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I Think We're A-List Now...

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Fraser McAlpine | 18:01 UK time, Thursday, 2 August 2007

Girls Aloud

You join us at a very exciting moment in ChartBlog's long history of having a big old debate about stuff to do with music. There's a new Girls Aloud single on the way, and this gives us a perfect opportunity to perform some careful analysis, using our most experienced careful analysts (hi Steve!), and a lot of stropping, pouting and general breath-holding (all me, sadly) in order to arrive at a proper scientific measurement of how brilliant (or otherwise) it is.

The song is called 'Sexy! No No No...' - a title which is kind of off-putting to start with. In a situation where the name of a song is created by taking two separate bits of lyric and jamming them together, it's considered better etiquette to apply brackets - 'Sexy! (No No No)' perhaps, or even '(Sexy!) No No No'. In some extreme cases, like if the person who wrote the song didn't speak English (or sense) as a first language, something as beserk as 'Sexy (The No No No Song!)' may even be brought in.

Thankfully things aren't that bad here, there just a cheesy one-word title, followed by the hookline to 'Rehab' by Amy Winehouse - a song which the Girls girls cannot claim not to know, as they have covered it.

But is this kind of sloppy discipline in the naming department a sign that the mighty Aloud are slipping a bit in terms of quality control? Well, in order to work this out, we have to know whether Girls Aloud have demonstrated that they HAVE a quality control department. And so we have devised a fool-proof (seriously, we tested that aspect of it REALLY HARD) ratings system for all of their singles to date. Using this, ChartBlog hopes to prove once and for all...something very clever.

The rating system goes a little like this. There are four categories, and seeing as GA are no strangers to the celebrity swank-bash, we've labelled them in a way that they will understand.

Graph of Girls Aloud songs

As you can see from this graph, there's the A-list, which are the best of the very best of the best of the best. No band, no matter how amazing they may be, ever has more than five or six singles which are honestly, truthfully, INARGUABLY brilliant. This isn't just some idle attempt to wind up non-Girls Aloud fans, by the way. Think about the band or artist who means the most to you in all the world, now think about the songs they have done which you literally COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT.

It's not a massively high number, is it?

But this is another argument for another time (I'm guessing maybe the comments section?). These are Girls Aloud's best, best songs:

girls_aloud_biology.jpgA-List
Sound Of The Underground
No Good Advice
The Show
Love Machine
Biology

Stop arguing, I haven't finished yet. Now, a fair amount of singles don't quite reach the giddy heights of the A-list. Some of them have great beginnings but weak endings, some are let down by odd lyrics, and some just don't quite have enough pizzazz. These songs are B-listers. Always good fun to have around, but the party could still happen without them. No need for a VIP area, or any diva demands, but still worth buying a drink. This list is a lot shorter, for reasons I'll get to in a second.

girls_aloud_wake.jpgB-List
Wake Me Up
Jump

Now this is where a lot of the biggest arguments broke out. Among the ChartBlog team, it was felt that songs like 'Wake Me Up' were clearly a cut above songs like 'Something Kinda Oooh', but weren't actually quite good enough to be A-list. This meant creating a third category of song, for those ditties which cross the line from 'nearly great' into 'nearly rubbish, but still pretty good'.

Statisticians (and English teachers) would probably expect this category to be called the C-List. But it was felt that some of these songs are still pretty great, even if they do have stupid lyrics ('Long Hot Summer') or blantant melodic thefts from Oasis songs ('Life Got Cold'). And seeing as feelings were by this time running VERY high indeed, a compromise was reached. And the new category became known as the B2-List.

girls_aloud_summer.jpgThe B2 List
Long Hot Summer
Something Kinda Ooooh
Life Got Cold
Whole Lotta History

This liberation from the normal order of the alphabet also allowed one further innovation, the separation (by a distance of several letters) of the worst Girls Aloud singles from their better work, and the creation of the F-List. It's a bit like keeping someone in quarantine when they're poorly. It does everyone good to have a bit of space and time to heal - just ask Doctor Who.

There was very little argument about which songs should be dumped, unceremoniously, into this list. Girls Aloud's ballads and cover versions are rarely their best work. And if they had released their cover of 'Rehab' as a single, well, let's just say we made this list with a LOT of room for further additions.

girls_aloud_walk.jpgF-List
See The Day
I'll Stand By You
I Think We're Alone Now
Walk This Way

So, having tidied an entire career away, to make room for fresh stuff, how does 'Sexy No No No' measure up?

Rather well, as it happens. It's kinda dumb, kinda sassy, kinda pumping and kinda "what on EARTH is THAT?", just like all the best Aloud anthems are. Steve made a valiant case for ranking it alongside 'The Show' or 'Love Machine' as one of their A-list classics, but the rest of the panel (hiya!) remained slightly less enthused, but still keen.

Nevertheless, that still makes it better than all but 5 of their songs, so congratulations are probably due.

And at least Girls Aloud HAVE an A-list, right Westlife?

Comments

  1. At 06:31 PM on 02 Aug 2007, Steve P wrote:

    Perhaps we should have made a B0.5 list for 'Sexy! No No No...'? I still maintain that we need to see how it holds up over time before we completely rule out promotion to the A-list...

  2. At 09:46 PM on 02 Aug 2007, wrote:

    am i the only one who feels slightly sorry for chico?? thats kinda harsh..

  3. At 09:19 AM on 03 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Yeah, Chico is put down a lot. But all little kids like him. I suppose it's cos he performs at some Butlins place or w/e it was i saw him on an advert for the other day. Just as well, really.

  4. At 02:49 PM on 03 Aug 2007, LG wrote:

    Personally i'd switch Love Machine and Something Kinda Ooooh around but Sexy! No, No, No is definitely A-List material + lol at the Westlife comment.

  5. At 12:32 PM on 07 Aug 2007, Sev wrote:

    Haven't heard the song yet but I can't wait!!
    Bring back the girrrrrls!
    Oh, by the way, loved the Chico and Westlife references... Tee hee

  6. At 09:48 PM on 07 Aug 2007, M wrote:

    They are all F list if you ask me.

  7. At 11:21 AM on 08 Aug 2007, Sev wrote:

    At 09:48 PM on 07 Aug 2007, M wrote: They are all F list if you ask me.


    Well we ain't asking you.

  8. At 06:54 PM on 08 Aug 2007, Jayne wrote:

    Get Sexy! No No No on that A List guys it's fantastic! We need to hear it more more more!
    Oh and Something Kinda Oooh deserves to be on the A list surely?

  9. At 07:05 PM on 08 Aug 2007, Jay wrote:

    A List! A List! A List!
    Get it on! We need to hear this more, give them a decent chance for a number one! They deserve it!

  10. At 03:16 PM on 10 Aug 2007, Jonjoe wrote:

    Sorry but most people would feel Something kinda oooh is A list.

    My feelings

    A list
    Biology
    Sound of the underground
    Love machine
    No good advice
    Something kinda oooh

    B list
    The Show
    Wake me up
    Sexy no no no
    Jump

    B2 list
    Long hot summer
    Life got cold
    Whole lotta history
    I think were alone now

    F list
    See the day
    Ill stand by you
    walk this way

    Sexy no no no might easily go into A list, time will tell

  11. At 12:53 PM on 28 Feb 2008, SIMON wrote:

    Radio one!!!

    Why do we have to listen to so much rubbish during the day on radio one!!!

    This country produces some of the best urban music and im not on about your usual untalented commercial so solid crew types!!

    I really have had enough of listening to BANDS!!

    These BANDS are rip off's and just go on and on about the same old pointless rubbish...

    Sorry Radio one but that was the 80's and BANDS today are just bad copies of somthing that was being played 25 years ago!!

    Cant you see and understand this!?

    Play some more selected music ie: RnB, DnB, Hip Hop... this country is still at the for front of new music and you Radio One Guys have failed to see this!!

    Im a artist/dj and your never catch me playing you so called BRITS" MUSIC!!

    Or are you just in the music business for the money....

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