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Fraser McAlpine | 16:39 UK time, Tuesday, 1 April 2008

Pippi LongstockingI didn't intend to start writing another thing about Madonna so soon after yesterday's revelations, but this has been doing the rounds today. This is what happened when a Vanity Fair journalist told her Madgesty that he had never read the children's book Pippi Longstocking. The book is one of her favourites, you see, and you can totally understand why, because it's about a wild feral girl with big super-strong muscles and a wooden chest full of gold coins, who does everything her own way*.

Madonna: Do you have a daughter?
Vanity Fair: No, three sons.
[Madonna looks at Vanity Fair accusingly.]
Vanity Fair: I didn't choose it - it just happened.
Madonna: Do you believe that? You think things just happen?
Vanity Fair: I think that just happened.
Madonna: Mm-hmm.
Vanity Fair: So who's making the decision?
Madonna: You are, you and your missus.
Vanity Fair: About what kind of kids we want?
Madonna: You chose it. Your soul chose it.
Vanity Fair: No. Do you believe that? That my insides wanted boys?
Madonna: Unconsciously. Yes.
Vanity Fair: I kind of like the idea, three sons - it’s like having a little army out in the woods.
Madonna: And all the work they can do, and you can teach them carpentry and then build houses for you in Old Greenwich, or wherever you live.

Nice, eh? Not only did he have the GALL to raise three children, he chose them to be BOYS, and not a healthy mix of, say, a girl, a boy and then an adopted boy from Africa. And he did it all ON PURPOSE. THE SWINE!

Now, being a placid kind of man (what? I AM!), I'd be tempted to say that that entire exchange was just an example of Madonna's celebrated sense of humour. A little playful exchange about her own public image as a spiritual person, that kind of thing. And I'm not even going to qualify that by saying anything snarky. She either meant every word, in which case she's got no manners at all, or she was kidding, in which case well done her.

Which would you like to believe - on April Fool's Day of all days? Exactly.

Oh, and I was going to mention this in a future Fun With Press Releases, but we're kind of doing Madonna overkill at the moment, so here's what she said in a press release about why her new album is called 'Hard Candy'. Her press people actually want you to believe Madonna thinks like this...

"The album title is a juxtaposition of tough and sweetness...kind of like I'm gonna kick your ass but it's going to make you feel good. And of course, I love candy!"

Madonna is 50 this year.

* Wikipedia describes Pippi Longstocking like this: "She is very unconventional, assertive, rich and extraordinarily strong, being able to lift her horse one-handed without difficulty. She frequently mocks and dupes the adults she encounters, an attitude likely to appeal to young readers; however, Pippi usually reserves her worst behavior for the most pompous and condescending of adults."

See? Madge to a tee. Pompous, condescending, the lot!

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