成人快手

DOCTOR WHO: REDACTED

Episode 6

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By Ken Cheng

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成人快手 SOUNDS STING

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Loud, ceremonial brass music plays.

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CREDITS

Doctor Who: Redacted. Episode 6.

By Ken Cheng.

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SCENE 1 UNIT HQ - MEETING ROOM

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ABBY, SHAWNA and CLEO are in a UNIT Headquarters meeting room, watching a video on the projector.

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FX: The ceremonial music continues while an old 70s-style informational video plays, followed by sounds of small pieces of metal scratching against each other.

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DR. ANTHONY SINCLAIR

Oh. Hello there. You've just caught

me playing with some magnets.

We all know of course that a North

magnet will attract a South magnet

like so.

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FX: Click of a magnet.

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DR. ANTHONY SINCLAIR (CONT鈥橠)

We also know that a North

magnet will repel a North magnet,

as you can see here. But what about

if you put a North magnet next

to...a West magnet?

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FX: Sound of a big crash with high-pitched screeching, followed by the collapse of several filing cabinets

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DR. ANTHONY SINCLAIR

That's what we do here at UNIT, we

investigate the uninvestigated. In

fact, I like to say you can't spell

uninvestigated without the word

UNIT.

Beat.

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DR. ANTHONY SINCLAIR

I'm Dr. Anthony Sinclair, head

science communicator at UNIT.

Phenomena like the West Magnet crop

up in all sorts of odd places, but

sometimes it isn't just a magnet.

(His voice begins to fade into the background)

It can also be a plant that prefers

darkness, or plastic which moves on

its own-

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We continue to hear Dr. Sinclair in the background on the projector.

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SHAWNA

What even is this video? It's like

a hundred years old.

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CLEO

You mean like from Medieval times?

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SHAWNA

No, not actually-

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ABBY

Sshh I'm trying to listen!

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DR. ANTHONY SINCLAIR

So if you're the type of person who

likes the idea of serving Queen and

Country-

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SHAWNA

Also if you enjoy cosplaying as the

Gestapo and locking up three

innocent women.

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ABBY

Shawna!

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DR. ANTHONY SINCLAIR

UNIT has also met several unidentified

life-forms. That鈥檚 right boys. Ever

since the space race, our borders have become interstellar. Some life forms are hostile, some are friendly and

some...we're not sure. For example,

meet:

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FX: Loud and overpowering distorted noises, including one that sound recognisably like the TARDIS.

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All three scream in confusion and to make it stop.

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CLEO

(covering ears)

Oh my god what is that?!

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DR. ANTHONY SINCLAIR

And what an honour it was to meet

him. Of course, just like the work of

those heroes at Bletchley Park, this intelligence is the kind of thing that

might win us a war. Which is why, despite the modest place scientists like myself

have in this organisation, I like to think that our role is absolutely crucial -

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DR. ANTHONY SINCLAIR

So why should you join UNIT? Well,

if you have a burgeoning passion for

the unexplainable or a penchant for

shootingweaponry at the unexplainable,

this may well be the place for you. And

of course, you could even get to meet...

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FX: Same loud and overpowering distorted noises.

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All three cover their ears and shout with exasperation.

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DR. ANTHONY SINCLAIR

Let me tell you boys: UNIT is the future.

Investigate the uninvestigated.

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Video ends with a ceremonial fanfare.

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SHAWNA

Well that was...informative.

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CLEO

Wait, that was for children?

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SHAWNA

Not just children, Cleo: boys. You

know that right? Girls like us

could never (mimics Dr.Sinclair)

"investigate the uninvestigated".

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ABBY

What do you think that weird noise

was?

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SHAWNA

It's probably just the video being

so old.

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CLEO

I heard it's from Medieval times.

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ABBY

No it wasn't just a random

distortion, it kept happening at

the same point, just when they were

about to show us something...

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CLEO

We鈥檝e heard it before. It has to have something to do with the Doctor.

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ABBY & SHAWNA

Who?

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CLEO

Ok seriously, I love you girls, but you

have got to stop doing that every time I mention the Doctor.

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ABBY

Whoever or whatever is behind all this,

I bet UNIT can help us figure it out.

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SHAWNA

Oh god I can't believe you talked me into

skipping around hand in hand with the Army.

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ABBY

Look, I don't like it any more than

you do.

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颁尝贰翱鈥�

You鈥檙e acting like a military beg friend.

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SHAWNA

All I'm saying is I'm not ready to jump

into bed with a bunch of murderous

sociopaths just because they're now

bringing us sandwiches.

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CLEO

Yeah and my ham bloomer was very dry.

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SHAWNA

Listen, it's clear we know way more

about the blue box than they do.

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CLEO

And the doctor!

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SHAWNA

And Cleo鈥檚 doctor. So just remember that

whatever happens, we hold the cards. They

need us more than we need them.

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OSGOOD

That's right, we do.

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SCENE 2.

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FX: Sound of chairs sharply moving as the three are surprised.

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OSGOOD

Sorry about the sandwich. New caterers.

I鈥檓 Dr Petronella Osgood, Chief Scientific

Officer at UNIT.

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CLEO

But wait, where鈥檚 the other one?

Where鈥檚 Kate Stewart?

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OSGOOD

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 Who?

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CLEO

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 Oh god never mind.

ABBY

What are we supposed to be doing

here? That video wasn't helpful at

all.

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OSGOOD

Well yes. That recruitment

video is just one of many things

that don't quite make sense around

here.

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SHAWNA

You mean like the complete

disregard of our human rights?

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OSGOOD

I鈥檓 really, really sorry about that.

And just so you know: the member of

staff who threatened you with violence

no longer works here.

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颁尝贰翱鈥�

Is that because you fired him or because

he鈥檚 disappeared?

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OSGOOD

I promise it鈥檚 not how we do things.

Everyone鈥檚 been acting scared lately and

it鈥檚 making people鈥�unpredictable.

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SHAWNA

(deeply sarcastic)

Oh well, good to know you have a handle

on it then.

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OSGOOD

We have hundreds of files in our database

similar to that old recruitment video, with

massive chunks being corrupted or missing.

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SHAWNA

Maybe a cyber attack?

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OSGOOD

We thought that at first, but there鈥檚 more to it. We also have a massive collection of unidentified objects down in the basement. Absolutely no idea how they got there. No record, nothing.

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ABBY

What kind of objects?

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CLEO

Alien foetus in a jar? Come on...?

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OSGOOD

It'll be easier if I show you.

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FX: Sound of large pneumatic doors rising.

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ABBY

Woah!

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CLEO

Wow!

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SHAWNA

Errr...we're all just looking at a

warehouse right?

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Background music starts as we near the end of the scene, and the girls are keen to explore the warehouse.

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CLEO

Yeah, but cool doors.

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OSGOOD

Who wants a tour?

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Music fades into the next scene.

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SCENE.3 WAREHOUSE

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FX: They're now in a large echoey warehouse, where there are all sorts of construction noises going on. Their voices sound echoey because it鈥檚 such a big space.

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OSGOOD

So over the past few months we've had

completely unexplained objects

turning up in our vaults, from

strange gadgets to wildlife that'll

remind you of Little Shop of

Horrors.

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ABBY

Wow, it's like being in the British

Museum!

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SHAWNA

What, because everything's stolen?

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OSGOOD

We've been attempting to catalogue

everything and link it to

corresponding files in the

database. And unfortunately, everything

in there's been heavily corrupted,

with huge chunks missing.

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CLEO

Yeah sounds like my laptop

since my brother downloaded that dodgy

copy of Pirates of the Caribbean 4.

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ABBY

So how many objects do you actually have here?

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OSGOOD

862 according to the UNIT database...

though 97 are completely missing.

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ABBY

What is this? Some kind of alien

laser gun?

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OSGOOD

Actually, that's just a back

massager. That shouldn鈥檛 be down here. 鈥ㄢ��

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ABBY

Oh, is it an alien back massager?

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OSGOOD

No, I got it online.

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FX: Massage gun turning on for a bit.

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SHAWNA

Oh and I suppose this must be some

sort of a hair dryer.

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OSGOOD

Don't touch tha-

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FX: A very loud laser bolt is fired sending everyone into a panic. It bounces off various crates, knocking things off shelves until it eventually dissipates.

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OSGOOD

Don't worry! No, everything's fine!

Luckily, it wasn't lethal, but if

it went near your head it would've

given you a very GI Jane buzzcut.

Anyway, this is what I wanted to

show you. Item #547. Catch.

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FX: Sound of Osgood throwing a small bottle and Cleo catching it.

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CLEO

What are these?

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OSGOOD

Look on the label.

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CLEO

No way!

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ABBY

Adipose Diet pills!

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SHAWNA

Oh my Lord...has anyone tried

taking them?

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OSGOOD

No, no of course not.

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CLEO

Because you guys at UNIT are all

body positive right ain鈥檛 ya?

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OSGOOD

No, because they tend to dissolve you

from the inside.

CLEO

Oh.

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ABBY

So that's why we're here? You're

hoping it's not just Adipose diet

pills that match up between our

podcast and your database.

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OSGOOD

That's exactly right.

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SHAWNA

How do we know we can trust you?

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OSGOOD

Well, have we lied to you yet?

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SHAWNA

You kidnapped us!

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OSGOOD

Yes but we never said we weren't

going to do that.

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Beat.

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CLEO

I mean, that does sort of make sense.

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OSGOOD

Look, if I'm honest I鈥檓 really

looking forward to collaborating with

you. I'm really very impressed with

everything you've accomplished.

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SHAWNA

So what now? We all hang out here,

sorting through weird artifacts and

become best buds? Maybe we find a four person slanket and we can all snuggle up together and take a little nap?

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OSGOOD

Actually, this afternoon I'll

be directly debriefing Abby first

about her theories. I'm very interested in

hearing about them.

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ABBY

(Chuffed)

Oh...well, I guess.

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SHAWNA 鈥�

Splitting us up? Clever. That鈥檚 never

Worked out badly for the little guy.

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OSGOOD

We'll just be in the office at the

end there.

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CLEO

Oh wow, interior glass. No privacy

here?

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SHAWNA

What about us?

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CLEO

That slanket nap you suggested sounds dreamy.

(YAWNING)

Turns out being kidnapped really takes it

out of you.

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OSGOOD

Shawna and Cleo, you'll be down

here in the warehouse helping sift

through our collection with Joel.

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CLEO

Who's Joel?

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OSGOOD

Our head Archivist...

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JOEL

(deadpan)

Hi.

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CLEO

(startled)

Oh god! You really have zero presence

in the room don't you?

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JOEL

That鈥檚 correct.

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CLEO

Yeah, own it, Joel. Love it.

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OSGOOD

Er this way Abby.

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ABBY

Yeah, one second.

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Osgood walks off.

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ABBY

Are you guys going to be okay?

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SHAWNA

Obviously. Just, be careful. I 诲辞苍鈥檛

Trust her. Or any of them.

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CLEO

Don鈥檛 listen to her. She just needs a go

with the back massager.

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ABBY

OK, I鈥檒l see yas in a bit.

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FX: Abby leaves.

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颁尝贰翱鈥�

You鈥檙e being so paranoid!

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Thoughtful music appears in the background.

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SHAWNA

It鈥檚 not paranoia to think a top secret

government agency is out to get you. (BEAT)

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CLEO

It sort of is.

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SHAWNA

We literally just got kidnapped by a

secret government agency!

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CLEO

Abs鈥檒l be fine, Shawna.

And if I notice her and

Osgood making out I鈥檒l distract you with

that hairdryer thing, 诲辞苍鈥檛 worry.

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SHAWNA sighs.

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Music fades into next scene.

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SCENE. 4 OSGOOD'S OFFICE

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FX: ABBY enters OSGOOOD'S office. Chairs shuffling.

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OSGOOD

There you go. Please sit down.

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ABBY

Thank you.

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Chairs shuffling

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OSGOOD

I feel like I

should clear the air a bit first.

Or try to. I know we didn't get off

to the best start.

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ABBY

Yeah I can't say I've had an

induction day quite like this.

Usually it's name-tags and you know, icebreakers.

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OSGOOD

Oh yeah, like two truths and a lie?

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ABBY

It does feel a lot like that actually.

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OSGOOD

Right. Well if it helps I've

been looking forward to this.

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ABBY

So鈥� You listened to our podcast?

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OSGOOD

Yes, of course. For the job.

Doesn't mean I wasn't allowed to

enjoy it.

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ABBY

Wow.

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OSGOOD

What? Oh no, was that weird?

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ABBY

No, just we've never actually had

positive feedback from a listener.

Well there was one guy, but he mostly

Said creepy things about my Scottish

accent.

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OSGOOD

(lightly laughing)

Oh god.

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ABBY

Yeah not great. Still, it was a

five star review at least.

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They laugh.

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SCENE 5 WAREHOUSE

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Their voices sound echoey in the big warehouse.

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CLEO

Shawna, will you stop staring at them?

We've got work to do.

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SHAWNA

I wasn鈥檛 staring. (BEAT) What do you think

they鈥檙e laughing about?

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CLEO

Babe, let it go.

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SHAWNA

Right, where鈥檚 this database?

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JOEL

You can access it on that panel there.

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CLEO

For everything here? God it really is

Like the British Museum!

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SHAWNA

What, because everything's stolen?

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CLEO

You made that joke earlier.

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SHAWNA

Yeah but no one laughed.

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CLEO laughs.

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JOEL

Just press this鈥�

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FX: Touchscreen pressing. Suddenly, loud distorted noises, similar to earlier.

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SHAWNA

Argh!

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CLEO

Ah! Can you mute the sound on

that thing?

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The noise stops abruptly.

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SHAWNA

Right, let鈥檚 have a look.

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SHAWNA taps on a touchscreen, we hear beeps and computer sounds.

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SHAWNA

Ok, I'm in.

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CLEO

What's it say?

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SHAWNA

It's a mission report. "The moon

rocks were retrieved from Royal

Hope Hospital in March 2008."

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CLEO

What else?

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SHAWNA

Well that's it.

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JOEL

Yes, unfortunately our database has

taken quite a beating.

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FX: More pressing noises.

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SHAWNA

So many of these files are like

this though. Look at these. This

one's a medical report and just

says the sentence "gas exchange

causes them to fart

uncontrollably".

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CLEO

(Chuckles)

Well that鈥檚 one for the dating profile..

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FX: Frantic Pressing

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SHAWNA

Okay okay. So looks like the files

marked in red are corrupted.

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CLEO

It鈥檚 like the whole thing is broken

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SHAWNA

862 corrupted records apparently,

and 97 completely missing.

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CLEO

Where do we even start then?

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SHAWNA

How about Adipose?

CLEO

Fat babies!

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FX: Clicking and beeping sounds.

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SHAWNA

I鈥檓 not sure you can even call this

a database any more. It鈥檚 a digital wasteland.

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FX: More clicking sounds.

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SHAWNA

(reading)

Here鈥檚 something: "A UNIT task force was

sent to Adipose Headquarters for clean-up."

Is that it? Looks like everything else was deleted.

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CLEO

(Quiet)

I bet it was the Doctor. All this missing stuff is the Doctor.

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FX: More beeping sounds.

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SHAWNA

This one's just two words.

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CLEO

What are they?

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SHAWNA

"Bad Wolf".

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CLEO

Bad Wolf...? Sounds like an emo band.

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FX: More of Shawna going through the database, getting increasingly irritating error sounds, faster and faster until 鈥�

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SHAWNA

Come on鈥� come on鈥� stupid..

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FX: Beeping error code

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SHAWNA

God this is useless! Why did we agree to work for such incompetent tools?

No offence Joel.

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JOEL

None taken.

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CLEO

Wait, do you have anything about Jordan Proctor? Or Andy Proctor?

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JOEL

Proctor?

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CLEO

My brother. And my Dad. They鈥檙e both missing.

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FX: Sound of SHAWNA going through the database

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SHAWNA

P...P鈥� prisoners, proton beams, pastries鈥�

I can鈥檛 see a Procter. Sorry Cleo.

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CLEO

(False cheer) It鈥檚 fine! I figured there

probably wouldn鈥檛 be. What about the Doctor?

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SHAWNA

Let鈥檚 see鈥� D-O-C-T-O-R

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FX: An eery sound followed by a loud error noise as the database completely shuts down, followed by a pop.

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SHAWNA

That was not my fault.

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JOEL

Don鈥檛 worry. It鈥檚 been on the blink for

weeks.

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SHAWNA

Cleo, you ok?

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CLEO

Yeah, no I鈥檓 fine. It鈥檚 fine. Tell you

what. Joel: what鈥檚 the most exciting

thing you got here? For like, a normal

person. Not you. Oh no offence. Like the kind of thing you could sell for billions

or whatever. Not that I would. Just to repeat: I鈥檓 not trying to steal the government鈥檚 stuff.

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JOEL

Follow me.鈥�

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SCENE. 6听 OSGOOD'S OFFICE

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FX: OSGOOD shuffles her chair.

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OSGOOD

So鈥� when did you first become interested

in the paranormal?

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ABBY

Wait, are you interviewing me? Like for

real 鈥済iving me a job鈥� interviewing me?

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OSGOOD

Well, I was just gathering data but-

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ABBY

(Disappointed)

Oh, right. Of course.

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OSGOOD

But I can multitask?

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ABBY

I know I鈥檓 wildly underqualified

for something like this, and there鈥檚

probably like a fitness test which I definitely wouldn鈥檛 pass and I鈥檇 need to figure out what me and Mum are gonna do -

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OSGOOD

Abby -

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ABBY

Yeah?

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OSGOOD

I think you鈥檇 be a great fit for UNIT.

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Comforting music plays as OSGOOD compliments ABBY.

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ABBY

Seriously?

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OSGOOD

Seriously.

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ABBY

Wait, but, honestly is there some kind of

hybrid working situation going on? Because

I鈥檝e been away from home too long already.

My Mum needs me, and I鈥檓 not having her put

into care.

听

OSGOOD

Look. We have the UK鈥檚 largest collection

of alien artefacts. I think we can handle working from home.

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ABBY

So that鈥檚 a yes on the hybrid working thing then? Just to be super clear.

听

OSGOOD

(WARM) Yes. That鈥檚 a yes. So! When did you first become interested in the paranormal?

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ABBY

Ok, so, I was six years old 鈥� it was

before my Dad died, and we were all watching ET. It鈥檚 like this really old movie

about this kid who finds an alien and-

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翱厂骋翱翱顿鈥�

Sorry Abby, do you think I鈥檓 too young to know what ET is?

听

础叠叠驰鈥�

Oh. Are you not? Sorry!

听

翱厂骋翱翱顿鈥�

No 诲辞苍鈥檛 be! I liked it.

听

Music fades out as we transition to:

SCENE 7. WAREHOUSE

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JOEL

Item #372. Take a look at this.

听

SHAWNA

That's...some mascara.

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CLEO

Oh we get it Joel. Because we're

*GIRLS*, we like wearing makeup.

Very funny babe.

听

JOEL

No, it's not just mascara.

It's sonic mascara.

听

SHAWNA

...like the hedgehog?

听

JOEL

I'll demonstrate. Cleo, hand me that

cup of coffee. Stand back.

听

FX: JOEL sets the cup of coffee down onto the table and activates the sonic mascara. The coffee starts to boil heavily and then the mug explodes.

听

CLEO

Oh my god!

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SHAWNA

Woah.

听

CLEO

What the hell?

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SHAWNA

No fair enough, that is cool.

How does it work?

听

JOEL

You know how microwaves work by agitating water particles?

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CLEO

Oh yeah! We exploded an egg in science

for that.

听

JOEL

Well this mascara uses sound to

hyper-agitate molecular structures

to the point of volatility.

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SHAWNA

And in English that means鈥�?

听

JOEL

It makes things blow up

听听听听

SHAWNA

Cool.

听

FX: Moments later... chirpy music begins to play as we hear CLEO鈥檚 voice in a recorded video.

听

CLEO

Okay here's a special video for our

loyal fans, so you've seen diet

coke and Mentos, get ready

for...diet coke and sonic mascara.

听

FX: Sonic mascara noise. Bottle of diet coke bubbling and exploding and going over both CLEO and SHAWNA.

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They both laugh hysterically.

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CLEO

Oh my god!

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SHAWNA

It's everywhere!

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CLEO

Did you get that?! That鈥檚 crazy

听

SHAWNA

I swear it went 50 feet into the

air.

听

JOEL

What the hell are you two doing?!

听

CLEO

Oh sorry Joel. We were just...

experimenting. Sorry.

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JOEL

It works better with Ginger Ale.

听

CLEO

(Pleased)

Oh really...?

听

FX: Sonic mascara activating.

听

SHAWNA

Okay wait for it...wait for it...

听

FX: Bottle of ginger ale exploding and splashing over everyone, leaving them positively hysterical.

听

JOEL

(deadpan)

I'm wet and sticky and I love it.

听

Joyful drum and base style music plays as the montage continues.

听

SHAWNA

You know I still think the Diet Coke was

better.

听

CLEO

I mean there鈥檚 only one way to found

out guys, come on.

听

(BEAT)

听

CLEO

(announcer voice)

ON WHEELY CHAIR NUMBER ONE IS JOEL

RIDING FOR TEAM GINGER ALE -

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(Joel woops in a deadpan voice)

听

CLEO

AGAINST WHEELY CHAIR NUMBER TWO, THE

CHALLENGER SHAWNA FOR TEAM COKE.

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(Shawna woops)

听

CLEO

ALRIGHT GUYS. GET READY! GET SET! GO!

听

FX: Sonic mascara setting off both contestants, and the sounds of screaming as two wheely chairs shooting off and both crash into pile of crates, which fall down.

听

SHAWNA

Don't worry, we're fine, we're

fine!

听

CLEO

Are you OK? Oh my god!

听

JOEL

(deadpan)

That was the first time in my

entire life I've felt truly alive.

听

听

SCENE.8

听

FX: CLEO picking up something metallic.

听

CLEO

Is this like armour? How weird is that?

听

SHAWNA

Look at this weird robot one. What鈥檚

a Ravulox?

听

CLEO

That鈥檚 the transformer-thing, that

attacked Rani Chandra.

听

SHAWNA

Creepy.

听

CLEO

Yeah.

听

FX: An ALIEN RADIO starts making strange liquid noises as it scans through various channels.

听

CLEO

Can you hear that?

听

SHAWNA

Hang on, I dropped my phone. Joel,

have you seen my phone over there?

听

Shawna鈥檚 voice becomes distant as Cleo focuses in on the radio.

听

CLEO

What鈥檚 this?

听

DOCTOR

(heavily distorted by the Redacted effect)

Can you hear me? This is (STATIC)The Doctor.

I鈥檓 broadcasting on all channels. (STATIC) If ANYONE can hear me, please respond.

听

CLEO

Yeah, hello?

听

DOCTOR

Hello? Can you hear me?

听

CLEO

Yeah I can here.

听

DOCTOR

I can鈥檛 hear you, can you hear me?

听

CLEO

Yeah, I can, I can! I can hear you. God you鈥檇 think some high tech military science unit would have better signal.

听

FX: STATIC DISTORION

听

CLEO

Hang on, I鈥檓 going to get near the window.

听

DOCTOR

(heavily distorted)

Hello? (STATIC NOISE). Can you try standing near the window?

听

(Frustrated, CLEO sighs)

听

FX: The alien radio makes a positive beep.

听

DOCTOR

Hello? Can you hear me?

听

CLEO

That鈥檚 better. Yeah, hi! I鈥檓 Cleo.

Are you alright?

听

DOCTOR

Cleo! Lovely name. I met Cleopatra once.

In answer to your other question: yes

and no.

(Voice slightly distorted)

Bit of a schrodingers situation, though

no cats were harmed in this thought experiment.

听

CLEO

What? Who are you?

听

DOCTOR

Funny thing: I can鈥檛 tell you that.

听

CLEO

Like you鈥檙e a secret agent? Listen,

we already know about UNIT.

听

DOCTOR

UNIT! Wonderful. Give my love to Kate and Osgood. No, I mean if I tell you, your

head might explode.

听

CLEO

What?

听

DOCTOR

Listen, Cleo, I 诲辞苍鈥檛 have much time.

听

FX: The REDACTED sound effect starts to rise on the radio again. Piano music plays in the background as CLEO tries to hear the DOCTOR.

听

DOCTOR

(heavily distorted)

- Seriously dangerous (STATIC) Hunting down(STATIC) -听 I鈥檓 trapped(STATIC) I can鈥檛 control it (STATIC) Killing people 鈥�

听

CLEO

Wait, hello? I can鈥檛 hear you

听

FX: The REDACTED sound effect is getting almost too loud to withstand

听

DOCTOR

(heavily distorted)

(STATIC) FIND (STATIC) - She can help you. Find her. Ask her about the Blue Box.(STATIC) Oh, and whatever you do, 诲辞苍鈥檛 call her a -

听

FX: The radio explodes with a pop. Cleo drops it.

听

CLEO

Find who? What?

听

SHAWNA shouts. Cleo runs to her.

听

SHAWNA

Eurrrghghh! Cleo look at this!

听

CLEO

Wait babe, I鈥檝e seen this before.

听

SHAWNA

It鈥檚 so creepy. Like it鈥檚 staring into

my soul. Eurgghhhh.

听

CLEO

Wait, what does the label say?

听

(MORE)

听

SHAWNA

鈥凄补濒别办鈥�

听

Eery music begins to play and grows louder into:

听

听

SCENE.9 OSGOOD'S OFFICE

听

OSGOOD

Let me show you something.

听

FX: OSGOOD pushes a button, and some mechanical shutters open.

听

ABBY

What is that?

听

OSGOOD

It's called the Osgood Box.

听

ABBY

Why?

听

OSGOOD

I have no idea. I have no memory of

how I got it or where it comes from.

But judging by the design, it鈥檚 of alien origin.

听

ABBY

What does it do?

听

OSGOOD

We don't quite know, but our

analysis of it suggests it has the

potential听to wipe out all life on

Earth.

听

ABBY

What if this came from there?

听

OSGOOD

Where?

听

ABBY

From The Blue Box! Everything weird

always ends up being tied to that box somehow. It鈥檚 like, a nexus event. A catalyst. And you鈥檝e got this: a box

from a box! It makes sense, right?

听

OSGOOD

But I鈥檝e never seen the Blue Box.

听

ABBY

You sure?

听

OSGOOD

Why?

听

ABBY

Everyone we've met who has had

contact with the blue box has

completely disappeared.

听

OSGOOD

(Sighs)

Yeah, can't say that fact has

escaped me.

听

Music fades into the next scene.

听

听

SCENE.10听听 WAREHOUSE - MASK SECTION

听

SHAWNA

Dalek? What is that?

听

CLEO

I don't know, but I've definitely

seen it before.

听

SHAWNA

When?

听

CLEO

I鈥檓 not sure.

听

SHAWNA

颁濒别辞鈥�You鈥檙e shaking.

听

CLEO

It鈥檚 not even scary. I mean, look at it.

It鈥檚 got a toilet plunger sticking out of it.

Shawna, why am I scared of it?

听

Tense music starts.

听

SHAWNA

We can take a break if you need.

听

CLEO

No, I'm fine. It鈥檚 fine. Let鈥檚 just find

Out what the hell this thing is and why

it鈥檚 giving me goosebumps.

听

SHAWNA

Where are you going?

听

CLEO

Joel. What do you know about Daleks?

听

JOEL

(Cautious)

Why do you ask?

听

CLEO

Oh come on. You鈥檙e a human being.

From one weirdo to another. Please.

Tell me.

听

SHAWNA

Cleo 鈥�

听

JOEL

I 诲辞苍鈥檛 think I can tell you.

听

CLEO

Oh please.

听

JOEL

(Grim)

There鈥檚鈥�a storage room. Entrance is on the

East side of the warehouse. It'll take you

about five minutes to get there. But鈥�

I鈥檓 not supposed to let you go down there.

(BEAT)

But I guess I lost track of you in all the excitement.

听

CLEO

(Earnestly)

Thanks, Joel.

听

Cleo darts off.

听

SHAWNA

Cleo, wait up!

听

We hear Shawna running after Cleo.

听

听

SCENE.11听 WAREHOUSE - EAST SIDE

听

Cleo and Shawna arrive at the basement door entrance.

听

FX: Cleo tries the door handle and its locked.

听

CLEO

ARGHHH! It鈥檚 locked.

听

Cleo presses her head against the locked door and breathes heavily.

听

SHAWNA

Cleo...

听

CLEO

This is so messed up! Why is this

Happening to me? I didn鈥檛 ask for any

of this. And neither did my Dad, and

neither did my brother. We鈥檙e just

normal people!

听

SHAWNA

I know, I know. But that鈥檚 the point. Whilst these idiots in fancy pyjamas are running around pretending to be heroes, no one stops to worry about what happens to people like you and me in the background. No one cares what happens to Extra number 6. It鈥檚 not fair. I know. But Cleo 鈥� look at me. This is why we do that stupid podcast. It鈥檚 so that someone cares. It鈥檚 so that someone bothers to find out what actually happened to people

like your Dad. And I鈥檓 not leaving until we do. Ok?

听

CLEO

Ok. Thanks, Shawna.

(BEAT)

There must be some way through this door...

听

SHAWNA

(Barely contained glee)

I鈥檝e still have the sonic mascara. Stand back.

听

FX: Sonic mascara sound activating.

听

CLEO

Shawna!

听

SHAWNA

VIVE LA REVOLUTION!

听

FX: Mascara intensifies, blowing open the lock of the door and causing it to swing wide open.

听

CLEO

Oh my god! Shawna! Oh my god.

What is this place? It鈥檚 full of鈥�

people's clothes.

听

SHAWNA

It looks like the lost property at

a swimming pool. Woolly jumpers,

winter coats.

听

CLEO

I 诲辞苍鈥檛 like it.

听

SHAWNA

It鈥檚 definitely a 13 on the Spook-o-meter.

Look, the boxes are labelled 鈥� Clive Finch,

Priya Chakrabati, Olga Mettel鈥� Oh no

听

CLEO

This room, it's for the victims isn't it? Everyone who died after seeing that Blue Box. After meeting the Doctor.

听

Sad, soft piano music plays in the background.

听

Shawna walks off and starts rifling through boxes, looking for evidence. Then she stops.

听

SHAWNA

It鈥檚 all itemised, look. These boxes are in

alphabetical order.

听

CLEO

Start looking.

听

SHAWNA

Cleo, are you sure about this?

听

CLEO

Just start looking.

听

TIME PASSES AS THEY SEARCH.

听

SHAWNA

颁濒别辞鈥�

听

Cleo turns to Shawna.

听

CLEO

What is it?

听

SHAWNA

This box has your Dad鈥檚 name on it.

听

CLEO

(Swallows)

Give it to me. (She opens it)

Oh my god. That鈥檚 his wedding ring. And these are his gloves.

(She sniffs them)

They still smell like him. How鈥檚 that possible? It鈥檚 been nearly 20 years since I鈥檝e seen him and if I shut my eyes it鈥檚 like 鈥�

听

SHAWNA

I鈥檓 so sorry

听

They share a big hug, as Cleo starts to cry. Eventually she collects herself.

听

CLEO

We need to go.

(Getting angry)

They knew about this. They knew about

this the whole time. They鈥檝e been lying

to us.

听

The piano music gets louder then suddenly stops.

听

听

SCENE.12听 OSGOOD'S OFFICE

听

FX: Glass door opening abruptly. ABBY and OSGOOD are startled in their chairs as SHAWNA and CLEO rush in.

听

ABBY

What's going on?

听

SHAWNA

UNIT knew.

听

ABBY

Knew what?

听

CLEO

Abby hey knew what happened to my

Dad.听You utter sickos. You knew

that my Dad was dead and you

didn't tell me.

听

ABBY

Oh my god, Cleo-

听

SHAWNA

Did you know about Cleo鈥檚 family?

听

OSGOOD

I didn't.

听

CLEO

You did, didn't you?

听

OSGOOD

I didn't! No, I swear I didn't!

听

CLEO

Of course you did!

听

ABBY

She said she didn't know, Cleo.

听

SHAWNA

Will you *STOP* defending her?!

You鈥檝e only just met her!

听

OSGOOD

Listen everybody, why don't we all

just take a breather?

听

SHAWNA

No. Enough is enough. I've

been kidnapped, interrogated,

and coerced by EXACTLY the kind of people

I hate. And then I find out I was right!

听

CLEO

We鈥檙e just meaningless to you, aren鈥檛 we?

My Dad, my brother, me. We鈥檙e just the

afterthought in your stupid little games.

I 诲辞苍鈥檛 care about aliens, and I 诲辞苍鈥檛 care

about the Doctor, I 诲辞苍鈥檛 care about any of this.

听

ABBY

Oh Cleo -

CLEO

No! Just give me back my brother!

听

ABBY

Cleo, I know this is a horrible

situation for you.

听

颁尝贰翱鈥�

You 诲辞苍鈥檛 have any idea what this is like.

听

SHAWNA

Right, let鈥檚 go. Now.

(BEAT)

Abby?

听

ABBY

I'm sorry.

听

Heavy, piano chords play as SHAWNA realises ABBY isn鈥檛 moving.

听

SHAWNA

Oh no. Oh no no no no no. You want to

stay? After all this?

听

ABBY

I need to be here. We could actually

make a difference. We could save people.

听

SHAWNA

Did you hear anything we just said Abby?

They murdered Cleo鈥檚 Dad and then covered

it up.

听

ABBY

We 诲辞苍鈥檛 know that. This is bigger than us, Shawna! This is bigger than all of us.

听

SHAWNA

We're talking about family here. What鈥檚 bigger than family?

听

ABBY

I'm sorry.

听

SHAWNA

I鈥檓 done.

听

FX: SHAWNA LEAVING

听

ABBY

Cleo?

听

CLEO

I hope what you're doing is worth it.

听

ABBY

Please stay!

听

FX: The door closes behind CLEO.

听

END OF EPISODE

听

听

Heavy piano music continues accompanied by gentle, electronic beats.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 CREDITS

听听听听听听听听听 Doctor Who Redacted: Episode Six,

by Ken Cheng.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听

听听听听听听听听听 Starring: Charlie Craggs, Lois Chimimba, Holly 听听听听听听听听听听听听 Quin-Ankrah, Jodie Whittaker, Ingrid Oliver, 听听听听听听听听听听听听听 Karim Kronfli and Ken Cheng.

听听听听听听听听听听 Directed and produced by Ella Watts.

Sound design by David Thomas and Arlie Adlington. Original composition by David Devereux.

A 成人快手 Studios production.

听

The piano music gently ends.

听

听

听

听