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Queue tips

It's the Phyllis Diller's Own Regiment

Don't shoot until you see the whites of their hair

Shear pagentry

No, when I say "Fall out," I actually mean ...

The manufacturers of Cillit Bang would like to confirm that it is definitely not recommended for cleaning Busbies.

Baah humbug I say

Bad news, Sir- the Hun have perfected a dandruff gas

Who are you calling a muppet?!

I'm Tina Turner. No, I'm Tina Turner. No wait, I'm....

See what happens when you don't take two bottles into the shower.

Their busbies showed just how terrfying their last tour of duty had been

The Regiment stood head and shoulers above the rest

Worst..perm..ever

There may be snow on the roof...er...

And here we see the Grenadier Guards before they used Grecian 2000.

Helmet hair's finest hour

Persian hats

At the press launch the Metropolitan Police confirm that their new uniform was designed by Boris Johnson...

Sarge, the enemy have been bombarding us with peroxide since dawn

Take that, Carrot Top

In the Iranian secret service, everyone wanted to be James Blond

Hair today, gone tomorrow

No, when I said you should be rugged, I didn't mean Persian Rug'd

When I said you needed your woollies...

Kevin Keegan wasn't pleased to see the latest Kop update to their curly wigs.

"Is it not ridiculous, the way these fashion-obsessed Westerners all dress the same, like sheep...?"

I expect you to dye, Mr Bond

It's camouflage for when we attack Greenland

What the well dressed sheep rustler is wearing.

And our motto is "Curl up and dye"

why do they look so sheepish?

Herd on the street

The Turkmen's reputation in battle was undermined by their leaving the word 'Welcome' on the rugs

Freshers Week at the Barabra Windsor Acting Academy

Then, while the enemy are still laughing, we bayonet them to death

Its Conference Season again and this week its the turn of The Dandelion Clock Appreciation Society.

When Britishisms go wrong #32 Mop Top hair dos

Iranian Beatles fans gather to celebrate the 40th Anniversary of their mophead heroes.

Private Avayi, you were supposed to clean out the sheep first

Keep Calm and Carrion.

Recycled joke punchline no 167:

"Ok lads - tea break over. Back on your heads!"

I washed my hair in sheep dip this morning, and now I can't do a thing with it

Great Scott! 1.21 jigga watts has created a Doc Brown paradox!

Its Conference Season again and this week its the turn of The Boom Mike Impersonators Society.

Shock tactics

Why did I enlist? Well, I suppose it was the glamour of the uniform.

I'm Boris Johnson! No, I'm Boris Johnson....

Cowell brands X-Factor's 'Blondie Week' as "unimaginative"

Kim & Aggie's new cleaning army get a heads up on the new season's programme.

As a result of an unfortunate typing error, blushes abounded at Tehran's "Annual Moped Rally"...

Shiite Jimmy hats

"There's nothing sheepish about my men", claimed the Turkmen leader.

All together lads ...because we're worth it!

Commander: "No, I said you should model yourselves on DIRTY Harry..."

One of these is wearing dentures...

We're the Hair Assault Infantry

John Wyndham's less well known follow up, Day of the Dandelions.

Unfortunately, the enemy had developed an Anti-Hair Gun

Wash 'n' Go to War

The only way we're going to put fear in the hearts of the enemy is if they're all hairdressers

Berbers? I said we need barbers!

I'm Brian Sewell, and so is my wife

Queen Mum's fan club annual gathering.

Zara was having difficulty in finding Mike !!!

Cutical Teasings For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Turkmenistan

Cuticle Teasings For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Turkmenistan

(spelling!)

Turkmen on Tour - next stop Wig-an !!

And there was me thinking Turkmen were Bernard Matthews' answer to fish fingers

"I'm Bernie Ecclestone."

"No, I'M Bernie Ecclestone!"

"I think you'll find I'M Bernie Ecclestone!"

At least one team wasn't trying to look like the All Blacks

Introducing The new Super Group Mopp the Hoople

Where's Wally? They all look like Wallies to me.

Yeah, we're a Dad's Army tribute regiment

Auditions for Back To The Future - The Musical brought more than the expected amount of candidates for the part of Professor Emmett Brown

Flash, ah ha ha we're the leaders of the Iranians!

If you want to get ahead, get a hat.

Invasion of the Coconut Mushrooms

Mrs Buckets relations seem to be Keeping Up Appreances

#79 Correction - Mrs Buckets relations seem to be Keeping Up Appearances

We thought we were all getting a motorbike - not a mop head !!

When you're in the Army, blonds certainly don't have more fun

Wolves in sheeps clothing !

The whole regiment was prepared to dye for its country

Dulux's follow-on commercials lacked the creativity of the original.

War was an expensive business and the Iranian Army was only too pleased to get sponsorship from Johnson's Baby Shampoo

Despite the make-up nobody was fooled that these were entitled to attend the World War One reunion

The fans hadn't realised how long the Bob Marley tribute concert was going to last.

And this is what you actually see when you look at bellybutton fluff under a microscope..

I said prepare for "Holy War", not "Warhol"

Dear Son,

I hope you are OK fighting on the front line. We miss you,

Love Mum and Dad

PS What happened to our old hearth rug?

The Limahl lookalikes were out in their droves as the Kajagoogoo 30th anniversary reunion got underway

A sudden gust of wind was about to confirm it was 1 o'clock

Word travels back along the queue...

"Red spray splodges are sold out, they've just got blue and dried-on dung left"

It wasn't the enemy, they were wiped out overnight by an outbreak of head lice

See what happens when the judges get caught in the rain

The Turkmen may have been renowned savage fighters, but none was sure whether it was Lily or Robbie.

Right lads, put on your high heels; we've got ceilings to dust.

There - I told you that fence was electrified

Are you sure this is the Black Watch?