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The Schneider has two types of movie roles:

1. Leading man.
2. Cameos in Adam Sandler films. As someone 'foreign'.

Those cameos have become ever more extravagant, pointless and, frankly, massively offensive. I'm obsessed. Now I'm not saying they're good in a Daniel Day-Lewis-is-undeniably-good-in-everything-he-does kind of way. I'm saying they intrigue me. In 1998's 'The Waterboy' he was simply a redneck football fan who shouted out 'You can do it!' from the bleachers (he's reprised it many times since).

By '07's 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry' he was an Asian priest complete with 'comedy' big teeth, huge glasses and accent off of the 1970s. Totally ridiculous. Weirdly compelling. Watching a Schneider cameo is like watching a monkey at the zoo. I'm fascinated by what the little fella's gonna get up to next.

Such performances raise genuine questions:

1. Does Sandler feel he has to put RS in ALL of his comedy pics? If so, does he get writers to deliberately include a 'foreign' character for him to play?

2. Does RS feel sad that, let's be honest, cropping up every year as a crazy Sheik (or something) in a Sandler film is pretty much all we know him for now?

3. Was RS annoyed that in 2009, Adam decided to make a more serious movie (the unfunny 'Funny People') so we didn't see him in anything big? Never mind, he's back with Sandler in next year's silly 'Grown Ups'. Phew.

Essentially, Schneider seems a bit sad. His mate is getting top billing so Rob has to make the maximum impact in the smallest possible time. Hence playing a 'wacky' Palestinian in 'You Don't Mess With The Zohan'. Watch Schneider's turns and you're watching a comedian's desperation at its most raw.

I once introduced Schneider at what was laughably called a 'celebrity screening' (ie. Jodie Marsh and a bloke who used to be in Hollyoaks) of 'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo'. I took some persuading from the film company. Here's how the telephone conversation went:

The Film Company: Can you introduce Rob Schneider at a 'celebrity screening' (ie. Jodie Marsh and a bloke who used to be in Hollyoaks) of Deuce Bigalow?

Me: How dare you even ask me! That sounds so tacky. No, no - a thousand times no!

TFC: You'd also have to introduce Kelly Brook and Rachel Stevens.

Me: What time shall I get there?

When I met Schneider he was quiet, nervous and edgy. He went on stage, read off a crumpled bit of paper and did some unfunny gags. He was every bit as uncomfortable as I wanted him to be. The fact is, if you watch (say) Tom Cruise in a movie, you see a man 100% happy to be there. He oozes clear confidence. Great - but sometimes I want someone a bit more fuzzy. I don't understand the reason for Rob Schneider. But I like trying to work him out.