When Ali Sparkes was 11 she went to a school disco and was slow danced for the first time with a boy called Chris. She thought she was in love, but next day her best friend informed her that Chris thought she was "a hairy baboon". Ali reports on those other unfortunates who would rather forget their first slow dance.
 Ali Sparkes |
Ali remembers three kinds of slow dancer: the jokey one who jiggled about like a rear windscreen wiper in a storm, the one who shuffled around bolt upright and silent that you could just hang on to until Slade came back on, or, the worst, "tall soppy guys who slumped over you like a damp beanbag in a bomber jacket, bending back your spine and making your knees buckle while they closed their eyes and thought of Farah Fawcett Majors".
Ali's experience was shared by almost everyone else she spoke to. Take Gaynor for example. When Gaynor was 15 she went to a friend鈥檚 party. In the garden she danced with a boy who trod on her toes. Gaynor鈥檚 sore toes put her off dancing for years.
This dismally unromantic effort was outdone by Kelly. She always ended up dancing to Knights in White Satin with overweight boys. Kelly describes them as "the kind of boys who were safe in taxis" and smelt of "boiled cabbage".
But it wasn鈥檛 easy for the boys either. Some like Steve just bolted before something embarrassing could happen. He remembers the first time he took a girl to a disco at the age of 13. When they arrived, she went off with her mates and he went off with his. That is, until I Only Have Eyes For You came on. Her mate come up to Steve and said "my mate wants to dance with you". Steve admits now that he ran a mile. Throughout the whole song he was pursued around the disco by his date. Steve believes that "this set in motion years and years of total ineptitude with regard to matters romantic".
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But for some, the first slow dance was a moment of magic. Lucy was 14 when she met a boy two years above her at school. She said she it was "the bestest feeling" dancing to Soft Cells' Say Hello Wave Goodbye. She says this was probably the best slow dance she鈥檚 ever had.
