Mum 1
I know, shh鈥 It's okay Cariad. There we go, yeah, yeah. Shh鈥
Mum 2
Oh, you've got a grizzly girl? Oh.
Mum 1
Do you know what? I feel like I haven't slept in twelve years.
Mum 2
Oh no!
Mum 1
It's just, I put her down for two minutes and then she's screaming again and then she needs feeding and then she needs her nappy changed. Oh, she just doesn't want to settle you know? Aw well, poor Mummy. Knackered.
Mum 2
Aww. I never have any trouble with Evie. You know, I put her down at 7pm and she just sleeps all the way through until seven in the morning. She never wakes up. Oh, heaven. I don't know why I brought her here at this time I should have known because she's always asleep at this time. She's like clockwork.
Mum 1
Lucky.
Mum 2
Well. Make your own luck. So鈥hh鈥h dear! Have you tried singing her a lullaby?
Mum 1
Yeah I sing all to her the time, but she enjoys it so much, she's just joins in. So it just doesn't really work. Yeah, doesn't really work.
Mum 2
Oh no! Oh, what's Mummy doing wrong? What is Mummy doing wrong? We don't know! We don't know what she's doing wrong. Oh dear鈥 I read somewhere, that if you speak in a low, you know, boring, monotonous voice, it helps them, soothe them to sleep.
Mum 1
Okay, well, we'll try that you know.
Mum 2
Well you might as well! Yeah, give it a go. Yeah!
Mum 1
Thanks.
Mum 2
Oh, she's just so loud. Oh, poor Mummy. Dear, dear鈥 Have you tried strapping her in a buggy and taking her for a long walk around the park?
Mum 1
Yeah, yeah we've tried that.
Mum 2
Doesn't work?
Mum 1
Doesn't work. No she loves it. Yeah, they're different. So鈥 They are so different.
Mum 2
Yeah. They are so different! What is Mummy doing to you? We don't know! Dear, dear, dear .Have you brought her into the bed with you? Yeah鈥hat's your mistake! That's where you've gone wrong. Oh! My sister, has been having an absolute nightmare鈥
Mum 1
Do you know what's a nightmare, actually is sitting here, next to you鈥 with your advice and 'ooh, do you know what you're doing wrong?' and 'ooh, that was a mistake' and 'oh have you tried doing the low really boring voice?'. Well, no, sorry. We're not all perfect Mummies okay?
Mum 2
Oh鈥 You've woken Evie up now!
Mum 1
I'm sorry鈥h! She's sleeping!
Mum 2
Sorry darling. I am sorry darling.
Mum 1
Don't worry, she'll be asleep again at seven. Like clockwork innit鈥
When you're struggling with your baby, the last thing you want to hear is a total know-it-all.
Remember, nobody's perfect - and definitely not this mum!
