Adoption
Nicky Turner decided she wanted to adopt a child about five years ago. She was in her late 30s, single but wanted to be a mum and adoption seemed to be the solution.
She approached the Adoption and Family Finding Unit at her local Council to see if she could adopt a child. As she was single her options were limited – she could apply for an older child but not a baby. Nicky really wanted a baby and enquired about adopting from overseas where getting a baby would be more likely. At this stage she had to choose which country she wanted to adopt from. Nicky didn’t want to deal with adoption agencies, she wanted to deal with government orphanages directly which narrowed down her options to a couple of countries including China and Nepal. She wasn’t sure which country to choose from and asked her friends and they suggested Nepal.
The vetting process was long and arduous but Nicky eventually became mother to Karishma.
i just heard your interview about adoption from abroad, as an adopted child from england, i find it totally wrong to take the easy option to 'buy a baby' from abroad, when there are childrens homes in the uk full of children who need loving, caring parents, and sit there overlooked. i am sure the adopting parents dont think about what they are doing, or the effects on children. i am 42, had a great upbringing. so please have a look around you,there is suffering in your own country.
Complain about this postCongratulations to Nicky Turner on your new daughter. My only comment is that in the interview Nicky said she wanted to avoid the "baggage" that comes with adopting an older child. That's undoubtably true but there are literally thousands of kids in orphanages in Nepal of all ages looking for the love of a new family. The regulations are that they can't be put up for international adoption beyond the age of 6. So, after that they face years in an orphange. After that? Well, for many girls it's the sex trade. Adoption from Nepal isn't easy but it's easier to adopt a baby. How do I know this? My wife and I adopted Tara from Nepal 3 years ago. She was 5 and had been abandoned. She's now a bright and cheerful little girl (practicing her piano as I type) and a joy to be with. Yes, older children do bring some "baggage" but don't write them off.
Complain about this postI'm just beginning to look into the options for inter country adoption. My partner and I have been to Nepal and would be interested in adopting from there but I had assumed it would be more complicated than to do so from somewhere like China. I would love to hear from anyone who has adopted from Nepal, whether it was a difficult process and any tips on where to start.
Complain about this postMy husband I adopted our two daughters from Colombia. They are now aged 22 and 24. It was great to hear Nicky Turner's positive attitude to the problems of the present and future. In those days, there was no help from authorities; so having someone to share the experience with was almost essential. Well done for going it alone, Nicky.
Complain about this postLooking back to where Nicky is now with her daughter, I would say that the problems that arose during our daughters' growing up, were sometimes predictable, like racism, but others, like being abandoned by birth parents and loss of identity, were, and still are, big issues for them. But they never outweighed the sheer joy, fun and love we've had over the years. We are so lucky to have had our wonderful daughters.
Please contact me, Nicky, if you'd like to chat.
I listened with interest to your story about adopting from Nepal and to the discussion of intercountry adoption that followed. I am delighted that Nicky decided to choose Nepal.
I wonder, too, why the idea of intercountry adoption raises so many debates and doubts, as they clearly did in the minds of your studio guests, about the 'political' complications. Does this apply also to intercountry marriages and their offspring? I am married to a Nepali and our children, if we manage to have them naturally, will be mixed Nepali-English. If not, we will adopt - also from Nepal - and will then have purely Nepali children.
Yes, marrying someone from another country has its difficulties - not least the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Office barriers erected to make it as hard as possible - but if you are someone who has affinities with people from other cultures, and take the time to understand them and their ways, then those cultural differences can be overcome, even celebrated, and add to the rich diversity of our lives and the life of this country. The same will surely be true of adoption.
This spectre of 'racism' (given that it happens just as much to people born and bred in this country) is just a smokescreen for many people's discomfort with the idea of accepting people of other cultures into the very heart of our lives - our families.
It seems likely that the same things will be experienced by our mixed race children and the children of intercountry adoptive parents, yet adoption is considered problematic. It is time we started to question that received and in itself political belief.
There's a considerable and lively Nepali community in the UK and no doubt Nicky's daughter Karishma will be able to link up with people from her country of origin when she's older. And in the meantime, so long as she doesn't forget where she came from, there will be a whole world of fascinating culture and a country of fabulous beauty for her to explore when she's old enough to appreciate it for herself and re-establish her connections in the future.
Complain about this postIn reply to Mr Spencer,
Until you know the details of my and many others experiences of adoption, I would stay quiet on issues you are clearly ignorant of. I am not going to indulge you in the details of my adoption process; suffise to say, it was anything but easy after about 5 years of process, I did not 'buy a baby' and I have done nothing but think about these issues for a long time. Do not insult me or other adoptive parents with your narrow minded views. If you had listened to the article properly you would have heard that I could not adopt a young child from this country.
Complain about this postOn a more intelligent note, I would like to apologise to Tony Alcock for giving him the impression that I was writing off older children; "Baggage" perhaps wasn't the best term to use. I simply meant that as a single parent I might not be able to give the necessary to an older child who MAY need need more nurturing. I have been in tougch with you Tony, through the network of adoptive parents from Nepal and I will email you directly with a similar apology.
No need for any apology Nicky. I was just wanting to make the point that there are alternatives to adopting a baby. In our case we already had a son aged 7, so adopting a little girl of 5 made a lot more sense for us than adopting a baby. We had issues with Tara having to learn English and French (as we lived in France at the time) so the first few months were a bit hit and miss on the communications side but aside from that it's been easier than the formal adoption process itself. One other comment about integration. We have just moved back to the UK after a number of years in France. Sadly we have had more "comments" about our dfferent skin colours in the last three months than we had in 3 years in France. We are putting that down to the fact that international adoption is far more commonplace in France and that we now live in South Wales rather than in a rather more sophisticated suburb of Paris!
Complain about this postHi Nicky,
Complain about this postA friend rang me to tell me to turn the radio on to hear you talk. I have been thinking for some time about adopting from Nepal. I too am a single woman who for various reasons have not been able to start a family of my own.
I come from a bicultural family in London and would love to learn more from about your experiences. I have so many questions, and am eager to meet people who have been or are going through the process - especially with regards to Nepal.
Hi Nicky,
I missed your piece but adopted as a single from China 2 years ago after an invasive and protracted 3.5 year process. My daughter and I are very happy and now living in the French Alps.
I would love to have the possibility of adopting again from China but now the rules have changed in China so that this is now not possible for single adopters. I would be very interested to hear from you about your experience with Nepal as it's a country I love and respect having travelled there in the past.
Tony Alcock's experience in France was of real interest to me, as I'm finding the same experience in reverse, so if you're able to put me in contact I'd be very pleased to be in touch with him.
Good for you and hope to hear from you.
Cheers Pippa
Complain about this postWe are in the process of adopting from Nepal and happy to speak to anyone who might like to make contact.
John Spencer, whether you intended it or not have come across as ill-informed and unnecessarily unpleasant.
Good on you, Nicky for staying the course.
ANYONE who implies that adoption is the easy option (easy from what might I ask?) need only walk a mile in the shoes of those of us running the gaunlet of inspection, questioning, suspicion and incredulous-ness at how we are forming our families.
'Buy a Baby' from abroad - HOW DARE YOU?! You insult us and far FAR worse our children.
Complain about this post