DON'T DRINK AND BLOG
Talk about getting the wrong end of the stick.
Big day today, setting up some meetings about the new BIG IDEA.
Up early, already stoking the fire.
Awoke this morning with a huge German on the bed next to me, Enzo seems to be enjoying his time in the metropolis. He鈥檚 already looking at me again now with those, 鈥渁re we going for a march?鈥 eyes.
You know him being on the bed is no bad thing. You see he鈥檚 helping me for the future. ...
He鈥檚 helping me by keeping me used to another weight, another body mass sharing the limited space even the most sumptuous of double bed has to offer.
One of the best things about being single is the reclamation of all of your bed and of the most efficient side of the bed for reading, writing or drinking purposes, being right handed, it鈥檚 the right side for me.
My bed is now set up as a one person environment. If I鈥檓 careful how I sleep, I only have to make half the bed as the other side of the bed, the left side, remains unruffled.
The problem however arises when you meet someone who has the same bed set up at home. When two right-handers meet be prepared for a battle.
On the night of passion, when you both fall into bed whilst simultaneously throwing your clothes off , lights out, lots of moaning and groaning, no one cares who sleeps where, or if indeed anyone sleeps at all. But in the morning as the dust settles, it鈥檚 a different story.
You leave her/him there with that sweet asleep smile of fulfilment on their face. You leave them to go and make a cup of tea. You go into the kitchen and have a quick mental re-cap of anything you might need to remember or recall. You have a quick check about how much you like them and how it鈥檚 all been in the last few hours. You might have a fart where they can鈥檛 hear you. You make the tea. You return to bed and there they are sat up, smiling looking lovely, aware there may be a cup of rosie on it鈥檚 way鈥
BUT THEY HAVE SIDLED OVER TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED! YOUR SIDE OF THE BED ! THEY HAVE PUFFED THEMSELVES UP, READY TO ACCEPT A CUP OF TEA THAT WILL BE PLACED IN THE PERFECT POSITION FOR A CUP OF TEA! ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE OF THE RIGHT HAND BEDSIDE TABLE !
They smile and say thanks and then wait鈥 they wait whilst you walk around to the dark side, the side of the bed that belongs to another time, the side of the bed that is permanently in shadow, the side of the bed where you haven鈥檛 been for months, years, the side of the bed that is only for the dead鈥
And then you find yourself in that side of the bed, you feel sick, disorientated, where does your tea go ? In my case on the floor ! Where does your mind go ? To the crazy farm. Where does your lover go ? TAXI !
Then you look up and they are sat there, in an elevated position, like an insecure chat show host, taller than you, better lit than you, happier than you, is this how the relationship鈥檚 going to be ? You鈥檝e only known them a few hours and they鈥檝e already unseated you from the most important, intimate part of your very being.
Ahhhhhhhhhh !.
As I type this, my kingdom surrounds me, my bed side light glowing over my RIGHT shoulder.
My tea sits obediently, silently steaming inches from my RIGHT hand.
The power chord to my lap top stretches neatly to the plug socket under the RIGHT side of the bed.
Yesterday鈥檚 Telegraph crossword, lies forlorn looking up at me, like a dead fish, discarded just by the floor down on my RIGHT.
My alarm clock is perfectly in my line of sight with just a small glance to the RIGHT.
Oh to meet someone who鈥檚 left handed.
x
P.S. How good was Blair's speech yesterday ?
Poor old Gordon looked like he wanted to run out of the hall and get the first train back to Scotland.
Comments
Chris,
I smiled all the way through that blog - superb!!
So, I guess the 'sharing' thing doesn't extend to the 'right' side of the bed?!!
Gaby
xx
Well Chris,
From the sound of your Blog you definately need to re-think the 'meeting somebody new process'. Blunt as it may sound, maybe the first question you need to ask...in the best roundabout sort of way of course....is... ummmm....so which side of the bed do you prefer? If it's a left, woohay... right, walk away.
Even worse, move the bedroom round and it changes EVERYTHING! I made the mistake of moving the bed, thought it would make the room seem bigger!! Ha... couldn't sleep...ended up moving all the furniture back at 3 in the morning!
Happy Wednesday.
Nx
Peaches
Darling, buy a bunk bed. You have your way with a lady, i.e., have a bunk up, then when it's all over bar the shouting, nip up the ladder and onto the top bunk. Sleepy byes.
If you don't like the idea of bunking off/up, invite the lady into your spare room and once the deed is done, under the excuse of 'Darling, I need a glass of water', nip into your own room and bye byes on the right side.
Nip back into the room the next morning, slide under the duvet, tickle her nose until she wakes up, then say, 'Darling, I've been watching you sleep...You're divine...Fancy a tumble?'
There you have it. Everyone is happy and all is well.
Adore you
Morwenna
PS: Not in the mood for politics this morning, feel slightly queasy following a curry last night. The mere thought of Tony's bottom teeth might very well set me off again.
Hi Chris
I don't think you need to be left handed to use the other side of the bed. I'm right handed and couldn't imagine having all my stuff on any other side than the left - light, clock, notepad and pencil for brilliant thoughts during the dark hours and of course mug of tea in the morning.
Good luck with the Big Idea.
Well done Tone, interesting looking at the proportion of dog to politics comments on here yesterday.
x
Interesting theory Christophe!
I spent 10yrs with a left-handed partner and we actually sept on opposite sides: me on the left him on the right. Perhaps that's what killed our relationship. Then again it could've been 1.000.001 other things
Even though I've the whole bed to myself now, I still tend to favour the left-hand side, but probably sleep in the middle, diagonally or whatever.
On another note, my gym has closed!!! No warning whatsoever. It looks like a dispute with the building's landlords. Not happy, Jan!!!! So here I sit slightly less fresh and dishevled than normal. Hopefully nobody will notice.
Keep on schlogging!
Cameron
The time is right for a good discussion on bed etiquette. My husband and I spent the first year of our marriage fighting over the duvet and our side of the bed. We virtually taped a line down the middle convinced the other was hogging the bed and the duvet. We finally saw sense and bought a kingsize duvet but not before cross words were spoken in the middle of very long nights. We are often horrified at what we have said when we awake but it all seems so important.
Don't even get me started on snoring bed buddies or that really annoying cough that you do feel sorry for them but wish she would JUST STOP!!!
Sharing a bed with Enzo is a great idea. When I stay with relatives for a week I enjoy making like a star fish whilst sleeping soundly. Problems come when I have to share that lovely double bad again. I would like to think I am a caring, sharing kind of girl, but when it comes to my lovely bed and duvet, it is a very different story.
Time to get off this computer and children into school.
Theresa
Chris
There are people out there who will change their bed habit for you! I was always a right hand bedside but when I moved in with my hubby, as it was his house therefore his bed I moved to the left. It does take some getting used to but it happens!!
Actually - my best mate is right handed but sleeps on the left hand side of the bed. She's single....would a 30 year old teacher be of any interest???
Love Alison xxx
Morning Chris,
Something I've never even though about. I'm right handed but sleep on the left of the bed as i sleep on my left side. I sleep on my left side because I've been told of the perfect position to sleep in:
Lie on left side (to assist liver drainage) with right leg over left leg (to create a stretch through your back) drop your right arm down behind your back (to open up the chest cavity for easiest breathing) and have your left hand tucked under your face for convenience. Try it - it's very comfortable. I've slept like this for years and if I'm alone but when with a boyfriends it has to be spoons - me in front on my left side draining my liver! The prefect way to fall asleep and wake up. x
Okay, let's do Wednesday .Hope it's a good one for all.
Debs xx
Surely a considerate new squeeze would notice that beside table arrangement and position themselves on the other side?
Otherwise a firm but polite "that's my side".......should do the trick!
now i'm right handed but sleep (on my own) on the left - i'm not sure why this is but think it may be something to do with the length of the flex on the light when i first moved in!
enjoy the day
mackiexx
well Bonjone christop and enzo.
so he's found his way on the bed then all thoughs fleas hopping around off enzo urhh!!!.
unless he's clean of course.
talking of wrong ends of sticks and no not the enzo types!
i thought i'd got a job in a pub once went got myself off the dole made my way to the pub got there only to have the pub's boss in front of a packed pub say "sorry we've got our wires crossed your not working here" not a nice evening.
you room sounds very posh enzo will be loving it!
see you's later sit enzo!
Ha. You think you've got bed problems. We bought a super king size one so I wouldn't have elbows in my ears all night, and would end up getting morethan an inch of bed to myself as I slept.
Oh the joy of it, a six-foot-square bed with oodles of room for all. Covered by a six by eight foot duvet cover.
Do I get more stretchy room? No. Do I have sleep-filled nights, knowing my every bit of body is covered by the thick, warm duvet? No.
My husband - as much as I love him, is a duvet thief and a bed sneakist. But whaddyagonnado?
Taking sides is silly. The middle's the place to be. Though the next time I fall out of bed, freezing cold, I may just retract that last.
Morning Chris,
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you finding a lefty....but there aren't many!!
Luckily I blagged one for myself...he writes right handed, but is naturally left handed (plays golf with left handed clubs, etc etc) so he lays, sleeps (and snores) on the left of the bed.
So my side-of-bed argument days are over, sorry but thought I should share and gloat a little!
At least you have Enzo to keep you snuggly and warm at the moment with the dark chilly mornings creeping in....
Em
xx
hey!
Well today I awoke in a black mood, the kind that you know is going to take super strength to lift yourself out of bed and face your life that suddenly seems all wrong.
On days like these I feel numb to the world, grey. I looked at my self in the carmirror on the way to work and thought "when did I start to look anonymous". Jamie Cullum was singing a song about an ordinary life has extraodinary moments. My life used to make me smile just thinking of its randomness.
It occurs to me that we chose which path our life takes, somethings can be beyond our control, but we chose the theme, we chose the scent the aura we give off.
So I am attempting to shake the darkness today and think how can I get my life to be more where I want it to be? It is tough, I have 拢7 in my bank account till friday, and a two year old with only me to guard him! But I cannot give in, I cannot accept defeat, I do believe goodthings happen to good people and surely you can dictate your own fate?
em25x
That was a very amusing account and so true. When I'm away from home I dont care which side of the bed I sleep but it's a different story at home. If you can't find a left handed sleeping partner maybe a round bed is the answer.
Morning all,
I am right handed, but I sleep on the left side of the bed. I have no idea why this is. Maybe I am amBEDextrious (Ooh, sorry that was awful).
I have some friends that swap their bed side any time they go away. She has to always sleep nearest the door, and he has to sleep nearest the window. The reason for this is apparently because if they were to get broken into, she could make a swift escape, and as the intruder is climbing through the window the chap can bop him on the head. Makes sense I suppose, but I asked what happens if the intruder comes through the door - they looked at me horrified, as though I had smashed their life plan to smithereens.
Its nice to know Chris that you have the decency to hide those first farts of a relationship. I have had chaps that after the first night of passion have snuggled nice and close, and let rip on my leg. Its at that precise moment that you know the relationship is not going anywhere.
MW, a! x
Thanks for making me laugh out loud this morning Chris! Just so bloomin' true about bed sharing. I'm a right hander so much prefer the right hand side but give it up for lurve at the weekends.
Weekends at his place mean 2 cats also sleep on the bed. They demand lots of strokes and attention and one of them has a purr that occasionally has a trim phone quality to it! Weird. Amazing how much space 2 small animals take up, but they are so loving anything can be forgiven.
Blair's speech good yesterday. Just hope the next Labour leader (and no, I don't think it will be or should be Gordon B) has real political depth and originality and is not chosen just for aesthetics.
Good luck with the next BIG IDEA. When are you going to let us in on it??
xx
Good Morning Chris and the blogettes
Mmmmmmwah!
Interesting!
What kind of people do you take home with you? Gosh! You know, there are some unwritten rules about "sleeping over". Maybe I was brought up differently, maybe it's a North /South divide thing. Yes of course the host should offer their bed, or if you're going to bump and grind, the best side of the bed, but the guest (unless it's your parents or older relatives) should always take the sofa or the other side. Back in the days when I was single and would end up in a strange bed, I would feel obliged, well, it would be quite impolite not to; get up early, make tea, then take that back to his (sometimes her bed) pop their cup on their bedside cabinet, then, I'd sit cross legged at the bottom of the bed just holding my tea. Always wait for the second invitation; never assume it's ok, just to hop back under the duvet. Yep, sure you may have been intimate but that was last night .This is today, you hardly know each other, you may not even recognise the stranger. The second invitation is like a rubber stamp of approval , it says hey I remember you , last night was great ... come into my world.
It's been years since I had the great comfort of a dog on my bed, that was back in the days of blankets ... big heavy blankets and a dog... now that is a real warm feeling.......
Keep smiling
Rachel
xx
i'm left handed and i like you, but hey,
That is presumably why wealthy people in days gone by had seperate rooms.
with 2 dogs I had to put a stop to having them on the bed - I would often find myself squeezed out altogether!
Hope you had / have fun with fergus the forager. he was on the urban chef program earlier in the year. I'm a little worried that he willingly eats road kill.
J
Hope the BIG IDEA develops well today. I keep thinking about it - maybe that will give me my next Big Idea.
I've no Big Ideas about the bed-share issues. Both right-handed but we don't always sleep on a specific side. I'm on the right at home but not always when we're away. It seems to work out that I'm always nearest the door! Maybe to escape in event of a fire or a falilng-out, but maybe a legacy from when the kids were small and clambered into bed after bad dreams or whatever. One night (in a dream he swears) my husband actually pushed slumbering me out of bed and onto the floor!
Happy Wednesday everyone
Jill xxxx
Morning Chris
Now I don't usually do mornings, and can't remember the last time I got up at 6 a.m. as I did today lol! (Probably won't be doing it again until Christmas morning either!)
This morning I was invited as a guest onto a a radio station that has a four week RSL in the Wellington area of Somerset, who wanted to quiz me on what Internet radio was! It seems that thye paid 拢5000 for this four week RSL and were a little puzzled when I told them that's three years on air for an online station lol!
Well, i'm seriously considering returning to my bed after my show today (10 - midday) and catching up on those lost hours of priceless kip.
Have a great show today mate and good luck with the Big Idea! (I had one of those once!)
Ross Hemsworth
Net Talk Radio
www.nettalkradio.co.uk
Hi
That right hand side of the bed thing made me think. My boyfriend and I spend alternate nights at each others houses, and we both sleep on the right in our own beds and the left at each others. This arrangement has been going on for nearly 3 years and its has never been articulated/discussed or anything, it just happened.
We are planning to buy a house together next year - who will get the right side of the bed?
Sx
This had me smiling from ear to ear this morning! And as it's a horrible wet morning here, more so the better!
Just one thought - at least you have the option of half a bed - be it the wrong side - to go to. I have a friend who takes up ALL the bed - purely in the name of comfort....pity the poor soul who goes to make a cup of tea and comes back to find themselves on the edge at the bottom of the bed...or even..... - the floor!!
I actually really like Tony Blair (I know that
makes me a bit of a rarity these days), and I
thought his speech was wonderful. I think it's
quite scary when you see how much he's aged
in the last ten years; hardly a good advert for
becoming a politician. I have no idea why
someone would want to do that job, it's such a
thankless task. If I were Sarah Brown I'd be
begging Gordon not to go for the top job; it
means her and the children will be immediately
thrust into the limelight.
Em xx
Good morning Chris and fellow bloggers!
I had to read your blog for a second time as my first scan read all I saw is that you woke up with a big German man! Not that I have a problem with that you understand but why German I thought?
Still I understand you post now :-)
What you are describing to me is a one night stand and not a relationship. I am a little out of practice on the subject of one night stands but not on the subject of lasting relationships. I have been happily married for 20 years next month and have decided to renew our vows as a mark of respect for each other. This did remind me of a little joke that I told her of what to expect next month鈥︹︹︹︹︹︹︹︹︹.
A woman (my wife?) woke in the middle of the night to find her husband (me) missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" She asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?"
"I would have gotten out today."
Only joking :-)))))))
Happy Wednesday everyone :-)
Morning World!
Isn't it strange how when you first meet someone how much chaos they can cause be doinbg that smallest things...
I am starting to find a balanced level with my partner which is great!
Not long today, but really enjoyed the blog!
Have a great day all and remember to call someone you haven't spoken to for a while!
You made me laugh today Chris. Its OK being all philosophical (no doubt spelt incorrectly) , as you are on most days, but its good when you have a good laugh at life as well. I think all those left handed-girls out there will now be clammering to get in touch - they obviously have the "edge" now over their right handed counter-parts.
Morning Christophe Lamby and Bliggy Blig bligger bloggerrs
COOOOL post... 'handed-ness' had never occured to me sur la boudoir, but after your post - HAIL THE LAMBY PIE - he's only blinkin' right AGAIN!... I'm a lefter - sleep left, my man is a righter - sleeps right. A harmony of epic proportions ensues...
I was single for 3 years and loved it - but I think the BEST bit about being single, as you say, is being able to STARFISH, DIAGONAL or HOG the WHOLE darn bed like there was no tomorrow... sharing is an *ickle* bit weird after this, I tend to do a cheeky diagonal or starfish when he gets up to make the tea... returning to my LEFT SIDE on his sweet smiling return.
Roll on Saturday morning for a less hurried start to my day...
Happy HUMPDAY everyone!
Kyleigh
xxx mwah xxx
Chris,
You are so right, my partner seems to think that I should give him the right side of the bed as I have had it since we met, but I've always slept there. And do so when single, avoiding the sleeping in the middle like most.
However, I do not feel like relinquishing the right side especially as I have moved half way across the country to live with him - seems like an awful lot more to ask!
Jenner
Good morning all...its wonderful wednesday and a good giggly blog chris. Just to let you know i think i have perfected my speed reading blog wise, however, I digress... I sleep on the right side as you say, with everything to hand on the right bedside table, HE, sleeps on the left....ahhhh you all say a mega bossy wench! NOT So, it was his choice and he is also a right hander.....ah sweet mystery of life.
Politics mystify me, I know its necessary or we'd all be back in the Lords and Serfs regime........alert alert just heard on the news that 2 large dangerous spiders are on the loose in worcestershire...b....y hell, who on earth would buy them as pets anyway....gotta go and batten down the hatches, get the dogs in...how far is Redditch from my house...heeeeelp. D'ya think they read my blog and are coming to get me?
Heavily agitated blogger signing off.
I'm right handed and always slept on the left of the marital bed - thinking back it's because it's the side nearest the door and I always had to get up for the children. Been divorced a couple of years and now current partner is left handed and wants the left side of the bed. That's ok although kids find it a bit strange - but they're older and I don't often have to get up in the night. However, when man's away, I go back to my 'usual' side - maybe I'm just lazy about the extra walk?
I'm left handed!!! I knew we were made for each other...
Best blog by far.
Smiled from start to finish, and the comments kept me grinning.
What a stressful time meeting and getting used to new partner is.
For some reason this subject of what side, I can't remember, however I know I am happy on the right. probably should ask if the wife is happy with the left, after all we have been together for nearly 7 years. OOPS!!!!!
On the subject of snoring, my missus just turned 30, and spent the night on the couch. Aparently I snored louder than ever before. can only put this down to several pionts and a fabulous Rolling Stones gig. Lost my voice at the end of that gig. Probably all counted to the loudness.
Keep up the great blogs Christoph.
Morning Chris and fellow Shloggers,
Oh the sharing a bed dilemma! As a happy, contented singleton (yes, seriously - women like me do genuinely exist) I have a whole double bed to myself and sleep wherever I like (starting on the right of the bed and gradually moving into the middle of the bed as the night wears on). My last boyfriend slept on the left side of the bed which was a bonus but with me aware that I creep into the middle of the bed with alarming regularity, I still used to spend the night clinging to the right edge of the bed when we weren't having fun.
As for Tony yesterday, I was Miss Cynical about all the spin that surrounds them and asked for the REAL TB, GB, DC etc to please stand up, I still feel the same about the spin side of things - but I have to say, he was stunning. Spin or no spin, what an amazing speaker. Gordy looked like he was going to throw up at one point - the sour grapes obviously reacting violently with the contents of his stomach.
Have a good day everyone,
C x
Chris I鈥檓 a big Sparks fan. You know them; 鈥榯his town ain鈥檛 bigger enough for both of us鈥 fame. They鈥檙e on tour all over the country, I鈥檓 off to see them at Cambridge on Wednesday next week-4th Oct- As you鈥檙e the top man at the 成人快手 [well one day perhaps] can you tell me why 鈥楧ick Around鈥 Sparks new single has been banned by the 成人快手! Ok I know you can鈥檛 play it-or can you? - But play some Sparks please, please!
Thank
Paul
Some where between London and Norwich on my daily run one of those big red articulated lorries for Royal Mail.
Hiya Chris
I'm right-handed.
Whenever I'm single, I sleep in the middle of the bed.
My books and bedside lamp are to the left, and I'd rather reach across myself to get hold of a cuppa as it just feels more natural that way - less chance of wearing some hot liquid.
You need not worry that everyone is as much of a righthander in all ways as you are. :o)
Does your big idea involve TV?
Jan x
Good morning Chris & All
I'm a righty who sleeps on the left and I wouldn't/couldn't have it any other way - I know because I have tried. Hubby has this lovely habit of following you round the bed in his sleep, you move away and he moves closer, it's just gorgeous in the heat of summer (not!) - one night I gave up, got out of the bed and went and lay on the right (where there was tons of room) and I just couldn't get comfy or get to sleep. However I didn't have to suffer for too long as he soon came trundling over behind me and I then went for a run around the bed again and jumped in my own side. After saying all that though I've got to admit that I do move to where he's been lying when he gets up to go to work.
Re drinking and blogging I agree just don't do it. When drunk stay away from all telephones including texting from mobiles and away from computers - you just can't be sure who you'll text (and what you'll write), what you'll say or even agree to when on the phone and what you'll write or buy if you're on the computer! Alcohol and technology don't mix.
Glad to hear Enzo is enjoying his stay in London, hope you've took him sightseeing on some nice long walks.
Have a good day everyone.
Hear you at 5
Katie
x
Well, being a righty married to a leftie, our bed set up is perfect! Maybe this is the way forward for everyone... trouble is us righties outnumber the lefties! It is lovely though, I can hold hands with him on a weekend morning and have my book or cuppa in my right hand :)
However, when he's away and I'm on my own, my feet go on my side and and my head on his! But... when I sleep on my own, the duvet is still tucked in at the bottom of the bed. When he sleeps on his own, it looks like a whirling dervish has been in the bed!
Bless him!
Hi Chris
Nice to hear an early morning rant from you.
Do you think that your future lovers bed-side manner is one of the most important facets of their make up? If indeed if you could find an ambidextrous bed partner would you not be for ever worried that they could just as easily sleep as soundly with a righty or lefty? Would this make them more prone to taking off in the middle of the night to sample a different side of the matress in the arms of another? Does this in fact mean that a true one-sided, nothing else will do, my side or no side lover is more faithful and less likely to wander?
I'll leave those questions for you to ponder...
Lynda
-x-
Em #13 - Sorry to hear you're having a down day. Hope you feel brighter soon. I am in the middle of a bleak spell myself, but things will pick up - they generally do - hugs and stuff to you xxx.
Chris - this bed malarky, is there a point of etiquette? What should one do? I will be facing the same dilemma a couple of weeks from now when I go to spend the weekend with someone VERY special. We haven't spent the night together yet - what if he likes the same side as me?
I am trying not to sleep diagonally anymore, so that blokey doesn't think I'm a complete bed hog, but what to do about sides?
Actually, thinking about it.... not sure I'm going to mind, not planning on sleeping much anyway ;-)
Have a wonderful Wednesday all
XX.
Morning Mr Evans et al,
You make an interesting point however I have a different approach to which side I sleep...
I always sleep on the side that is closest to the door. As any intruder will have to pass me before getting to my beloved!
Anyway love the show, love the blog.
Happy hump day all
Leon
Hey blogeezers and blogeezettes an CE.
As a singleton of many years and residing in a small bijou penthouse cupboard, I have a single bed. This enables me to keep all important requirements on both sides of the bed! Cisk sleeps at the bottom of bed in summer an next to me in winter. Any disputes, I win and shove him on the floor. Sadly he can't make tea tho!
Happy wednesday all, regards hamraz
Chris et al
Wishful thinking - if my problem was which side of the bed my partner should sleep on... chance would be a fine thing... my major problem is how not to be a "born again" virgin!! Any side of the bed will do... in fact doesn't even have to be a bed!
As for Tone yesterday... I personally thought he was spot on...
Have a fun Wednesday
Suzanne
Chistophe lamby pie,
First time I've read your blog. I like it. It's amusing and insightful (perhaps a little too insightful?!). It's cheered me up on a dull mid morning in Northern Ireland.
If you want the advice of a complete stranger and a blogging novice, tell 'em how it is. If you are lucky enough to meet a lovely lady who would like to stay the night lay some ground rules. It's your bed, it's your flat. My God man your a man, be a man.
"Oy, that's my side of the bed, hoppit."
If they don't like it you'll know that she ain't the one for you. If she moves over, jobs a guddon.
That's what the wife said did the trick with me when we first met!
Ben.
Ps. Yes Mr Blair's speech was good yesterday. He's quite a funny bloke isn't he?
I sleep diagonally.
My head is in the left hand corner and my feet are in the bottom right hand corner!
What are everyone thoughts on reading in bed whilst the other sleeps? Does your bed buddy turn over and go straight to sleep leaving you to toss and turn for ages (like mine) or do you let each other read with the light on?
With regards to snoring; how is the best way to stop it? I tend to touch my husband gently on the shoulder, but he wakes with a start. I have tried turning over noisily so he turns over but he doesn't often work. By the way I do snore as well, just not as noisily/annoying as my husband!
Finally, what happens when one of you doesn't move in bed creating a man shaped dip in the bed and ridge in the middle? It is like a rollercoaster in our bed! The mattress is only 7 years old.
That's all for now, folks...
I was a bit "barking" up the wrong tree last night!
Drinking and blogging are not a good idea. A Bridget Jones moment.
But.... I have been firing on all cylinders today. Good successful meetings.
I was de-stressing and it worked. I feel great today.
I can sleep on the left if the other person has their back to me. I can't stand breathing in my face - or someone laying on their back with their arms in the air and armpit in your face! Being deaf in my left ear, I like to blot out any sound by sleeping on my right ear.
Afternoon all
I don`t understand this bed side thing. I never have. Im a Woman that could sleep on either side. But then i use to commute so i can sleep in a car. train bus.. I guess im not fussy.
I take the mick out of my Fiance when he demands the right side of the bed. Even when we go away he has to have that side of the bed. Im always asking so which side is mine again? If i fall sleep and roll over to his side im woken up and asked or more likely pushed to what i guess has been deamed my side of the bed.
We have a kings size duvet on a double bed to try and stop the duvet stealing but im afraid it doesn`t work. one of us will manage to steal it from the other.
But my fellow bloggers and yourself had me giggling throughout this one.
Shaz
Chris,
Completely agree - it's a territorial thing. Being with a left-hander certainly makes life easier.
What's with the trumping fixation? Is that just a man thing?
Lots of love,
Ali x
Christopher,
My question to you is this, if you are led in the bed, facing the ceiling, are you on the left or right?
If you are stood at the bottom of the bed looking at it, would you sleep on the left or right?
and after all, does it matter that much,
as long as you have someone to share it with.
I'm glad to see that it's not just my mum who think's of it as 'hump day' today. I thought she was just slightly mad.
thanks one and all, enjoy this grey day,
Only 10 more days of being 29!!!
Sally.
I'm left handed Chris!
Already been snapped up by a fellow leftie though, sorry!
My husband sleeps on the right. I can't really says he likes to sleep on that side. As he would much prefer to stretch out diagonally on the whole of the bed, being 6ft 3!
If you had a gorgeous woman in your bed though, would you really want to be writing on the lap top and doing the crossword?!
Looking forward to the show, making rush hour a bit more bearable.
I'm a left sleeper at home and a right side at my sisters house, but that may be because the beds are both pushed in to the wall and there's no choice?
Chris I and a couple of girl friends are think of learning to play golf (me to try to pull a gorgeous hunk) any tips?
Clare x
Dear old Chris, you really are so naive when it comes to sharing. The bed scenario is oh so simple. Get bunkbeds, that way you can both have your tea and drink it on the right . the only problem is who makes a 6' bedsided table????? Ikea.....nope! Argos.....nope! Got it .....Handy Andy, Surley with your phonebook full of contacts his will be there.
If all else fails, go to her place she can make the teas and the bed afterwards and you can catch a cab home and leave the mess!!!!!
Cheeers byeeeee!!!!!
Chris,
Couldnt agree more, im right handed and always read on the right side of the bed, although now im single i just sprawl anywhere and everywhere when i sleep! Its great!!
Is enzo left or right pawed?
Mike
Afternoon Christoph and a big hug to you and Enzo...........
I must be the only person not to have heard either speech from Gordy or Tone, but I don't think Golden Brown would make a good PM...if that counts for anything!!!
Anyway Chris......I am a happy singleton like Claire #34, but I would just like to say that you and Enzo are quite welcome anytime to share my bed and you can have whatever side you like...........**mange tout**mange tout**
Happy Wednesday everyone!!!!!
Luv
Mayhem
xx
Chris you said "You鈥檝e only known them a few hours"
What ever happened to at least waiting till the second date or is life too short for that now too?
Secondly being a couple is always going to be a compromise that means you have to put others first before yourself. If your not prepared to do this and just accept which ever side of the bed they choose the relationship is never going to work. You could battle about this stuff but life is definitley too short for this. Anyway there are much more inportant things in life like poverty, hunger and war to direct our anger at.
Nick C.
A little off the beaten track but maybe someone can enlighten me. I went to my big double bed on my own last light feeling fine and have woken up today feeling like I have been kicked by a horse !
Any suggestions ? x
What's all the fuss about which side of the bed? As soon as the kids come along its all irrelevant anyway...we always wake up with our 3 year old snuggled in one side or the other, by 6am our 6 year old is in the middle of us and at weekends our 9 year old brings in her own pillow and 'moves in' to the bottom of the bed. If he is in a particularly bad mood this is old man's cue to go and get in one of the kids beds!
Sx
Thee hee and there was much giggling!
I'm right handed and sleep on the left, but mainly because I read facing the left and fall asleep in recovery position!
Apparently according to hubbie (who snores like a beastie) I go fishing in the night for him with my legs. unless I'm touching some part of him I wake up. But strangly can fall asleep without him being in bed!!
He also makes a presant of the duvet every night, apparently cant get to sleep with it on him so throws it onto me before settling down, then wakes up at 3a.m. freezing cold expecting me to give it back after I've cocooned myself in it! Sorry no I'll fight you for it it was a prezzie and you gave it to ME, you can't have it back now!
He also gets up for work before me so I keep to my side all night (appart from the odd stray leg which has gone fishing for him) and then when he gets up I do the starfish thing in the warm patch!
I love my bed and cudgie duvet, if I could take them on holiday with me I would, no matter how long we've been away or where it was I'm always excited to get back in my own bed after a big bath, mmmmmmmm.
Well I'm off to get some work done so I might be able to chip off early to start the birthday celebrations which I share with my brother in law and nephew! (Nephew was a really cool birthday prezzie 7 years ago today!)
Becks
I enjoyed that guy on about foraging on yesterdays show are you really going foraging with him.
I pick nettles using my fingers, you just suddenly grab the stem of the nettle real fast like.
See if you can make any sense of my blog and I dont drink because I am an alcoholic
#47 F38
you should read the blog of "girl with a one track mind" v rude in bits!
Couldn't believe it. Got in the car to drive home last night....... THe Story of the Blues....... That was my choice for Friday Night. I even got thru, but had to hang up after holding for ages, cause I had to drop my kids off at things....
So now I know - you've got psychic telephones, they store the songs and then you play them later.
Hel. X X
Clare Luke #52 This can be a tip for you just in case it happens when you are learning to play golf! :-)
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next
hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his
hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I
could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man
replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position,
still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful
massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"
He replied, "It feels great......but my thumb still hurts like hell."
Keith
x
lammy pie.........
this is HUGE!!! Really Really HUGE!!!
This IS the big thing! Forget whatever it is you;re planning! This is it!
(And Tony, I'm sorry, Mr RH Tony , (manners cost nothing), you should use this huge topic whn you need a diversion next from all those vultures trying to stray off the point!)
Oh and I like what you're doing with the subliminal advertising for whatever this next big thing is... the way you keep slipping it in, luring us into your trap like honey bees! I love it. Clever man. All in good time, no doubt.
Hey Chris and fellow bloggers!
This really made me chuckle today. I am right handed but sleep on the left hand side when my partner is away. We've been together for seven years now, but he's worked away for the past two years. He works eight weeks on, then two weeks back with me and, as soon as he's back, then he's on the left and I'm over on the right. He even moves my book, clock, lamp, etc, over to the right hand table while he's back! But it's so lovely to have him back that you wouldn't hear me complaining!
Take care everyone. Happy Wednesday!
Susan
x
Chris,
i am left handed and would have no problem moving into the left hand side of your bed.
By the way love the show.
Jackie
As for Blair, I hope Bush and Company would resign.
As for blogging and drinking, If a person must blog and drink then it should be either with Coffee or a Milkshake.
What a dilemma!
This is one thing Mrs J and I can agree on. Although we are both right handed, Mrs J prefers the left side of bed and I prefer the right.
What a perfect marriage you must have I here you say. But NO because we both prefer to lie on our right sides, thus Mrs J is always facing my back as I am facing away from her.
I then gets criticised for turning my back on her, bad signals etc, etc, etc,鈥︹︹︹ give in turn over, feel uncomfortable and of course in my sleep naturally spin back.
If I suggest swapping sides so I can spoon into her bottom, Mrs J then complains she is on the wrong side of the bed.
I have taken a piece of paper and worked through all scenario鈥檚, but am unable to come to a solution to satisfy this dilemma (Other than arranging to meet Suzanne 43. of course). Any idea鈥檚 out there?
I WONDER IF CHERIE CRITICISES TONY FOR LYING ON HIS WRONG SIDE, AND THUS ENDS UP FACING GORDONS FLAT. (THIS COULD BE THE BACKGROUND CHERIE'S PROBLEM WITH GORD !!!)
Hello peeps
I was so pleased to hear James - Laid on the show last night (it was one of DID choices) and some Pulp too, after a super long day at work it cheered me up before I got home. Is it too cheeky to ask for an All Request 90's Music Friday? By the way, is it ridiculously naughty to have fish & chips on a Tuesday? (or sausage in batter?)
With regard to the whole bed issue - I sleep on the lhs of the bed, nearer to the window and away from the alarm clock (I'm right handed). It means that it's easier for the husband to get up in the morning and do the dog and tea making duties and more difficult for me to do so.
Our dog comes upstairs at 6 ish every morning and sleeps at the foot of the bed (on the bed) for an hour until we drag our carcasses out of it. He then stays there until we get dressed sprawled over as much of it as possible! I thinked we've ruined him!
Like many other bloggy people we have a Kingsize duvet on a double bed, it just seems to be easier that way and means there are less arguments (although the encroaching into 'my' space issue seems to come around often).
I like to read in bed before going to sleep and am really jealous of my husband who falls to sleep like that *clicks fingures*. As I have to have a really dull lightbulb so as not to disturb him I'm then clinging to the side of the mattress to get enough light to read by, then he comes over for snugglings and I can't move, if I try to creep back some of my space I get grumped at for pushing / kicking / moving him, if I wriggle towards the light I fall out of bed. What to do, I quite like the idea of running round the other side of the bed but that would wake me up fully and require more reading.
I don't think you need to meet someone left handed Chris, surely when you meet that perfect person it won't matter what side of the bed they like to sleep on. You'll be able to compromise about stuff and perhaps they will too - it's all about the compromise!
Happy sleeps tonight everyone
:o) Jo
Dear Mr Evans and Co,
I'm a right hander but sleep on the left. I recently had a lovely experience where I shared a bed with a very charming gent who like you, always sleeps on the right. We had a blissful sleep surrounded by animals snoozing on the floor. In the morning lovely gent even let me sit up on his side of the bed to enjoy the tea and toast that he'd made. What was this I asked? He said this was but another sign of his devotion - I had to pinch myself - could this be real? Giving up his side of the bed for me? Could I be so lucky? I left that morning with a smile on my face and a happy heart convinced the best was yet to come鈥
Oh dear is this timely. My sweetie allows me the right side of the bed as he doesn't have a preference. The problem is, he is a big man and I am a dainty thing. He can't help but make the matress bow in where he sleeps...that leaves me hanging on to the edge of the mattress for dear life or I find myself tumbling into the center! When he comes to bed and sits down I am thrown into the air a couple of inches as though it were a trampoline!
Makes me think that Desi Arnez & Lucille Ball were onto something with two singles...I bet they slept well.
Amanda
P.S. Blair was indeed brilliant.
Hm. I once wrote a song on the same subject, following the break up of a relationship. It was called, 'All you ever gave me was a side of the bed'.
Hello everyone
I just read on the internet that all the streetlights are being turned off in parts of Iceland this week, to encourage people to look at the stars and the beautiful night sky. They will be encouraged to sit in the dark in their houses while an astronomer describes the night sky on national radio.
HOW AMAZING COOL IS THAT??? THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC IF IT HAPPENED HERE.
Happy Wednesday all
Helen xx
HI CHRIS BE LIKE ME IN SINGLE LAND i END UP SLEEPING SIDEWARDS ON MY KINGSIZE
Hello all
Dolores here. Another day, another blog comment. Have to say I'm beginning to enjoy it. Who knows, if the police ever release Joseph we might end up sparring on here. He'd lose of course.
Regarding which side of the bed to sleep on...I don't care as long as himself doesn't spread too far into my territory. One of his less appealing habits is trying to lie diagonally across the bed whilst asleep. I asked him once if he was aware of what he was doing. To my astonishment, I found out he was doing it deliberately! He claimed it was an 'unconscious mind control technique' passed down by his ancestors for improving sleep patterns. When I protested that no such improvement was forthcoming in my own pattern of sleep, he kindly offered to supply me with a small bed-bridge that would lift my legs over his without applying any pressure onto his precious pins.
That particular idea go short thrift. Nowadays if he tries anything I just push him back to where he belongs. Does he moan? Of course not. He sleeps like the dead. Unconscious mind control my ar*e.
yours
Dolores
Hi Chris and Mariella,
As per my blog of yesterday I can reveal the 'psychological meaning' behind one's choice of favourite domestic and wild animals and one's reasons for choosing them which are particularly important. I hope that you find it interesting. I find it fascinating and it goes down a treat at dinner parties.
The domestic animal is supposed to relate to your ideal partner and the wild animal to how you see yourself. Typically 'dog' people choose partners for loyalty, comapnionship, best friend, protection, obedient, etc whereas typically 'cat' people will say they like cats for quite different reasons.
The first time I was asked this (before I knew what it revealed) I said cat for domestic animal and dolphin for wild animal. I gave my three reasons for 'cat' as independent, sophisticated and affectionate. My reasons for dolphin were beautiful, playful and intelligent. When I was told what I had revealed about myself I was intrigued. I wouldn't say I'm beautiful but I'm very playful and freedom has always been very important to me - hence single. I always meet 'dog' men!
So Mariella, what do you make of your choice of dragon?! I think you must be a wonderful person! I've never known anybody say dragon before!
And as for you Chris, I'd love to know what your favourite wild animal is. Any cahnce?
Debs xxxxx
P.S.I see that the ever popular David Tenant's on Who Do You Think You Are? tonight. Shouldn't that be, Do You Think You Are Who?! (apologies...)
P.P.S. Col Mustard - thanks for your comment. I hope I can maintain your intrigue........and who is that SW?
Chris,
Interesting blog.
How about this idea to solve bed issue.
You've been out for a lovely meal with a lady friend (avoiding the garlic bread). You ask if she wants to come back to your place, she says yes. You jump in a taxi, pay the driver, as you walk to the front door, she places her right hand into your left. You have a couple of night caps and things start to happen. You carry her to your room, place her on the bed, and then, before things really kick off, you take a quick pee on the right side marking your territory.
Now, she may say "Urgh!" or "What the hell?".
At this point I've run out of ideas, so you'll be on your own mate. Say something like it's caveman instinct, you've seen it on a David Attenborough programme or something.
Em #13,
Quote from Lord of the Rings (no, I don't run around in Elf costumes, but I find the following from Sean Austins character really inspiring)
"It's like the great stories, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, sometimes you didn't want to know the end. But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, but they didn't.
They kept going.
Because they were holding onto something...that there's some good in the world...and it's worth fighting for."
Not word perfect, but it's a brilliant way to motivate yourself. Certainly reinforces my dertermination and persistence in chasing a goal.
Anyhow, work calls.
Dave.
Hi Chris and Fellow Blog Readers!
Just heard Chris on Drive time talking about the nightmare which is packaging. Why don't we all start to undo the packaging after we have paid for the goods at the supermarket and put in the supermarket bins so they have to take it away. The other day I bought a cucumber in one of the big supermarkets, not only was it cling wrapped, but then it was encased in a polythene bag! Anyone agree with this idea?
love and light Jeannie ;0)
im typing this with my LEFT HAND !!!!
my spare side of the bed is always covered in newspapers and books,oh and probably a couple of dog chews!!!!
XE
I have thought carefully about this. I am right handed, sleep on the right and have 2 reasons why. When the kids arrived, the right hand side of the bed was the furthest side from the door, so I often got away with getting up at night. Very selfish, I know, but I am a bloke. The second reason, is that I can remember as a very small child, my Grandad slept on the right hand side and it just seemed the natural way to go. Being right handed has nothing to do with it.
By the way, we live in my grandparents old house and I sleep in the exact spot Grandad did. This is also the exact spot he died. I have to carry it on!
hi bloggers
Jeannie #78
awesome idea re packaging - i'm in :)
Gaby
x
Chris,
I too favour the right and am also right-handed, which is no coincidence. It's all about having your best hand in the optimum position as you roll over to your companion of the moment.
What you need is a left-handed lady and there's you'll have the best of both worlds!
(too naughty for Radio 2, I know)
Keep it up,
James
Hello one and all,
Well that's never happened before. Was just reading the comments and was reading Debs sleeping position tip at the exact same time as Chris read it out on the radio!!
Is Chris now choosing music that ties in with the blog. He's currently playing Doris Day with the line 'Move over darling'
As another of the blog's happy (most of the time) singletons, i have the pleasure of the whole double bed to myself. Fab! And doing the slowly flapping starfish thing - moving arms and legs from warm part to coll sheets and back again - is one of life's little luxuries. May seem a small thing but never fails to give warm feeling of contentment.
I like the idea about the packaging too, but we all need to act together as one unifed force. Having lived in the very eco aware Germany for four years (they do it so much better than us - we need to learn from them) I hate the idea of people not sorting and recycling any packaging they get things in. I also hate the mass over use of plastic bags. Why don't we have cotton bags to reuse.
Piglet xxx
Hi Chris and everyone,
I am a right-hander but I have always slept on the left since we got married and I am totally used to it now (married 20 years..fell out for three and got divorced..now back together) and together or apart I feel 'more at home' on the left now ..so I guess my advice is stake your claim at the beginning of the relationship and the other person will adapt eventually!
Good luck x
Hiya
My husband sleeps on the left and made a point of saying very early on in our relationship that the left side was his. This suited me fine as I'd never slept in a double bed with anyone but him and it made sense that I should sleep on the right because my Mum does and it didn't seem appropriate to sleep on the other side.
On the subject of farting, I certainly agree with being discreet in the early stages of a relationship but since my beloved considers passing wind to be a competetive sport I wasn't discreet for long and he doesn't know the meaning of the word.
Have a good evening
Jo xx
Hi, I heard u today on R2 talking about "too much packaging". I have a BIG IDEA too - a way of getting rid of packaging (well tons and tons of it). We need a figurehead - you're just the man. We're off to the DTI soon to discuss it. It's about time you became a captain of industry instead of all that sissy playing records stuff..
ok Simon post 86......come on...I have already suggested we take the packaging off after we have paid for the stuff in supermarketxs andSTICK IT IN THEIR LITTER BINs
75% of it is unnessary, why should we take it home with us. Kaiser Chef! oooh I once read if supermarkets could ban fresh veg and salads their life would be much easier, dont trust them, shop local, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx KC
Hi Chris,
Heard your skin doctor from Bristol he was really into hats, perhaps all the face cream manufacturers will start to bring out a range of jolly chapeaux. To minimise the ageing process a good set of facial exercises are the thing, isometrics for the face which will increase muscle tone and keep you looking younger. If you want to find a great facial exercise program visit my wife site www.facialwizard.yourpower2be.com it really is the bees knees. It has the added secret of EFT (Emotion Freedom Technique) that helps to keep you going with your exercises to stop any back sliding. Looking forward to the competition for forraging I would love to come along.
Regards Ian Richards
Unbelievable!!
My wife and I have slept on the same sides of the bed for the last thirteen years. Me on the left (I am left handed), her on the right (right handed). Everything was fine and dandy.
On Saturday we re-arranged our bedroom in anticipation of new wardrobes etc, and we thought a bit of a change would be nice. In the change around the bed has moved and we have now changed sides.
We have not slept since. We both feel topsy turvey and completly wonky. I think we will have to give into intuition and swap back.
Change is not always as good as a rest.
Loved the show today by the way.
x
Hiya one and all!
Life in Nottm getting very hectic so amazing I can get onto the blog at all!
Love your sleeping in bed problems Chris. I sleep on my left hand side, my bedside table is on the left side and I pick everything up with my right hand ... if I've not slept on it and made it dead! I do also do the right side if necessary. I also sleep across the bed, my feet on the floor if possible... or my bum hanging off the bed and almost landing me on the floor! Had an experience last night and realised that men can be a little bit 'particular' about bedroom habits etc. Rather made me laugh actually, very nice and all that but inwardly I was having such a giggle. He was a right handed man!
Didn't hear much of the Tone's speech yesterday because I was otherwise engaged.
Saw Clinton today. You know that guy lied, he cheated on his wife and yet, damn it, I still like him! What's he got?!!?
Oooh David Tennant on Who Do You think you are! He was in Warwick filming Dr Who a few weeks ago, stepping into and out of his tardis, not bad!
Lots of love to you all!
Kisses and hugs, sleepy Clare (who'll do any side of the bed... as long as the dog isn't there!)
XXXXXXXXXXX
re Fox the Fox - could you possibly tell us the
result of the day before's poser when
announcing the new daily project for her
to solve. I never get to hear the results
each day as I am home by then cooking tea!!
Your show is really good, by the way!
Shirley Maddock
Hi Chris
Well its late and the wife has fallen to sleep on the sofa so its off to a big empty bed for me...very quietly now..shhhh..nite nite
sleep well
Rich
Hi Chris,
Have been catching up on the blog - and have to confess to not reading every reply, and yes I do get the point about being righthanded etc..... but here's an idea, just a thought mind, what about getting two bedside tables - one left and one right - at least you would have somewhere to put your tea!!
Love
Anne x
hi chris an all shloggers everywhere.
i couldnt agree more about the bed debate. sleeping with my husband is like invasion of the bed snatchers, whereever i go he s there. great. (not). i d rather sleep with enzo, what was the dermatologist on, did he have some dutch courage before his slot???????????? bye
Tonight I am sober!
China!
So why are we all letting them go through what we went through? Industrial polution etc and now executions for organs! And yet it is the west paying for the organs, who else!
Please, can someone stop this world I want to get off!
You need to meet a girl who's scared of intruders.... then position the right side of the bed next to the door. Then you sell it as a safety measure to sleep on the left.
Easy
dear chris,
id recommend checking out problogger. they're folks who blog for money and their blog is about blogging for money.
you probably dont need a cash boost but if you want to know more about monetising your blog email me. from your comment numbers, im guestimating that you could easily make 拢500 per day from your traffic.
cheers
aurum
That is a brilliant post.
Luckily for me I have met my left handed man :o)