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Classified Ads - 10/09/08

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Fraser McAlpine | 18:20 UK time, Wednesday, 10 September 2008




-------------------
BIBLE STORYTELLER
-------------------
All the classics:
Adam and Mary, Paul
and Abel, Judas in the
lion's den, Joseph
and Delilah, Luke's
coat of many colours...

Noah, Whalehouse

-------------------
WANTED:
MAN-REMOVAL VAN
-------------------
This fella won't go,
and we've got to get on
with our career and stuff. We've tried asking.
Several times.

Martin Fowler's Script





-------------------
MISSING PERSONS
-------------------
Ben, Mark, Paul out of A1
Where are you?
Are we the only boyband
left who never re-formed
and sold out?
Let's sell out!

Christian

-------------------
AMBITIONS FULFILLED
WHILE U WAIT!
-------------------
Want to see the world?
Drive nice cars?
Want groupies?
How about boobies?
No, wait, rubies...
Poopies?
Call Doll Deliveries





-------------------
ATTENTION!
-------------------
Just because you have
forgotten about me,
I have not forgotten
about you.
Be prepared, OK?

Darius

-------------------
SEX FIRE
SAFETY TRAINING
-------------------
Includes: Location of
nearest Sex Fire Exit.
How to use Sex Fire
Extinguishers. And where
to put the Sex Fire hose.
Leon King,
Sex Fire Brigade





-------------------
MAGIC ACT
-------------------
We can transform
love into noise,
life into an ocean,
doves into spam,
chips into chocolate.
Last chance to see...

The Great Vervini

-------------------
FOR SALE:
UNDERDOG STATUS
-------------------
18 years old.
Slightly overlooked but
much loved family pet.
Answers to the name 'Champion'.

The Seldom Seen Kids





-------------------
NEW ATTRACTION!
-------------------
Discover the magic of Royworld.
We've got them all,
Walker, Orbison, Castle,
Wood, Rogers...
Includes free voucher for
local curroy house.
Roy George, Royworld

-------------------
BABY-NAMING SERVICE
FOR NEW PARENTS
-------------------
Stacey, Hell, Jane,
Lisa, Mary, Jo,
Mary-Jo...
That's not MY name.
Could it be yours?

Contact: Er...





-------------------
ADVICE CLINIC
-------------------
Have you kissed a girl?
Did you like it?
Tell us in confidence.
Wrong, right,
who are we to judge?
Free chapstick.

Call Katy

-------------------
EXCHANGE TOURS
-------------------
See LA, New York, Frisco,
in exchange for being
Kanye's tour guide
around the West End
(and your bedroom). Interested?

Call Stelltours





-------------------
WANTED: SYLLABLE
-------------------
McFly, 'Lies',
'The Heart Never Lies',
we've worn it out.
Will swap for 'tude',
'ish', or 'ment'.

Tom, Doug, Harry, Dan

-------------------
REBRAND OPPORTUNITY
-------------------
We're not New
We're not Kids
We're not On The Block
Any idea who we are?

Old Men On The Wane





-------------------
ACTUALLY...
-------------------
While you're having
a think about that,
could you do us too?
Thanks ever so!

Boyzone

-------------------
HEY, DON'T FORGET US!
-------------------
Backstreet Boys,
Badly-Drawn Boy,
Beach Boys,
Pet Shop Boys,
Beastie Boys
Boyz II Men,
Waterboys,
Fatboy Slim...


Here's a lovely popup with LOADS of old Classified Ads in...

Comments

  • Comment number 1.

    You're probably going to laugh at me, but I was thinking about the McFly singles too...are they having a brain freeze moment and that's all they could think about?

    Old Men on the Wane....there should actually be a group like that, just a bunch of old guys (even older than NKOTB even) singing. With some good ballads and good strong stools, they'd be on their way!

    And it does seem like all the boyband kids just recently ran out of money, all at the same time. Coincendence? Hmmmm....

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