Paper Monitor
11:41 UK time, Tuesday, 7 October 2008
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Forget the banking crisis, the issue affecting newspapers at the moment is the superlatives crisis.
How do you describe a catastrophic situation this week, when it could easily be eclipsed next week?
The Daily Telegraph calls yesterday "Market mayhem", while the Times go with "World takes fright". The Independent, on the other hand, goes all B-movie with its "The day that fear hit the markets". The word fear is picked out in red just in case you don't geddit.
It's thesaurus time as subs look for alternatives to "crash", "freefall", "plunge", "nosedive" and "plummet". Shares have had an encounter with a "cliff" or "precipice". For the more exotic, the current crisis is not a "crisis", it's an "imbroglio" or a "cataclysm". The sub-prime roots of the crisis have yet to be described as "Byzantine" but it's only a matter of time.
Just look at how credit crunch has come to dominate our every living, breathing moment. It's almost a year since Paper Monitor first breezily quipped that the then novel sounding credit crunch summoned thoughts of a breakfast cereal. So ubiquitous is the phrase today there's an almost unbroken tummy rumble at its constant mention. But here's a thought - if the credit crunch were a breakfast cereal, what would it look and taste like? (Answers on the back of a comments form, below, please, or illustrations - should you be feeling ambitious, to yourpics@bbc.co.uk, subject title "CEREAL CRUNCH".)
Back to the papers, and for the second day, Paper Monitor must make reference to the Daily Mail's Quentin Letts' list of 50 people who have ruined Britain. Today is numbers 21 to 35 and it looks almost as if Letts is running out of villains.
Let's face it, number 28, Helen Willetts (above), the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ weather forecaster, makes an unlikely enemy of the people. Letts rails thus: "The queen bee of the lot is a geeky-smiled creature called Helen Willetts, who parades her Chester accent with care and frowns at the tragedy of it all if she has to suggest rain is on the horizon."
Having also doled out wailing and gnashing of the teeth on such Mailite icons as Princess Diana and Margaret Thatcher, one can only wonder at who will get the next dose.
The 
Comment number 1.
At 7th Oct 2008, Kat Fiction wrote:What would 'Credit Crunch' cereal taste like? Probably not as bitter and the hype suggests. Maybe not too dissimilar to Humble Pie?
Complain about this comment (Comment number 1)
Comment number 2.
At 7th Oct 2008, DrKF77 wrote:I don't know what the cereal would taste like, but the milk, surely, would be sour...
Complain about this comment (Comment number 2)
Comment number 3.
At 7th Oct 2008, han_jay wrote:Credit Crunch cereal would be one of those sickly sweet cereals which taste nice initially, but then make you feel ill after two bites. It would make the milk overly sweet too, and you would end up throwing away almost a whole bowl of unfinished cereal and the rest of the box, which would make you feel guilty for wasting food. And obviously the individual cereal bits would have to be mini pound, dollar and euro signs.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 3)
Comment number 4.
At 7th Oct 2008, Rhetorical Answer wrote:Personally, I like the fancy version, with sultanas and raisins (but not a lot of currantsy), and sprinkled with strapped-for-cashew nuts.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 4)
Comment number 5.
At 7th Oct 2008, DesGusted wrote:I'm not sure what it would taste like, but I expect it would make a that noise we have heard so much of from the financial world recently.... snap, crackle and pop.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 5)
Comment number 6.
At 7th Oct 2008, StevFairs wrote:It would have flakes, a few clusters and marshmallow Dollar, Yen, Euro and Pound signs
Complain about this comment (Comment number 6)
Comment number 7.
At 7th Oct 2008, StevFairs wrote:...Oh, and taste of broken dreams
Complain about this comment (Comment number 7)
Comment number 8.
At 7th Oct 2008, Johnny Pixels wrote:It'd probably say 750 grams on the box, but it'd turn out to have about 500 grams inside, and the price would go up on a daily basis
Complain about this comment (Comment number 8)
Comment number 9.
At 7th Oct 2008, Blythy wrote:there would be a guide on the side the see if your credit crunch is real or not.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 9)
Comment number 10.
At 7th Oct 2008, Johnny Pixels wrote:It'd give you your RDA of HBOS, TSB and RBS
Complain about this comment (Comment number 10)
Comment number 11.
At 7th Oct 2008, PhilWal0 wrote:As Weebl points out Credit Crunch is made from the tears of sacked invstment bankers.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 11)
Comment number 12.
At 7th Oct 2008, John Airey wrote:Like desgusted I'm not sure either what it would taste like but the box would feature adverts for banks that are casinos in disguise
Complain about this comment (Comment number 12)
Comment number 13.
At 7th Oct 2008, JinjaCanary wrote:Ah, Monitor, I was 2 weeks ahead of you - the financial downturn must have made me psychic!
Still, you did come up with the idea 11 months before me :)
Complain about this comment (Comment number 13)
Comment number 14.
At 7th Oct 2008, JinjaCanary wrote:Here's that link - seems they don't auto-hyperlink them!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 14)
Comment number 15.
At 7th Oct 2008, bouji69 wrote:I don't know what the cereal would consist of, but you could use the salty tears of bankers instead of increasingly expensive dairy alternatives.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 15)
Comment number 16.
At 7th Oct 2008, penny-farthing wrote:You'll never know how it tastes,as,like your investments, its the only cereal that's all gone before you've had chance to open it.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 16)
Comment number 17.
At 7th Oct 2008, Candace9839 wrote:We have a breakfast cereal called Captain Crunch that would do nicely. Cheerios and banana still starts my day, but purchased in bulk to save money.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 17)
Comment number 18.
At 7th Oct 2008, Candace9839 wrote:Several variations of "Cap'n Crunch" available but Oops! All Berries may be the most timely
Complain about this comment (Comment number 18)
Comment number 19.
At 8th Oct 2008, Kat Fiction wrote:I'm thinking Cheerios and Lucky Charms would be wholly inappropriate at this point.
You'd be forever moving the box round the cupboards trying to find the safest place to put it.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 19)