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A: Seems perfectly normal to me. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't know how to refer to disabled colleagues in the workplace. It says so in a new report.

Q: Groan. That sounds like a bestseller in the making. What's it all about?

A: Well, conducted by , who provide employment services for disabled people, turned up the uncommonly non-boring result that employers are complaining a lot right now about not understanding the 'language of disability'.

Q: The 'language of disability'? What on Earth is that?

A: It's the correct way of describing disabled people. The problem is that employers say the ballpark is always changing in terms of what is PC and what isn't PC.

Q: Yes, I've heard about that. You're not allowed to refer to people with learning disabilities as 'retards', are you?

A: Er, no. You're not. To be honest, I figured that out sometime in the late 19th century - about the same time that I also came to the conclusion that burning witches at the stake was a bit inhumane, and that this newfangled 'wheel' thingie was jolly useful for carting things like tripe and Wurlitzer organs around.

Q: This 'language of disability' thing is like a constantly changing whirlwind. But they're only words. It doesn't mean that I'm not going to get that high-flying new job I'm after, does it?

A: Don't be so certain. Let's say that you've been for an interview and you get the dreaded white envelope through your letterbox, open it and read: "We regret to inform you that, on this occasion, we have appointed an applicant with more relevant experience". You can't be sure that they're not really saying: "We didn't know whether to call you handicapped, crippled or just a fire risk, so we binned you."

Q: So what should a disabled person suggest they be called in their place of work?

A: Well, I ask to be called Rob, because it's my name, and I'm quite fond of it. If my colleagues want anything more, I tell them that I don't mind being referred to as disabled, or that I'm a half blindie sort of person.

Q: You'll be asking for the moon on a stick next. Is there any other wise advice to be had from this report?

A: Yes. Beth Carruthers, Remploy's director of employment services, said: "The research also shows how disabled people can benefit from job coaching and assistance with writing CVs and interviews".

Q: All this is fine as far as it goes, but the problem with our new colleague, Pete, isn't the fact that he's disabled. It's more that he's utterly, utterly crap at his job. He's thick, too: the other day he asked me what time the nearby 24-hour garage opened. And I haven't even begun to tell you about his bad breath. But I suppose I can't say any of that about him because he's disabled, right?

A: You can if you want. It's just that you have no need to even mention Pete's disability when you're calling him a useless, time-wasting loser who is rubbish at his job. Though it says a lot about disability semantics when we have to accept that getting called incompetent and workshy is considered something of an improvement. Still, rather that than 'retard', eh? See you down the DSS everyone!