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Cheryl Cole, on the other hand, has a much more stern manner, and clearly takes no nonsense from anyone. In a fight situation, she'd be the one laying down the law, and while she can be very soft-hearted with rogues, she does know right from wrong and won't stand for any nonsense. Plus most of the naughty boys in the neighbourhood would be putty in her hands (in a strictly legal sense, of course).

Note To ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Secretary: More Girls Aloud on the beat.

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How do you solve a problem like Christina? Well, here's a girl who has clearly had some issues with respectable society in her time, and someone whose need to prove herself has led her to some pretty extreme situations. Who would bet against someone with a similar drive and sense of turmoil finding solace in the church? It would provide her with structure and discipline, something to rebel against safely, and give her a platform from which to do good works. And, in these faithless times, what's more unconventional than a convent?

Thinking about it, I wouldn't even bet against the REAL Christina becoming a nun, in later life.

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Hmm...it's so hard to think of things which are thin, but have a great big floppy top, and which tend to attract dirty stuff, isn't it? Especially things which get filthy on our behalf, so that we don't have to. Things which we can't really live without, but we find hard to attach any value to, the more raggedy and battered they become.

I may have to give up on Amy Winehouse's alternative career. I can't think of a thing.

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Now this last one fits Pete Doherty to a tee. For starters it's an object from the olden days, so it's automatically more romantic, and a source of potential melancholy, and it's something which supports expensive things, but can become very tatty, if it's not looked after properly.

It's a hat-stand. People used to have them on dressers or in their walk-in boudoir, so their expensive homburg or trilby didn't get squashed by the cat and ruined.

The only drawback being you could never rely on a Pete Doherty hat-stand to stay where you left it, and you may never see that designer beret again.

Just as well people don't wear a lot of hats these days, really.

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Your suggestions for other alternative careers for the pampered pop people, please!