成人快手

We`re used tae the wind here. I do mind reading somewheres online, that Orkney is one o` the windiest places in the world. I can believe that!
But, for a` that, we hae the common sense for the most part, tae build oor hooses oot o` stane, and slate, so that they stand up tae the wind. I see folks ower the big pond living a place called Tornado Alley, and they live in trailers! Noo, wha,r`s the sense in that? Would it no` mak mair sense tae build something substantial tae withstand the winds?
Onyway, for a` that, we do still hae trouble wi` the winds, and the gales.
Oor plumbing here in this wee hoose is a bit on the primitive side. We hae nae water pressure tae speak o`...it can tak a guidly while tae fill a bath, and oor kitchen tap! Well, it disnae sae much run, as dribble....
and in the bathroom, well....see, it a` depends on which way the wind blows in the gale...if it comes frae the North, then the ferocity o` the wind will howl doon the pipe which is attached tae the toilet plumbing ootside the bathroom wall, and suck the water oot o` the toilet bowl!
No, I`m no` kidding either. So in a gale ye can pay a visit tae the wee room, and if ye dinnae check first, sit doon on something that probably resembles a high flight jet plane toilet on full flush!
Perversely, if the gale is howling frae the Sooth, the opposite happens...all the water in the bowl gets sprayed oot across the bathroom floor, regardless or no` if ye have the lid doon. So ye can walk intae the wee room richt intae a skidding across the floor if you`re no` awfu carefull. And then, of course, it`s a whole big operation tae dry up the seat and flush afore ye sit just so ye dinnae get sprayed by freezing cauld water as ye need tae answer natures call.
The joys o` country life and primitive plumbing....wha`d hae them?
I am nae plumber...but am convinced it is a` tae dae wi` thon big pipe ootside. In a gale, ye can hear the wind howling doon it! I often wonder what would happen if I cut it awa` and capped it...but am sensible enough no` tae fool wi` anything I ken nothing aboot.
But when folks wonder why I`m sae interested in the finer details o` the gales and winds...this is just one reason why!
Another reason is the beasts we keep. We are thinking o` letting the hens oot o` the byres. They hae been in there most o` the winter. We thought it would be a better thing tae dae, before they used to wonder in and oot at will. But when we looked oot the window one blustery day tae see a couple o` wee bantams flying backwards past us, we thought it would be a guid idea tae shut them in during the windy weather in case ony o` them came tae grief. And they have been just fine in the byres, arguing wi` the goats and oor auld sheep, laying the occasional egg tae gie us for oor breakfast, and finding the choicest roosts.
But I ken Sanday weather! It fools ye intae thinking Spring is here...ye get one or twa weeks o` fine sunny weather, wi` only a light breeze, and ye get complacent...so ye hang you`re washing oot, look speculatively at the garden and inspect the spades and forks, and let the goats oot tae sniff at the suddenly growing grass....
then it snows! Or a mini hurricane blows. And your washing ends up being eaten by sheep twa fields awa`, or the hen hooses end up also twa fields awa` upside doon!
So I might just wait a peedie whiles yet and see what the weather will be doing. Nae doubt it will lull us intae a false sense o` Spring security afore hitting us wi` a fortnights worth o` gale force winds or even some much awaited (and late) snow. I am fairly sure that up there somewhere, sit some weather gods wi` a wicked sense o` humour. And they wait until they see up peg oot the washing, then snigger among themselves afore letting loose wi` the lashing rain and howling winds. Rotten buggers!

Then there`s the travel....I hae a dentist appointment in Kirkwall next week. I hate the dentist. I hae a phobia aboot dentists. A real one, no` just a dislike, but one that reduces the normally solid and sensible yours truly to a gibbering wreck. So it tak`s some courage for me tae even psyche meself up tae get on thon boat and go there. Add tae that I get seasick on a puddle and, well, the wind disnae dae me ony favours.
I looked at the Orcadian online tae see if they kenned what the weather would be doing next week. "Gales" jumped oot at me right awa! "Wind"!
I am hoping they`re wrong...they have been afore. Well, quite often really...so I`m hoping they`re wrong again this week.
But it disnae bode well for yours truly...dae I suffer the boat, a whole hour and forty minutes o` puking ower the side and feeling dizzy and no` weel?
Or dae I chicken oot and see if I can mak an appointment for a calmer time o` year?
Teeth...no` one o` natures great success stories really.

Weel, I`m off tae see tae the range. The wind is coming frae the West today, so at least the fire isnae reeking doon the lum. It is eating the coal fine style, but gieing oot a guidly heat and no` having us hae tae keep the doors and windows open, which defeats the purpose o` a fire really.
Muttermutter....dashed wind! Roll on summer!