成人快手

I spent a lot of my girlhood flicking the pages of shopping catalogues. Imagining what my ideal life would look like when I was thirty, and window shopping for all of the things I would use to adorn my life.听听I sat down with friends, marking items and envisioning our futures, comparing our choices and rationalising why.

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This future life of mine included me running my own business, a husband, three children,听听two cats, a house in the country and holidays at least four times a year.

You see from as young as I could remember, I was going to be a mum, not any ordinary mum, the best mum, the type all the children in the neighbourhood wished they had.

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I never considered this may not happen for me. No one prepares young girls who grow up in a society where motherhood and womanhood are so closely related that at times听听they seem one in the same, for the possibility that it may not happen.

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Coming to terms with having a condition which means I may not have children with the additional complication of age is a rollercoaster for me, at times I feel denial, or loss, and then anger, but the most difficult emotion by far, is hope!

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听As a Muslim, I am told to pray with everything inside of me for the things I want, while at the same time balancing with full acceptance and gratitude that God may say no. I have to be honest this is a struggle for me, at times I fail and this leads to guilt.

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The surah of Solace is one of my favourite chapters of the Quran. It was at a time when The Prophet Muhammed PBUH was going through persecution. My two favourite verses are听

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Fa inna ma鈥檃l usri yusra

Inna ma鈥檃l 鈥榰sri yusra

Verily! with every hardship there is ease, with every hardship there is ease

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There is something about the repetition, the prophet was in such need of reassurance God had to say it twice.听

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Whenever I hear this verse I think, even听prophets needed consoling, reminding me, struggle is not lack of faith, in fact going through hardships, and still turning up, may actually be a sign of faith. So听whenever I struggle with hope, I tell myself I鈥檓 in good company.