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Caption comp results

12:44 UK time, Friday, 3 November 2006

It's time for the results of the caption competition.

This week, a Halloween reveller dressed as a toy soldier makes a call in Hong Kong. But what's being said?

1. Glenn J
"Huh. Wouldn't you know it - Greensleeves."

2. Cat
"... Darn! No mouth!"

3. Peter Burrage
"British Army crisis grows, Toys R Us reservists called up.

4. Trudi
"If you require reinforcements, please press one..."

5. Sean Smith
"The TA isn't quite what I expected, Mum."

6. Peter Stagg
"Q, I've found out why I should not have pressed that red button on my watch..."

Thanks to all who entered. To view the losing entries - harsh, but that's what they are - click on the comments below.

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Comments

At 12:52 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Pat McGarry wrote:
"I'd like to make a reverse charges call to Greenland, please."

or

"I need to speak to someone at Greenpiece?"
At 12:54 PM on 02 Nov 2006, lynn wrote:
Green-adier Guards
At 12:57 PM on 02 Nov 2006, lynn wrote:
Hello Sargeant? I need plastic bullets.
At 01:00 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Miles Firth wrote:
....send three and fourpence were going to a dance
At 01:03 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Catherine O wrote:
Mum? They're sending me home, said I was too green.
At 01:03 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Steve wrote:
There are two strangely dressed ladies following me!
At 01:05 PM on 02 Nov 2006, SMC wrote:
"Ok.. so I may have a 'Made in Hong Kong' tattoo but at least I'm not a China doll!"
At 01:08 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Steve wrote:
There are two strangely dressed ladies following me!
At 01:09 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Stephen Ibbs wrote:
Major Tom to ground control.
At 01:11 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Dave wrote:
Sarge - I've got some concerns about this new Urban Camouflage.
At 01:13 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Mark Bohan wrote:
1. Irish Army unveils its new camouflage gear.

2. "Pilot to Jolly Green Giant - Come in please - Over"

3. "Long distance to Greenland please".
At 01:20 PM on 02 Nov 2006, P Anghelides wrote:
Toys R U.S. Army
At 01:20 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jel wrote:
Tochwood? Me no need luck, me number 8.
At 01:22 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Bas wrote:
"Sarge? Not ime to explain, I need you to get me that "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" guy ASA.P"
At 01:23 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
Yes mum, I do take safe sex seriously.
At 01:24 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Bas wrote:
"Sarge? No time to explain, I need you to get me that "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" guy ASAP."
At 01:26 PM on 02 Nov 2006, DaveSmith wrote:
"Hello....Jolly Green Giant...?...My name is David Cameron, and i am like you ".....
At 01:27 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Steve Ferguson wrote:
Yes, I got the green beret but thought to myself "Why stop there"
At 01:27 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Ian, Horsham, UK wrote:
Private Payphone?
At 01:28 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
I can't find the 'deflate' valve!
At 01:28 PM on 02 Nov 2006, QJ wrote:
"Hello?, Doctor? ... you know you said those new pills might turn my water green ... "
At 01:29 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
Is that Mattel? I'd like to discuss a major design flaw.
At 01:29 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Pete Setters wrote:
Damn, this phone doesn't accept plastic
At 01:30 PM on 02 Nov 2006, ross rogers wrote:
Edmond's gunge tank antics were really getting tiresome.
At 01:30 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Mark wrote:
Do you take plastic?
At 01:31 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Peter Fayers wrote:
Uck! A Bogey-man!
At 01:31 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Pete Setters wrote:
Albert couldn't understand why people where staring at his oddly shaped novelty cucumber
At 01:35 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Alan Shaw wrote:
"Hello, Jolly Green Giant, I'd like to complain about some sweetcorn I just ate..."
At 01:35 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Sheila Carrodus wrote:
Sorry, can't make it....feeling a bit nauseous.
At 01:36 PM on 02 Nov 2006, david wrote:
"Yeh, it's true, Hong Kong is tiny"
At 01:37 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
Sarge, what do I do? They're armed with magnifying glasses!
At 01:38 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Catherine O wrote:
Sweetheart, about the wedding...
At 01:38 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Mat wrote:
Pea T phone home
At 01:38 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Minty wrote:
"Sir, the camouflage doesn't seem to be working... I think they can see me."
At 01:39 PM on 02 Nov 2006, D R Worster wrote:
Brian and his ant eater, Keith, were determined to beat the surveillance cameras once and for all.
At 01:40 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Lee Pike wrote:
That's right dude, I've seen action, man.
At 01:41 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Luke L wrote:
"Seriously, Dave, this new outfit is getting me a lot more action, man!"
At 01:42 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Lee Pike wrote:
...for plastic explosives, press 5...
At 01:42 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Thomas Kitto wrote:
"...so I suppose these grenades don't work either?"
At 01:43 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Stephen Ibbs wrote:
Sir I do not want my uniform to make a statement in the city
At 01:44 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Offshore Alan wrote:
Smile Yan, we must be on Caption Competition.
At 01:46 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Peter (Cardiff) wrote:
Twick or Tweet?
At 01:47 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
This call was MADE IN HONG KONG
At 01:47 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Peter (Cardiff)_ wrote:
Pho Ning Hom.
At 01:47 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kate wrote:
"Sir? I'm not so sure my camouflage is working..."
At 01:47 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jip Foster wrote:
"Damn, it's a gunge tank, not a phone booth!"
At 01:51 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Just tell her Plastic Bertrand is on the line.
At 01:52 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Tom wrote:
The Jolly Green Giant joins Jamie Olivers' crusade to promote healthy eating but realises too late that there's something a bit odd about his cucumber.
At 01:52 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Phil S wrote:
Barbie? Its Ken. You鈥檒l never guess what my new job is.
At 01:52 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Ed wrote:
Sweetcorn, darn it, sweetcorn! I'm the wrong man for the job! Send codename Jolly Green G in here now!!!!
At 01:52 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Beverly wrote:
Hello? Hello? Pokey! Is that you??
At 01:53 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Phil S wrote:
What do you mean its not a fancy dress party?

or

In a bid to reduce casualties in Iraq, the US military unveils a new kind of soldier.
At 01:54 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Simon wrote:
I'm calling in response to the advert in toytown from George bush calling for volunteers to help in his Iraqi War.
At 01:55 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
They are already among us, but their guns are easy to bend and they usually get chewed by the cat.
At 01:56 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
No, it wasn't me who was the subject of that song by Martika...
At 01:56 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Ed wrote:
Woody is that you...? It's happened. It wasn't just a film....help me!
At 01:56 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Helene Parry wrote:
Sarge, I'm not sure this camouflage gear is working...
At 01:57 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Chris wrote:
Mummy, people are staring at me and I don't know why?
At 01:58 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Ed wrote:
David Cameron's efforts at making the Party "green" were going too far...
At 02:01 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Nikki Gagie wrote:
"Is that the Poisons Unit? I think I've eaten too much sweetcorn!"
At 02:01 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Lee Pike wrote:
I was spelling out 'GREEN GIANT' to the costume hire shop and they must have forgotten to write down the last three letters.
At 02:03 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Mum, I don't feel very well.
At 02:04 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Mum, this army food isn't agreeing with me.
At 02:05 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kensington Hatcher wrote:
"We're gonna need more eggs and toilet paper!"
At 02:05 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Ian Paisley's nightmare.
At 02:06 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Look, I can do most of the job but I just can't seem to get the jolly bit right.
At 02:07 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jennifer S. wrote:
For the caption competition:

I don't think the camoflauge is working. I think I've been spotted!
At 02:09 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Christella Williams wrote:
Hi, Yes, I would like a reverse charge call to Buzz Lightyear please!
At 02:13 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Graham Parsons wrote:
Herro ris is BT Customer Service. Prease to speak wiv person who pay phone bill.
At 02:13 PM on 02 Nov 2006, wilf wrote:
Mummy, I got gunged.
At 02:15 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Lisa wrote:
I have tried to run away sir but my feet are stuck to a plank
At 02:18 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Ed Loach wrote:
"Send three-and-fourpence; we're going to a dance"
At 02:23 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Robin wrote:
Does my gun look big in this?
At 02:28 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Dale Whitaker wrote:
"Hello, Trinny? Susannah? David Cameron here. About your 'eco-warrior' makeover.."
At 02:29 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Ainy wrote:
Tell George these uniforms are better than the real thing!
At 02:30 PM on 02 Nov 2006, ross rogers wrote:
"And the mushroom had 'Eat Me' written on it"
At 02:36 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jon Bright wrote:
"Honey, I'm coming home...it seems they thought the gun should have a hole in the end of it"
At 02:38 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Norma S. Seal wrote:
Mom, Can you come and get me?
At 02:39 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Experiments at Porton Down reveal that the army's new emergency rations of brussel sprouts, dried peas and creme de menthe frappe have significant side effects.
At 02:41 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Tim wrote:
I'd like some plastic bullets and plastic explosives please - Oh, and can I pay by plastic?
At 02:45 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Glenn Dixon wrote:
"Hello love, I'm just calling to let you know that I've failed the medical at Army Careers because of my flat feet."
At 02:46 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kenny (Munich) wrote:
The Godzilla of toy soldiers.
At 02:48 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Honest Mum I hate this army food. Mushy peas everyday - it's beginning to get to me.
At 02:49 PM on 02 Nov 2006, wrote:
"Hello? I'd like to make a reservation. Do you take plastic?"
At 02:52 PM on 02 Nov 2006, lynn wrote:
After William lost his gun
At 02:54 PM on 02 Nov 2006, wrote:
But Mum, the chemist says he doesn't sell Brasso.
At 02:55 PM on 02 Nov 2006, lynn wrote:
William's new kit.
Paint ball loser.
At 02:56 PM on 02 Nov 2006, wrote:
Well, Doctor, it all started with my buttons.
At 02:58 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
Doctor, my trench foot, it's spreading.
At 02:59 PM on 02 Nov 2006, vay wrote:
Caption:
PVC phone home!
At 03:00 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Hello, is that NHS direct....
At 03:00 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Nick McDonnell wrote:
That just about wraps up the mission, Sarge.
At 03:01 PM on 02 Nov 2006, graham wrote:
Yes operator, I have a pound ready
At 03:01 PM on 02 Nov 2006, James Dunlop wrote:

Green me up Scotty...
At 03:01 PM on 02 Nov 2006, graham wrote:
Michael Jackson is desperate to re-launch his career
At 03:05 PM on 02 Nov 2006, lynn wrote:
Stag night to remember
At 03:06 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Matthew Jones wrote:
"Hello I would loke to complain about your home tanning kit"
At 03:11 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Objet de vert tu.
At 03:12 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Brian wrote:
Des Browne uses photo opportunity to show how new green taxes will help fund the defence budget.
At 03:14 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Pea shooter?
At 03:16 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Nick B wrote:
After mistakenly eating a gherkin, Bananaman is further frustrated when his mother refuses to reverse the charges.
At 03:16 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Nick McDonnell wrote:
No, I said, "Send three and four pence, I'm going to a dance!"
At 03:19 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Stella Alvarez wrote:
Hello? Customer Service? ... I still haven't received my free wallchart "plastics of the world"
At 03:22 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jim wrote:
'Hello, is that the British Army.. I hear you are looking for model soldiers !'
At 03:22 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
Military background of Gunter Grass finally revealed.
At 03:23 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Christian Haythorn wrote:
"Hello A&E? I think the gangrene has spread since my last visit"
At 03:24 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jim wrote:
'Hello, is that the Paint Balling Centre..., Yes, there seems to be a slight problem'
At 03:26 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Gareth Jones, Anglesey wrote:
Yellow Pages ...I'd like the number of a Plastic Surgeon please
At 03:27 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jan Podsiadly wrote:
Is that Airfix? I want to come in. My cover has been blown.
At 03:27 PM on 02 Nov 2006, David Cage wrote:
Send reinforcements .We've just been taken over by the greens.
At 03:29 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jim wrote:
' Yes thats right, I was on the tube at rush hour, on my way to this fancy dress party, then suddenly the guy next to me sneezes... '
At 03:29 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Peter Genower wrote:
Caption Competition:

Hallo? Is that the Incredibile Hulk Helpline?
At 03:31 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Tim McMahon wrote:

1)Don't 'toy' with me !
2)"And rice with the greens.."
3)'Wake me up before you go-'glow'
At 03:31 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Prateek wrote:
"Yes Sir, the mission in Iraq's going really well... err, nope, no signs of Gulf War syndrome as yet..."
At 03:33 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Kieran Boyle wrote:
"I'm not AWOL Sarge, I've been stuck down the back of a sofa for six months."
At 03:34 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Ian wrote:
"Mr Miliband, by introducing new green taxes you are breaching my Human Rights!!! Under Article 14 you cannot discriminate against someone because of their colour!"
At 03:34 PM on 02 Nov 2006, chris wrote:
I'm just really bored with this. Time to stop.
At 03:34 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Lee Pike wrote:
No. I said I wanted to join the Green PARTY.
At 03:36 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Lee Pike wrote:
I want to complain about Jonothan Ross's green room.
At 03:40 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jim wrote:
' Yes, hello doctor, it's about these antibiotics you've put me on...'
At 03:54 PM on 02 Nov 2006, glyn bradford wrote:
why yes, i would love to be in the new village people group
At 03:54 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Paul Robinson wrote:
The Red Army had no vacancies, Mum, but...
At 03:55 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Olly Bacon wrote:
Hong Kong's contribution to the war on terror decides to call in sick.
At 03:57 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Rob Falconer wrote:
Sorry, Sarge, the enemy have put the wind up us
At 03:58 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
HO, HO, HO...
At 03:59 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Rob Falconer wrote:
Reverse the charges? OK, we'll retreat.
At 04:00 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Rob Falconer wrote:
Soldier blown up in Hong Kong
At 04:02 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Steven Colquhoun wrote:
"Hello Captain, My Planes deflated and my radio's bust"
At 04:03 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Marcus Booth wrote:
Eco-warrior?
At 04:08 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Marcus Booth wrote:
Well, doctor, it all started as a fungal infection in my toes...
At 04:10 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Conrad wrote:
"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don鈥檛, you get stuck in Iraq where you will turn green and you won't be able to phone home because you will have no mouth...."

Latest Democrat scare tactic
At 04:12 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Colin Nelson wrote:
Operator, ask if they will accept the charges. I only have plastic.
At 04:12 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Adam wrote:
Green man in desperate search for Red man
At 04:13 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Peter Forrester wrote:
The gleen, gleen rass phones home.
At 04:14 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Matthew Jones wrote:
鈥淪ergeant we鈥檙e in trouble, the camouflage is not working, the aliens are not like our intelligence predicted鈥�.
At 04:16 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Tony Doyle wrote:
I'm melting...
At 04:18 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Colin, Swansea wrote:
Hello. This is the Sony factory. I want to report a paint explosion.
At 04:19 PM on 02 Nov 2006, andrew wrote:
Girl 1: ''Obviously a cheap North Korean reproduction. Everyone knows Cybermen are silver.''
At 04:19 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
Do you take plastic?
At 04:25 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Martin wrote:
"Hello? George? Which Korea was I meant to invade?"
At 04:27 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Gearoid O'Muimeachain wrote:
Hello? I want to go AWOL otherwise known in army circles as reverse charges!
At 04:43 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
Yes Sarge, Godzilla's guano is definitely green. How do I know?...
At 04:45 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jack wrote:
"Sir, we've had reports of an incoming vacuum cleaner!"
At 04:48 PM on 02 Nov 2006, One Eyed Owl wrote:
Yes, can I have a taxi please....how will you know me? I'll be standing by the telephone box.
At 04:48 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Pete Lemon wrote:
Caption Comp
"You're through to the Airfix Customer Service helpline how can I help you?"
At 04:49 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Andrew Foster wrote:
Hi Mr Kerry, I hear you have vacancies in Iraq? When can I start?
At 04:50 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Candace wrote:
"No, I'm at ease being green actually"
At 04:57 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Rob Falconer wrote:
Hello, Sarge, I'm just phoning in sick
At 04:59 PM on 02 Nov 2006, wrote:
Is that the Rainbow Warrior? I'm phoning about the job.
At 05:01 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Ben wrote:
...No Mr Bush, I don't come as part of a set...
At 05:02 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Candace wrote:
"The lab called. Your antidote is ready."
At 05:05 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Lester Mak, London wrote:
Hi there, can you help? I've misplaced my toy tank
At 05:08 PM on 02 Nov 2006, NickW wrote:
"Hello, is that Punorama? This is Action Chan"
At 05:11 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Candace wrote:
"You can't handle the booth!"
At 05:14 PM on 02 Nov 2006, wrote:
"Hello? Yes 鈥� I'd like to book a tank please..."
At 05:14 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
Old soldiers never die, they just need to be recycled.
At 05:18 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Anonymous wrote:
"Breaker 1-9, breaker 1-9, incoming 3 year-olds, several casualties, severed limbs, Toys 'R Us was a walk in the park"
At 05:23 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Susan McIntosh wrote:
I'm doing the green Toy Soldier thing, but you should see these two girls behind me, fright or what!
At 05:24 PM on 02 Nov 2006, C-B wrote:
"Yes I'm in Hong Kong, but where in Hong Kong was I made?"
At 05:27 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Paul Leinster wrote:
British Army equipment fails again as GPS leads Iraq-bound soldiers to Hong Kong.
At 05:29 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jon Bright wrote:
"Its looking bad out there base. We need superglue, stat!"
At 05:30 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jon Bright wrote:
"Well yes I know Tom Hanks was a very good voice, but it's not very realistic now is it?"
At 05:31 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Keith Wilcock wrote:
You know when you've been cucmbered!!
At 05:31 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Steve Jackson, Madrid wrote:
"Dammit Mustang! ... This is Ghost Rider...117...this bogey's all over me..."
At 05:37 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Pat Miller wrote:
"Hello, HQ? We have uncovered their secret weapon...a large magnifying glass...prepare the molds, we're gonna need reinforcements."
At 05:43 PM on 02 Nov 2006, wrote:
Some Autons are just dyeing to get back at the Doctor
At 05:59 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Max password wrote:
Sarge - you know the pea soup factory next to the fireworks shop? Well, there's been an incident...
At 06:01 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Helene Parry wrote:
Lois? It's Clark. I think I'm in the wrong telephone booth...
At 06:16 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Glenn J wrote:
"...Thank you for calling the Bush Administartion. All our operators are currently busy so please hold as your call is important to us..."
At 06:21 PM on 02 Nov 2006, trina wrote:
Trinny and Suzanne's makeover doesn't go to plan!
At 06:54 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Aidan wrote:
"HQ? Save yourselves! Little Timmy's lost it! He... he... got some matches and a... a... a candle... and... the horror... the horror..."
At 06:55 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Aidan wrote:
"I'm ok - turns out Godzilla snot isn't harmful to humans. Did for my parrot, though."
At 06:56 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jake Perks wrote:
"I'd like to reverse the charge, please"
At 06:57 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jenny wrote:
I found the Jolly Green Giant's missing finger!!!
At 07:00 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Mat, Bournemouth wrote:
Phnom home
At 07:21 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Candace wrote:
Lifesize during wartime
At 07:24 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Mark B wrote:
Have a good time you said. It's birthday you said. Paintballing is all the rage, you said. Well, the GREEN team won!!!
At 07:25 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Candace wrote:
Iraqnophobia
At 07:35 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Candace wrote:
"Send voyeurs, guns and money"
At 07:46 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Candace wrote:
Trick or Treaty
At 07:56 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Sean Smith wrote:
Hong Kong's elite fighting force...The Gherkins.
At 08:01 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Helene Parry wrote:
Hello, Madonna? I was wondering, now that you've got a brown one...
At 08:18 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Warwick wrote:
"What do you mean - you won't take plastic?!!"
At 08:51 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Anne wrote:
Okay, I have the snake in a headlock. Now what do I do?
At 08:52 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Andy M wrote:
Hello Dulux, we have a problem.
At 09:00 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Jeff wrote:
"well I would, but a boy's just melted it off with a magnifying glass, you see..."
At 09:34 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Violette Cameron wrote:
"Roger, attack giant doll and shave head, return to little sister. Over and out"

"Sarge, when you said get the lads a chinese ...."
At 09:49 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Luke A wrote:
caption competition entry:

"...no - I said send three-and-fourpence, we're going to a dance. We don't need any more troops..."
At 10:06 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Vas Petrou wrote:
Me? Jealous? Ha!
At 10:15 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Alan wrote:
Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they want me to do these menial tasks!
At 10:30 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Katie Coupe wrote:
I've got the plastic explosives through Customs, but the instruction panel on the grenade just says 'made in Hong Kong'...
At 10:33 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Sean Smith wrote:
"Hey, will you look at that...a payphone!"
At 10:41 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Sean Smith wrote:
"Hey mum, you know that new green washing powder you've started using..."
At 11:06 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Doug McGregor wrote:
We're hurt. Bring some more chlorophyll.
At 11:12 PM on 02 Nov 2006, wrote:
Green Fingers Gardening Services. How may I help you?
At 11:22 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Dawn wrote:
"Does my GUN look big in this?"
At 11:41 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Richard wrote:
"Thank you for calling the Hasbro recall hotline; ......"
At 11:59 PM on 02 Nov 2006, Phil, Cardiff wrote:
eBay? I'd like to complain about this AK47 I ordered...
At 12:00 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Phil, Cardiff wrote:
What do you mean, no fancy dress?
At 12:04 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Phil, Cardiff wrote:
"I'll be ready for dust-off at the LZ at 1600 Zulu. Over and out."
At 12:12 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Stephen Corsham wrote:
But Sarge, do you think green really is the new black?
At 01:04 AM on 03 Nov 2006, DENNIS ALLOWAY wrote:
"No, Operator; I will not accept the charges"
At 01:10 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Richard Knox wrote:
Caption Competion

"Taking the phrase 'greenie' wildlife warrior as step too far"
At 02:53 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Richard wrote:
Toys R Us? I wish to report illegal cloning.
At 03:11 AM on 03 Nov 2006, kr wrote:
you can't miss him sir, 45 feet tall, green and missing a finger
At 04:59 AM on 03 Nov 2006, LH wrote:
"What do you mean, I'm suffering from a bad case of Deflated Gun?"
At 05:22 AM on 03 Nov 2006, wrote:
"The Trimingham radar's still playing up".
At 06:29 AM on 03 Nov 2006, norm brown wrote:
"I'll be waiting under the clock wearing a pink carnation."
At 06:31 AM on 03 Nov 2006, matthew ralph wrote:
US Special Services Soldier undercover in North Korea . . . "what do you mean Hong Kong and North Korea are different places?"
At 07:31 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
Michael Jackson's disguises just keep getting weirder.
At 07:42 AM on 03 Nov 2006, David wrote:
OK Sarge, I'll meet you outside his house in ten minutes, then we'll see if his magnifing glass can help him now...
At 07:53 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Lynne wrote:
Who am I spooking to please?
At 07:59 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Denzil wrote:
"No I won't be in today, I've got a terrible cold"
At 08:18 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Jonathan Rothwell wrote:
Hallowe'en traditions spread as Bush invades the world.

OR

Today, Hong Kong... tomorrow, the world!!!
At 08:29 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
"Yes, I'll hold - just promise not to play 'Greensleeves'"
At 08:36 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
"Mum, it turns out the UN were recruiting PEACE keepers."
At 08:49 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
Food survey? No, I can't see any danger in eating genetically modified vegetables.
At 08:52 AM on 03 Nov 2006, MCK wrote:
Hello Sarg... I think I might have been dropped in the wrong place!!
At 08:54 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Debster wrote:
Cameron's new green policy appears to be misunderstood.
At 08:57 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Brian Saxby wrote:
All I am saying, is give peas a chance!
At 09:01 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Jules G wrote:
So that's 6 x Spring Rolls, 2 x Sweet and Sour Chicken and 2 x Egg Fried Rice.
At 09:14 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Stig wrote:
Hi, listen its Osama here, I'm in the lobby, are you the guy in the banana suit?
At 09:22 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Bal Morton wrote:
Put your underpants on your head and stick two pencils up your nose. They'll think you're crazy and send you home.
At 09:23 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Derrick Roberts wrote:
'George I'm scared, does a giant magnifying glass count as a WMD?'
At 09:26 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Stig wrote:
Sarge, I think I've been sussed..
At 09:28 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Mark Starling wrote:
Improvise....I'll give him improvise....do you know about field radios?
At 09:29 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Mark Starling wrote:
"I'll give you second choice, I asked for Navy blue"
At 09:30 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Nick McDonnell wrote:
"Complete success, Great Leader! Wearing this stealth suit I can pass among the capitalist running dogs unseen."
At 09:35 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Stig wrote:
"No, Private Tompkins, just the bullets should be rubber.."
At 09:47 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Rachel A wrote:
'10-4 requesting backup, I tried to get away but my feet wouldn't move.'
At 09:52 AM on 03 Nov 2006, James Castle wrote:
This camouflage just ain't worrking out here Sarge....
At 09:52 AM on 03 Nov 2006, simon wrote:
And the Americans have Humbys and fresh meat in the canteens and their rifles work and.........
At 09:54 AM on 03 Nov 2006, wrote:
'Hello. You know that paint you sold me that's easy to spray on a fence...'
At 09:55 AM on 03 Nov 2006, wrote:
I'm in London, it's a real pea-souper outside.
At 09:55 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Faisal wrote:
鈥楨at green鈥� drive by Army to tackle obesity in new recruits backfires.
At 09:57 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Gareth Jones, Anglesey wrote:
Just 'cos I'm in the Army do they have to whistle Colonel Bogey all the time ?
At 10:01 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Gareth Jones, Anglesey wrote:
Coming to your neighbourhood soon ...David Miliband IS "The Eco Warrior"!!
At 10:03 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Stig wrote:
"Me? Oh, I've joined that civil war re-enactment thing you told me about. Yep, just off to my first go, they said come ready to be a soldier in something called the New Model Army.."
At 10:11 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Kenny (Munich) wrote:
Due to cuts in military spending, the government have outsourced the infantry to Airfix.
At 10:12 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Trev wrote:
Weapons of Mass Extrusion
At 10:15 AM on 03 Nov 2006, wrote:
'Hey Sarge, I don't think the camouflage is working.'
At 10:19 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Derek Behan wrote:
1st Girl " Looks like another North Korean Nuclearpower Plant Guard defecting!"
At 10:20 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Stig wrote:
Ok, so that's in the library with the revolver. What? The Colonel was what colour? Oh heck..
At 10:21 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Sean Smith wrote:
Troops are called up to fight the war on teddy.
At 10:24 AM on 03 Nov 2006, samuel Gray wrote:
Comment Caption:

Aggrieved Soldier in Iraq on phone to MOD: Hello? Defence Ministry? I think theres a problem with the latest batch of anti-chemical warfare pills.
At 10:26 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Susan wrote:
"I'll be late home tonight Darling - there's been an explosion in the Factory's 'Mushy-Peas Production Unit'"
At 10:27 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Peter Underwood wrote:
George Bush annnouces new plan to save ice caps - INVADE GREENLAND!
At 10:38 AM on 03 Nov 2006, dzernski wrote:
"Green two to base....it happened....again..."
At 10:41 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Gillian Eaton wrote:
'Sarge, we're thinking the sat nav's having a bad day, or Sailsbury Plain has had a John Prescot building order..'
At 10:44 AM on 03 Nov 2006, kaybe wrote:
I'm coming home, none of the girls here take plastic...
At 10:54 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Andy Ford wrote:
Is that an inflateable gun? Or are are you just pleased to see me?
At 10:59 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
Is that the Armory? Could you send me one of those funny pin thingys, I pulled one of mine out. Oh, and hurry.
At 11:00 AM on 03 Nov 2006, david wrote:
You don't want to see me when I get really angry!
At 11:02 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Tinny Tiny wrote:
''Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Iraq anymore.''
At 11:03 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Hedley Russell wrote:
Hello mum, this is swampy. I fell in.
At 11:06 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Hedley Russell wrote:
Doctor - about those chlorophyll tablets you prescribed...
At 11:07 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Hedley Russell wrote:
Hello? Deluxe Paints? Can you send another set of instructions for your 成人快手 Mixing Machine?
At 11:10 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Helene Parry wrote:
DON'T put me on hold. You wouldn't LIKE me when I'm on hold...
At 11:17 AM on 03 Nov 2006, simon white wrote:
About this new urban camouflage
At 11:22 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Simon Rooke wrote:
If your query relates to missing parts, select option one.
At 11:22 AM on 03 Nov 2006, kevin finlayson wrote:
"I aint getting on no plane Fool"
At 11:23 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Dean Ward wrote:
"There is somebody outside with a cigarette lighter. What do I do?"
At 11:24 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Gareth Jones, Anglesey wrote:
Hello Open University? I'd like to sign up for the 'How to be a Mercenary' course ...do you take plastic?
At 11:29 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Gareth Jones, Anglesey wrote:
Does my gun look big in this?
At 11:29 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
Jealous? What makes you think I'm jealous?
At 11:34 AM on 03 Nov 2006, wrote:
Yep - I'm now a fully decorated officer
At 11:35 AM on 03 Nov 2006, wrote:
Yea, honey, I always use Duracells on a first date. So can we meet?
At 11:38 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Pete C wrote:
Bad translation blamed as war games with china are suspended.
At 11:40 AM on 03 Nov 2006, mike wrote:
Hello....Greenpeace...I want to apply for the position of eco warrior
At 11:44 AM on 03 Nov 2006, EB wrote:
"Rumours that the phoney war is beginning again are all hot air", burbled an MOD spokesman
At 11:46 AM on 03 Nov 2006, tim wrote:
"No, No No, a dance D - A - N - C - E.,
At 11:48 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Mark wrote:
The Government confirms tax breaks for serving soldiers will only apply to those who are green.
At 11:52 AM on 03 Nov 2006, edward wrote:
Army shortfall solved through outsourcing to china
At 11:53 AM on 03 Nov 2006, wrote:
Yea, honey, I always use Duracells on a date. You think I'm green or something?
At 11:55 AM on 03 Nov 2006, edward wrote:
call centre solution to army short staffing
At 11:56 AM on 03 Nov 2006, Gareth Jones, Anglesey wrote:
Snot Man: The Movie
At 11:56 AM on 03 Nov 2006, edward wrote:
call centre solution to army short staffing
At 12:17 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Colin Bartlett wrote:
Yes Sir, Can confirm the enemy is using the biodegradable Green Ammo...
At 12:20 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Colin B wrote:
My cover is blown. Golders Green Station isn't......
At 12:36 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Kip wrote:
It's all right, I'm not wounded. I thought I was covered in blood but it's not.
At 12:38 PM on 03 Nov 2006, Squirt wrote:
Cash strapped British soldiers retreating from Iraq are forced to find their own transport home.