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Thoughts On The Diana Concert...

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Fraser McAlpine | 16:33 UK time, Monday, 2 July 2007

Nelly FurtadoI am fully aware that writing any kind of feature which seems to be critical of a concert arranged to honour The Nation's Favourite Princess Of All Our Hearts is not unlike going up to a tiger, up-ending a pot of hornets on his nose, and then attempting to swat them off using a cobra. People get very upset at anything which might be seen as a slight to Diana's memory, and often work themselves up into a frenzy on behalf of the people the late Princess tried to help, irrespective of whether those people are offended or not...

(PICTURE NOTE: That's Nelly Furtado pulling faces at Prince William, our future king.)

So, with that in mind, and attempting to tread as carefully as possible...what on Earth was that concert thing about?

I mean, of course it's a good idea to have a great big concert to honour her memory. Diana, by all accounts, loved music, particularly pop music. Having said that, despite some heartwarming performances from the likes of Sir Elton, Rod Stewart and the Feeling, it's hard to imagine Diana loving the shoddy way in which music was treated by some of the guests at yesterday's concert, some of whom owe music rather a lot, seeing as it is supposedly how they make their living...

So, seeing as yesterday's coverage was all about how amazing everything at the concert was, and how perfect an expression of remembrance the whole thing became, here's a few things which it's hard to imagine Diana herself being impressed by.

Things Which It's Hard To Imagine Diana Being Impressed By:

The bizarre running order: Who thought it was a good idea to follow Nelly Furtado doing 'Maneater' with ballet dancers doing Swan Lake (by rights, Nelly should've changed the words and called it 'Swaneater')? I mean it's always a good idea to mix your high and low art, but it just seemed massively hotch-potch. Anyway, the perfect Nelly song to lead into ladies dancing like swans would be 'I'm Like A Bird', surely?

Swan Lake

Fergie dedicating 'Big Girls Don't Cry' to Diana. A nice gesture, but cynical viewers will note that the song is Fergie's new single, which makes that particular gesture nothing more than a marketing opportunity. Although if it was, why didn't she bother to sing the song in tune?

Him out of Supertramp failing to reach that high note. You know the one. Ouch!

Joss Stone taking Queen and David Bowie's 'Under Pressure', and then impersonating a woman undergoing labour pains over the top. All this because Diana was said to really like the song. Which surely makes what Joss did an act of treason or something? Still, give a whole new meaning to the term 'stoned to death', eh?

Speaking of death...Ricky Gervais, you poor, poor man. Please don't do the David Brent dance at any more big concerts...PLEASE!

Tom Jones doing 'I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor', featuring him out of Aerosmith on guitar. Not because the original is a modern classic which shouldn't be touched (Sugababes' version rocks, after all), but because Tom's version was so...nothingy. All the spark of the original got lost in old leatherface's patented bump 'n' grind sloth, and the beautifully-phrased lyrics dissolved against that wall of drab-funk. Plus he's not the best at singing in tune either, eh?

Status Quo only getting the one song. The one they opened Live Aid with. Which Diana was at. They might not be well-known in the US, but they're The Quo and they deserved better.

Joss Stone and Tom JonesTom Jones AND Joss Stone! Together! At the SAME TIME! And did you know that Joss Stone is an anagram of Toss Jones? And that Tom Jones is an anagram of J. Emo Snot? You think all these facts are just COINCIDENCE???

The sight of a Royal Box-ful of posh boys singularly failing to clap in time to any of the songs. Or sing in time, or get any of the words right...

Any of the artists who were clearly bussed in to give the lineup a more America-friendly feel. Like NERD getting the audience to do peace signs. And like almost all of the people who came on to introduce the bands. Keifer Sutherland, Dennis Hopper, her out of the X-Files, even our own Simon Cowell came out with the American Idol judges rather than with Sharon and Louis.

Which country was Diana princess of again? Oh yes, Wales.

Or, to our American cousins...Wales, England.

Still, the rest of it was BRILLIANT, obv!

Comments

  1. At 04:24 PM on 02 Jul 2007, Runa wrote:

    Veh tactful way of reporting this shindig.

  2. At 05:53 PM on 02 Jul 2007, emma wrote:

    now i know you'll probably say i'm biased because i may have mentioned my love for the arctics once. or maybe twice. but i'm not obsessed, i just have to say....was tom jones covering them not one of the most wrong and disturbing things you've ever heard? i'm sure even most arctic haters will agree it was cringeworthy!

  3. At 08:31 PM on 02 Jul 2007, Sarah wrote:

    I think you nailed it right on the head. Prince William and Prince Harry did do a good job organizing it though-props to them on that. But Joss Stone & Fergie totally annoyed me! The Quo should've definitely got more coverage AND I think another person that should've been highlighted was that 16 year old opera girl- whoever she was had a better voice than that Connie Fisher was it? Man! She did not reach that high note. It was as if the 16 year old pulled the mic away from her as if to say "i'm not going to take the blame for this one". But props to Fraser M for speaking the truth about a rather touchy subject:)!

  4. At 08:35 PM on 02 Jul 2007, Jamesy wrote:

    I thought it started out well but then it all just went a bit downhill mostly after and sort of died down.

    It was great to have Duran Duran kicking it all off though, they've still got it, with a good selection of songs too. I'm happy they performed at the concert.

  5. At 11:17 AM on 03 Jul 2007, wrote:

    well i was so excited to watch the diana tribute birthday i thought it was excellent and really well done to the lads for doing what they did and not to forget the pop stars they were excellent .

    i cant really see why peolple thought that it ending rubbish you wasnt there top have fun you were their to remember a very special lady Diana we will all love you and never forget you lots of love Kieran Thomas Gaffney i just wish that i couold of been their.

  6. At 11:19 AM on 03 Jul 2007, wrote:

    well i was so excited to watch the diana tribute birthday i thought it was excellent and really well done to the lads for doing what they did and not to forget the pop stars they were excellent .

    i cant really see why peolple thought that it ending rubbish you wasnt there top have fun you were their to remember a very special lady Diana we will all love you and never forget you lots of love Kieran Thomas Gaffney i just wish that i couold of been their.

  7. At 10:32 AM on 04 Jul 2007, wrote:

    joss stone and tom jones were actually pretty gd together, i thought they wud b crap, but they werent. and ricky gervais he woz so funny and when he did the david brent dance, i thought wot a wierdo, he should never do that agin on live t.v. , he didnt do any new moves anyway. x but he woz gr8 x and i know i shudnt say this but prince william has a nice ass x he he x

  8. At 01:40 PM on 04 Jul 2007, alys wrote:

    i enjoyed the show much more fun to watch than alot of perfect shows ,the mistakes ,the hiches the o.m.g. what are they doing or wearing or singing loved it and with all the security problems well done with going ahead with it .THE BEST ACT OF THE NIGHT WERE TAKE THAT TOTALLY FAB A PROPER BRITISH BAND SINGING THEIR OWN MUSIC NOT COVERS THEY WERE THE STARS OF THE SHOW JUST WISH THEY HAD BEEN ON LONGER .

  9. At 06:27 PM on 04 Jul 2007, Roz wrote:

    hmm...you didn't mention Mark Owen getting the words wrong!

    [True. But you did. Thanks! - Fraser]

  10. At 12:50 PM on 05 Jul 2007, Kat wrote:

    awwh, but he's adorable anyway!

  11. At 01:47 PM on 05 Jul 2007, dellie wrote:

    Connie Fisher forgot the words to 'Memory' too which I thought was rather ironic...

    hehe

  12. At 04:44 PM on 05 Jul 2007, flossy wrote:

    It annoys me when Americans think Wales is part of England when it is totally not!!! Bet you u can't guess which country I'm from!

    [It's Cornwall, isn't it? - Fraser]

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