成人快手

I was kept awake all last night by a bird.
Nope, I`m not a bloke, and nope, it wasn`t THAT kinda bird!
The feathered kind. I`m not a twitcher so have no idea about the bulk of breeds of birds that visit this lump of rock.
(well, aside from the plumply edible ones, that is....)
but I do know we often get immigrant birds blown off course, or who mysteriously (in the way of blind eejits, like..) mistake Sanday for somewhere altogether more exotic.
This one kept up, near my bedroom window, its exotic, unheard of before, and LOUD cry all bleedin` night....
Now, all you RSPB members of a senstive nature shut your eyes now....

If I`d had a gun handy I`d`ve went outside and been dining on roast whatever-it-is, this morning.

Right, ye can look again now....


Anyways, after a sleepless night I didn`t need, thanks, at the crack of dawn out I goes, to see if I can find the little bug...erm.....darling....
because, hey, it might have been injured, maybe, and needed help, and as well as that, having never heard the like of it afore, I wanted to see what it was.
But in the twilight and with my eyesight (put it this way, can someone please buy me a seeing eye dog? thank you...) I didnae find it.

I can`t even replicate the sound it made, so nobody will be able to tell me what it is. Because it`s still....out there....*points with sweeping arm to whole island*.,,,,
and if it makes that ruddy racket ootside me bedroom window again all night I WILL shoot the besom.....*glares at all bird kind*

Took me years, as it is, to get used to my too-many cockerels crowing away half the night in summertime, well, in what passes for night this far north...if you can call it that, when you don`t get darkness and have to wear those daft eye masks or use blackout blinds to sleep.
I have five cockerels left, it`s only laziness that has stopped me topping them for the soup pot.
But there`s one in particular that might go first.....
he`s the one who jumps up on me windowsill and glares in at me, a kind of Mexican stare-off.....
he`s the one who, when I take out a scoop of grain to throw down to them, jumps up on my arm, so greedy he is, and begins pecking like fury to stuff his sharp beak.
And oh, yes, that beak IS sharp. He sometimes misses the scoop and hits me arm.
I suspect, deliberately........*glares at chook on windowledge*
*chook glares back....*

Remember Hitchcock`s The Birds? I saw that when I was wee (um, maybe at my height I should say, younger?)
and it scared the bejayzus outta me.
So, after another sleepless night, with the twilight clinging to the morning, it`s tempting to think the noisy visitor last night may only have been the vanguard of a bird invasion of this tiny, defenseless island, so if the world doesnae hear from Sanday in a peedie while, ye`ll know why.......

*walks off whistling Twilight Zone theme..............*