成人快手

A stray cat has adopted us. It`s been coming roond here for at least the past three years, but was always sae nervous and skittish we couldnae get close tae it. In fact, soooo nervy it was, that one day it got intae the porch through the open door, and I stepped oot the hoose door, the cat got the fright o` its life and took off horizontally, going right through the glass window...which was shut at the time...and landing in the rain barrel ootside afore making off intae the field. Luckily it was fine, nary even a cut or graze, but yours truly had nearly a heart attack at the fright and a broken window tae fix.
Since then, he has been popping in and oot, visiting me ain three cats. They`re a` female cats so I reckon I ken fine what the attraction is, although he might no` ken they`ve been done as I`m no that fond o` cats I want tae be breeding them!
So anyways, we began tae leave the garage door open for him, he would go intae it and find a wee neuk to hunker doon in, so then we left oot cat food and water, and noo he comes and goes as he likes, and has finally managed tae get close enough tae oor cats so as they dinnae try tae claw his eyes oot as they used tae.....
still though, it was a surprise tae see the main female cat (oh believe it, cats DO hae a hierarchy!) sitting under the dog roses watching me ducks waddle across the lawn tae get tae the water, wi` the `new` cat by her side.
He is a right bonny creature, but looks like a black version o` Blofelds cat, the white Persian beastie frae the James Bond movies. Veeerrrrry hairy cat, this one!! In fact I`ll hae tae try and tak a wee pic o` him if he`ll let me...though am fairly sure that a` that`ll come oot will be a huge ball o` black fluff wi` a pair o` feral green eyes in the middle o` it.
I admit tae being a dog person, dogs, they are uncomplicated beasts that dinnae look at ye as if they have ye well trained....ye can tak them for walks, play catch and ball wi` them, hae them sit at yer feet in blind unswerving love and loyalty and bask in the mutual appreciation going on there, and ye can fuss your dog wi` oot it trying tae tak your eyes oot when they`ve had enough.
But cats...well, they say cats ken they were once worshipped as gods in Egypt, word got aroond and so they havenae forgotten that....
So in a vain bid tae understand the new addition I searched online....and found this....


Feline Physics Laws
Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction

A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption

A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing

A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement

A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest

A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.