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Moira and the squabble of squirrels...

Chris Evans | 11:23 UK time, Wednesday, 3 August 2011

...that blockaded her path during a leisurely stroll in Hyde Park.

Rounds of applause for men if they bother to put the toilet seat back down again.

Should I take up an offer of a part in Postman Pat The Movie?

What do we do if we can't get a guest for Friday?

And how do we get Jeremy Vine more followers on Twitter before his show this lunchtime?

Just another Wednesday on the radio.

You know we've barely been back a fortnight, and already it's like we've never been away. But that, according to new research, is because the post holiday glow has scientifically been proven to last only a few days.

When you're glow's gotta go, it's gotta go, but thank heaven we'll always have our Brekkie show.

By the way happy birthday to that young scalliwag Sir Terence of Wogansville. (73 some say - altogether now - SURELY NOT !)

X

CE

2011

Comments

  • Comment number 1.

    Hurrah! Hello Chris!

    MM xxx

  • Comment number 2.

    I've been pondering who you could come up with for Friday's guest Chris!

    Of course, who else but Sir Terence of Wogansville!

    ***Happy Birthday Sir Tel***

    73? SURELY NOT!

    MM xxx

  • Comment number 3.

    Ere Christoff don't get me goin' on the subject a gangster squirrels. The GD is still traumatised after bein' mugged on Union Square, Noow Yoik by a right squabble a Ray-Ban wearin', bandana-clad squiggles after 'er hazelnut latte. An' even then, one came back for 'er banana an' nut loaf. Mind you, she's not as psycho about 'em as the cousin Baz; e's still wagin' 'is war against the things, patrollin' 'is estate in Knutsford to keep 'is tits protected an' the bats in 'is bat box safe. Imagine 'is delight when I gave 'im a stuffed squirrel to use as target practice for 'is birthday.

    An' funny enough, I remember also once givin' 'imself a lovely battery-operated plastic toilet-seat that played a round of applause as the seat went down, from outa one a them gadget magazines. Of course, Baz bein' Baz, when the batteries ran out 'e tried to plug it into the mains an' call it Old Sparky.

    AND I also got a mirror that wolf-whistled every time it was picked up, what a laff THAT was. Used to leave it lyin' around, then anybody slyly checkin' 'emselves out on the q.t. was instantly outed, hurrah.. and I have to say it was most often the CHAPS.

    Ee. I wonder if that firm's still goin'? I think it was the same firm who did the fish-tank cisterns for the toilet, every time yous flushed the water level dropped an' refilled. Not dropped completely, mind. What d'yous think I am, a psychopath?

    Guests... well, the Bakermeister of course. Natch.

    Or Jo Brand. My girl crush.

    Keep that fire lit, my little Glow-Worm of the airwaves. An' a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Sir Pository of the Wogansville. Bless 'im, cut 'is 'ead off an' count the rings.

    Clodagh.xx



  • Comment number 4.

    Talking of squirrels I've just put out some nuts for Cyril the Wirral Squirrel!

    MM xxx

  • Comment number 5.

    Sorry, thinkin' back I think it was a fanfare that toilet seat played; a round of applause would've bin better, mind. Dragons Den, anybody? I reckon that Top Bird woman in the shoulder pads would go for that. Wouldn't mind goin' for a quick gin an' tonic wit 'er; in fact I'm not sure I haven't...

    Clodagh.xx

  • Comment number 6.

    Hurrah Maddy. Marvellous. Watch yer nuts, mind; e'll be after your banana loaf next. Wit a name like that I'm guessin' your back garden will be like a scene straight outa Benny Hill.

    C.xx

  • Comment number 7.

    afternoon peeps - well Maddy and Clodagh!

    Ms Rubbish - I think you would be a perfect Friday guest, dispensing your unique brand of common sense and non-pc opinions!

    come on Christophe .... I dare you!

    ttfn, Crumpy xx

    Oh Maddy - I tried to throw some crumbs and uneaten bits of pop-corn over my wall for the birds this morning - partly as a good samaritan but also to keep the little (or not so little in the case of the crows!) blighters away from the vegetable plants. Trouble was the contents of the bowl just did a sort of loop within the flippin thing and deposited themselves all over me and on the ground MY side of the wall!
    I think I will have ended up attracting not diverting them.

  • Comment number 8.

    Chris,

    Don't like those gangsta grey squirrels; prefer their smaller, more refined red cousins.
    I always put the seat down, even when I lived by myself (can't explain that, so please don't ask!).
    If you can't get a guest for Friday, let Lynn do the show and you be the guest ;-)
    Ah Sir Terry of Wogan - is he only 73? He was superb on Buzzcocks the other week, unlike one of the guests...'nuff said...
    Looking forward to our holiday (7 weeks today!) but we also have a day off and the BH week off to do stuff and generaly chillax, so not all work but boy, am I ready for a holiday - 10 days of sun, reading and sleeping (amongst other things ;-O)

    TTFN

    Sir Nic, King of Cheznicia

    x

  • Comment number 9.

    Hiya CLP, maddy and Clodagh!

    Chris, you'll never lose your glow - its what gets me going in the morning - oo er missus if we's is talking Benny Hill!

    Good shouts on both guests ladies - if not then I would suggest Clodagh getting her 3 minutes of fame again!

    or how about our good ole Keith not so big un - who does so much for charidy and you could ask him to spill the beans on his recent visit to her maj's garden???

    Right is hot here in this part of the world - too hot for putting together a presentation for my client breaky meeting next week - inspiration anyone???

    Right inspired by Crumpy - I'm going in to my greek salad.....

    debs
    x

  • Comment number 10.

    Hahahahaha Crumpy yous marvellous madwoman. Our Christoff would never renege on a bet, like; but 'e's not suicidal, bless 'im!!

    By the crin I'd 'ave 'im off air faster than a rat up a drainpipe. Am best kept well under the parapet my dear.

    Any road up wish me well. Am off to see that wimp of a hairdresser who wouldn't dye my hair grey. Point blank reFUSed, the cheekin' audacity of 'im. Not only refused; welted me over the head wit 'is brush an' told me shrup, stop sulkin' an' straighten me face while 'e trimmed me fringe. Flippin' cheek.

    I think 'e'd bin Got At by the GD you know. She said I'd NOT to go grey as I'd look just like Renee and she'd 'ave the screamin' heeby jeebys for weeks. Of course that's not true as Renee's hair is cut into a nice little cauliflower by the same hairdresser she's 'ad for 50 years. The same one who used to churn 'em out on a conveyor-belt a dryers wit the hairnets an' them plastic ear-covers on, usually givin' 'em 3rd degree burns, either wit said dodgy dryers or wit the permin' lotion that would fetch 5 layers a paint off the window frames.

    Ah yes. The joys a Di's hair salon. THAT was a Saturday job to end 'em all, alright. Scaldin' aul biddy's heads, leavin' 'em that long wit the peroxide on that their 'eads were glowin', bein' taught to wind the permin' curlers nice an' tight so they looked like a row a face-lift survivors; it's to my eternal astonishment that the ex-hubby ever let me loose on 'is barnet in later years. Mind you, 'e finally sacked me off when I told 'im a nice Harmony Golden Auburn was conditioner as 'e sat in the bath readin' 'is Farmers' Weekly.

    Just because I forgot about 'im an' left it on too long, an' 'e 'ad to turn out an' face Harlequins the next day wit spectacular neon ginger hair. 'Ow was that MY fault.

    Plus they won as I remember; all the oppo were scared of 'im.

    Bless.

    Clodagh.xx

  • Comment number 11.

    Afternoon Each,

    Happy Birthday Sir Tel xxx

    Chris, I am one of the many that now followers Jeremy Vine after this mornings show, I also follow his brother now too!

    Don't mind who your guest is on Friday, as long as it's a WOMAN. You've so far only had Barbara and Victoria, national treasurers they may both be, but we need more female input. I beg you to get Miranda Hart on, that would be such fun.

    The sun is cracking the flagstones this arvo, wish I was out there in it rather than stuck in an office. I treated my parents to a Forts and Castle's cruise on the River Mudway this afternoon, what a lovely afternoon for it; wish I'd booked myself on it now :(

    I hope Crumpy and Debs enjoyed their lunch xx

    Clodagh, another fab story from you xx

    AliB
    xx

  • Comment number 12.

    Ha ha Crumpy - got distracted with phone call whilst typing that missive - good minds hey re Clods!

    Chris, be afraid, be brave, but be warned!!! ha ha ha

    debs
    x

  • Comment number 13.

    Afternoon

    Deevski, Queen Of ChezNicia just nipping in to add me twopenneth!

    I think Chris Packham would make a good Friday guest. He could tell all about gangland squirrels AND he has the most wonderful taste in music! He could turn the show into a Friday Punk Fest ..... bring on Packham and his Poods, say I!

    As menshed by my man up above at #8, it is indeed 7 weeks until we fly away to somewhere hot and sunny and very Greek! With a couple of mini break-type things in between to plan.

    Work is still really getting me down so having something to look forward to is keeping me going at the mo. Never in my life have I felt so useless, invisible, overlooked and I hate it.

    Thank heavens for love, sharing and friendship.

    Deevs
    x

  • Comment number 14.

    Afternoon all

    It's a bit warm here today.

    I'm trying to persude the tribe to do something more interesting instead but apparently the sun is too sunny and there's no one around anyway!

    Honestly! Kids today! What would you do with them!

    Deevs. I'll see your Packham for Friday (good choice btw) and raise you a Humble. Think we need a bit more girliness in the Friday guests!

    Otherwise, I'd like to hear Jeremy Vine as a guest. I'd love to hear him when he doesn't have to be a proper news-type-operative

    Sezza xxx

  • Comment number 15.

    Now, you see Sezza as much as I love the Humble, I've got a "thing" about woman radio presenters. They just don't do it for me. I don't want to hear about their kids, famous husbands/dad, childcare etc etc blah blah blah. Jo Wiley plays fab music but her waffle sut hurts my head. And let's not even go to who's covering for Zen Bruce this week ...... (cue Rips!)

    Can't explain it, but there, it's out there now!

    *donning bullet proof vest in readiness*

    Deevs
    x

  • Comment number 16.

    CLP do Postman Pat - Noah will love it.

    Squirrels - dodgy characters, little commando thiefs when it comes to nuts and bird seed.

    Sunny in Shropshire with the odd cloud threatening to give us a good dumping of precipitation but so far nothing.

    Deevs I have 4 weeks on Sunday and I am off to somewhere hot and very greek cypriot. Have you been practicing your greek, Yasoo, ifarastaw, paracalaw, cala nichta, cala mera not to be confused with cala mara (squid).

    I quite like Zoe and Liza, dont listen to Jo, but thats another story for another day. Not keen on Packham either (sorry). How about Mr Baker on Friday to culminate in his desert island discs (mind you he might be working). Everyone is different which is just as well as this ole world would be very boring if we were all the same.

    Have a good evening everyone.

    CB xx

  • Comment number 17.

    Wasn't really thinking about female radio presenters, just a guest for an hour or two on a Friday (and I don't think I've ever hear Kate mention her family or home - except the pigs of course!)

    I feel about female radio presenters the way I do about male ones, some I love, some I can't stand and some I can take or leave depending on my mood (and theirs!)

    Deevs, you really don't need the vest though x x

    Sezza xxx who's not going on holiday in any weeks time!!!

  • Comment number 18.

    .......and that old geezer has the nerve to call US old geezers! Bleepin' nerve I call it!! 73 I ask you ...........

  • Comment number 19.

    Just realised, I never really answered Chris' question

    Yes yes yes to Postman Pat

    If there's not guest, then we'll just enjoy more of the Friday feeling with Chris, maybe a hint of Delilah could creep in

    And 73! Really! Who'd have thought it!

    Sezza xxx

  • Comment number 20.

    Hi all

    Sorry for the absinthe etc note etc....

    Didn't CLP say he'd got David Essex on Friday (he's on the One Show as well). If I misheard that (which is by no means beyond the realms of possibility) then I'd go with Clodagh or a retro drive time a la Sezza with a D spot, Hawaii 5 O, Candy man and whatever else we can think of between now and then....

    Yes to Postman Pat.

    73 eh? who'd have thought it......

    Off to get a mid week slurp. WNWC anybody?

    Laters

    mtd ffb xxx

    PS I've just started to use g****le ch***e and it is spellchecking everything. It is strange typing on here and having things underlined in red (I know word tells you off but things are meant to be misspelt on here aren't they???)

  • Comment number 21.

    Just remembered something else

    Chris, never mind the programme about the turkeys. Have you seen The Code? All about the world according to maths and how numbers rule everything?

    The guy who presents reminds me about Prof Brian Cox. I could listen to him for ages but I have no idea what he's talking about!!

    Sezza xxx

  • Comment number 22.

    Evening each

    Soooooo hot in Fife today.

    Chris, loved the squirrel story this morning, and heard JV say his Twitter followers had increased drastically because of your advertising. And, btw, do any men put the toilet seat down? I even know some women who don't!

    Postman Pat opportunity sounds good - look what Thomas did for Ringo.

    Back in a bit, haven't caught up yet. xxxxx

  • Comment number 23.

    Ok, caught up.

    My first thought for a guest on Friday was Clodagh - great minds Crumpy - although Maddy's offering of Sir Tel was good too. As was CBs - Danny Baker. Just heard a bit of his DID but twas good.

    My gorgeous boys are back from holiday today, just been getting a rundown from them, and huge cuddles - I've really missed them.

    xxxxx

  • Comment number 24.

    Am back, pruned, tittled an' blasted. An' still blonde.

    Now then Christoff. Deffo do Postman Pat, Noah will be SO impressed.

    Just as Renee was when, after bein' somewhat unimpressed by me degree, (Well, it wasn't a Proper Degree was it, it was only Art...) followed by various other achievements of which I still feel privately rather self-satisfied; my little fat face got centre stage in the Wigan Observer's Wigan Woman. She was never more proud.

    Bless. Mind, Renee's always had an interesting view of culture. Eric once took her to Germany to the Volkswagen factory, where back in the day, cutting-edge technology was being used, robots all over the shop, fascinating. Eric was riveted, when suddenly Renee piped up,

    "Oooh, look at THAT over there."

    "What?" Asked a round-eyed Eric, expecting to see some feat of technological wizardry.

    "That woman's 'andbag matches 'er shoes exactly."

    Jayzus.

    Clodagh.xx

  • Comment number 25.

    Howdedoody Clodagh - so glad you didn't go grey, there's plenty of time for that.

    Just started watching the first episode of Geordie Finishing School on iplayer and I just can't believe these southern girls - I do hope their prejudices are changed by the end. The 4 Geordie girls are something else too.

    xxxx

  • Comment number 26.

    I loved that. What lovely girls - all of them.

    xxxxx

  • Comment number 27.

    Evening all!

    Jasper-dog LOVES chasing squirrels (except when they pelt him with cobnuts)! In fact, he once decided that he'd like a mini strap-on jet-pack, so that he could whizz upwards when they escape up the tree! He would be both proud and honoured to defend the lovely maiden Moira from the evil nut-botherers. The local Nutkins all know to give Jasper a wide berth!!

    I sent in a text to the show this morning - Jasper (and me) would LOVE to be guests on Friday's show!! For 13 August will mark FIVE YEARS to the day since Jasper made his first-ever blog entry! Five years!! Given the events of the past few months, I wasn't sure that we were going to make it to this milestone. But VERY silly Roo put the wrong contact number in the text... D'oh! I'll try an email instead... ;-)

    In my defence, I was a bit distracted. Today, I took my six-year-old nephew to the Roald Dahl Story Centre in Great Missenden. It took hours to get there (thank you, motorway chaos), in sweltering heat, but was WELL worth it. Little Ewan is MAD for the Roald Dahl books and he had an absolutely fantastic day. Top recommendation for anyone with a young 'un who's into the wonderful Mr. Dahl!

    Hope everyone's OK - love to all,
    Roo xx (and a silently-brooding-on-his-mistress's-ineptitude Jasper)! x

  • Comment number 28.

    S'ok Roo - your number should be with the text, so if your offer is taken up......who knows (and Jasper should have more faith in his mistress..)

    mtd ffb xxx

  • Comment number 29.

    Howaya Annie; ere it's alright for YOU, you gorgeous platinum Goddess. Plenty time my btm; grey is This Season's Must-Have if yous wanta be ahead a the zeitgeist. Ah well, I'll 'ave to make do wit the thirties-stylee cloche hat wit the daisies on. I'll 'ave to stick some newspaper in it, mind, or I'll be walkin' into lamp-posts.

    Sweet dreams; am off to do some advanced mathematics then sandblast me face before hittin' the scratcher.

    Clodagh.xx

  • Comment number 30.

    Clodagh baby, I'm currently getting rid of the blonde slowly. Blonde is soooo not a good look when you're heading towards very old age. Not that I'm old, mind you!!

    I'll have to have a look at the cloche hat with the daisies.

    I'm off too. Night all. xxxxx

  • Comment number 31.

    Evening each

    I've gone back to the grey/silver natural barnet look - lets see how long it lasts this time as in the past year I have been red, red with dark, dark with lowlights, blondish and now back to silver. Gotta keep one step ahead so nobody really knows if it me or not!

    Suse xx

  • Comment number 32.

    Clodagh, I'm confusing my brain with Sherlock tonight - I'll watch the clever maths man when the boys are around to explain it to me!

    Roo, I'll listen out for you on Friday! I'm sure Moira will be over the moon with her Jasper escort!

    Annie and Mtd, hello and goodnight

    Not that I'm expecting to sleep much - it's been thundering all evening but no rain and it's still very hot and sticky

    Sezza xxx

  • Comment number 33.

    MTD - I have been embarrassing Jasper in public for over 10 years now - it may be too late for him to develop any faith in me now (old dogs/new tricks/etc...)!

    Sezza - God bless you for your confidence in us! However, I suspect that, come Friday morning, I shall be snoring into a pillow as the alarm clock peals on unheeded past its 78th "snooze" - as usual.

    Wish it was thundery here (much as Jasper hates the "rumbling sky-dog") - it has been absolutely sweltering today here AND in Bucks. I hate the hot weather - roll on winter, I say! (Sorry sun-lovers. I'm an Autumn baby!).

    Much love to you and to others still about. xx
    P.S. Under current E.U. regulations, surely ALL squirrels these days ought to bear the warning "May contain nuts"? Oo-er... ;-)

  • Comment number 34.

    Hi Susan, Your hair sounds just lovely! My parents are VERY into their Bible, so have picked up a fair few bits over the years, whether I wanted to or not (when I was very small, I used to laugh at the naughty bits in Songs of Solomon during long, boring, sermons - I think I was a bit of a disappointment to them, hehe!). Anyway one bit in Proverbs says "Grey hair is the silver crown of wisdom". So it can't be ALL bad...!

    Keep shining on!
    Roo xx

  • Comment number 35.

    Good morning all,

    Absolutely pouring down here in Ayrshire this morning, sky completely grey.

    Clodagh, loving the fact that Eric was "rivited" on his visit to the Volkswagen factory in Germany, I do hope that wasn't literally!

    Have a good day.

    X

    Gail

  • Comment number 36.

    Me again,

    Just have a lovely surprise, an e-mail from La T**ca, telling me I have won a case of vintage cava for filling out one of their feedback forms. Great.

    Gail

  • Comment number 37.

    Good morning blogettes:

    DozyMac - Do you need any help with that Cava? ...................... thought not!

    It's funny old weather here again in North Wales - lots of mizzle (misty drizzle). Skys have been grey all week but very warm - yesterday especially. I'm off tomorrow to Staffordshire (again!) - weekend away with oldest friend and her sister. Sister has kicked hubby out for the weekend but that's all I know about the plans so far.

    Regards PJ

  • Comment number 38.

    hi everybody peeps
    Just posted my blognic pics, have a squizz if you wish!

    Tiggs xx

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