Podcast #65: Sibling rivalry
Post categories: Current Affairs,ÌýOuch Podcast,ÌýPersonal
| 15:25 UK time, Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Our latest podcast is now here to grab online, presented by Mat Fraser and Liz Carr. For what it's worth, I'm the producer of the show.
Listen or subscribe to the show
• Family favouritism. Did you get more attention from your parents than your brothers and sisters because you're disabled? And do you get more money left to you in wills? Mat, Liz (and me) discuss it.
• Might changes to benefits mean that you find yourself back in the job market? Or perhaps you are thinking about self employment or something more adventurous? Two disabled businesswomen, Vanessa Heywood and Liz Jackson MBE, discuss setting up their own companies.
Vanessa runs a children's entertainment and education franchise called Tiny Mites Music; she recently won the Stelios award for disabled entrepreneurs. And Liz, founder of Great Guns Marketing, may have grabbed your attention when she gave away thousands of pounds on Channel 4's Secret Millionaire show in 2009. So they both know a bit about this stuff.
• Jade and Tim, collectively known as music duo The Wasted Day Collection, join us on the line from Hull. We play out with their track Barbarian in Pink.
• Off air - We spent a lot of time in our production meeting talking about wills and favouritism and couldn't quite work out what we should focus on. It started as a discussion around the recent Friday night show You Can't Take It With You, where families wrangle and worry about who should get what and why, after they've passed on. So producer Damon gets posted into the studio to see what he can add.
Liz and Vanessa, the businesswomen in our second item, were both really nice people and the conversation really takes off, as you'll hear. They both care deeply about what they do.
Liz, employer of a 100 strong workforce, shocks our presenters when she reveals she barely ever gets job applications from disabled people. It surprises her because she had thought that fellow disabled people might find her more approachable (paraphrasing a little here). It's well worth a listen to hear it in her own words.
• Leave your feedback or suggestions for future items in the comments below. Or email us on the address that Mat and Liz regularly give out ouch@bbc.co.uk
Comment number 1.
At 24th Feb 2011, ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Ouch team wrote:We had an email in to our inbox about this latest show which I thought I'd share (with the author's permission). It's from Con van der Ham who I'm guessing might be in the Netherlands (?)
It's a response to the discussion on the podcast about family favouritism: does the disabled child get more attention and time from parents.
Con says:
I am the older of 2 brothers and my little brother, 5 years younger, is the disabled one.
From the moment he was born both my parents were more or less 24/7 busy with him. He only started crawling at the age of 3 and walking at the age of 5. At first only on his toes and his walking was more falling forward without hitting the ground. For more than a year we used to go to the beach where mostly my moment learned him to walk more or less proper.
Did he get more attention than me, yes of course. My grandparents tried to compensate this by taking me on trips and letting me stay all vacations.
Did I feel setback, probably, but as I have Asperger syndrome I did not feel it.
Unlucky for both of us we do not come from a large our wealthy family so we were never in wills.
But when my parents at a later stage in life wanted to buy a house my wife and I bought it and let it to them. This was for tax reasons because my brother is in a home he is not allowed to have more then € 10,000 to his name. By buying the house my parents live in he will not inherent anything substantial when my parents die.
And when my wife and I die the house will go to the home my brother lives in. It will then benefit him and his housemates.
We discussed this with my parents and my brother. To him everything my wife or I do is fine because I am his BIG BROTHER and my wife is his lovely sweet stern sister.
In the meantime he will be spoiled rotten. Indeed getting more Christmas present for just being with my parents, currently only my dad as my mom died last year, at that time.
Later in life I felt some resentment but that was more caused by my parents then by my brother.
I'm now his legal guardian.
Living with a handicapped younger sibling is be difficult but it makes you more independent early on.
This was my ranting on the subject of sibling rivalry.
My brother and his housemates like it very much that I'mn currently also wheelchair bound. Not that they have wished it but I am now one of them and although I always treated them as equals they now feel it more. And I bang on more doors to get things done.
Regards
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Comment number 2.
At 24th Feb 2011, Chris_Page wrote:Given Liz Jackson's disregard for the situation that Disabled benefit claimants find ourselves in, I'm not surprised that she doesn't get Disabled people applying to work for her. She needs to come down to Earth a bit and realise that we're fighting for our lives - it's not some kind of "exciting opportunity for self-discovery"!
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Comment number 3.
At 20th Oct 2011, eskimocurlew wrote:actually, i haven't experienced sibling rivalry if that means resentment from my sibling--she has actually been my strongest supporter. while teachers and even my parents thought i didn't need protection from (or 'should not'--rather idealistic when you are too young to know how) bullies, she was right there for me. oddly, it was my parents that sort of messed up (maybe unintentionally) in other areas.
that said, people outside of my family can sometimes (not all people, thankfully) think that a child with facial paresis cannot possible have had a happy childhood at all. so not true; i had my share of great experiences with wonderful friends and certainly i am capable of feeling joy. but the way they have reacted to my choosing not to dramatize my less-than-ideal experiences (is life ever ideal for anybody, disabled or not?) is like i am lying about my right to enjoy life just like anyone else, to thrive just as i am. or that if i can go ahead and just live my life it emphasizes whatever excuses they have made not to in their own lives. ditto with dating; one important lesson i've learned and would like to pass on is that if someone tries to zero on your disability (while wanting to date you) it is more about controlling your sexuality and leaving if someone else wants you.
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