The key to tackling unwanted admirers
There's less than a month to go before the party conference season - all the drama and the dross, the drunkenness and the debauchery. It starts with the Liberal Democrats in Bournemouth, followed by Labour in Brighton, and finally the Conservatives in Manchester.
It's a good excuse to pass on a wonderful story which I heard a few weeks ago, and which captures some of the atmosphere of our British annual conferences.
A very attractive young woman, who works for a campaign group, was attending last year's Conservative conference. She turned up at one of the evening parties, on her own, and quickly found herself being pestered by a half-drunk male guest.
"You must come back to my room," he kept suggesting. The more the woman said "No", the more the man insisted. At one point she thought she'd fought him off, but then he returned, this time offering his room-key.
"Come to room 325 at 3.30am, when all the parties are over," he slurred, "and I'll give you the time of your life".
Thinking it was the only way to get rid of her unwelcome admirer; the woman took his key, put it in her handbag, and quickly left.
She then went to another late-night party, only to find she was the focus of a younger man, who also wanted sex, and whom she again couldn't get rid of.
"OK," she finally agreed in exasperation. "Here's my room-key. Turn up at 3.30am, and I'll give you the time of your life."
The following day one of the men bumped into the young lady and vented his feelings. Which rather suggests that her brilliant trick had worked perfectly.
One can imagine the disappointment, sheer frustration and collective fury as both men were brought face to face in room 325, and immediately realised how they'd been duped.
When I first heard the story I thought it was just too good to be true - the kind of brilliant anecdote one doesn't like to check out in case it's all invented, or at least exaggerated.
However, I recently bumped into the woman concerned. In pursuit of journalistic accuracy I explained that I'd heard a good story about her. She looked puzzled. So I explained that it involved a room-key at one of the party conferences.
"Oh yes," she said, and then she proceeded to relate the story almost exactly as I had heard it originally, and as I relate it above.
I'm Michael Crick, and I'm Newsnight's political editor. My guiding rule is that in any story there's usually something the politicians would prefer the world not to know. My job is to find that out. Follow me on
Comment number 1.
At 20th Aug 2009, barriesingleton wrote:ER
Your point being?
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Comment number 2.
At 20th Aug 2009, barriesingleton wrote:ONE THING BOTHERS ME PERRY
Was the attractive woman on her own - again - when you 'bumped into' her Michael? Did you think you do the Crocodile Dundee test? If you were not such a trustworthy source, I would put this down to a 'friend of a friend' story (FOAF).
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Comment number 3.
At 21st Aug 2009, dennisjunior1 wrote:Michael:
I think that *would* be nice to understand what you are trying to make across....
=Dennis Junior=
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Comment number 4.
At 21st Aug 2009, Quietzapple wrote:Great story!
What do they drink to so delude themselves?
Small wonder that parties pay less and less attention to their conferences.
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Comment number 5.
At 21st Aug 2009, lordBeddGelert wrote:Good scoop, Mr Crick.
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Comment number 6.
At 21st Aug 2009, stanilic wrote:The implication is that as the country sinks beneath a tidal wave of indebtedness all the political class can do is engage in fornication.
Might I hazard the opinion that since they have managed to fornicate the economy quite adequately, the only service the political class can now be expected to render is to fornicate with each other.
My question is that the public is so disgusted with them why do they need rooms and keys except to pad out their expense form? They should follow the dictum in that Beatles' song; `why don't you do it in the road?' At least then they will be looking to engage in some form of economic activity if one is to define the word `business' sufficiently widely, or could one use `commerce' in a similar context?
It will be interesting to see what the moderators make of this?
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Comment number 7.
At 21st Aug 2009, threnodio wrote:This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.
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Comment number 8.
At 21st Aug 2009, Jupiter wrote:It would be a better story if you named names. All these anonymous stories are one of the things that are killing the MSM.
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Comment number 9.
At 21st Aug 2009, Quietzapple wrote:You do not mention, Michael, how you cope with voracious women who accost you in like fashion at the conferences?
I decided to cease attending myself . . . "too many women, so I pushed her away" as the late Screaming Jay Hawkins said of Madonna.
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Comment number 10.
At 22nd Aug 2009, FonyBlair wrote:Video of the moment?? :-)
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Comment number 11.
At 22nd Aug 2009, barriesingleton wrote:HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE SHARP LADY AND THE DULL HACK? (#10)
Oh dear. I have a feeling Mr Crick might have been led astray by his cockney-rhyming appendage?
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Comment number 12.
At 29th Aug 2009, CraigMorecambe wrote:Well done Michael, a funny story that shows just what the Tories are like! This makes it your 6th post (out of 8) this month about the Tory Party. I've loved them all. Three have been firmly anti-Tory (well done again!), and the others merely slanted against the Tories (great!). None have been specifically about the Labour government (and why should they have been?). I know some people think you hate the Tories, but I hate them too and I don't see anything wrong in that. I think you're doing a great job. Go on Michael, keep socking it to them!
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Comment number 13.
At 29th Aug 2009, A_View_From_France wrote:CraigMorecambe, the joke is on you, especially when the Conservatives trounce Labour at the next election (Super Great!).
So yes, let Mr Crick continue with his pointless blog, all he is doing is ensuring that he will be looking for a new job sometime in the next 8 months.....
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Comment number 14.
At 30th Aug 2009, GrumblingAgain wrote:A_View_From_France @ 7:53pm on 29 Aug 2009.
I am afraid the joke is very much on you and not CraigMorecambe. I won't go into reasons, but the internet will.
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Comment number 15.
At 2nd Sep 2009, Quietzapple wrote:If Chameleon was as sure as some of his ineffable progress to Power he would not chase quite so dishonestly every mean spirited lie he can apply his PR skills to.
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Comment number 16.
At 3rd Sep 2009, Securitycheckall_PMs wrote:You touch on human weaknesses in your blog;
As far as I am aware, Prime Ministers have being exempted from the same thorough ongoing secure checks and monitoring that have been considered necessary for some time for many other senior figures in public life,
but the question I would like to pose on this website is what would happen if say a politician was deliberately compromised while for example on an overseas trip, or perhaps one of our leaders was leading a 'double life' what would the security implications be of this?
Such actions could conceivably come from countries who in most other regards could be considered as 'friendly' but who might want some extra leverage in for example trade negotiations, or even as an extreme example at the other extend of the spectrum want to secure the support of UK forces for a military operation?
Its just a thought, I would be interested in your view on this;
honey traps are one thing' but they are a mite bit more difficult if there are some trained bee keepers on hand;
PS its just an afterthought but do major news outlets like the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ have policies on this sort of thing, in case pressure is applied against key journalists and personnel?
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Comment number 17.
At 3rd Sep 2009, mimpromptu wrote:A brilliant idea for the future, should an occasion arise, Mr Crick
It was good to see you in such a good mood last night on that Eurostar
mimpromptu
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Comment number 18.
At 9th Sep 2009, MacScroggie wrote:This is all academic to me, Michael.
I've never had an admirer, let alone an unwanted one !
Still, I'll dream on............(sigh)
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Comment number 19.
At 14th Sep 2009, greenwildwest wrote:Actually in Wales the party conferences start with Plaid Cymru who, if you need to be reminded, are in Government in Cardiff.
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Comment number 20.
At 16th Sep 2009, MacScroggie wrote:How about this week's TUC conference, Michael ?
It fulfils your conditions of drunkness, debauchery "et al".
More importantly it fires a shot across the bows of all the party political conferences, so they can throw in some vapid promises to try to appease the workers.
If only all parliamentarians had to spend some time as one of "the workers" and join HM forces for front line duties, we might start getting some novel and sincere direction from Westminster.
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