Advisory: Contains material of a sensitive nature
Nick: Men, they don鈥檛 cry, they are that big guy, that alpha male kind of image that they need to show.
And I was very much brought up like that.
My biggest problem is anxiety. It can be anything, absolutely everything. One of my biggest fears is dying. If I鈥檓 laying in bed and I felt a bit funny in my chest, and then my anxiety is racing in the sense of 鈥業s there something is wrong with my heart?鈥
VO: Nick鈥檚 anxiety became worse after his wife struggled with depression following two miscarriages
Nick: My biggest fear is Sarah not being ok, or my family not being ok and that is where my anxiety is the issue. I don鈥檛 want to see Sarah to go through that again. I don鈥檛 want her to have to feel like she did.
My son Harry gets colds like everyone else but they come one after each other and that makes my anxiety through the roof. I think something bad is going to happen.
There鈥檚 only people that are close to me know how I feel to be fair, and that鈥檚 my wife. And she鈥檚 the rock that calms me down a little bit.
When I was younger I used to be a Lad. The Lad that would go out and have a few beers with his friends and whatnot, and I鈥檒l always be like 鈥極h come on, man up a little bit.鈥
But actually, it has become more and more apparent to me since what we went through that actually I shouldn鈥檛 be saying that to anyone.
I鈥檓 so scared of Sarah鈥檚 mental health and Sarah struggling and Sarah being in hospital and that past reliving itself and it let us think, kick it off
Rob: Do you have any time on your own where you sit on your own and kind of, I don鈥檛 know, mental check.
Nick: I don鈥檛 think I do, no, I just want to make sure she is alright. I am really good at helping everyone else
Rob: And not yourself, the thing about men is when it comes to ourselves we need to treat ourselves like, you know when you鈥檙e on an aeroplane and the stewardess goes through the safety checks.
Rob: And she says 鈥榠f the oxygen masks drop, you鈥檝e got to put your own on and then you tend to others.鈥 That鈥檚 what we need to do, we need to look after ourselves first because if we don鈥檛 look after ourselves, we can鈥檛 look after anybody else.
Nick: I haven鈥檛 actually gone to my doctor and said I am struggling with my anxiety at the moment, I am scared to take that door.
I think I am scared of what it might do. I鈥檓 scared of maybe what people might think.
Deep down, I probably know I wouldn鈥檛 be judged, it鈥檚 just taking that leap and not being scared to take that leap.
30 year-old Nick from Northampton describes what it is like to live with anxiety and the fear of seeking help.
Nick has had underlying anxiety for many years but it became worse after his wife was hospitalised for depression, following two miscarriages.
Nick describes how he is worried about opening up about his anxiety because he fears being judged, but now realises that it鈥檚 ok for men to be open about their feelings.
Teacher Notes
This film is suitable for 14-16 year olds, but because it addresses some challenging issues we strongly advise making yourself very familiar with the content before using it and considering carefully whether it will be appropriate and suitable for your specific cohort.
Check class records to see if any of your class have any mental health issues or have personal/lived experience of the topics raised, and consider the best action/support for them in advance.
Check Government guidance on teaching about mental health along with your school policies to make sure you follow these guidelines/protocols and talk to a member of the SLT if you are in doubt about anything before you teach.
Whether you choose to lead a discussion, do an activity or a combination of both, always start your session by setting up a working agreement with the class. Creating a list of rules will make sure everyone feels safe and able to talk and join in without being judged.
Points for discussion
At the beginning of the film Nick says, 鈥楳en, they don鈥檛 cry, they are that big guy, that alpha male kind of image that they need to show鈥︹ Why do many of us feel we have to maintain an image that we are strong and in control? Is it just men who feel they must have a certain image in society? Allow time to debate this.
Nick says, 鈥楳y biggest problem is anxiety. It can be anything, absolutely everything鈥︹ What is anxiety? Have you ever felt anxious? Can you describe how it makes you feel? What helped it? (Before the lesson search for a reputable website or charity to explain what anxiety is and the warning signs that it might be becoming a problem.)
Thinking about what Nick says in the film, ask them what could be the signs that anxiety might be becoming a problem? (E.g. happening regularly about lots of different things.) How would it feel to be worrying all the time? What would day to day life be like? (They could also think about Matthew/Jamo here too if they have seen his film as he also lives with anxiety - he says 鈥榖ad days I won鈥檛 want to leave the house, I don鈥檛 want to do anything.鈥)
Suggested activities:
We have phrases that are commonly used in day-to-day language but can be quite damaging. Nick mentions a couple in the film 鈥榤en (boys) don鈥檛 cry鈥 and 鈥榤an up鈥. Why is this not helpful? (For men and for all genders.) Can the class think of other examples of gender stereotyping that are not helpful? Explore what gender stereotyping is. They can create a graffiti wall exploring this further and reflecting on how these statements make them and others feel. 鈥榃hen I hear this/people say this to me it makes me feel鈥︹
Rob and Nick are having a conversation in the film and Nick is saying how much he is scared and worried about his wife, Sarah. Rob talks about how important it is to look after ourselves if we are worried about a friend or family member. He says, 鈥榃e need to look after ourselves first because if we don鈥檛 look after ourselves, we can鈥檛 look after anybody else.鈥 Before this he asks Nick, 鈥楧o you have any time on your own where you sit and think about, I don鈥檛 know, mental check?鈥 How do the class think some time alone could help with anxiety and worries? Discuss as a class and write their ideas on a board. Handout pens and large paper and get the class to work in groups and think about all the different ways someone could look after themselves if they are caring for other people. (E.g. taking some time out to do fun things or something they enjoy, having quiet time to check in with themselves, walking or sports, creative tasks, listening to music, talking to someone else about how they are feeling or getting support from a doctor or counsellor, etc.)
At the end of the discussion/activity, always check in with the group to make sure they are OK, revisit the working agreement and remind them to talk to someone if anything they have seen in the film or discussed has made them feel uncomfortable. Finally, always signpost where they can get further support or information both within and outside of school. is there for people right up to the age of 19 for support. Students can also find out more about and find links to further support on their page.)
Curriculum Notes
These lessons will fit within:Relationships Education, Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) and Health Education in England
Curriculum for Wales, Health and wellbeing in Wales
The Curriculum for Excellence, Health and wellbeing in Scotland
Northern Ireland Curriculum, Learning for life and work in Northern Ireland
Rob: Living with bereavement. video
An emotional look at the effect of child loss and bereavement on a person鈥檚 mental health and the benefits of talking to others.
Matthew: Living with anxiety video
28-year-old Matthew from Swansea describes what it is like to struggle with anxiety and meets HRH the Duke of Cambridge to discuss his experience.
Joe Hart: Managing the pressures of the Premier League video
Premier League goalkeeper Joe Hart describes how he overcame a difficult period in his career, which affected his mental wellbeing.
Marvin Sordell: Living with depression video
A film about former professional footballer Marvin Sordell, who represented England and played in the Premier League but struggled with depression and attempted to take his own life.
HRH The Duke of Cambridge鈥檚 Mental Health Campaign video
A short film that follows the Duke of Cambridge as he kicks off his campaign to start the UK鈥檚 biggest ever conversation on mental health.
