Ash Logan explains how to jettison friends and aquaintances after they've outlived their usefulness…
"The thing is, it's not you, it's me."
This time it isn't a partner I’m trying to jettison. This guy's fifteen and a half stone, an emotional cripple, drinks lots of beer and plays football twice a week, traits not too dissimilar to some of my own. Well the same actually, although I have cut down on the football. Yeh, this is the toughest severance of all. A friend. He knows me too well. I just can't cope with the way he always points out my weaknesses, my hypocrisies, my need to embellish a story for the sake of entertainment. I just don’t need that in my life.
When the actual moment arrives a strange thing happens. The first words that come out of my mouth are:
"It's not me. It's you."
I’m as shocked as he is as we both realise that not only have I
trotted out a tired old cliche, but I got it the wrong way round anyway.
"What the hell are you talking about?
"I don't want to see you again."
"What?"
I steel myself and launch into an explanation.
"The thing is. I just don't think we're good for one another anymore. We've
grown apart. I've moved on"
"What the hell have I done and anyway who the hell are you to tell me?"
You see? He's not making this easy is he?
"The thing is mate it's over. I don't want you ringing me, writing to me,
asking me to go to the football with you. I don't want to hear about your
traumas or your successes. I just want you to go away. I'm reducing my list
of friends and you haven't made the first round cut. Sorry."
At least that's what I probably should have said. In reality...
"I'm going to be very busy soon and well I don't think I should see you. For
a while. Look I'm sorry mate. It's my girlfriend. She hates you. If it was
down to me I'd...you know... but you know what she can be like and
well...until she changes her mind..."
That will certainly do the trick. Better to be thought of as weak than as
honest. Well come on. You can hardly speak to your friends like that.
