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Kirstie says it's still a bit tight round the middle

er.. and the trousers?

Blimey, Joseph’s put on weight..

Nah, don't worry, mate - you'll grow into it

Now to find trousers that won't clash with it.......

Pump up the stock room

That's enough everyone - jacket in

It's for my first appearance in court - Clown Court

Um.. news just in, apparently its soo last year, plain grey requested..

And actually no one did see the 600 pound gorilla

Every time I pass the check-out at Tesco, the bar-code reader goes wild

Whose woolley-headed idea was this?

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Teacher's Jacket

We can assure you your Mum won't look big in this

We were tired of quilt making, you see

Rave the whales

When the Vicar asked us to make a jacket for all the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖless, I think he meant individually

And it comes with a year's supply of migraine tablets free of charge.

Theres one panel for each of the redundant LLoyds TSb employees

It definitely won't look big in this.

What else can you do in Stockport on a friday night?

1,207 down and 58 across has a dropped stitch, we're going have to start all over again.

At least no one will see the stains if Ithrow up on it.

The Guiness Book of Records says 'Yes' but the Noise Abatement Society says 'No'.

We thought 9839 was Candace's bust size in millimetres

Well, Mrs Jones, when did you discover you were colour blind?

what to do with your redundant cheque cards

The Picasso Appreciation Society create their version of the Bayeux Tapestry

St Georges Church congregation were determined to be the first novelty item on Blue Peter when it broadcasts from Salford

That's the last time we use NASA for conversions from Imperial to Metric!

Sh*t Ive just dropped my coloured contact lens.

It's called "³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Test Card"

If Milliondollarhomepage did clothing.

Sorry, ladies, but we were meant to be beating the record for the World's Largest Jacket Potato

8,000 panels? That sure is a lot of nits.

The teachers really didn't grasp how much fabric would be needed to create a life-sized Elmer the Elephant.

Do we really have to sew a spare button in?

And we used painted manhole covers as buttons

It's not a patch on the jacket I got last year

Not only the world record for the biggest jacket but it was followed by the world record for a game of Twister.

36. Apologies; it should be "church-goers" not "teachers"

Its A Knockout meets Haute Couture.

It's the new school blazer.

I asked you to make me a tasteful jacket for Amstrad board meetings, and you make me this? You're fired!

Whomsoever fits this dress shall read from the Big Book (see earlier Caption Comp)

It's a special order for a Mr. Berlusconi - we guessed the measurements after we asked him to describe himself

The congregation were very pleased with their Freecycle'd carpet.

A new Panorama exposé highlights the plight of sweatshop workers in Cheshire

No, Margaret. We want to *address* the nation.

Unfortunately, C&A never did survive the conversion to metric

Computer nerds from Stockport try to relive the days when it took around four minutes for a Spectrum game to load

A computer error led to massive funding increases for the British Olympic Knitting Team.

And, if this doesn't raise enough for the "Save the Roof" fund, we'll just cover the nave with it

Unfortunately, most of the people who contributed to the "Help the Sewers" campaign thought they were donating for drain improvements

2,000 naked sheep - and all for this?

"It's actually a copy of the Turin Shroud, but we've pixillated Jesus' face to comply with European Privacy laws."

You should've seen the size of the sheep!

But, if there's a teachers' strike, who's going to wear something like this?

Unfortunately the new Blue Peter studio was not really geared up for World Record attempts .

"That's funny - the packet says 'suitable for mixed whites and coloureds at 60 degrees'."

When Bernice had heard that they were going to sleep head-to-toe with the gentlemen of the British Legion on the W.I. camping trip she'd fely a little frisson of excitement. Now though, it didn't look like quite the adventure she'd imagined...

Hasbro's 'Compendium of All Board Games' was perhaps a little overenthusiastic

No , Beatrice and Eugenie are going to share it.

Excitement builds at the press conference, as Demis Roussos is announced as the new Joseph...

Even in death, Shrek the sheep just kept on giving.

Say what you like, it's not a patch on my mum's

"Look Mum and Dad! Now you know why I didn't want to make the change from Textiles to Media Studies."

Microsoft's first foray into clothing fails to impress after shirts are reported to crash just hours after launch.

You said you wanted something tasteful, so we've worked some ham and cheese into it.

The Vicar told us it was either this, or stripping off for next year's calendar

Eventually they realised what happends when you mix up meters and millimeters.

And, as we can't find anyone to sell it to, we'll call it the Buyer Tapestry

now how did that Rubic cube go back together.

So, who wants to try it on?

The Lilputians celebrated their long-awaited overthrow of Ronald MacDonald.

The GCHQ Stitch and Bitch Club vehemently denied rumours that double agents were using the group to encode and distribute classified information.

You can always tell its a Snide after the very 1st Wash

Ron was unconvinced by the ladies' assurances that he would "grow into it"...

My oh my hasn't Wendoleen been busy.

"...but apart from getting wed in a castle, have you seen her dress?"

Next up on Pee Wee's Big Adventure - The Terrifying Tail(ors) of Large Marge

Look - if I concentrate hard enough, I can see a 3D image of St George - oh dear - I've lost it - let me start again

Here's the church, here's the steeple, open the door, and...er...

If The Wombles did weddings...

The Olympic flag knitting committee were nearly halfway there

Not a patch on the previous one.

Rachel regretted last night's vindaloo...

Gulliver's Ravels

Literary/theatrical mash-ups, no. 79: Gulliver And The Amazing Techicolour Dreamcoat

Russell Brand relives his past girlfriends in art

The things you can make from old stamps

The Angel of the North was pleased that she could have a wamer winter from now on.

And the matching fascinator is patterned after Princess Beatrice's royal wedding hat

Tut - and to think our grandchildren are sitting at home, playing computer games or watching TV, and just wasting their time ...

The fight against Global Warming had a new weapon

..and they said we weren't a big congregation.

Well, it was either this, or putting bromide in our tea

Michael Eavis' decision to branch out into sheep farming yields impressive results.

Never, ever, ask someone with OCD to patch your jeans.

What confetti looks like uncut