成人快手

What is willpower?

“Willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order for some sort of longer-term gain,” explains Dr Stephen Blumenthal, a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst. “George Bernard Shaw put it much better than I could when he said, ‘To choose the line of greatest advantage rather than yielding in the direction of least resistance.’”

Stephen sees patients who wish they had more willpower, after having to deal with the fallout from impulsive decisions. “Many mental health problems are actually associated with some kind of conflict between an immediate impulse to do something and something that is not in your longer-term interests,” he states.

“Many of us experience this conflict as guilt,” suggests Chris. “The sense that we should do something but we can’t quite summon up the resources. It’s a really draining emotion.”

Willpower is a “muscle” we can strengthen

“Willpower is a finite resource,” says Stephen. “If you withhold it in one area, it comes out in other areas.” This has been evidenced quite clearly in research. People dieting, who are asked to suppress their emotions after watching a sad film and then handed lots of ice-cream, will eat a larger amount of the dessert than the people who didn’t suppress their emotions. “The exertion of too much willpower causes a kind of muscle fatigue,” suggests the psychologist.

But as willpower is like a muscle, Stephen believes we build it up: “With willpower or self-control, you can actually develop it and strengthen it.” It’s changeable, rather than something that’s immutable, he argues.

Willpower is also affected by circumstances beyond our control

Willpower is not just handed to us in our genes – it’s modified by the world we grow up in. The “muscle” can be severely weakened by circumstances beyond our control.

The most famous test of willpower is called the Marshmallow Test. In the original experiment, a group of five-year-olds were each given a marshmallow. They were told to resist eating the sweet for a number of minutes and, if successful, they would be rewarded with a second marshmallow.

These children were then followed for decades. And when scientists compared the life outcomes of those from houses of similar incomes, they found it made no difference whether the child had the willpower to hold off eating that marshmallow. For good reason: if you’re living in poverty, taking a quick gain is often wiser than delaying for a reward that may never arrive.

Ambition and incentive play a big role in willpower

Xand believes willpower is affected by the size of the incentive. If we’re offered a small amount of money to do something uncomfortable, surely we are less likely to exert willpower than if the reward is a much larger sum?

Similarly, it depends how well thought out our objective is, and how much ambition we have to achieve it. “Ambition draws together both that part of us which is driven and impulsive, and also the other side to our decision-making which is focused on how we’re going to get there and the more rational aspect of that,” suggests Stephen. The person who really struggles to achieve their outcome will treat the task as an obstacle, rather than as a necessary part of the process.

A lack of willpower can make us feel ashamed – so it’s important to talk about it

“At the beginning of lockdown, I got one of the really expensive exercise bikes,” says Xand. “When I bought it, I thought I’m reinventing myself as a fitness freak.” In reality, he’s used it just twice. His willpower is competing with another bit of his brain that’s saying he can’t get on that bike. “I feel guilty but I think I also separately feel ashamed,” says the doctor.

Stephen believes it’s important to “face the conflicting feelings that are associated with getting to the place that we want to go.” Talking to other people, and not keeping it all inside, is imperative. “You don’t need a therapist but you need good friends. Talk about the difficulties of actually facing something rather than feel terribly ashamed… The critic is in your own mind, rather than a reality.”

Start with small steps

Bangs Carey-Campbell is a fitness consultant with expertise in making exercise more inclusive. In her late 20s, she started running. “I was becoming much more determined and disciplined and confident and all of that was translating into every other area of my life,” she says.

For Xand, getting fit feels like too high a mountain to climb. “I fully understand that,” says Bangs. “As humans we crave comfort.” But it’s about remembering that “the benefits far outweigh the difficulty of the moment.”

To get results, we have to “show up every day,” she says. But we can start with “something super-small.” Her advice to Xand is to pick two songs that he really loves, and just get on that bike for five minutes every morning. “The more that you do that, you’re going to want to keep riding.”

As well as the small steps, hold the greater goal in mind

The Stockdale Paradox demonstrates how, as well as these small steps, we need to have our end goal in mind. Admiral Stockdale was a fighter pilot in Vietnam who was imprisoned for seven years. He had to focus on the immediate short-term trial of getting through each difficult day, as well as the longer-term goal of eventual release. “Being able to hold those two things in mind is terribly important,” says Stephen.

Social media culture makes it look like success is just a step away, he says. “It looks really easy and it looks like you just need to do it over the short term.” In reality, to achieve change we need a clear long-term goal and small, manageable steps to enable us to get there.

Breaking out of any pattern can seem frightening. “Our natural tendency, when we encounter threat, we turn away from it and run the other way,” says Stephen. “All psychological approaches are all about actually facing the fear and the threat – and facing it down.”

Xand didn’t get on the bike, but after Bangs’s pep talk he did select two of his favourite songs and go for a run. Whether he has the motivation and willpower to do it every day, only time will tell…