成人快手

Tim Parks and family evenutally find a video they all want to watch ...

We're driving down to town to rent a video. It's Mick's turn to choose. That means space warfare, special effects, towering infernos or Lesley Nilsen. He names a movie.
'Explicit sex?' I enquire, 'full frontals?'
Little Lucy has to be protected.
'Don't know what you're talking about,' he says shyly. 'Oh, Dad!' Stefi screams. 'Oh you are awful.'

At the rental machine, there's a queue. Stefi's trying to persuade Michele to choose something sentimental. Dolphin training. Adventures with wolves. We gaze at what's on offer. At the top of the window are the porno movies. Maria, la moglie pi霉 porca del mondo. The sluttiest wife in the world. Presumably the kids notice these garish images with the orange stars stuck over the groins of Sicilian beauties, but they never get mentioned. It's a strange business, when the family faces the world, what can be talked about, and what can't.
'Little Women!' Stefi proposes.
'Oh for God's sake!' Michele shouts.

Finally we're back home in front of the screen. Stefi is determined to find fault, my wife and I sceptical, Lucy, trustful, already half asleep. Then just as the thing explodes into machine-gun fire, the phone rings. Mick freezes the image on a face in panic.
'Dad, you promised.'
It's a chorus.
'You promised, Dad.'
'We did promise,' Rita says.
I let the answering machine do its job, then take the phone off the hook. It's a big moment for the success of this particular movie. The family is suddenly united against the world outside, determined to have fun together. True Stefi has to run out to the loo a couple of times when the heroine is captured by aliens True Michele is disappointed by the excessive love interest. He sighs and shakes his head. 'Don't look Dad,' Stefi shrieks when there's a glimpse of nipple. Lucy wakes and giggles.

But all in all it's a big success. And in the end I can think of no movie that can compare with watching my kids watch it.

听