成人快手

I see the seagull on google maps link and I raise you this - which is frankly more scary... may also require a tinfoil hat too.

my favourite front page headline is from the basildon echo on wednesday 17th march "man in strip club has gun in pocket" are you sure he wasnt just pleased to see you

Naked man in taxi-lifting adventure

A naked man has become famous in China after he stopped traffic on a busy road, then tried to lift a taxi by himself while shouting 'give me strength'




[img]/img]

It all began when the nude man stopped the taxi by running out into the street in front of traffic. As the perplexed driver got out of the car to see what was going on, the naked man grabbed the vehicle's bumper and tried - without much success - to lift it off the ground.

As a crowd of puzzled onlookers gathered to watch the spectacle, the man continued in his efforts to lift the car. Eyewitnesses reported that he would sometimes shout 'please give me strength!' as he struggled with the taxi.

The bizarre incident took place in Hefei, in Anhui province in eastern China.

Police eventually arrived, and attempted to detain the man and get him clothed again - at which point the man hid under a police van and refused to come out.

He was eventually retrieved from under the vehicle by police officers and medical staff.


metro.co.uk

Google Street View catches God fixing West Midlands


Google Street View's roving camera has caught many strange sights in its time - and now it appears to have spotted God doing a bit of a DIY, as a giant pair of celestial pliers are pictured descending from the heavens.


[img]/img]

This spot of holy handicraft was captured by the Google Street View car in Cradley Heath, near Dudley in the West Midlands, on the corner of Grainger's Lane and Station Street.

While at first everything looks normal, if you look up, you'll see an enormous pair of pliers emerging from the clouds. The pliers are also visible again a few streets away on Whitehall Road.

It is not immediately clear exactly what about Cradley Heath needed fixing so badly that it called for divine intervention, but any residents who have an idea what it could be are welcome to let us know.

The alternative explanation for the image - that someone was just fixing the camera and got pictured by accident - can be dismissed on the perfectly reasonable grounds that it's boring.

This isn't a topper or anything, but it really is quite funny. It shows the power of Facebook:

Mafia suspect caught on Facebook. Here's the full story:

This is from the same website that other one was from, but frankly it's just odd.

A Romanian lorry driver, who was filmed dancing while driving his lorry with his feet, has lost his licence for drink driving.

the full story is at:

Final one of the day. This one make's me rethink humanity:

Virgin Media wrote letter addressed to 'Mr Illegal Immigrant'

That's the headline and here's the full story:

From seeing the seagull on google maps thought you would like to see about the stig being found on the A82 next to Lock ness on street view :

and p.s. could You tell Russell to have a great 30th birthday on Wednesday!
Thanx Em

Nun sues over naked Facebook photos


A novice nun is suing her ex-boyfriend in Italy after he uploaded pictures of her naked on Facebook.

The 31-year-old woman who lives in Turin said she was devastated when she saw the pictures, taken in summer 2006 during a holiday in Sicily, on the social networking site.

The man who said he wanted to stop her becoming a nun has refused to remove the pictures despite the woman's requests.

Now lawyer Anna Orecchioni has taken action and said: "My client doesn't want money, she only wants that he respects her decision to become a nun."

Large numbers of Italians meanwhile have logged on to see the pictures leaving comments like: "If all the nuns are like that, I want to become a priest."



Ananova

Just noticed I'm in that favourite's post - God I'm observant :L

Woohoo

Aberdeen Man Assaults Police Officer With Penis


MARIUS Varinauskas assaulted a female police office with his penis. Mr Varinauskas, a Lithuanian, is at Aberdeen Sheriff Court. He says he had been drinking heavily. He says he cannto remembers the incident at hi whom in the city. Thankfully, others can.

His girlfriend calls the police about Mr Varinauskas鈥� behaviour. Polive arrive. They arrived the man sat on his sofa. He is dressed only in his underpants.

The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck.鈥�


Anorak news.

I got on the bus the other day and picked up the Metro, and one headline stuck out to me..... 'Leprechaun shot dead in field'. I laughed out loud, but what made it even better is that it was about two bank robbers who had been shot, one of whom was dressed as a leprechaun - but despite the fact that A MAN HAD ACTUALLY DIED, the Metro STILL couldn't resist using that headline!! Oddly enough, I couldn't find the actual article with that headline online, but you'll have to trust me that that was exactly what it said! The incident was reported in slightly less ambiguous terms here:

Believe it or not this is serious

MPs too lazy to press lift buttons

Commons to hire a 拢17k elevator attendant
21/03/2010


HOW do Britain's lazy MPs get to the top? Employ an official Parliamentary lift attendant!

Incredibly, our pampered politicians are looking for a hired flunky to actually push the buttons for them in the House of Commons elevator.


And the fact they'll pay 拢17,277 a year, plus perks, out of taxpayers' money to do it last night sparked an almighty row.


Still fuming over the expenses scandal, TaxPayers' Alliance boss Matthew Elliott said: "This is absurd, yet another example of how politicians are living in another world.


"It's just bizarre that those in the House of Commons won't press lift buttons for themselves.

Worse still, taxpayers will be funding yet another employee in the state sector, with a generous pension and benefits but doing absolutely nothing of value to the public."


The vital job of commanding a lift up and down just five levels in Parliament is advertised on the Commons careers website - a chance to get in at the ground floor and really go up in the world.


But the ad lays down strict qualifications. You must be "smart and articulate", have "experience of operating a passenger lift" and get your application in by April 6.

In return you'll get the 拢17k salary, 28 days' paid holiday, choice of pension schemes, interest-free travel loan, child care vouchers and cut-price gym membership.


And there's always the chance you could get elevatored to the peerage. For, astonishingly, you'd be part of a FOUR-MAN team operating two of Westminster's lifts - the other one serves four floors in the House of Lords.


Asked to justify WHY a lift attendant was being employed by the Commons, a spokesman claimed: "Mainly to assist the public."

Hi,
Some typos in headlines:

"Spare our trees - they break wind."
"Goldfish saved from drowning."
"Shell found on beach."
"Mrs Ayres was placed on probation for 3 years for stealing the gas board."
"There was less weather than usual last month."
"Bodies in the garden are a plant says wife."
"Director saw man wearing pyjamas - lost control."
"A bottle of whiskey and a bottle sherry were stolen by a gurgler who forced the window of a house last night."
"Mr Butters is permanently discontinuing widow cleaning."
"Paul Beard was rushed to hospital last night to have a peanut vending machine removed."
"Man who recieved trousers loses appeal."
"Man fined for barking."
"crash course for private pilots."
"Super train talks."

and Happy Birthday to Russell!

possibly the worst thought out combination

Tris, i came to watch 3 shows in the last series and had my photo taken with russell, i was promised this photo and when i went back for my thirs visit i still had not recevied it and spoke to the producer, he once again promised i would receive it, but i still haven't.
i would be very grateful if you would be able to send me the picture or put it up here
many thanks

Hey Good news team!
Looking forward to the show!
Thought I'd post this story, It is a youtube link on a gaming related website. The video is about Alan Titchmarsh and two "experts" talking with a man from a gaming magazine about how video game violence is "corrupting children"
It's absolute rubbish and funny how stupid some people are.



please have a look, video games get enough bad press!
Thanks, and good luck with the show!

I have never missed an eppisode ov good news. Ive even got Russell Howard live Dingledoodies!

I didn't notice at first but it turns out my mum grew up and my grandparents live in the town where Tickle Cock Bridge is! I have walked under it many times! And Russell's birthday is on the the same day as my friend's!

ok this story had me shocked, I imagine someone already may have mentioned

Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg to have their own general election biscuits

By Mirror.co.uk 22/03/2010

[img]/img]

With the general election looming Fox鈥檚 have decide to create a very special pack of biscuits - the Party Rings Election Selection.

The pack will contain red, blue and yellow party rings in celebration of the busy party leaders as they hit the campaign trail over the next few weeks.

Fox's spokesperson Ciara Whyte said: "We know our politicians love a cuppa with a biscuit and what better way to celebrate the election than with a special Party Rings pack.

"We considered launching some limited edition biscuits, the Gordon Brownie and the David Cameroon, even the Nick Egg Custard but are now considering the classic Party Ring instead."

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY to Russell

hope you have a great day :)

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

Hey Russell

**HAPPY*BIRTHDAY**

Hope U hav a gud 1 :) XX

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUSSELL!
Have a really great day

This isn鈥檛 news but it was funny.

During the last snowstorm (in Basingstoke), I was walking to the car on the way home from school. In front of me were a group of kids having fun with the snow. Coming down the opposite way was a short angry looking woman with her young daughter. Suddenly, unprovoked the angry woman started yelling at the kids in front. "If any one of those snowballs hits my 3 year old daughter then I鈥檓 calling the police." The kids had done nothing wrong!

Anyway while this was happening, a middle-aged looking dog walker came down the adjacent path connecting to the path that we were on. He had a dog that looked like the Churchill dog's old wrinkly mother in law. This lone dog walker did the most brilliant thing I鈥檝e ever seen! Whilst the angry woman passed the kids, this saint, this God, picked up some snow and pelted the 3 year old in the back of the head. Magnificent! The woman turned around, "which one of you kids did that!?" she cried. "It was the man," they replied. "Who the hell do you think you are? Hitting my 3 year old daughter with snow!" she shirked. The dog started growling, the 3 year old started crying, the kids started laughing, the woman started shouting and I got in my car feeling so happy I mean; after all, the woman did had it coming.

(BTW I don鈥檛 agree that hitting small children with snow is in any way the right thing to do but... come on? That was funny.)

Heathrow worker warned over body scanner misuse
A computer screen showing the results of a full body scan (generic)
The scanners show clear outlines of passengers' anatomies

A Heathrow Airport security guard was given a police warning after he was allegedly caught staring at images of a female colleague in a body scanner.

The 25-year-old worker was quizzed by police over alleged remarks he made to his co-worker after she entered a scanner by mistake.

The incident took place at Terminal 5 on 10 March.

It is believed to be the first time an airport worker has been disciplined for abusing a body scanner.

The scanners show clear outlines of passengers' anatomies.

They were introduced at Heathrow and Manchester airports to check for concealed weapons and explosives following the failed Christmas Day bomb plot by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab to blow up a jet over Detroit in the United States.

'Appropriate training'

Director of Legal Enforcement and the Equality and Human Rights Commission, Susie Uppal, said the incident highlighted the risks to "privacy and respect for human dignity" that are posed by the use of full body scanners.

She said: "It is only through appropriate training and monitoring that we can ensure that the risk of breaches of discrimination and human rights laws by those who take and use the scanned images of passengers are minimised.

"The government has told us very little about what systems are currently in place to ensure that those employed to use the scanners are acting lawfully, with fairness and without discriminating."

She added that the government needed to take urgent and decisive action to ensure that "incidents of this kind are not repeated".

A Scotland Yard spokesman said: "Police received an allegation regarding an incident that happened at Heathrow Terminal 5 on March 10.

"A first instance harassment warning has been issued to a 25-year-old male."

A gang of Pensioners Kidnap a Financial Advisor

I work within the financial sector and usually find elderly clients more relaxed and easy to get along with - in genreal very friendly and polite. But after reading this I kind of got worried and also saw the funny side too. But seriously, what's next? Pensioners to form street gangs? Pensioner Asbo Points?

Man arrested for raping a tree

Nurses In City Hospital Put on "Corridor Duty".



I don't know why but it made me think of Count Olaf, from A Series Of Unfortunate Events. Imagine bumping into him when you need the toilet in the middle of the night in a hospital!

( From 5.25 to 5.42 In the clip!

all i got to say is one word and that word is... lepricons.

thats right lepricons

Ok, my friends showed me this, you have to check it out!

Seriously, its hilarious!
LOVE the show! You make my week that bit bighter, and I laugh my ass off at good news!
Thanks
Joanne Taylor

A somewhat distressing news story, made a bit less so by the name of the journalist who wrote it...

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

Loved the show last night, actually couldn't stop laughing out loud, great job as usual! A few stories you might like..

Two vehicle crash caused by woman who was shaving her bikini area..
"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," and also the fact that her ex husband took the wheel from the passenger seat makes it extra funny! Full story -

Man tries to stab mother over TV remote


Woman attacks police man with breast milk

do you remember the fat long haired man from the first series trying to get on the news as much as he could, been on twice right? well hes back on the news!! have a look at the 6pm ITV news on the 28/03/2010, hes on the bit about the pope, its at about 6.08-6.09pm!

@31: I know this is bad, but is he barking mad? (yes, yes, I'll get my coat)

i have tow stories that made me giggle soooo much the first being the lap dancing bar Angels, in Redcar Cleveland are launching under 18 nights and are handing out promotional leaflets out side schools (would loe to know what will go on at an under 18s in a strip club haha)i cant find the news link to this but it was on the news today x

the second is this

only in the north east haha

i dont understand why i cant find the link for the lap dancing story it was especially funny..if anyone can find it please post xxx

In a previous series you showed a guy constantly getting on the tv news, standing in the background..
Well HE IS BACK on 成人快手 london news,in the evenings, news reporter interviewing a Southeastern Rep.

Please show this in your next episode.