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Putting up with Parking Lots
Aww, it was good to hear Russell and his merry band "nicks" full of L.A. love, you can't help but imagine them surrounded by a bevy of beauties chilling on Venice beach ordering smoothies and beaming Hollywood smiles. So to find out that there were heating problems at the mansion, mice droppings and plastic cutlery in the Kitchen, kind of shot the luxurious californian dream out of the sky. A far cry from the efficiently run Brand Towers where you can be awoken by a live gospel choir instead of an alarm clock!
I'm certain that things will all smooth out once Russell learns about the specifics of attaining fame within the Pacific (hey! that sounded pretty good, I may use that rhyme). Meanwhile back in the UK, we're up for an NME award soon for best radio show, if we win (fingers crossed) then Matt will have to dress up and go and give an acceptance speech on Russell's behalf. If ever there was a reason to get out there and vote your heart out, then surely this has to be it. Ssssh, I think that I can hear a high-pitched ASBO scream in the background.
Welcome to the Letcher-Dome
In Hollywood with gloves of wood,
A stately Letcher-Dome was seen,
With "Nan-ectdotes" and frantic strokes,
For Bros posters that gleam,
Inside L.A. with much to say,
Suggesting "string-less" treats,
While the cat's away the UK will play,
With Cheese-heads on T.V.
Between googling "Big Boobs" and Aussie news,
and seagull biographies,
A house infused with "mousey-poos"
Trying to impress celebrities,
Within the shadow of the "mound of pleasure",
Orgy stories floated like pigs in the sky,
So signing off with familiar sounds for good measure,
Nice to "Rolf" you to "Rolf" you nice!
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Standby for Action
Okaaaaaaaay, so just to recap: Russell skipped town and was chilling in Antigua where he took a crash course in calypso and country music (yes, country music is popular in the Caribbean). He then briefly pops back to the UK, records a radio show before quickly jetting off to the City of Angels in an attempt to "pin pin" Hollywood for the next few months.
Meanwhile, Matthew and myself are back on what is nominally referred to as "Active Standby Duty" (or ASD). This is where we receive calls in the wee hours of the morning to come in and do any prerecorded show that fits with Russell's hectic filming schedule. Of course we're now old hands at this, for those of you who can remember we've been through it all before last year, during the now infamous "Hawaii episodes".
It's funny, I'm referring to the "Hawaii episodes" as if they were some secret strategic military operation that we all undertook in 2007. Don't worry you're in safe hands, "Project Hollywood 08" will be a completely different assignment. These guys are professional comedians and I'm a bit of a poet....gulp(!)
Recycling Proficiency
Back from adventures on Caribbean seas,
Missing the fame and attention like rice misses peas,
Coming back with a wife's nightie, stained with cake by "Sara lee"
Gone but not forgotten, like a little cup of bigamy,
Here on today's "Stupid News":
There's been bouncer's pin-pinning,
Ducks with hard beaks not grinning,
Richard Madeley's not ringing, he's probably out "Time-corridor fishing",
So welcome to diatribe in print,
We're taking eye-tests, but blink,
Reunited by Jingle sounds and Newsround bound with excitable winks,
Searching for links to gain tickets, yet remaining moralistically good,
Next stop the land of "patience" and "caring"... Hooray for Hollywood!
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