GUV:Interview recording with Napoleon, who is a big boar. Previously of Manor Farm, then Animal Farm, back to Manor Farm. Napoleon. What鈥檚 your opinion of Willingdon Beauty, or as you know him, Old Major, the Middle White boar?
NAPOLEON: Hmm. Dead.
GUV:I鈥檓 aware of the facts, thanks.
NAPOLEON:Who serves the drinks in this place? I鈥檒l have a whiskey.
GUV:I ask the questions round here.
PC GREEN:Interview with Boxer the Cart Horse, age 12, formerly of Animal Farm.
PC Green sneezes.
Apologies, allergic to horses.
BOXER:Sorry, I apologise.
PC BENNETT:Interview with Squealer, a big pig, and manager at Manor Farm.
SQUEALER: What鈥檚 that?
PC BENNETT:Oh it鈥檚 just the window cleaner, he鈥檚 on a gantry, you know, comes down from the 10th floor, you gotta have a head for heights on that, I tell you. Anyway, leave him to it鈥
SQUEALER:I heard you鈥檙e the best cop around.
PC BENNETT:Oh, really? Well. Maybe.
Shane sits across the interview table from Snowball. Shane presses record.
SHANE:Interview with Snowball, Pig, formally from Animal Farm, now living/where do you live?
SNOWBALL:That鈥檚 for me to know and you to not know. If Napoleon even knew I was here, he鈥檇 have me slaughtered.
SHANE:(nervous) Ok鈥
GUV:Something wrong?
NAPOLEON:Thought I could smell Snowball.
PC BENNETT:(reading from notes)
So, would you like a glass of milk?
SQUEALER:Oh how kind of you to ask.
PC BENNETT:Hang on, I didn鈥檛 write that.
I am now showing Squealer exhibit A.
Did you, or did you not manipulate the sheep to drown out any opinion different to Napoleon鈥檚 with regards to the running of the farm?
SQUEALER:Animalism is brilliant.
PC BENNETT:Just answer the question.
SQUEALER:I am. It's the best way of making everything fair for everyone - we're all equal don鈥檛 you know? (wink)
Nobody can tell anyone what to do鈥 (wink)
鈥e all have the same rights and responsibilities, it鈥檚 just some of us have to get our hands a teeny bit dirtier than others in order to protect our society as a whole鈥
GUV:Your 鈥渃omrades鈥 seemed to think Major was, and I quote 鈥渟o highly regarded on the farm that everyone was quite ready to lose an hour鈥檚 sleep in order to hear what he had to say.鈥 Do you think that they respected you in the same way?
NAPOLEON:They did as I said, so they must鈥檝e.
GUV:Do you think that might be because they were terrified you鈥檇 set your army of vicious dogs on them?
NAPOLEON:Not my fault they鈥檙e too stupid to build their own protection army.
GUV:They wanted lives of equality, like the ideas Old Major put forward.
NAPOLEON:Major was a dreamer. The farm鈥檚 making more money than ever before. If the animals are unhappy, they never said anything to me.
PC GREEN:You are massive. How big exactly?
BOXER:Nearly 18 hands. I used to be very strong.
PC GREEN:Yes, that鈥檚 how you killed the stable hand in the battle of the cowshed?
BOXER:I had no intention of taking a life, not even a human one. I always took care not to place my hooves on small animals in the hay.
PC GREEN:Yeah, Orwell mentioned that. (SNEEZE) Sorry.
When Snowball and Napoleon argued, how did you know who to listen to and who to respect?
BOXER:We always found ourselves in agreement with the one who was speaking at that moment.
PC GREEN:But not everyone agreed did they?
BOXER: (sad at pic) Dear Old Benjamin.
SHANE:You have been compared to Leon Trotsky, who was of course鈥
SNOWBALL:鈥ne of the leading figures in the Russian Revolution. I read. A lot.
SHANE:So how come you didn鈥檛 notice Napoleon鈥檚 rise to power?
SNOWBALL:Perhaps because I was so enthralled on my books on electrical power - I had big dreams of a fully functioning windmill that would take some of the physically challenging work off the animals hooves.
GUV:Your role at Animal Farm has been likened to Stalin鈥檚 role in theRussian Revolution. Any idea why?
NAPOLEON:Some call me a tyrant. Others a dictator. I prefer 鈥榠nspirational leader鈥, you see, I brought wealth to the farm, that鈥檚 what matters.
GUV:It was only you who saw the wealth.
NAPOLEON:(goading Guv) I rather liked Stalin.
GUV:I take it you don鈥檛 mind that during his Soviet dictatorship tens of millions of people were killed?
NAPOLEON:You don鈥檛 become a world feared dictator by sparing lives willy-nilly. Just look at Snowball.
PC GREEN:Oh can I take some of these sugar cubes for Boxer?
GUV:Sure, yeah, yeah, I鈥檝e got him shifting the furniture around in my office.
Tell you what, Green, get back here. You鈥檝e been good today. Have one for yourself. Come on, in you come. Good girl.
PC GREEN:Thanks
GUV:Good girl.
Don鈥檛 even think about it Bennett
PC BENNETT:Oh yeah.