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That song... "things that make you go Hmmmmm". Well, what things in life have really ever made you go "Hmmmmmm"? Chin stroking perhaps mandatory.

I would like to recommend a Text the Nation topic - What did Adam and Joe fans do to pass the time while the duo was on holiday? Did the fans listen to older podcasts? Were the Retro Song Wars podcasts enough?

For future, wouldnt it be possible to pre-record some shows so we never have to be without Adam and Joe for so long? I'm really going through withdrawal. I had to dig up some shows from last year to listen to. I can't wait until Aug 29th! One more week!!

Hello! Missed you both over the Summer.

My highlight of the Summer (so far) was Glastonbury. Awesome weekend, lots of Stephen's and over the top excitement when we heard "Just Coming!" It was all topped off by meeting you both and sharing a special "Stephen" (photo below) I love Joe in this pic, mid way through a Stephen!



Loved the Classiques Song wars, can't wait to hear some new stuff on the live shows! Welcome back guys!

Adam

Favourite cakes.

or perhaps things that you have broken, and the methods or quickly made makeshift solutions/ repairs you've made to try and prevent your partner from noticing.

I have been:
learning to drive
ignoring my gym membership
playing computer games
job hunting

Which means I've nearly driven into a bus, I've been very annoyed at a personal trainer, I've gained a squirrel army, and I've had various rejection emails/letters.

What's the scariest thing that's happened to you in a car?

The "how did you get through the A&J famine idea" is a good one to kick things off if they don't find it a bit too self-important!

Have they ever done a TTN for responses to cold callers on the phone? Um, you know, different ways to string them along or make their day a little less dull.

I guess they'll both be exhausted after their first full show in so long but is there any way they could be persuaded to record one of those tiny little vids for the blog. I really *need* to see how they are looking after their break. Glasto seems so long ago.

@theadz01 thanks for sharing that picture. I saw them on their way back home from Glasto but I was much too shy to approach them & I figured they'd be tired and suffering a bit with public fatigue.

I really enjoyed the interviews/auditions show... as an extension how about 'Worst first day at school/work' or just general poor first impressions, in the cringey way only Adam and Joe fans can provide!?

Best/weirdest/funniest festival/holiday/summer stories?


That's the best I could come up with. It would seem I'm rubbish.

Our baby boy was born! Ok, that wasn't because Adam and Joe were off the air, but it has been relevant!

You see, we've had some good old fashioned family radio time, keeping up with the classic song wars podcasts. Even though our son is only a few weeks old, he still smiles at the songs! Talk about appealing to a wide age range!! (Quantum of Solace was most popular)

Perhaps a TTN about things guaranteed to entertain kids or raise a smile on a baby?? Please feel free to use ours as a baby-smile-o-meter!

Love and hugs,
Craig, Helen and 6 week old Rufus

1 week! My TTN topic suggestion would be the worst/most ridiculous lies you have told to get out of doing something/to explain why you didn't show up for something.

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For the first time in my life i gave out to people talking at the cinema!!
I usually sit petrified of the 'yooves' making noise, but i measured their age and potential for violence and thought, no, i'm going to do it!!

I turned around and stared at the 14yr old girl sitting directly behind me. They all went silent and i met eyes with this terrified girl. I hadn't prepared what to say! So i winged it. Keeping on 'their' level, i opened with
'Lads.' and followed with, 'Are you guys going to talk for the WHOLE movie?'
I then stared at each one along the line of four or so, probably hitting a few innocent bystanders on the flanks, for a few seconds each. I looked each one in the eye. They said nothing. I turned back around, put my foot up against the chair in front (there was no one in the seat) and continued watching 'Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince.'

I spent the rest of the movie waiting to have a drink poured over me. They didn't, i won. But then i heard about a similar story ending with the complainer getting acid?bleach? thrown in their face!
I survived. Phew.

The other day my A-level results came out, this isn't the point of the story just a little bit of exposition, and so i drove to school with my mother in the passanger seat (Because i only have my provisional license) and for the first time was about to drive in front of people who i knew. I felt pretty cool
So i approached the gate and there were four of my classmates just leaving, the sort of popular, intellectual boys against whom i strive to hold my own against and win the battle of my gender for which i get very little support or backup. Just as i'm going through the gate, i stupidly forget to change down a gear and i stall noisily right in front of all of them. I'm pretty much at test standard and haven't stalled for ages, it is just a perfect example of sod's law!
My idea for text the nation: Sod's law. Moments when the odds fail you at the worst possible time.
Also, i heard an egg-corn the other day. Don't know if you've ever had it before; "For all intensive purposes", presumably meaning "For all intents and purposes". Surely it changes the meaning dramatically.

Long comment is looooooonnnng!

Cinema confrontations is a good topic. I haven't been involved in one personally, but I recently witnessed an annoying fellow cinemagoer who took a phone call during a film get admonished by someone sitting several seats away and in a different row. It was very good.

Hey,

So, I used Joe's software that allows you to find out who lives on the opposite side of the world from you.

I typed in the address of ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ6 Music, and found that on the opposite side of the world is a radio studio in Australia. That's quite weird, but what's even weirder is that the DJs who broadcast there are called...Adam and Joe! Check it out:



It seems like Australia is a parallel universe where slightly more tanned and healthy-looking versions of one's self live.

What a beaut!

@supastring: yes, all us Aussies are tanned and healthy... (*looks around shiftily...*) Srsly though, that is a bit weird, the parallel Adam & Joe. Which ones are better looking do you think?

I have no original ideas for TTN, so can I just cast a few votes for ideas people have already mooted? Thanks! My votes would go to:

JimJamNuttyNutNuts - things that you have broken, and the methods or quickly made makeshift solutions/ repairs you've made to try and prevent your partner from noticing.

and

spyramy - Moments when the odds fail you at the worst possible time.

Can we not have a summer-related one, unless us southern-hemisphere dwellers are allowed to contribute with our dismal winter-related stories to counter everyone else's happy, suntanned, festival, holiday tales?

xx

Spyramy's got a good one @14... everyone's got a sods law/bad timing story in them somewhere. Mine's in a bit and turn left.

Hi,
I was thinking what about songs you have made up?

I made one when my cat was little;

Not allowed on the table
Not allowed on the bench
Not allowed to poke your head
In the fridge, when we open it
Not allowed to piss on doonas
Not allowed to bite and scratch to hard
Not allowed to run away
Because your our George.

My 12 year old boy still hates that song

Thanks from Lizzie in Australia

I rented some small corner space in my local Joke-lab and have created a few crackers. Okay, here goes. Uh hum;

What do you call an Oscar winner who can't see well?

Tilda Squintin!!! Hmm? yeah? thought so.

Also;

Did you hear why Iceland has fired Kerry Katona?

She was offending the bi-polar bears!! No? really? okay.

I think that a good TTN topic would be something to do with heroic acts, possibly failed heroic acts!

I remember when i was younger and was walking along a beach with my mother, sister and cousin in rainy swansea when my cousin kicked a beach ball and it got taken by a huge gust of wind into the sea! i heroically stripped down to my pants and dived in after it. the water was freezing as it was in the winter but i swam on and managed to get the ball. i returned very proudly to my family members, but at the very same time that a large group of older children were walking by. The pinnacle of the event was a loud girl shouting "look ar im! eee's in is pants!" and everyone (including my family) laughing at me while i stood there cold and soaking wet in my y-fronts! i still have nightmares about it to this day!

Peace,

Jonboy.

I'm with commenter no.2#

Show withdrawl would be a good topic.

Not necesarily just about adam & joe but any show you watch regularly that goes away for summer.

The thing I really hate is the shows dissappearing and then ALL reappearing at the same time around september so your eyeballs and ears fall off.

(I went through the entire gamut of withdrawl symptoms and I ended up making a fanzine like a real loser after I found a bunch of shows i hadnt heard yet. At least i was distracted from the whole swine flu nonsense.)

Joe's face was very very hard to draw.

Thank goodness Adam has a beard.

TTN: What's the worst thing that's happened to you while listening to a Pink Floyd song?

Reasons why you think your text doesn't get read out on the radio?

hahaha- reasons why you think your text doesn't get read out! I love it.
It's a special kind of paranoia and excitement you get when you text the show....
Did they get it?
Did it make sense?
Who screens them?
Did they find it funny?

Why haven't they read it out yet?
Did they run out of time?
Maybe I've been blocked by the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ cos I once wrote an abusive message to Richard Bacon...?
Inevitably though it dawns on you that you're just not as funny as you think you are (I think I am...)

It's even worst now cos I work myself all up for Retro TTN too! Maybe they'll read it out then!! ....oh, they didn't.

Worst of all, I'm Matt in Bristol but I've noticed there is at least one other "Matt in Bristol" who texts the show. Every time Joe opens a link with 'Matt in Bristol says...' and proceeds to tell a hilarious story that I haven't sent in, I die a little inside.

Cheers,
Matt (in Bristol)

Squirrels - good topic. I have a front page headline from the South London Press, framed on the wall - Squirrels On Crack - not much good for an army of Squirrels. Then there was the woman this summer who was attacked by a Killer Chipmunk, as reported by the Sun




TTN topic - if you had to make an army up from just one species of animal (mammal/fish/lizard) what would it be.

I'm thinking the Zombie Ants From Thailand.



I've always been a big fan of the Charlton Heston movie - The Naked Jungle

@webname
Once, I answered a cold call and when the man asked if I would take part in some survey, I replied "No thank you" and hung up. I didn't think this was especially rude due to the "thank you" and I figured that they must get much worse responses from people who are even more furious than I am anyway. However, the caller obviously didn't agree with me as he immediately RANG ME BACK and started to tell me off for hanging up so abrubtly without saying goodbye. After listening to his rather parental line of questioning ("Do you think it's okay to treat people like that?" "Do you have anything to say to me?" etc.) for a few minutes, I felt thoroughly put in my place so I mumbled a pathetic apology before saing goodbye and hanging up.

I remember the good old days when you used TTN to Brainstorm new names for doors (Man Flaps), crazy new toys and inventions. Maybe something along those lines would spark your listeners imaginations, they probably need it after such a long rest.

TTN Idea 1: Things that teachers used to say to you and class mates (One of my teachers use to call a fat kid "fat little shit". Ironically the teacher was about 20 stone - I suppose that made the ridiculing okay.)

TTN Idea 2: Ideas for a new kids tv show.

TTN Idea 3: Creations you have made with food - Ones that were disgusting and ones that were suprisingly yummy! - Noodles Curry :)

TTN ideas:

Words you've made up like crando (an angry expression) or Sluckt (a loose woman)?

Nicknames you've given yourself to make yourself laugh like Captain Hat or Fing-er Buffay?

New musical genres like Flunge or Crickles?

My brain as melted so sadly I have no more. I love you Cornballs and Dr Buckles!!!!!

My TTN idea: Confession session

Anyone got a confession to make to someone else but is finding it just too difficult to do "face to face" can have Adam and Joe do the dirty work for them.

Roll on August 29th.
Love you bye!

New musical genres is brilliant.

Abomo-Frunk.
Presto-Frunk.
Frunk Chiddley.

These are all plays on the burgeoning Frunk scene.

well...one for the embarrassing bucket of shame. I slipped on a mystery turd and did my back in. But, for all the inquisitive souls, I can vouch for it's seemingly crusty exterior and it's liquid center.

Huzzah for Aug 29th *smiley* *smiley* *smile*

Hi Adam and Joe, I have noticed Adam has become increasingly angry, at seemingly everything (his family, Joe, traffic wardens, the world). He is often heard to say ‘It makes me so angry!’ (secretly this makes me laugh). As an antidote maybe A&J could perform a ranty song to each another along the lines of William Shatner and Henry Rollins- ‘I can’t get behind that’ tune. Alternatively, a love song to each other might be a solution.
Seeing as we are in the eighties again, why not a song about the joys (walkman, neon socks, deely boppers) and angst (Kylie, deely boppers and the Market crash) about growing up in the eighties, in the style of the time period of course(I would love a tribute song about John Hughes but this would make me cry)
Buses, trains clubs and lets face it queues. I seem to spend an increasing amount of time trapped in places listening to other people’s mobile phone conversations. As A&J are the international superstars they now are, surely they must have overheard some interesting snippets they can sing about?
It was a rubbish programme, but children do say the funniest things. My friends Nephew told him ‘as its cloudy you can make me a sandwich’. On another occasion at a motorway service station he announced from his cubicle to all in earshot ‘Uncle Michael, will you come and wipe my bum’. So, a song about the joys and oddness uttered for the mouths of babes.
This is the first time I’ve written to any celebrity, so maybe a tune about first time fan contact would be fun? The resulting disappointment, or joy, Adam and Joe experienced from the responses they received.
Long time fan, first time contact, Sam.

I think strange crushes would be a great subject for Text The Nation. I have had numerous strange crushes over my life, including Dolph Lungren, Christopher Lambert, Henchman with two hook-hands from A Series of Unfortunate events movie, and The Creature From the Black Lagoon.

Yours with lots of love,
VultraUltra

i love the idea of the music genres one, good suggestion!

i'd also like a TTN on heckling. i've witnessed some pretty amusing heckling in my time and i'm sure bucklepops and dr sexy have experienced a fair bit, too.

it doesn't have to be restricted to stand up comedy heckling. cinema and gig heckles could be included, too, such as this gem heard at the cinema:

the usual anti-copyright theft downloading ads start,
and a specific "you wouldn't steal a car" advert comes on, only to be greeted with:

"i would if i could download one"

heehee :)

I like the heckling idea and I REALLY like the 'why wasn't my message read out' one!

How about ideas for films or TV series that could be made that cast Adam and Joe as the main parts? This could get quite creative whilst also allowing A&J to think about doing some of these extra enterprises outside the show, allowing all of us to maybe see more or them on the airwaves!

Thank goodness your back soon, my saturday mornings have been hell. I have resorted to listening to your back catalogue all the way back to march 2008 while at work to fill the time. DO NOT go on holiday again for a long long time!

suggestion for this week's text the nation:
Stories you have been told and taken to be true or factually based OR stories you have made up but let people believe (This will surely lead on to some hilarious anicdotes about how retelling these stories to other people got them into trouble)

example 1 -
We were on holiday in Spain and it seemed that all the sky was a lovely deep blue apart from the cloud that was directly over the sun.

I turned to my wife and said " that's annoying, I wish that cloud would go away". She turned to me and said in a very straight and knowing tone "well, it's bound to happen as clouds are naturally attracted to the sun." I let this comment settle in for a couple of seconds and probed her as to where she got that nugget of wisdom from.
Turns out her dad had told her this when she was 13 and still believed it 12 years on! She was geniunely annoyed when I told her this wasn't true at which point she called her Dad to check with him. All I could hear on the other end of the phone was laughter!

example 2-

I was recently celebrating our daughters 2nd birthday (Anya) and was chatting to the people my wife had invited from her NCT group, many of which I hadn't really met before.
After I finished one conversation, my wife came over to me to enquire about the man I'd just been talking to. She asked what he did for a living to which I repsonded by saying that he had developed a fire retardent filler for teddy bears and had then invested the money he made from that business in the stock market, I continued by saying that he'd made a killing before the recession and now taking time off. This of course was a lie I'd made up for no particular reason but it gave me great satisfaction in telling it to her in such as manner that she would never even concieve that it may be untrue.
My wife bought it beautifully. About 30 minutes later I could see my wife talking to the man. As I edged closer I could hear her talking striking up a conversation about fire safety and how soft toys were a real danger. She came back over to me 2 minutes later with a very red face and not partuicularly happy.

Hoops

I've spent the past few weeks looking for a new place to live in London, thing i've found troublesome is knowing what an area is like, although i have read about other areas in the suburbs etc. So basically - to get the right impression of an area, this could be in London or indeed anywhere around the country, text in your hometown and which celebrity/well known figure best represents your area. They don't have to be from that area, just a good reflection of it - so for example, Noel Fielding = Islington - clever, funny, cool, sometimes too popular for its own good, bit pretentious, and a bit dark and scary around the edges.

While A&J were off the air, I acquired a girlfriend. So far, I have not ruined the relationship. How about a Text the Nation on the subject of ridiculous things people have been dumped for?

Hi,
Highlight of the summer was Glasto, and the highlight of that was popping into the Guardian Lounge with my friend Stephen; he bought a bacon sarnie and a coffee. When the staff brought it for him they called out "Stephen?". I replied loudly, "Just Coming..." The lady providing the sandwich was overjoyed, and replied that she thought she was all alone in knowing about Stephen until then.
Thankfully I managed to collect Ste's bacon roll for him too, so 2 birds and all that.

Oh, just wanted to say that my wife and I put all our loose change into an old beer stein we call the change jar. When we discuss it, we end up singing "gonna put all my money... in the change jar, change jar, change jar" to the tune of Gay Bar by Electric 6.

Howdy Y'all, it's been some time...
But I can't wait for 9am saturday, Whoo hoo!!!
i liked the idea for new musical styles for TTN ideas.
Along the same vein could be:
If you were in a band what would you call it and why?
If you've been in a band, what has been the most "rock n roll" moment?
Another one i thought of would be:
If the world actually had a zombie pandemic (like in the films)
where would you go?

* As I think about zombie attacks a lot and live in Ramsgate which has a port, My answer would be to commandeer a ferry or massive boat and live at sea for a while.

So there are my TTN ideas, i'll try and think of some made up jokes and song wars themes...
bye for now. xxx

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i have an embarrasing accident in the holidays,to my friend.Me,my family and some friends went camping last week, and my friend kept falling over the guy ropes, even though they positively glowed at night.She fell flat on her back and laughed, she did this again several times over the next few days but no-one else did, has this ever happened to anyone else, or is my friend just really, really messed up?
all the best, make the pods longer guys, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!
lydia AKA black squadron rebellious 1 and only member (JOIN MY SQUADRON PLEASE!!!!!)

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Hoops!

1 - I love you story suggestion

2 - you made me snort out loud with your stories about your wife. Gold.

hoops at 38,
my parents always said that when me or my brother have children they are going to teach them strange things at an early age when they know no better such as:
1. cows go woof and dogs go moo but no-one else in the world will believe you, your right and they just don't say it very often.
2. double lines are just for drivers who are slightly blind and cannot see normal single lines.
3. dinosaurs fell from the moon, they couldn't get back and couldn't survive on earth resources but they are not extinct up there.

i never believed they would but i'm not so sure any more, have any of you got any other things that you have been told from a young age and believed for quite a while?
thanks for your time in reading this, hope it made you chuckle
black squadron rebbelious 1st member.

TTN-1 Best 'foot in mouth'

e.g. our rather ditzy supervisor at work greeting two reps we were expecting, one called something like Sanjeet Irani and the other called Declan O'Brien. A large ginger freckled guy and a very distinguished looking Asian gent duly show up at the front door, where the supervisor greets them with hearty handshakes. With absolute naievity she then asks "so which of you is Declan then?"

TTN-2 Best 'Milk down nose' moment

What was it that last made you laugh so hard at an unexpected moment that you nearly did yourself an injury? My Dad let rip with a real BANG of a fart during dinner, luckily at the same time as my mother fumbled and managed to toss her fork over her shoulder. My sister was taking a drink as we both watched what appeared to be my Dad blow a fork out of my Mums hand with a fart, and she snorted so hard it came out her nose. I almost hurt myself laughing.

heres another rib-tikler,
when i was 'younger', my parents always told me and my brother that the old coal corboard outside our front door was the door to an angry little man that would lock you up if he caught you opening the door. we both believed them.
one day we came home from the park and, you guessed it, the door was open.
my mum said the man must have finally got out and was coming for us. my and my brother were terrified for the rest of the week, i'm not sure when we found out it was a lie but i bet we were fuming.

heres 1 more

when we first had a house with a garden in it, my mum(she really was evil) told my brother that the gnomes in thegarden were alive and kaept moving around the garden(this was really her doing it when he was asleep)he always believed her until his 16th birthday when mum was telling some people at his birthday dinner, only then did he shout,"it was you!" he never forgave her, i can't believe he fell for it for almost 7 years! keep up the AWSOME work blog squadron

What about language related mishaps? If anyone went away over the holidays, or even if you didn't, there must be some sort of language-based misunderstanding that's happened to you.

Whenever learning a new language, most people seem to gravitate towards learning the most disgusting words first.
I once used a DISGUSTING Korean swear word in London, and to my horror (and I suppose hers as well) a Korean woman with her kids was within earshot. She spent a long time telling me off for it. Usually people can't understand the filth I spew.

Alternatively, my friend and I were having a ridiculous conversation in German whilst queueing for the toilet. It was just us spouting nonsense, like "Wo bist mein grosse fett frau? Ich liebe meine hund. Ich will essen ein gummi baum"
Anyways, a woman comes out the toilet as I'm sharing one of these gems, and gives me a really pitying look, like I'm a crazy person or something. There are a few moments of awkward eye contact as I realise that she is German, and understood all our rubbish.
I should mention it was a toilet in England, not Germany, where the odds of finding German speakers are usually lower.

hey, its me, terrorising you computer again, you think making mini chedder sandwitches and giving them to friends is sick(check podcast at top of page, well it is but what is also weird is that my friend sometimes takes a lick of his sisters friends lollipop, even if she is aready licking it, he also does this with ice-creams and ice-pops. I think you'll agree that is fairly sick and incredibly unheigenic.

TTN:

Listener one texts in with monumental problem e.g. head scratches whilst doing the washing up - hands are all soapy and wet and touching one's hair is not possible. What to do?

Listener two texts simple (or not) solution.

There...I said it.

Can't wait for the morning - it's my birthday and waking up with A&J is going to make it a VERY GOOD DAY. I've had show withdrawal and resorted to twittering quotes from A&J to get a response. Like a further new media twist on Stephenage.

e.g. I twitter 'what a stunning lithograph of the Albert Docks' and await the next line.

When it comes - JOY

When it doesn't - CRY

HEYHEY, Ad and Joe, listening from good ol' Northern Ireland! Hope you have both had a good summmer! For reasons I can't be arsed explaining, my sister baked me a chocolate cake the other day! IT WAS THE BOMB!!! (don't worry, my belly defused it) Not up to much these days, just waiting till October when my first term at uni starts. I think for text the nation people ( like myself) would just like to hear what you two "rapscallions" ( I think it's an exclusively NORN' IRON phrase) have been up to. Other than that though, I guess podcast withdrawal would be good, as from reading the rest of the comments I think we've all been going through it. As for me, I've just looked for other podcasts to fit the bill. As I'm quite a nerd, these have taken the form of gaming podcast so I don't want to bore the other listeners with details. Read mine out and all the rest, YOYOYO! All the best, Ali.
PS did you hear about the russian dogs that have learned to use the subway stations to travel into Moscow's inner city in search for food?

I've been downloading their XFM Podcasts!!! (wouldn't expect that to get on air but that's what I did!)

Was this a horrible tease? Has TTN been removed from Bloggins?

Lol to be honest, Adam and Joe probably knew what they were going to use before they even went on holiday. This was just a way to quench our thirst for a little bit of A+J interaction. And I just noticed something, the text the nation topic was right infront of our eyes in James' post; "holiday ailments".
Anyway who knows maybe they'll use some of our suggestions for the future shows.


But I doubt it

I have a suggestion for TTN: Riddiculous things you've said on the phone
OR
Prank calls you've made.

This is a simple yet TRULY GENIUS JOKE NUGGET!! (of my own concoction)

My brother (James) was innocently chopping a shallot into bite-size chunks, when I looked over and said as cool as a cucumber:

"Hey James, what you're chopping there... LOOKS SHALLOT LIKE AN ONION"

There was no reaction from my brother, I still don't think he understands it :D
It's funny cos it's true,
Luke

TTN: Bizarre childhood myths that everybody at your school believed unquestioningly. For example:

1. At my school there was a particular urinal in the boys' toilets that nobody ever used because of the risk of catching a disease called "Baxter Bugs", named after the boy who was allegedly the source of the infection.

2. If you recite the Lord's Prayer backwards in front of a mirror at midnight on Friday 13th, then the Devil appears over your shoulder.

3. There was a sort of sealed manhole cover in a local park near where I grew up that was widely believed to be the entrance to a secret underground tunnel that emerged miles away. Several bigger boys claimed to have crawled through it, though I never saw it myself.

After that discussion about the guy Alone In The Wild, what about tips for if you were alone in the wild and / or inventions to help with this.

I suggest a fold up wheelbarrow (like a fold up bike) in which you could transport your stuff like an outback gardener - that's got to be easier than a big rucksack on your back. You could also use it for loads of other things - leave it out in the rain to collect water, put food in it to lure prey...a world of possibilities...

What annoying things do people say when they see you doing your job? Or when you tell them what your job is?

When I was a musician (a double bass player), people would see me (a small lady) carrying this enormous instrument and unfailingly comment 'that's a big guitar (or violin)' occasionally varying as far as 'bet you can't get that under your chin' or the ever-hilarious and insightful 'give us a tune'. None of them ever offered to help carry it.

I also knew a piano player who was playing in a hotel abroad. He got fed up with people requesting that he play something when he was off duty, so in conversation he would tell people he was a gynacologist. That way, at least no-one asked him about his job. This spectacularly backfired when one night a man knocked on his hotel door because his wife was having a baby. At this point he had to confess to his lie.

So do people make annoying comments when you are trying to do your job? Or at social occasions when it comes up in conversation?

Many years ago I had an invention which after a few drinks got named PUBES standing essentially for Pavey's Universal Brake Explanation System essentially it was extra brake lights for a car so you knew how heavily the car in front was braking on a motorway. Genius idea but as a student i didn't want to pay for a patent I now see the new Mercedes S class is fitted with PUBES (although they have named them something else for some reason)
Wondered If A & J or others had invention ideas current or from the past??

Awkward situations in crowded or silent areas - for instance in a lift,a religious service or a conference........ :)
Tom

Useless super powers. For example, I always know what time it is to within five minutes or so without needing to check a clock, and my girlfriend can tell with unfailing accuracy which celeb/comedian is doing a voiceover on a telly show or advert. Hours of fun!

Here's a few possibilites,straight from the top of my dome...

- Times that you've used a quote from a comedy programe with exquisite comedy timing (An example could be,if you've left your wife and wanted to do it in a funny way,borrowed an Alan Partridge quote and shouted "I'm leaving you,you cow!")

- Stories that were horrible and terrifying at the time,but you can now look back at them,tell a cracking little story to your friends and get a laugh out of it (I once went to the hospital with a penis related problem and ended up having 3 different men (all doctors) touch it and 3 injections in it.This was particularly distressing at the time,but as I'm sure you'll agree,hilarious now)

- Amazing quotes of ignorance/sillyness (A girl I used to work with,in all seriousness once posed the question; 'was Hitler the king of the jews?')

Kill Boggins.