Bye Bye
This blog is no longer being updated. Russell Brand's radio programme is no longer on the air.
For Russell's statement about his resignation, please read this .
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Losing Change
It's been a bit weird to watch the financial world all tumbling down. I've been obsessively checking the impressive 拢29.99 balance in my regular account to see if anything has changed. It has and it hasn't. Actually, that's the only way my mind can realistically relate to all the manic panic of loss adjustment. When I hear on the news that billions have "disappeared" around the world, it seems unreal but if one day my balance read 拢29.98, I'd be a mess.
Last show had us taking a carnal carousing aboard the cathartic express. David Baddiel was this week's visiting volunteer who soon found himself immersed within the verbal hot tub. It was good to meet Ricky from the Pride of Britain awards and I'm glad to see that he's turned his tragedy around to go on and inspire others. I guess such life-or-death stories truly put the current fiscal losses into perspective. I still worry about that missing penny though.
The Karmic Cuddle of Kindness
Is the Bank balance half-full or half empty?
Event combination unlocks the stock of Baddiel-suited gentry,
Dollars down, depressed Euros and Pounds,
And yet a comedic cornucopia can now be found,
Bill's chameleon's molested,
Madeley came corrected,
But there's Good MILF Hunting from the horn of the plenty,
Married to the game,
Intoxicated with the fame,
Even chocolate's concocted so that reindeers can be tamed,
Ricky turned the tragedy of reality to offset the insanity of vanity,
But the Blighty-pipe layer still desired a Shag-bo calamity!UPDATE: Oct 29th.
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Petty Squabbles
Day 22: still no sign of Captain Morgan. Noel stepped in to take the hot seat, while he's resting his ribs (moaning that the pain was taking all the fun out of the painkillers). But he was in fine form, still trying to set up his patented "Noel Gallagher pet-naming service" to capitalise on his unique "gift" for naming animals. To test his prowess, I once showed him a picture of a ladybird which he duly christened "Spot" and another of a wild boar who he left saddled with the name "Boss".....hmmm.
Still Noel seemed happy enough with his requested rider of soft porn and pot noodle (ahhh... every man's basic needs satisfied). Russell's basic needs have always seemed to be a bit more far reaching: resolving the revolution, reconnecting to a higher form of reasoning and retaking his A-levels in a bubbling hot-tub. It would be interesting to see them both in a sitcom though, especially any episode where Noel tries to rename Morrisey!
Excuse the Jacuzzi
Every path that claims to be eternal is in reality a circle,
To the distressed damsels across the land,
A little hot-tub won't hurt you,
Check the X-files of naming pet crimes,
The truth is out there, so expect lies,
If we reject styles based on sex and crimes,
We'd have less razzle and more noodle to infect minds,
Farms of fussed pots,
Sarah and Katie's love lost,
Amidst the chapsticks and cracked ribs,
For every slapstick, there awaits a cross,
Beyond the collapsing dollars and pounds,
The back of the cab's still gaining ground,
But where there's a will, there's a wheel,
and sometimes a goose or penguin to be found!
A bi-partisan bicker
It appears that in the aftermath of the VMA fallout there seemed to be several heavy subjects weighing on Russell's mind. Was it the M.I.A. status of fellow co-conspirator Matt Morgan? Was it the injuries sustained by ground soldier Noel in the line of fire? Or was it the inspired hope and dream that some day we'll all rise above our respective differences and unite as one people, one aim, one destiny. All to the sound of "Chugga Chugga?"
Good to see Simon Amstell again, he's a blast from the past from the old days of Russell's "small weird gigs" which would normally end in utter mayhem (not much has changed there I guess!). This time the "gig" took us through a discussion on prejudice, freedom of speech and the twin peaked occupants of a wonderbra (not much has changed there either). It also gave Dita Von Tease a chance to experience the Brand banter in full flow and interestingly enough, she didn't really seem to mind all the Buzzcocks!
Freedom on a Half-Shell
Freedom of speech decrees all one and each,
Shouldn't wish for permission to be given to reach,
If it's forgiveness you seek,
Or a collision to reap,
Then test the waters, test the lands, test the valleys and peaks,
To reclusively speak on the revolution elite,
Pop the bubble, free the grasshoppers,
Break the wind that's released,
The Waterman believes for "Chugga Chugga" to peak,
That's what virgins on the conspicuous conditionally seek,
Different techniques compete for bisexual critique,
Let's add race to this "Jolly Box" and a Grange Hill plot is complete,
From Dita Von Tease to Simon Amstell, Russell's teeth chatter to greet them,
I guess such a release of speech exposes the true cleavage of freedom!
"West End Gee"- R.I.P.
After over 190 shows of bright lights, live mics and fighting daily stage fright, "West End Gee" has finally left the building. Yes, "Into the Hoods" has been the first Hip Hop production to ever reach the West End and broke the record for being the longest running Dance show there (previously held by Swan Lake). It's truly been an amazing experience for me and despite Russell's tireless fishing for any sordid gossip, the bait was never taken (smile).
It was a bit of a strange show with both Alex James's and Noel Gallagher's phones being on the blink. I guess that the old Blur vs Oasis rivalry even extends into the realm of mobile network reception. Next week, it'll be the countdown to the Video Music Awards..... hmmmm do you think perhaps we can expect Morrisey's name to surface somewhere amongst the nominees?
The Fired House
With the final octave that rocked it,
Rings for Roses, test optics,
Faceless voices expose choices,
With God's endorsements of shocked bits,
The good Doctor's space-hopped it,
With a Lord Viking or Hobbit,
Befriending a Branson with the plan to fly cheap super-sonic,
Air bag the vomit,
Alex James "flute-winking" symphonic,
Bellowing to Cellos in devil-throes of broom handle colonic,
Adorning Laura with an award for her Fraggle Rock scoring,
Wet-tailing the genitalia until the VMAs are calling!
You Gotta Roll With It
You know, sometimes I actually feel a litlle bit sorry for Noel Gallagher. I mean here's a guy who's penned some classic anthems in his time, toured around the world, been many places and ruffled many faces. Yet amidst all this, he still comes down on to our little show and partake in his regular chats with Russell. These, like most exchanges, generally descend into the trading of insults but it's all in the name of fun. This time however, he brought his missus Sarah to see the show in action and watch the madness unfold.
Now there's an unwritten code amongst men that when one of your friends is with his girl, you usually lighten up on the jokes (just a touch). Unfortunately, Russell decided to write this unwritten rule on the back of his black toilet paper using a black biro in the dark. Hence the Noel-baiting banter flew as thick and as fast as ever... ah yeah... business as usual.
Happy Birthday and thanks to Gareth for maintaining the rhyme with a "g".
The Colour of Money
Starting instead with a signal that's red,
Changing from amber to green,
Let's examine the scene:
The T-shirt is free,
The dishwasher's salty,
Taking a "slash" in the back,
Wandering what a Top Hat will reveal,
The Horne has lost all his zeal,
Drawing upon a currency,
That fuels the fire of desire for Noel's bookclub appeal,
This Kalidescope sees Sarah bringing toilet-Elvis back from the dead,
As he changes from red to amber to green,
Green to amber to red.
The Battle of the R2 Lagoon
Deep within a secluded lagoon of pre-recorded time, there awaited an intrepid vessel preparing to be launched into the continuum. 1st mate Matt had diligently applied his "mane and tail" shampoo and was ever ready for any foreseeable event. Captain Brand had meanwhile opted for the full body defence option to protect him on this mission. He sported the much coveted "Boyce Behaviour Armour" (circa 1984), which was considered to be most formidable.
The ship set sail through the magical "Rainbow of Georges" (where the legendary Boris Dancers dwell) and made its way up the "Westwood River". But before it could reach "Hatton island" a mighty crash occurred and a huge fog descended. Amidst the mahyem could be heard the oh-so-familiar cackle of the pirate Captain Ross and his first mate Pudsey (boooooo). "Where's Bwand?" he shouted.
A gruelling battle ensued as the mighty titans clashed. There were black toilet rolls and Ferrari keys flying all over the shop. Pudsey was the victim of an extreme cuddle and left weeping in the corner (to be later consoled by Matt) and the poet Gee was thrown overboard to drown in an unforgiving sea of metaphors and similies.
Finally, the mist cleared and all that was left was a solitary Rainbow George who prayed for all our souls. Amen.
This week: I celebrated my birthday by going to see my favourite MC Ice Cube do his first UK show in a decade..... Awesome!
The Grand Pianist
Like the echoes of a piano's final notes of symphony,
Attracting those who're in the throes of a black bog roll epiphany,
So cry Matt a river,
He'll get aroused just like Trigger,
Will Sweep awake from his sleep,
When a Rainbow George speech is delivered,
Our Souls face an alien attack,
Tinkling the ivories with Boyce,
As Ross sees sharp to be flat,
And love is in the air as Westwood reacts,
If a kiss is just a kiss,
Just ask Ricky and Frank!
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