成人快手

A new baby is exciting news for you and means lots of changes for their older brother or sister.

While it鈥檚 not inevitable they鈥檒l find it hard, there are lots of ways you can help prepare them for your new addition, says parenting and child development specialist Lorraine Lee. 鈥淎nd one really important tip is that you don鈥檛 hinge your happiness on how your toddler does or does not respond to the news, because they may not always understand what鈥檚 happening.鈥

Tips for telling your toddler about a new brother or sister

Tell them early鈥 but not too early

News of their new baby brother or sister should come from you rather than a friend or relative but tell them when they can process the information. 鈥淚t's very difficult for a young child to think of something growing and living inside mum. And when they can鈥檛 understand something, they become nervous and worried,鈥 explains Lorraine. 鈥淪peak to your toddler when there several signs or changes that help them process the news: the scan picture, your bump, maybe the fact you鈥檙e tired and need to nap 鈥 together all these give them an understanding about what鈥檚 happening.鈥

A pregnant mum with her daughter pointing at her bump.
Image caption,
Speak to your toddler when there several signs or changes that help them process the news: the scan picture, your bump, maybe the fact you鈥檙e tired and need to nap.

Use age-appropriate and meaningful language

鈥淧hrases like 鈥榊ou鈥檙e going be a big brother or big sister鈥 won鈥檛 necessarily mean anything to a toddler,鈥 says Lorraine. 鈥淭he biggest change for them is that a baby is actually going to be in the house and they鈥檒l be growing up together. So it鈥檚 a good idea is to look at pictures of babies and explain that a baby is going to be living with you and what that means.鈥

Create keepsakes together

This can help build attachment and creates bonding opportunities, explains speech and language therapist Janet Cooper. 鈥淭ogether with your toddler, make a box for your new baby with photos and mementos. Or make a scrapbook together: talk about everything you put in it and when baby arrives, continue to add things. Talk about what baby might be like and look like and if your toddler is slightly older, you could even guess how big baby鈥檚 going to be. And show them pictures of when they were a baby, so they can see how much they have grown since they were born.鈥

A woman's hands putting a picture in a scrapbook.
Image caption,
Make a scrapbook together: talk about everything you put in it and when baby arrives, continue to add things.

Don鈥檛 worry if your toddler isn鈥檛 as excited as you

鈥淵our child might seem really underwhelmed and want to get back to whatever they were doing before you told them,鈥 says Lorraine. 鈥淭ry not to be disappointed that they鈥檙e not attached to the news 鈥 their reaction isn鈥檛 to do with deep feelings but their attention span and interest levels, so don鈥檛 read too much into it.鈥

Getting your toddler ready for baby's arrival

Prepare baby's space together

鈥淚f your child can see where your new baby will stay, you鈥檒l help them to make mental links between their life and what鈥檚 going to happen,鈥 explains Lorraine. 鈥淕et them involved in preparing space for baby. For example, you could ask them to help you prepare a quiet corner of the room for storytime.鈥

Get them comfortable with the idea of sharing

Your toddler will be sharing people and their space with baby, which is a huge shift. 鈥淏ut you can prepare them by introducing the idea of sharing,鈥 says Lorraine. 鈥淚t could be as simple choosing a teddy that comes and sits with them on their lap to listen to their bedtime story. And they might give another soft toy to the bump, so baby can listen to the story too.鈥

Maintain routines but make tiny changes

Rather than experiencing a wave of change when baby鈥檚 born, try to make small adjustments to your toddler鈥檚 routines beforehand. 鈥淚t's important to keep their set routines in place, but slowly introduce some independence and flexibility,鈥 explains Lorraine. 鈥淚t鈥檚 about drip-feeding change, so lots of things don鈥檛 happen at once when their baby brother or sister is born. An example of this might be with storytelling; if mum normally does bedtime stories, perhaps nan or another adult in their life could start doing it, while every other aspect of it stays the same.鈥

A dad and his son tidying the little boy's room.
Image caption,
It's important to keep their set routines in place, but slowly introduce some independence and flexibility.

Try to understand their tough questions

If your child asks something tricky like: 鈥榃ill they stay forever?鈥, give yourself a breather rather than panic answering straightaway, recommends Lorraine.

鈥淭ry 鈥楾hat's a really good question!鈥 or 鈥榊ou've been thinking, haven鈥檛 you?鈥. And then a gentle question to find out more about where they鈥檙e coming from 鈥 it might be they鈥檝e picked up on something at nursery or school. You could say: 鈥楧id somebody else ask that question?鈥. This helps you understand and empathise. It might be that they鈥檙e worried about having to share mummy and daddy, in which case you can reassure them: 鈥楽haring is hard but we鈥檒l get better at it together鈥.鈥

Build their ability to wait

鈥淵our toddler might be used to having everything immediately but when you're feeding baby or changing a dirty nappy, this won鈥檛 be the case,鈥 explains Lorraine. 鈥淭o avoid them feeling resentful about baby, get them used to waiting just a little bit longer for things.鈥

STILL don鈥檛 worry if your toddler isn鈥檛 as excited as you

When your toddler feels or sees your bump move, baby will seem more real but it鈥檚 still a strange experience for them. 鈥淚f they pull their hand away saying 鈥業 don't like that mummy鈥, it's really important you鈥檙e not offended: it鈥檚 not intentional, they鈥檙e probably feeling a mixture of things like curiosity, confusion and playfulness too.鈥

Supporting toddlers with new baby brothers/sisters

Reassure your toddler and give them positive attention

鈥淗owever much preparation you do, there will be times your toddler feels put out about their baby sibling and the fact they鈥檙e taking up your time. So there will be occasions you鈥檒l need to sit down and reinforce the fact that you still love them and baby hasn鈥檛 changed that,鈥 recommends Janet.It鈥檚 important that everyone at home or visiting gives your toddler attention too. 鈥淵our baby is getting all the smiles but their older brother or sister needs lots of interaction and eye-to-eye contact too,鈥 adds Lorraine.

Avoid too many 'go and get' instructions

鈥淭oddlers love helping out at home so it鈥檚 easy to get them involved caring for baby. But they can tire of constant 鈥榞o and get鈥 orders to fetch things for their sibling,鈥 explains Lorraine.

Find ways they can get actively involved. 鈥淣appy time is great time: talk about what you need to do and get them involved in gathering everything you need,鈥 explains Janet. 鈥淓ncourage your toddler to talk or make faces at baby while you are changing the other end. You could even sing the Wee Wee Poo song 迟辞驳别迟丑别谤.鈥

A mum and dad with their two daughters, one toddler and one baby.
Image caption,
鈥淵our baby is getting all the smiles but their older brother or sister needs lots of interaction and eye-to-eye contact too.鈥

Be calm but firm about difficult behaviour

鈥淚f your toddler prods their baby brother or sister or sticks a finger up their nostril, it seems quite hostile but remember it鈥檚 most likely to be about them being curious and finding things out,鈥 says Lorraine. 鈥淪o your reactions need to be really calm, which is hard particularly when you鈥檙e sleep-deprived. But if you get angry, you'll push the toddler into the emotional part of their brain; they won鈥檛 understand that they shouldn鈥檛 do it again and just think 鈥楤aby's made you angry with me鈥. My advice is to stay calm and try and minimise situations where they can prod or poke again.鈥

Support physical bonds

At a time when their emotions are likely to be all over the place, find easy ways to build your toddlers bond with their baby sibling.

鈥淩ather than forcing them to awkwardly hold baby for a photo, they could do something easy like gently rousing baby for feeding, tickling their feet, blowing raspberries or helping remove their socks,鈥 adds Lorraine. 鈥淚f your toddler is desperate to hold baby, make sure you or another adult is available to help and try not to be too nervous or tense. Most toddlers won鈥檛 know what to do so be prepared to support them throughout the process.鈥

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