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Well, things have already taken a turn for the worse. That miniature statue which the Kylie waitress lady (see Part 3, if this is confusing) was carrying suddenly grew to enormous proportions, terrorizing the entire backstage area and very nearly stepping on an Arctic Monkey or two. Thankfully Dr Who was on hand (isn't he always? Kind of suspicious, when you come to think about it), and he did some stuff I didn't see with a blue torch, and everything is OK now. Phew!

Within the space of one minute, two of the youngest winners at tonight's ceremony proved the tenderness of their years in dramatically different ways.

First young Adele - she of the cocky cockney manner and bum-chin - was being pushed against the wall, having her photo taken with her award and generally doing the happy winner thing. But was she a happy winner? She was not. While the make-up artist touched up her eyes and fussed with her fringe, she was heard to whine, petulantly "hurry uuup! I wanna go back to my table and get druuunk".

And then she pretended to do something very rude to the top of her award, something which would definitely have annoyed the miniature alien inside if Dr Who hadn't already sorted that whole crazy mess out.

Then, Kate Nash comes bowling over at high speed, ready to do interviews with a whole bunch of media types and keen to show off HER brand new miniature alien statuette thing. Only she can't have looked too keen, cos she was closely followed by her mother, who, when Kate was introduced to the first of her media interrogators, could be heard muttering "Kate, SMILE!", in case her daugher forgot her manners.

At least, I hope that's what it was. Surely Ma Nash can't have got her own daughter mixed up with Lily Allen?

The Complete ChartBlog Brits Report
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5