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16 October 2014

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A Day in the Life of a Burger Van

You have to understand running a burger van on Coll (even when it is the only burger van and I don't have the worry about anyone stealing my pitch) is not exactly a full-time occupation, or even one I do through the winter now. I worry about the hatch blowing off in the gales and then the rain blows in and all the rolls get soaked and then the ferry gets to the green buoy and slowly turns and heads back to Oban, having decided it isn't safe to land. But at the moment I hitch up the trailer and bounce (our new West end road is quite humpy, I think the peat is still resettling after the airport traffic) down to the pier every Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I try to get there 20 minutes before the ferry, but Lord of the Isles has speeded up and normally arrives early on Sunday and Monday. The usual suspects are there waiting; to get the post, the delivery van, the taxi looking for those booked on the two-hour tour of Coll. On Saturday all the parents are in to fetch the kids from the High School and it is change-over day at the self-catering places, so there are lots of visitors coming off, not sure where they are going. And after the cars, the cyclists wobble off and struggle up the hill. Then it goes quiet. I mop the floor, drink more tea and do Sudoku puzzles from newspapers I have liberated from the recycling bin. Two hours later the action starts up again as folk queue up to leave, the post van comes back down with the 'going away' mail, the taxi rushes back and there are still wobbling cyclists.
Sometimes my quiet Sudoku time is interrupted. On Sunday I watched an orange boat chug its way past the big pier heading up the bay to the middle pier (there is an old pier too, but that is very wee). After 15 minutes it chugged back and landed briefly at the big pier, then headed off to tie up at a mooring. Marching up the hill came a mafia of men in one-piece black jump suits. Terrorists. If the boat had been bigger I might have thought Army, I'm not actually sure how they all fitted on the boat. As they got closer they began to look less threatening. The first one up ordered a cheeseburger. And another, and another. One was different and had an egg and bacon roll and one ordered hot chocolate, he was accused of being effeminate, and five more had hot chocolate too. I think they were divers, but the boat didn't look big enough to dive from. Some went up to look at the Nevada gun after their burger, then the boat came back, they got back on and headed back to Tobermory. It seemed a long way to come just to get a cheeseburger. I hope they don't think that is all there is to do on Coll.
Today saw the departure of a lot of regular visitors, very reluctant leavers. But in May it is hard to imagine wanting to live anywhere but Coll. Whoever wrote 'Oh to be in England, now that summer's here' had obviously never been to the Hebrides in May. One of the reluctant leavers even leant over and gave me a farewell kiss. They are back in September, and maybe June as well, the 'it doesn't really get dark' time.

Meanwhile, I am also planting stuff in the polytunnel, the cover is finally on and the grass inside is twice as high as the grass outside. The baby chicks are in a run and are supposed to be eating it, but they aren't making much impression yet. The airport has passed its CAA check, or maybe it hasn't, and flights start at the beginning of June, or possibly the week after. No-one actually knows but somewhere out there is a website with the timetable on. I think we get return flights on Monday and Wednesday and a link to Tiree airport. It is a shame they won't be flying from Coll to Colonsay though.
Posted on NiconColl at 00:10

Comments

nice one nic--my mouth is watering just thinking about your burgers-hope you do a roaring trade during the summer months

carol from dreaming of a real burger


What I wouldn't give for a cheeseburger!! Can you bring your burger van to Orkney?? I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a cheeseburger today... (do you take sheep as curency?)

Michelle Therese from Things Go Moo in the Night....


Nic on Coll, I believe you must be one of the worlds great optimists. I imagine that when a person or group apply for a MacDonalds franchise, the first question they get asked is "How many potential customers?" BUt maybe you are also a good businessperson - or just like hanging around other people hanging around? Good luck with the business, anyway. You ought to be able to sell three extra burgers around 19 July, so don't give up!

Barney from Swithiod junk food but no junkie


I'll have 2 cheeseburgers, 2 bacon&egg rolls, and 4 hot chocolates, and I'll check to see if Herself or LH want anything.

Tws from Feeling Hungary


Hi Nic how much is diesel on Coll and will it put up your prices if so I have a plan leave the van in the lay by and cycle back and forth carrying supplies in a trailer-eco friendly burgers !!

worried about the price o a burger from Fife [where else!!]


i'm now dreaming of fried onions as well-the butcher in the next village is in hospital so his shop is closed so i cannot buy fresh meat make my own burgers as i usually do-on organic rolls made with quinoa flour etc a pity shop in next village doesn't sell organic produce but i suppose anything is better than macdo's

carol from over here


I remember the old days when 'Non Coll' passengers were allowed off at Coll to stretch their legs (or allow their dogs to do what island dogs only do on grass). If these days were to return I'd be up for a bacon n'egg roll - unfortunately I can only look and salivate!

Big Mac from On the Ferry


dam right about the hot chocolate drinkers ...! it would certainly cast a shadow over any assessment of manliness, to be sure ...!!

soaplady from "I wanna Hero ...! ..."


Hi Barney. I was too optimistic for HIE, they turned me down for a business start-up grant.

Nic from Coll


Nic, I know the feeling very well as I started Gigha Bites about five or six years ago now but sadly sold it two years ago due to so many othe island commitments.I have to say my time on the burger van was great,I loved as you said,bumping down the road avoiding as many of the the potholes as I could to set up and arriving with half the contents of the van all over the floor...eggs broken in the fridge.Then firing up the griddle to get the smell of bacon wafting out bringing the punters running! You also had the fun of positioning the van to try and stop the howling wind and the 'occasional rain' from blowing in the hatch! Unfortunatly Gigha Bites now sits idle and lonely with new owners and up for sale but with no takers at the moment...oh for some free time to take up the joy of burgervanning again! All the best with burgervanning on Coll and listening to surprised tourists comments of 'oooh a burgervan on Coll!'

Clemontee from Gigha


Could they have been Mormons? Asking, "Have you heard the Good News?" is always a bit of a giveaway... As for the humpy road - there was once a sign that read 'Old People / Hump In Road' outside a certain Orkney old folks home...until some spoilsport pointed it out to the Powers-that-be...I miss that sign.

Flying Cat from mmmmmmmmm...burgers...


Soaplady, how can hot chocolate be unmanly when it is so sensuous? (I'm sure I've spellt that wrong but can't figure out the correct spelling, so all IBs can have a good belly-laugh at my expense). And if a tot of rum is added -- oh me, oh m, even Tws would start to fly, Like a cat, fancy that!

Barney from Swithiod hot chocolate heaven


I suspect you would be quite an interesting person to have in the neighborhood. As to your polytunnel, if you need tomato seedlings, I know of a place in Stromness that has an over- abundance.

mjc from NM,USA


Gosh Barney you're such a hedonist! Rum in hot choc...parental units now dreaming of hot milky drinks at bedtime... Thank you for your kind assistance mjc from NM (what? STILL from NM???); the foot-tall seedlings are gradually finding new homes...some of them....anyone out there who wants some?

Flying Cat from desperately seeking tomato pots


I really want a burger now Nic. I'm sure you must be a welcome sight for all the hungry people getting on and off the ferry.

Carol from IBHQ


MJC: not if i have anything to do with it!!

carol from over here


Mormons? You mean, the Latter Day Saints? Like Mitt Romney? To the question "Have you heard the Good news"? the rejoinder is: "Did the price of gasoline go down"? Are your burgers peat flavored, Nic? Could give mesquite some competition. Have you bid on Isadore yet? Hopefully not: grass fed Nic, just like Patagonian/Argentinian beef I fear, and you would not want to lose your customers. Word spreads fast on ferries. How about sticking a cut out of a juicy steer by your van?

mjc from NM,USA


How are your fries (chips) Nic? Do you sell ice cream also? (I am just planning my lunch for when I visit). Do you plan to take the van to Coll International when the Dubai flight lands? How are you coping with the price hikes of gas (petrol)?

mjc from NM,USA


Diesel is 拢1.48 but we are still on an old delivery. The car runs on an eco-friendly 50/50 mix of diesel and used chip oil, it does smoke a bit and we had to use a can of magic stuff recommended by B and H Autospares in Oban to clean the injectors and get it to start, it had got very temperamental. I have some competition now, there appears to be a curry club operating on Thursday, with a take-out being ordered on Barra and coming back on the ferry!! There is even talk of chartering a plane to allow them to eat on the premises.

Nic from Coll




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