tangoed and American smoothed my way across the dance floor; leaving poo trails in elegant swirls on the icing.

YES, my first human swat! The reward of this, motivated me to return again and again; tenacity was my middle name! I was like a child in a sweet shop: I created a scene of men karate chopping, women performing manic disco dances, newspapers wafting, napkins flicking and as for the rude words! Just when they thought they had caught me, I sprung out of the way for added annoyance! Regrettably, the buzzer went off when I was doggy paddling through the strawberries and cream!

All flies reunited in the hall, buzzing about their days adventure, some chairs now empty and alas, many limping. Professor Buzzel, tapped the mike, "Ahem, it is my honour to announce the winner of the SHOO award. It goes to..." A hush spread across the room and millions of speaker phone eyes pierced the stage in anticipation...

"...Ozzie!!"

Is it, could it, was it me?? I let off an almighty buzz and bounced off the walls not able to contain my pride. Just one more somersault should do it, from the top right corner...

Pfttzz! And here I am, eight giant eyes peering down and eight hairy legs dominating over me. Unfortunately, no amount of flips, flaps and swats can save me now!

"Karma" said a passing human!