When all was dark and unawares
A goblin crept in up the stairs
He tiptoed quiet as a mouse
And sent strange noises through the house
听
The sound of laughter echoed round
The mirth could not be seen nor found
Then suddenly a face appears
With bulging eyes and pointy ears
听
The goblin crept into my room
And threatened with a handled broom
He sniggers wickedly and says
鈥淕ive me a drink or here I stays鈥
听
The cheeky monkey then pops in
A bottle of Beefeater Gin
Mayhem quickly then pursues
He's only got my Gucci shoes!
听
He wiggles shamelessly his ass
Then heads for the Venetian glass
The one's my mother bought last year
(to celebrate divorce my dear)
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The tyke then full of will to play
Picked up my Este茅 lauder spray
And squirted at my Burmese cat
鈥淚麓ll kill you now鈥 at him I spat
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Then with a cheek he gave a grin
And grabbed my Belgian chocolate tin
He took one gorgeous little sweet
Then gave it to the dog to eat
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The bloody nerve, 鈥淚麓ll have you mate鈥
I pinned him up against the grate
But sadly as he wriggled free
He kicked me sharply on the knee
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He then heads underneath the bed
(The husband麓s gone as I just said)
He picks up my vibrating rabbit
And squeaks that it麓s a filthy habit
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By now I麓m getting really cross
I麓ll show him who's the bloody boss
But in a second he is gone
And reappears in my red thong
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Then on my peach silk bed he sat
I told him that he looked a pratt
He stuck one finger up at me
Took out his willy, had a pee !
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But then he turned a shade of green
And on the wall began to lean
The Gin was dizzying his head
鈥淪erves you damn right鈥 to him I said
听
And then, Oh no, please God forbid
He麓s heading for the toilet lid
And as he staggers to the loo
He whispers 鈥渢oilet, I love you鈥
听
I have no choice and with a grin
I push the little bugger in
So goblin friends I hope you see
You really shouldn麓t mess with me
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