DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT.....
Aggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i did it !.....
I bought a massive bag of midget gems and started to eat them ten minutes from the office. "I'll just have ta few," I thought.
N E V E R G O I N G T O H A P P E N.
Bye bye bag ate the lot. Feeling sick now.
And the worst bit ?
I'm being taken out for an amazing meal tonight and the reason i was hungry in the first place is because i was trying to save myself..
So any tips on how to achieve emergency hunger please ?
In other departments, had some people coming to look at the house this morning. Tash had made it immaculate but then just moments before "the people" were due to arrive, the sun burst through the clouds to reveal....THE BEDROOM WINDOWS WERE FILTHY ! D'oh.
So don't worry I say, I will sort it I say and off I pop down to the kitchen to retrieve some newspaper and vinegar. It was time to test out the old wives tip for super duper shiny windows. And did it work !!!!!!!!!
No it bloody well didn't, they ended up looking even worse. I scarpered I did, I made a break for it I did, I was out of there I was.
I'll never trust an old wife again, except my own of course if I live long enough.
CLP 2007.
X.
Comments
Dirty windows? Suggest cloth and then newspaper - it does work but not on freshly squirted window cleaner.
Emergency hunger can be achieved by eating chewing gum. It makes the stomach think that you are eating something and prepares itself for food - and then you spit it out!! The option I thought about it too grim!!
Midget gems don't do it for me - prefer milk bottles and dolly mixtures!!
Hope you're all having a fab day!!
Alison P
Chris - hilarious post today!
First: it's all gone horribly wrong with the midget gems. They are highly addictive. All you can do is avoid any food or drink from this moment on. Walk about a bit in between records/news bulletins etc. Basically, you're done for - no dessert tonight!
Secondly: cleaning the windows - what a laugh! I do believe you need a chamois (pronounced shammy, in Glasgow) in tepid water with a little vinegar. Clean windows with chamois, dry off with crumpled up newspaper. Trust me, it's magic! Now you know this, you'll never forget it.
Have a lovely evening - I'll be ironing!
C xx
Christophe, Instant hunger can be achieved by getting somebody to go and bye a greasy bacon sandwich! Guaranteed salivation!
DD out
Yo Christoof & Each & Every Blog Operatattertive,
Bingo Star ere.
CLP - It's 'appened ter you too - STRESS!!!!
I'm sure there's something in the air this week, it's been for me all sort of good but going bad at the same time, yer know, sort of 'assle, stress.
Chris man the only way ter build up an appetitperteet for this evening iz ter do yer shoe, DAMN IT....... NOT AGAIN.... SHOW, SHOW, SHOW do yer SHOW while on a tread mill on #7 ter #8 of #10... the speed that is.
It works for me everytime I present a national radio sho.... programme!!!!
PS Any chance of playing Crash Diet by Guns N Roses.
Chow!
Oh no...the temptation of a bag of sweets....I know exactly where you are coming from. It is very rare that I buy sweets but when I am tempted I cannot stop till they are all gone.
Nev
Oh no...the temptation of a bag of sweets....I know exactly where you are coming from. It is very rare that I buy sweets but when I am tempted I cannot stop till they are all gone.
Nev
Hiya Christoff & team
Ah Chris you should know by now that the ol' wives tales are not always true !! Good ol' windolene thats what you need ! Works a treat everytime ! Anyway to the tummy rumbles, A banana is always a good one, gives you a bit of energy as well, so my husband's cycling pals tell me !
Went into work today and lost an earring ! So if anyone sees a stray dangly heart, let me know!
And our dog keeps stealing things of ours or the kids and chewing them to pieces and its driving me nuts aaahhh !! Any suggestions as to what we can do? She is only 11 months old and has come from a rescue home so we have to tread carefully !
Speaky soon
Cyril X
Hiya Christoff & team
Ah Chris you should know by now that the ol' wives tales are not always true !! Good ol' windolene thats what you need ! Works a treat everytime ! Anyway to the tummy rumbles, A banana is always a good one, gives you a bit of energy as well, so my husband's cycling pals tell me !
Went into work today and lost an earring ! So if anyone sees a stray dangly heart, let me know!
And our dog keeps stealing things of ours or the kids and chewing them to pieces and its driving me nuts aaahhh !! Any suggestions as to what we can do? She is only 11 months old and has come from a rescue home so we have to tread carefully !
Speaky soon
Cyril X
According to "Mary Rose's" 1001 More Country Household Hints" you should have mixed 3 tbsp white vinegar with 4 pt water. Apply with clean cloth and then wipe off with a crumpled sheet of newspaper. Another great hint she gives is wear sunglasses when cleaning windows and you'll see the smears more easily.
Sam x
According to "Mary Rose's" 1001 More Country Household Hints" you should have mixed 3 tbsp white vinegar with 4 pt water. Apply with clean cloth and then wipe off with a crumpled sheet of newspaper. Another great hint she gives is wear sunglasses when cleaning windows and you'll see the smears more easily.
Sam x
Chris,
Did the same thing with a pork pie today. I really wanted some so I thought, I'll just have 2 bites. Was never going to happen.
Windows - while environmentally not very acceptable, kitchen towel (there's one I used to help make that I guess I'm not allowed to mention that's particularly good...) is the only thing that works for me. With vinegar, applied with a cloth...
Moose
when im trying to save my appetite i listen to my boxcar willy casette and it usually stops me thinking about food. only problem is i spend the rest of the day thinking about steam locomotives
when im trying to save my appetite i listen to my boxcar willy casette and it usually stops me thinking about food. only problem is i spend the rest of the day thinking about steam locomotives
Chris - I'm not sure what you did when you cleaned your windows, but it really should have worked. Maybe there was too much of the chemical variety of window cleaner left on the panes from the last time?
You don't need neat vinegar - a solution of distilled white vinegar and water in a spray bottle will do the trick. You could try a good microfibe instead of newsapaper if you like and the job will be done in no time.
Could it be possible that the windows were dirty on the other side?!?!
Hope you have a fab night.
J x
Hi guys,
Just popping in quickly, going out soon and it takes a while to beautify myself.
Cyril, I have seen some dog toys that are kind of hollow in the middle and you put dog food or treats inside. It takes the dog a while to gnaw at it to get it all out. Haven't tried them so don't know if they work. Or should I say that I haven't tried them on my dog. I gave up chewing the kids toys a while ago......
Be back later,
Debbie xx
Hello Chris xx
The trouble with midget gems is they can't be eaten one at a time they have to be eaten by the handful and before you know it the packet is empty.......or is that just me?? I've got the cheek to follow that with, I haven't really got a sweet tooth! hahaha
I'm going to be craving midget gems now, last night it was fish n chips after CtD getting my tastebuds salivating (is that a word?) and of course I had to satisfy my craving :o) Wonder what tomorrow will be!
Re window cleaning. Warm water with vinegar, a chamois or microfibre cloth, and a glass polishing cloth (tea towel for drying glasses) or lots of kitchen roll, does a great job!
Have a happy thirsty thursday evening everyone.
Mary xx
Oh Bu@@er! Just posted and don't know if it went through or not! Trying again.
Have to be quick, I'm going out soon and it takes me a while to beautify myself.
Cyril, there are dog toys out with hollow middles that you can put dog food or treats into. It take dogs a while to gnaw at them and get the bits out. I haven't tried them so I don't know if they work. Or should I say that I haven't tried them on my dog. I gave up chewing up the kids toys some time ago.....
Be back later, if the first post did go through and you are reading this for the second time, apologies!
Love Debbie xx
when im trying to save my appetite i listen to my boxcar willy casette and it usually stops me thinking about food. only problem is i spend the rest of the day thinking about steam locomotives
Vinegar goes in the warm water...wash with a cloth,
the newspaper is for buffing them up to a shine
'after' being washed...
Nevber mind ..you got the wrong ole wife...
Lemon juice works as well (also 'in the water)
De x
Hiya Chris how you doing? Good to hear you :-D
pinchy pinchy xx
LEKIDDO - Lord of The Lobsters!
CLP
Fruit. Quick fix on the fill-up basis, naff all calories, loads of vits.
Sorted.
AP. The chewing gum thing works, but has nasty repercussions later. Well, it does for me, anyway.
Finished the Pattie Boyd book last night. Blimmin' interesting, if you are into the late Beatles era, early 70s Clapton et al period. Particularly good for me as most of it happened around here, Chris, you know the places I mean.
But.
It wasn't a great read.
Having said that, it was an incredible insight into life with an extreme alcoholic, as Eric was for pretty much all of the 70s. Holed up in is mansion just up the road from here, which he still owns, he would wake up to a packet of cigarettes and a pint of brandy and 7up, and that set the tone for the day. There is a pub at the end of his drive (again, Chris, you know the one) where he would spend 'lunchtime' before wobbling back to the house for more of the same. He would take a pint of brandy and 7up to bed to make sure he got through the night.
As someone who has flirted with drinking a little too much over the years, it made me think.
Anyway. It is all going on here. Mrs MfR is officially out on her own now and I have full control of my Italian trainset.
Watched Jamie the other night and nearly died as I saw Brian (my Dad, well, not really, but way too similar, for new readers) waxing lyrical about chillies. Fab telly.
Enjoy the dying embers of Thirsty Thursday.
Hope your meal out is good Chris.
Peace & love
MfR
PS We get it on most every night
PPS She's got a body under that shirt
PPPS Get the funk up!
trouble blogging again....wine gums for me...mmmmmm heaven
CLP! I can't believe that for the second day in a row I've been mentioned on office news! Me and my pink (outrageous) stilettos. I only popped into the Leicester office to do month end with Ruthy as well! I was so excited I was yelling in the car (on my own, like a loon!) on my way up the A14 back from Peterborough.
Did you go out for your meal? Was it as good as you thought it would be? Even after the midget gems feasting?
Anyway... thanks!
Luv
Lyndyloo
& the Bears
-x-x-x-
oh chris did your mummy never tell you not to eat between meals
hazard perception you can do it on line at the dvla website but watch out for the pidgeons on the zebra crossing
good luck with the theory test
enjoy your meal
take care
debsxx
I hope your midget gems were the real thing with licorice instead of the hated blackcurrant that Maynards have introduced. If you buy them from a proper sweet shop loose they still have the licorice ones - yay. Sorry - as a founding member of midget gems anonymous I just had to say it.
haricot vert xx
Mornin' all. Just a quickie from a rainy County Kildare, where I've mud in every orifice and handprints on me bottom after the All Ireland Ploughing Championships in Tullamore, aka. El Paso.
Don't mention the traffic. You haven't experienced traffic jams till you've bin to Ireland and shared yer sausage roll with the Gardai, who cheerfully tell you 'Sure you might as well get the head down, yous is goin' nowhere tonight...and where you sit for 3 hours behind a sheep truck full of awful eejits with cattle prods, hats like garden gnomes and hands like bunches of bananas singin' songs about donkeys. Bless 'em.
Still. The Dancing Diggers made up for it. Synchronised JCBs. Marvellous.
Anyway I just want to say quickly thankyou for your kind comments re. me gobsmackers, hurrah and bless yous. You're sweeties the lot of yous.
Right must go...I'm off to the car valet point and I have to strip off before rollin' me windowdown so the jet hose can get into me ears. Jayzus.
Pommes de Terre.
Clodagh.xx
Greetings of Autumness ter ALL,
Bingo Star ere, munch two, munch two or munch thirty if it's CLP with a bag of sweets!!!!!!
Anne. G. & Prof Plum sorry ter 'ear it's cold up north, it's cold ere too on the Wirral.
Prof Plum I thought the Islee Of Man is in the middle of the gulf stream?
Hence full of warmth!!!
I've 'eard even Jeremy Clarkson lives there!
I've got another joke ere but the blog ploice keep arreasting them.
Aye blog ploice yer not Peter Kay in disguise stealing me jokes.... i so 'How dare you, HOW very darrre you'.
Now i'm stealing 'is!!!!!!!!
Bingo Bad Joke :
Remember this advice blog dudes. If ever yer feel the grass is greener on the other side.....
it isn't...... unless yer live next door ter a turf supplier like me...... then it probally is!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I ain't talkin' Turf Moor football ground (Burnley FC).... although the grass there too is probally very green there too!
Auf Wiederinsane!!!!!!!!!!!! Jaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
Good Morning,
It doesn't matter whether I'm hungry or not, if I see somebody eating chips out of paper I have to have some! Instant hunger. I can smell the onion vinegar already!
Not been here much this week as it has been very intense at home. Won't go into too much detail but had big row with Mr Debbie last weekend which resulted in him spending the night at his mothers. Relationship with my mother in law is now a little strained and basically been a bit of crap week.
But never mind all that, here's hoping that this weekend is better eh!
Little'un starts at the school nursery on Monday, he is so excited, I hope he settles in ok. He is going to look so cute in his school uniform.
Hope everyone has a good Friday,
Love Debbie xx
mwk - it's roast chicken with (fresh) penne pasta tossed in spicy pesto, with garlic bread in the Diva house tonight.
Hope your fish and chips were better than mine. I was soooooooooooooooooo disappointed!!
But still, the weight keeps coming off.
V. rainy here on the Essex/Suffolk borders today. Major frizzy hair alert time.
Feeling happy as I've "booked" a day in December (a Saturday) to go to London with a girl friend to do some crimmy shopping for our men and see the twinkly lights and have lunch and stuff.
Life's grand!
CtD x x x
Cyril,
Our rescue hairy GSD loves 'Nylabones', in particular the Y shaped ones. Unfortunately these ones are the hardest to find, as most pet shops only sell rings or straight bones.
They are made of some sort of very hard nylon that are flavoured as well.
She happily chews away on it, usually after she has been fed, but other times as well. They slowly get gnawed away, but the (very) little bits of nylon she chews off go down OK. One usually lasts her about six weeks.
The last lot I got from t'internet, when they arrived they came with a handful of doggie biscuits, "with compliments"!
Best of luck. Sheila
I have seen you on the TV advert wehere you piano, have you always been able to play was it something you rehursed until you got it right.
Listening to you on the radio is the best calm down on my drive home from work.
I have seen you on the TV advert where you play the piano, have you always been able to play or was it something you rehursed until you got it right.
Listening to you on the radio is the best calm down on my drive home from work.
I've never had one - midget gem.
Gaby
(Aged 43 and ten twelfths)
I've never had one - midget gem
Gaby
(Aged 43 and ten twelfths)
Gaby - You don't know what you have missed. (although wine gums or fruit pastilles are preferable).
Nev (aged 43 and 8 months - that's spooky!)
Dunno if I count as an 'old wife' (46 on the 27th; married 14 years on Oct 27th). The way to do it is to wash the windows first, with water and a bit of detergent. Vinegar is a useful addition to the rinsing water. The newspaper comes in at the drying-off stage: there's nothing so good for polishing them up.
I hope you've both managed to reach the stage of laughing at it by now. Next time, tell the portential buyers that you keep the windows a bit dirty to reduce the risk of birds flying into them. They'll be impressed by your wildlife-friendliness and by the idea that you get enough birds near by to have to worry about their welfare.
Love,
Bella X
Dear Chris,
Next time get a small bag of midget gems - denying yourself only leads to scoffing and then feeling bad. Avoid the bad feelings - you're not really bad! Say "I know what I'm like - so I'll get a wee bag to eat"
Best wishes,
(And yes, I really do love the show)
Vicki, world expert eater.