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Russell Brand

Putting up with Parking Lots

  • Mr Gee
  • 25 Feb 08, 04:50 PM

Aww, it was good to hear Russell and his merry band "nicks" full of L.A. love, you can't help but imagine them surrounded by a bevy of beauties chilling on Venice beach ordering smoothies and beaming Hollywood smiles. So to find out that there were heating problems at the mansion, mice droppings and plastic cutlery in the Kitchen, kind of shot the luxurious californian dream out of the sky. A far cry from the efficiently run Brand Towers where you can be awoken by a live gospel choir instead of an alarm clock!

I'm certain that things will all smooth out once Russell learns about the specifics of attaining fame within the Pacific (hey! that sounded pretty good, I may use that rhyme). Meanwhile back in the UK, we're up for an NME award soon for best radio show, if we win (fingers crossed) then Matt will have to dress up and go and give an acceptance speech on Russell's behalf. If ever there was a reason to get out there and vote your heart out, then surely this has to be it. Ssssh, I think that I can hear a high-pitched ASBO scream in the background.



Welcome to the Letcher-Dome

In Hollywood with gloves of wood,
A stately Letcher-Dome was seen,
With "Nan-ectdotes" and frantic strokes,
For Bros posters that gleam,

Inside L.A. with much to say,
Suggesting "string-less" treats,
While the cat's away the UK will play,
With Cheese-heads on T.V.

Between googling "Big Boobs" and Aussie news,
and seagull biographies,
A house infused with "mousey-poos"
Trying to impress celebrities,

Within the shadow of the "mound of pleasure",
Orgy stories floated like pigs in the sky,
So signing off with familiar sounds for good measure,
Nice to "Rolf" you to "Rolf" you nice!

Comments

  1. At 05:35 PM on 25 Feb 2008, ouisa wrote:

    hmm.. what happened to the house tour?
    Thanks as always for the words Gee

  2. At 06:19 PM on 25 Feb 2008, wrote:

    Ditto what ouisa said,,, you twittered/tweeted about a (said) house tour , went to the handy URL only to be informed it was no longer available.
    a sorry Tweet! Or an edited twit!
    best to you & the entourage!

  3. At 06:38 PM on 25 Feb 2008, wrote:

    Evening you Gorgeous lot!!!
    I tried to put a blog up yesterday i think i understand why you did`nt put it up though i probably used a load of filthy language!!!!!!!!
    I nearly finished Russell`s booky wooky ive been reading it really slowly so I can savour every funny moment, im relating to that book a bit too much (scaRY) Right this is the blog I tried to put up yesterday. On Friday I went to London with my new fella, he is so tolerant of my obsession with Mr Brand bless his cotton socks ( I think he looks a bit like him I asked him if he would wear skinny jeans but there was no way he was falling for that ploy!!! only joking i like you just the way you are!!!) anyway we had a look round Carnaby street, Convent Garden and went down to the Embankment. After a few bevvies i suggested we go on the London Eye (forgetting to the mention that i am terified of heights!!) Halfway through the ride i thought this is a good laugh ha ha, as we slowly made our way to the top it suddenly dawned on me that i was actually terrified of heights OH MY GOD IM GOIN TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK right now in front of my new fella that`ll impress him, my legs had turned to jelly and i could feel myself breakin out into a sweat thinking what the hell have you done you are in a glass dome with only them flimsy looking bolts holding this damn thing together. I was really trying to hold it together i managed to do a `jelly walk` into the middle of the carriage and as i looed across the carriage (coz i did`nt fancy looking across london at that height!!!) i realised that my bloomin underwaear had managed to jump out of my bag into the middle of the darn carriage, i managed to retrieve them with a little bit of dignity intact. I wanted to kiss the ground just like the pope when i got off that bloomin ride.
    After that we went to this rather trendy little cocktail bar, a couple of cocktails later and i could feel the naughty behaviour coming on, i really wanted to throw nuts at the barman but still managed to keep restrained as I did`nt want to expose my new man to the ridiculous kara that i become when im drunk ( or the exorcist Kara that usually comes out when im drinking Jack Daniels) I managed to stay restrained until i drank brandy neat on the way home, i could feel that blasted drink taking its grip on me, i must have chatted complete nonsense all the way home. I could`nt stay retrained for much longer after that, i was rolling around the bed like a baby elephant (a naked baby elephant!!!) singing along to Mika, i must have streaked up and down those stairs a few times, i really hope Nige`s flatmates were out, and for the grand finale i gave some guy i dont know an eyeful on a webcam ( i hope he didnt puke we cant be all well toned goddess`s love)
    Now Russell you do realise this is your bad influence on me you little swine (but at least this was in the safe enviroment of a flat and not in the middle of tranfangar square save that one for another time!
    Russell its me Birthday soon please could you jump out of a cake for me I dont mind if its more Dot Cotton than Marilyn Monroe!!!) If you cant il have to make Nigel do it dressed in tight black jeans, cowboy boots, and a long black wavy wig PWOAR!!!) Last year i missed my opportunity to see Mr Brand at a comic relief gig, so i ended up at a GAY club gettin lap danced by a drag queen i enjoyed it !!!!!
    Thanks for all you do guys and thanks for letting us folk offload our thoughts on your Website.
    Loadsa Love.
    K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  4. At 07:40 PM on 02 Mar 2008, wrote:

    Good Evening Folks!!

    Once again missed your show hopefully my mate downloaded it for me and i can listen to it tommorow to brighten up my dreary Monday!!!
    Just got back from Ireland had to go as a good will ambassador for my mum`s family!!! Went to visit my mum`s sister she lives in a place called Rathrum (I call it Father Ted Territory!!!) My mum`s family are as my dear father describes them`one sandwhich short of a picnic!` lovely people just very odd!!! When I was a kid I had behaviour problems and so got into lots of trouble while we were on these family trips to Ireland!!!
    I would watch my sister Sinead getting lavished with sweets and money while I would be standing in a corner being chastised by my mother for naughty behaviour!! This was usually something along the lines of smacking my Grandfather really hard on his bald head when he was avin a kip, i loved the noise it made when my hand slapped that old bald head!!!
    I had another partner in crime who was my second cousin, he taught me how to swear at a very young age!!! I remember when i was about three and we were on our way to Church and i stuck my hand out the window and said `Its pissing rain out there!!!`My mum was horrified coz i looked so innocent in my little red outfit only worn on Sunday!!! (ironic it was red not very appropriate for Church!!) Me and my `partner in crime caused all sorts of trouble, i had such a crush on him (its not that perverse he was my second cousin!!) from shoplifrting, to driving tractors down quiet lanes, and playng knock down ginger on poor old peoples houses.Ive always been the black sheep of the family a label which i wanted to erase on this recent trip, so I really made an effort with my irish relatives.
    I helped my aunty decorate and clean up her house, i did well out of that she paid me very well!! I made all the right noises and really made an effort to behave!! Ive got this uncle called Jim he is a real character, but also very very irriatating!!! He used to be a bit of a hardnut in his day, he even went to prison and tunnelled his way out (i kid you not) Uncle Jim is loaded and likes to throw his money around, my sister cottoned on to this years ago crafty cow, she has managed to get loadsa dosh out of him!! I never had time for Uncle Jim its not that i dislike him, its just that i have problems retaining my attention when people dont interest me (i read that russell has the same problem!!) I call it `The dead Zone` my eyes go dead and i start going off into my own little world, trouble is my face doesnt hide anything and people find this quite rude (my friend Kath thinks its hilarious my dad has the same problem) Uncle Jim would not lavish me with any money coz when he would be telling me stories of his wild days and Paddy Mc Guinty who was his partner in crime i would go off into `the dead zone`so he didnt bother with me after that. Until now!! i thought why should my bloody sister get everything just coz i dont always confrom to the norm!! So this trip i made sure i practised my `im so interested even though you are boring the crap out of me faCE!! and it worked and i made a few bob out of that ha ha!! I wound my sister up today my announcing that i am no longer the `black sheep of the family` and my relatives thought i was `a very decent young lady (i should have got an oscar for that act!!) I loved seeing the expression on her face and the dollar signs appearing in her eyes as she thought (crap there goes my inheritence!!)
    Serously though im not a money orientated person i just wanted to prove that i have changed to my family. I would much rather be rich in spirit than in pocket, and on that note im off to read the very last chapter in Rusky`s Booky Wooky.
    Bye Bye love you all.
    K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  5. At 04:06 PM on 03 Mar 2008, Shame init! wrote:

    Well, I heard that Russell and Jeremy Vine had to go to a presenters councelling session.

    It turned out, that a fan had instigated problems.

    The fan had written in a blog, that she would like to throw a shoe at the radio when Vine was on.

    But the fan was a bored housewife, whos only peramiters were shopping, ironing and washing up.
    Vine and Brand were reportedly getting on really well, but the provocative, saucy banter that took place between the celebrities was over the line in the area of teasing. Parhaps this time, it became a little misunderstood.

    Russells magic and Jeremies magic ,became confused under the pressure of them competing to find news stories.
    They have not fallen out but gossipers fancy that there is a division.
    It is only hearsay as Russell admitted that Jeremy Vine did alot, bringing issues to the forfront of listeners minds.
    Jezza is thinking of visiting the high haired fancy man, in his LA mansion.

    Sickening as it is, the issues discussed in the lunchtime show provide a benchmark for middle England opinions.
    These are sometimes uncomfortable and it is not always easy to take the middle ground.

    The Vine show gives a true feel of British culture.
    Its a hard shoe to present daily, without becoming devils advocate.
    A position that Brand is only to well aware of.

    The outcome is that Vine and Brand will be holding hands whenever they meet and intend to improve life for the mainstream listener in their own unique ways.


    Vine has promised not to call Russell, Roosell and Brand has promised not to call Vine dispariaging names.

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