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Kevin Connolly
Kevin Connolly is the former editor of Belfast's free magazine BLT (Belfast Life Today), plus the property magazine The Hothouse, a supplement of the Sunday People. He has had twenty poems published in books and magazines, and he is currently completing his first horror novel. He has written over fifty comedy short stories, and lives in Belfast.
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If (By Mr. Kipling) by Kevin Connolly
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If you can bake a cake when all about you
Are burning theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust your buns when bakers doubt you,
Then make allowance for their doubting too.
If you can bake and not be tired by baking,
Get your jam-tarts out, don't make rhubarb-pies.
Don't make toast or give way to brown bread-making,
And yet don't burn your scones, and you'll be wise.
If you can make one heap of all your fine buns
And turn them into one huge wedding-cake,
Fine-sprinkle the top with hundreds and thousands,
Then that would be the best cake you could make.
If you can force your dough into a huge pan
To serve your turn long after you are gone,
Then maybe you would rather make a big flan?
And don't forget to make the odd croissant.
If you can bake with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or bake with kings, don't lose the common touch.
If neither cake nor bun-eaters can hurt you,
Then fill their tums with toffee, jam and fudge.
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of baking, run…
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll bake a cake, my son!
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