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Arctic Monkeys - 'Flourescent Adolescent'

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Fraser McAlpine | 09:41 UK time, Friday, 29 June 2007

Arctic MonkeysGah! All these WORDS! It's enough to drive a man to ambient techno-metal. Settle back to let the whole song wash over you, and it's like being repetitively poked in the face by an insistent toddler who is asking for something over and over again, in an indistinct fashion. Listen too closely and it's like poetry homework. Thank the Lord for the bits where he calls a boy a slag, otherwise what hope for brainkind?

[NOTE: This here video contains a LOT of fake violence. But it's to clowns, so that's probably alright. Don't watch if you're squeamish though.]

Naturally, this over-reaction is just the result of too many late nights and not enough caffeine, rather than any deficiency on the part of Alex Turner's songwriting. The boy still has that incredibly deft turn of phrase, plus an ear for rhythm which would shame any rapper you care to name. He's got to be doing Thai-Chi with his tongue before every gig (and not in a rude way), just so's not to get muscle-cramps when he has to rattle out lines like "discarded all the naughty nights for niceness".

None of which would be remotely impressive if the song itself wasn't a clear-eyed, warm, but ultimately devastating summation of the depressing decline in WILDNESS which occurs with the passing of years, from teenhood into post-teenhood.

It comes to us all. Suddenly the girls who're (that's short for 'who are', by the way, it doesn't say 'whore') out having it large, snogging the wrong boys, puking over garden walls, screaming the whole street awake at 3am and not giving a stuff what anyone thinks about it...well...they're all a bit young-looking, aren't they? And actually, they must be pretty cold going out like that...and in those shoes too...

And BANG! Before you know it, your cupful of youthful promise has been knocked over, and you're the woman Alex Turner has in his sights. He's sympathetic, he understands where you're at. But he won't flinch, or sugar the pill. Which makes this song the equivalent of a friend sticking an arm around your shoulders and saying "Jeez, look at you! What a mess!"

Which makes it genuinely hard to assess the worth of a pop song like this, using the same rating system that also applies to, say, Hilary Duff's latest. Not that there's anything wrong with the Duff. It's just that a song like this exists on so many levels. It's a great pop song, it's a withering social comment song, it's a tough love song, and it's a genius wordplay song.

Even if all four of those songs were dreadful, that'd be one star each, which adds up to four stars. Thankfully it's a four-star song whichever way you look at it, so for ease of understanding (and to keep counting on our fingers to a minimum) a four-star song is what it will have to stay. Well done everyone!

Four starsDownload: Out now
CD Released:
July 9th

(Fraser McAlpine)

Comments

  1. At 01:56 PM on 29 Jun 2007, Lisa K wrote:

    This song is almost TOO good (if that makes sense)! Although I can't understand the words (I'm a Londoner; I don't understand the Sheffield accent!) I adore this song 'till death! Funky tune, and it's just AWESOME! 'Teddy Picker' to be the next single please!

  2. At 05:27 PM on 29 Jun 2007, Kat wrote:

    I like it, it reminds me of the beach boys for some probably very odd reason..

    Not that I like the beach boys

    At all... EVER

    Just wanted to clear that up *cough*

    Tis funky anyhow. You're totally right about the '4 songs' thing.. pretty good.

  3. At 06:13 PM on 29 Jun 2007, Sarah wrote:

    I like this song, but then I'm a fan of their music. I think their lyrics are good, and I just like the kinda grit to it.

    Kerri why do you hate them? Sorry to sound rude or anything :S just wondering a little :)

  4. At 06:40 PM on 29 Jun 2007, wrote:

    thats ok you dont sound rude. well, theyre an annoying indie band, not all indie is annoying but this type is. im not saying theyr not good at what they do as they are i just dont like them. this type of music just windes me up the wrong way and these guys are the MASTERS of that music, which is why theyre loved by many. in brian storm i quite liked some of the guitar bits and then that guy starts singing and it turns horrid. to me their music just drones on and on and on and on......turn it off already!

    if it helps i quite like the name of the song

  5. At 07:52 PM on 29 Jun 2007, emma wrote:

    everyone knows how much i love this band. i love the way that none of their songs are pointless, you kknow what they're talking about and its not a random collection of words. i think they're awesome.

  6. At 11:35 PM on 29 Jun 2007, Hazel R wrote:

    Is it just me (quite likely) or has Alex Turner suddenly become extremely fit? Also, good song.

  7. At 09:57 AM on 30 Jun 2007, Lisa wrote:

    Hazel R; it's not just you, Alex is *incredibly* fit.

    And I couldn't stop listening to this song when I first got the album ("Do Me A Favour" took over after a little while). Great review!

  8. At 08:05 AM on 01 Jul 2007, Susan Flowers wrote:

    omg i so luv the arctic monkeys. ooo n i luv alex turner *mwah* hes always bin fit. n omg this song is AWSUM. i don think ppl shud over analyse the lyrics. jus settle for the fact dat it all sounds great. *nodz*


    5 STARS FROM ME


    [ luvin the tongue twisters ]

  9. At 12:26 PM on 01 Jul 2007, wrote:

    THIS SONG IS THE BESTT ABSOLUTLY LOVE IT

  10. At 12:28 PM on 01 Jul 2007, wrote:

    BESSTTT BAND EVER

    AND THE SONG ROCKS!!

    IT AWSOME =] XX

  11. At 05:07 PM on 02 Jul 2007, Nichola wrote:

    Not just you hon, alex is totally hot. my mate steph bumped into him in cardiff. goes without saying that i am outrageously jealous.

    this song totally rocks, and i can tell you as a girl in the situation it refers to, oh boy the nail has been hit on the head. gonna get my fishnets out tonight i think. lets relive those teenage years! minus the acne though please...

    Best song on the new album for me though is Do Me Favour. doubt it will be released as a single as they keep the best songs back for special, like they do with A Certain Romance

  12. At 02:22 PM on 16 Jul 2007, wrote:

    i think this song is totally awesome soon as its out on the radio i turn it up and chill when i listen 2 it it such a good theyv had.

  13. At 06:04 PM on 19 Jul 2007, Laura wrote:

    i love it, but they should show themselves hah!

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